Chapter 2

Chapter 21

September 19thth LaGuardia, NYC2

A child’s shrill scream broke into Cassie’s thoughts, breaking apart a fantasy world she’d been building for the past six hours. With a quick turn of the head, she could see a family that appeared to be having a welcome reunion. A young man, no older than thirty was lifting a small, blonde girl in a frilly, white and pink frock, high over his head. What appeared to be the mother of the child watched with a bright smile as she ran her hand over his back. Cassie’s stomach tightened at the sight of the blissful moment. It hit hard to see what she had been imagining only moments before.3

She readjusted the strap of her only carryon bag and began walking, in response to a disgruntled grunt from behind her. Back in Missouri she would have turned and uttered a “Sorry” while giving a warm smile and a quick nod. In New York she walked quickly and avoided eye contact. The years and miles she had put between herself and the city hadn’t changed a damn thing. The people still unfriendly, the air still cold, and the cabby’s still vying for your business.4

Her steely-blue eyes scanned a crowd of unfamiliar faces until she found one holding a sign with her name on it. Remembering to call ahead and make a reservation for a cab ride, she was prepared. She made her way toward the dingy jacket, grey hair, and clearly foreign accent, nodding at him to signal recognition. The smell of cigarette smoke and salami hit her nostrils as he uttered her name in an almost unrecognizable fashion. Her weary nod was response enough for him and he spun on his heals and gestured for her to follow him.5

Beyond the glass double doors, the cool, smog filled air hit her lungs with a force she had not expected. Every honk and belligerent yell echoed in her head with the potential migraine she felt coming on. As the blood rushed to her head in a beating pulse her light sneakers hit the pavement, carrying her closer to his illegally parked cab.6

The slam of the car door as she slid across the seat, finally shut out the angry city, and Cassie could pretend she was back home. The only lingering reminder was the rank stench of cheap cigarettes. Her head flew back and hit the seat behind her, resting there as her fantasies flooded back to her.7

“Where to?” She lifted her head slowly meeting his coffee stained smile with unblinking eyes. She could have sworn she had told the cab company the address of her hotel when she had made the arrangements. Reaching into the front pocket of her jeans, she dug out the card containing the hotel information and handed it to him. He nodded, starting the car and beginning to pull into the dense traffic and smog. Her head rested back on the seat, as her eyes shut and a much more welcome world drifted back to her.8

Along with fantasy insecurity clung to her as the city lights reflected off the dark glass of the window. Through closed doors she could still hear the honking and conversations of strangers. She could feel their feet hurriedly on the pavement, taste the dirty air they inhaled, feel the humid, smoggy air on their skin. It made her feel lonely to be in this crowd. When she had been younger and subjected to suburban bliss, she had wished to escape as far as she could. The furthest large city was never far enough. Now, after years of people surrounding her, she wished for nothing more than the white picket fence.9

“Ma’am?” The thoughts had preoccupied her to the point that she hadn’t felt the slowing or stopping of the cab. Her eyes fluttered open as her hand was already digging in her pocket for cash. The grungy old man noticed the gesture and nodded. “Twenty eight dollar”10

Pulling her money out she counted out thirty five and handed it to him. “No change!” her drained voice rang out for the first time since she had entered the city. Sliding out of the cab she felt the urge to smoke a cigarette. Though she had quit years ago, her need for one was almost desperate. She looked up, with a sigh, at the 30 story building that held a room, with a soft, though overused bed, a hot shower, and a pay-per-view channel.11

- - - - - - - - - - - -12

To Nigel’s dismay the door hadn’t opened all night. He had hoped that after she had cooled off she could come storming in and apologizing. Hell he had hoped she would say yes. Instead the room remained dark except for the light coming off his cell phone. His hand gripped tightly to the electronic device willing it to ring.13

His fingers began the dance they had been doing all night, once more, only to end by canceling the call before the first ring. She needed to call him, and she would. His Cassandra loved him and it would all work out.14

- - - - - - - - - - - -15

Her sneakered feet hit the dirty sidewalk, as she made her way down the street to the subway entrance. She cringed, stepping on something less solid than she had expected. Lifting her foot she saw only an old coffee cup, and relaxed. The smog still weighed on her, but breathing the humid muck had become slightly easier. Her body began readjusting to city life.16

Her brisk pace matched that of most everyone on the streets, which were still filled with life at four in the morning. The cigarette craving had grown to be too much and the decision to go for a walk had been an easy one.17

Her blond hair bobbed in a short ponytail as soon as the stairs, leading beneath the city, appeared beneath her feet, and her paced increased to a jog. The silver bars that separated her from the platform gleamed in the poorly lit underground cavern, but she had no use for them yet. She made her way toward the set of small windows in the wall. Beside one a man was buying a subway card from a rat-like woman that sat behind the bullet-proof glass. In the other a dark skinned man sat in front of a display of lottery tickets and cigarettes.18

“Marlboro Smooths and a lighter please.” She handed him the indecent amount of cash necessary for such a small purchase and he pushed the cancerous evil through the small opening in the glass.19

A lit cigarette between her lips she made her way back up the stairs into the New York City nightlife. People milled about, going about business that she should have found fascinating, but had no urge to know. She inhaled deeply as she walked past a bum sitting in raggedy clothes and holding a cup out to her. Slowing her pace, and pulling out some change from her jeans she dropped it into his cup. Whether he used it for food, or alcohol didn’t matter much to Cassie. After all, she wasn’t going to do much better with it.20

Walking past the lights and closed store displays the writer in her should have been going wild. After years away from the city there was so much to see, so much to decipher, to analyze. Her imagination never took over though. Hardly noticing anything around her except the dirt, traffic, and the stone cold faces, she zoned out. Memories began running wild guiding her to her purpose for coming. She was led down a path she had dreamed time and time again the last two years.21

---- flashback ----
“You know we need to go to New York someday! I’ll have to take you on a walk across Brighton Beach.” Her whisper against his ear made him smile as he turned to kiss her.22

“Yeah, promise?” His soft lips collided with hers again and she smiled.23

“Of course! And Time Square too! Although I must say, it’s overrated.” Her high crystalline laugh melted into his deep, rich one.
--------------------24

Fear gripped her, closing her throat and sending her into a coughing fit. The smoke she’d been inhaling, burst out in a cloud, as she doubled over holding her stomach. As the cough subsided her fingers released the butt of her cigarette, letting it tumble to the ground. She ground it in with the rubber sole of her shoe, and continued her walk, pulling out a new one and lighting it on her lips25

Half a pack later as the sun was beginning to rise and the soft pink hues colored the city, the streets began to fill with a different crowd and she stood before her hotel once again. Every business suit, tailored and neat that walked by her seemed to rush more than the night crowd. The bustling city reminded her even more of just how tired she had become. Sleep had eluded her for the better part of forty-eight hours, and she was surprised to find herself still able to walk. Making her way to her room hey lids were beginning to shut of their own volition. As she collapsed on the king sized bed, and her heavy lids finally won the battle, sleep crept in, releasing her from her thoughts.26

- - - - - - - - - - - - flashback27

“I’ll find you, you know?” She grinned at him from across the table, her short hair falling over her eyes.28

“You’re a strange girl.” His soft voice held a smile in it as well, as he watched her. All emotion flooding through him along with his blood, would have caused a blush if he weren’t so dark-complected.29

“I will. I’m sure of it. Haven’t we learned that my gut feelings aren’t wrong?” A small chuckle from him reassured her.30

“I think you’ll be too invested in someone else. I think you’ll be happy.” He looked at her through his dark lashes.31

“You know, I think you need to fall in love first though. Love someone so deeply and then realize that you just have to walk away. No fight, you both just end it. Calm and peaceful and sad. Just the way it is. Not like ours was.” Playing with her hands, she changed the subject.32

“Yeah, I know what you mean.” His gaze never left her. His rich, brown eyes studying every detail of her, he drank her in, knowing he wouldn’t always be allowed to.33

“Yeah, and I’ll turn down a proposal. I will. And then I’ll be at your doorstep again.” Her fingers still entwined in her lap, she dared not look up.34

“By the time you’re engaged you’ll be too invested.”35

“You don’t believe me?” She looked up and caught his eyes, noticed their sudden shift, from the warmth when he knew she wasn’t watching to a now cold gaze.36

“No. I don’t think you’ll follow me anywhere.” His honestly knocked the breath out of her, widening her eyes. Normally his tone was much more aloof. She nodded a soft response before responding.37

“You’ll see.” He nodded to her, not with fear, or discontent but with quiet acceptance. Her eyes were brimmed with a salty dew now and he could see would soon spill over. He stood and walked across the table, taking her hand and beckoning her to stand. Pulling her close he wrapped his arms gently around her. Her own arms flew around him, as she held on tightly.38

They no longer belonged to each other, but each could still feel it, still smell it. The scent of his skin still made her go weak in the knees. She’d know it forever. The feel of his hands against her neck sent shivers down her spine. He held her like he would never again be allowed the privilege. Inhaling her with every breath, holding her like the precious gift she had once been to him.39

- - - - - - - - - - - -40

The chilly weather had forced her into a light jacket. Her hands now rested in the pockets as she quickly made her way down the street toward the southern tip of the Island. Somewhere along Houston Avenue her destination awaited her, in the form of a brick six story building.41

Her steps on the soiled sidewalks were hurried and her very demeanor was twitchy. She had her cigarettes in her pocket and she fumbled with them constantly, but was far too fearful to pull one out. Her scent had to be her own when she saw him. The grime of the city would already be enough to muddle it.42

As the sun made it’s final dip below the horizon and a dim grayness began to overtake the streets, as the streetlights began to flicker on, she stood looking up at her brick opponent. The door had a lock on it and a buzzer beside it. Making her way inside should have been more difficult than to simply dart in as a middle aged man stepped out of the building. He was alone and well-dressed; a man too busy with his own life to ever start a family.43

She listened to her steps echo on the tile as she made her way up the lemon and bleach scented hallways and stairs. The compact building had narrow stairs and halls and no elevator. Another virtue of the city she had never missed. Being so closed in always made her frightened and slightly on edge. Now, when her stomach was already pulsing and clenching, the situation almost sent her into dry heaves. The mint flavored gum that she continuously snapped was the only thing keeping her from finding the nearest trash can.44

At the end of the fifth floor was a small wooden door with at least three locks and a golden 5E plastered in the center. From where she stood at the top of the stairs, the black and white tiled hallway seemed to stretch for miles. Inhaling a deep breath of bleach, she took her first steps toward the door.45

Half way down the hall her heart started. You’re crazy! Absolutely nuts! What the hell are you doing here? She stood still in the empty hall, and waited for her heart to stop racing and her conscience to either talk her into or out of this decision. “You’re nuts! He’s going to laugh and you’ll be broken!” She spoke aloud for the first time, maintaining only a whisper for fear of being heard through paper thin walls. A quick spin on her heels and she took a step back toward the stairs. “No! I need to do this.” She spun again and walked briskly down the hall.46

Face to face with the door she lifted her hand slowly to the wood. She imagined the grains in it, the feel of the aged door, as she continued to struggle for a solution. She could smell the scent of something spicy being cooked inside. It was a familiar smell, and she longed to get a better whiff. Her knuckles poised to make contact with the wood she stood in the empty hallway.