CHAPTER ONE1
NO RESPECT2
People say things happen for a reason. That we all have a destiny, and no matter what unfortunate occurrences that we collide with in life, it is all a master plan that God has given us. You know what I think about that? I say its all absolutely true. Scary, sad, and unfair, yes, but true. I guess this is my story, my memoir, my out look on life. It’s not anything that Oprah Winfrey would air, so if you like stories about prince charming and mothers who bake brownies and shit, this story isn’t for you. It’s more about the Prozac and drunken mother aspect of life. I guess this is a story for all of those rich kids who get every thing they want fed to them on a golden spoon, and also to those kids who get shit and beat on every step of the way in their lives. 3
All I can remember about being little is moving around. My mom used to take me and my brother and sister from city to city, and once out of state. Wherever her new boyfriend of the month went, we all had to pack up and follow. This happened until I was about twelve when we moved and actually stayed for awhile. So this is where I say I grew up. It was a small town where rich kids ruled the school. And their parents were rich and so were theirs. I lived in a town where nobody ever left, you could go to school and your teachers could of taught your parents. Everyone wore preppy expensive clothes and lived in big houses. Their parents were teachers, doctors and lawyers. So being a child of a drunk welfare Mom, me and my siblings didn’t exactly fit in. We tried, well me and my brother tried. My older sister Tiffany always fit in. She was three years older than my brother Terry and Terry was two years older than me. She was beautiful though. Her long dark hair, and bright blue eyes always caught the attention of everyone, and my mother always preferred her over me and my older brother Terry. Tiffany looked like my mother while me and my brother looked liked our father. That’s why we always thought she favored her. Me and Terry reminded my mother of my Dad. We both had deep brown eyes and distinct noses. We had our Daddy’s “Dago faces” as my mother would say. Where my Dad was then, I couldn’t tell you. My Mom said he left before Tiffany was born, but Tiffany said she remembered our Father. She said she remembered his kind face and his deep laugh. Tiffany’s popularity with my mother didn’t matter though. Me and my brother and sister were closer than anything, and Tiffany never acted as if she was better than Terry and me, in fact she didn’t act like she was better than anyone. When me and my brother and sister grew up, we didn’t have a lot. We went to thrift stores for clothes, and churches for food. My mom didn’t work, she could never hold a steady job, she worked in a few crappy restaurants as a waitress but always got fired. She said she got fired because this was a man’s world and women don’t get no respect, I think it was because she would go into work plastered, and the costumers were getting her whole life story, tears and snot included, with their patty melts. After being fired from so many restaurants, my mother gave up on it. She started sleeping with men for a few dollars here and there. Not a stand on the corner type of hooker, but more of the drunk slut types, bringing home men and banging them for a couple bucks. This one night my mom came home in a drunken rage. This is when were all staying in this little run down one bedroom apartment. We were all younger then, Tiffany was about eleven so I had to have been six. Us kids got the bedroom, and we all shared one bunk bed. Terry was on the top and me and Tiffany shared the bottom bunk. As me and Tiffany laid their asleep we awoke to keys being jingled in the front door. “Come on Janice, open the damn door already!.” A man on the other side of the door said to my mother. The keys jingled for a second longer and the heavy front door squeaked open. “Stay here. I’ll be back in two minutes.” My mother said to the man. As Tiffany and I laid there on the sheetless mattress, we thought it was just another one of mommy’s “friends”. Then our bedroom door gently opened. My mother sat at the end of our bed and pulled out a cigarette. I could smell the whisky on her breath, and her face was pale and empty. She put the cigarette to her mouth and lit the end, the bright red ember floated in the dark room lighting up her face. “Girls, wake up. Tiffany, Tracey, get up.” We were already up but we sat up in bed to let her know. “You know this is a man’s world. Woman now a days, they don’t get shit. When my mother was raising us, she got to stay at home and cook and clean while my Daddy went out and brought home the bread. Now a days, us woman get walked all over, we don’t get no damn respect.” She brushed the deep black hair out of Tiffany’s face with her small delicate hand. “No respect at all. We gotta show men some titties and ass to get where we need to be. I gotta teach you girls young, or you’re gonna be those girls that go to school for four years for nothing. No man is going to hire no damn woman. So I got to show you the ropes.” She grabbed my arm and yanked me out of the bed. I wobbled for a minute, my tired legs eager to let me fall. “Where are we going mommy?” I asked my mother. “Don’t worry about that, just do as I say.” She went into her purse and pulled out her lipstick. “Now pucker your lips up like this Tracey.” I did as I was told and she laced my lips bright red. “Why are we playing dress up so late mommy?” I asked. She grabbed my arm and pushed me through the door. “Is this her Janice? She don’t look like you.” The man said. “Yeah, I know she looks like her daddy.” My mother responded. Then she bent down on her knees and whispered something in my ear, that I will never forget. “Now Sweetie, like I said sometimes you got to show some things to get where you want to be in life, do this for mommy, Tracey.” She sat me on the couch and walked over to the bedroom with the man. “Okay I want fifty for her, plus that pack of cigarettes.” She pointed with her eyes to the mans pocket bulging with a pack of cigarettes. “Now I’ll be in the bedroom, lock the door when you leave.” I blacked out what happened after that out of my memory forever, its weird how easy it is too forget happy things like what you got for your fifth birthday or the first time you went to a carnival, but when it comes to something bad, you have to train your brain to forget. I never trusted my mother for that, in fact I never trusted anybody but Tiffany and Terry, still to this day I barely do. 4
CHAPTER TWO5
STUPID HOROSCOPES6
There is this saying, something called Murphy’s Law, “Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong.” In my life, this law ruled my world. It was a hot June day. The wind was cool and sweet, breezing past with a scent of lilies. Tiffany graduated from High School in the end of May and my mother wanted to celebrate. There were very few days when we had family-get-togethers, but when my mother offered them, we were always quick to join in. I think we did it to get a taste of real family life, a good memory that we could cherish. My mother gave Tiffany the keys to her beat up Ford Taurus and twenty-five dollars in food stamps. “Here sweetie, why don’t you run up to the market and get some things to barbeque. You know, some burgers and dogs, and some chips. You know what, grab up a watermelon too, its summer time. Take your brother and sister with you too.” My mother smiled, and in that spilt second I seen the real beauty in her. Her face was worn and tired but her smile was young. In that second I felt like a real family, and I imagined my Father in the back yard firing up the grill. I shook my head and snapped back to the reality in which I lived in. Tiffany and Terry were already in the car, the muffler humming away. “Come on Trace!” Terry yelled from the front window. I ran to the car, opened the back door and climbed in. The car smelt of stale alcohol and mildew, I rolled the window down to catch the breeze. “Damn, Momma always has this car stankin like a damn bar.” Terry said. Me and Tiffany giggle and as we pulled away I watched my Mom sit down in one of the old, rickety lawn chairs and cracked open a beer. “You guys are going to be alright aren’t you?” Tiffany asked, her eyes steady on the road ahead of her. “Whatcha mean?” Terry asked pulling out a Marlboro from his pocket and lighting it. “ Well you know, with Momma and everything. And what did I say about that smoking shit. Your driving another nail in your coffin every time you light up one of those nasty things.” She grabbed the cigarette from Terry’s mouth and chucked it out of her window. He looked at her for a minute but then hesitated to say anything. For some reason Tiffany seemed more like a mother to us then our mother did. “I don’t blame you for leaving this shit hole Tiff. There aint shit here. I mean New York is only a couple hours away, me and Tracey can visit.” Terry looked out his window at the passing houses with the picket fences and the driveways with the expensive cars. “You know, I’m not doing this for me you know?” Tiffany said timidly. Her blue eyes met with mine in the rearview window, but instead of sparkling like they usually did they were overcastted with guilt and regret. “I figured I could get my shit together out there. Get my own place, and bring you two up to live with me. Even if the modeling gig falls through I can get a restaurant job or a secretary job or something, then enroll in college.” Tiffany drove into the Kroger’s and parked in a spot next to a Cadillac. “Tiff, what are you thinking parking this beauty next to a bucket like that?” Terry said sarcastically. We all looked at the Caddillac next to us. It was shiny and clean, with brand news rims. Then we smelled the rotten smell of our mother’s Taurus and laughed until our ribs hurt. We got home and Terry started cooking the hamburgers and hotdogs on the grill. Tiffany was outside dancing to the music Mom was listening to, and I was in the kitchen making grape Kool-Aid. I thought about Tiffany leaving tomorrow and my eyes started to well, I couldn’t tell if it was from sadness or happiness for Tiffany. The front door opened and Terry came up to me. “Well lil’ sis, it’s just me and you now huh? Come on outside the food is done.” He grabbed the pitcher of Kool-Aid from my hand, and I put my hand on his. “Terry, what if something happens.” I said with a eerie tone. “What do you mean?” Terry answered. “Well, with Tiffany and all. I mean she’s going to a big city, what if she gets murdered or raped?” Terry laughed. “Hey Tracey, Tiffany is a strong girl, she can handle herself. Now don’t go and worry about her, you know she hates it. Come on outside and eat, Tiff will be fine.” Terry said that with a tone that said the conversation was final. He might of quit the conversation, but I still think that he was worried about Tiffany just as much as I was. That night was a good night. Mom ended up leaving to go out to the bar, but we didn’t care cause it was just us. We ate until we could eat no more, and sat in the yard and talked about everything. From what Tiffany had in mind for the big apple and what I seen on TV yesterday. We went to sleep that night with eased minds and good dreams and awoke to the smell of frying bacon. I got out of my bed and stretched my arms in the air. I looked at the clock 6:00 a.m. “Must be Tiffany.” I thought to myself. I walked into the kitchen and Tiffany was over the stove. “Hey Tracey, good morning’.” Terry was already sitting at the table looking at the newspaper. “Hey you two want to know your horoscopes?” Terry asked. “Sure.” Tiffany replied. “Come on you guys, you don’t seriously believe that crap do you?” I questioned them. Terry looked up at me and shrugged. “Yeah to some extent, its fun though, you know just for laughs. Well Tiffany you’re a Aries right?” “Yup.” “Well it says, You a person with great potential and skill. Many who meet you fall in love with you instantly. Hold on vacations or trips until next week.” Terry read out loud. Tiffany smiled, “Weird, it say something about vacations huh? Oh well it’s just a stupid horoscope anyway.” She brought a plate of bacon and a plate of scrambled eggs to the table. “Okay you two, eat up. I made this breakfast for everyone.” “Where’s Momma?” I asked. Not that I was worried, I was just curious. “Well, she didn’t come home last night. I thought she would though, cause of Tiff leaving and everything. She knew Mandy was picking her up at seven.” Terry said. Mandy was one of Tiffany’s friends. She was picking Tiffany up and taking her to the bus station so she could get to New York, her bus left at eight. “Oh well Terry, I don’t mind. Lets just enjoy this food without her.” We ate breakfast and talked until ten to seven. “Oh shit it’s almost seven!” Tiffany gasped. She jumped up and run out of the kitchen and came back with two suitcases. “Hey Terry, will you grab that box for me in the hallway?” Terry wiped his mouth with a napkin and then got up. “Sure thing sis.” When Terry came back from the hallway there was a horn beeping outside. I looked out and it was Mandy. She waved at me and smiled with her bright teeth. Mandy was a real popular girl when she was in high school. She was the typical cheerleader. She had long blonde hair and blue eyes, and always too happy for her own good. Tiffany came and walked up behind be and Terry followed her. “I love you two more than anything in the world. I will miss both of you so much. I promise I’ll write everyday, just promise you wont forget about your older sister.” Tiffany said with a crack in her throat. Her eyes were watering and she was about to cry. I hugged Tiffany as tight as I could and Terry joined in. “Send us pictures okay?” I said through tears. “I will Trace, I will.” Tiffany kissed me on the cheek and then Terry. She picked up her suitcases and walked to the door. “Come on Terry bring that box out for me, and Tracey walk me to the car.” We all went outside. The sky was gray which made the atmosphere more depressing. The clouds looked like they were about to cry for us too. Tiffany placed her things in Amanda’s car and shut the trunk. “Don’t worry, you’ll see me before you know it!” Tiffany smiled, and we smiled back. She got into the car and put on her seatbelt. Then Amanda’s blue Slug Bug slowly reversed out of the driveway and Tiffany waved until she was around the corner. We waved even after she was gone. “Come on Trace, lets go clean up breakfast.” Terry said. I followed Terry into the house and looked behind me one more time, hoping I would see Tiffany come back around the corner because she changed her mind about going to New York. If I would of know that was the last time I would of seen my sister I would have chased her down. 7
CHAPTER THREE8
BAD NEWS9
About a month went by and everything was okay. I was enjoying my summer, and so was Terry. He starting acting a little weird though; staying out late at night and his appearance was starting to look a little worn out. He would wear the same clothes for days at a time and took a shower about once a week. I figured it was summer time and he was a teenage boy, so I didn’t think twice about it. Tiffany called us everyday the first two weeks that she left. She told us everything was fine and she got a job at a corner café called The New York Beanery, serving lattes and cappuccinos to college kids. She got a little studio in the city about a mile away from her job so she didn’t have to spend money on transportation. She said her place was worn down but it wasn’t bad. She had a bathroom and a little kitchen and a living room but she said that’s all she needed. Tiffany also told us she made a friend at the apartments named Shay. She said Shay was around her age and really nice and they both related to each other. I told her I wanted to come up and help her fix the place up before I started school and she agreed. She also told me that she might not being living there long because the her agent from the modeling agency was planning to meet with her soon and start making her portfolio. One night around eight o clock at night me and Terry were both home playing rummy on the living room floor. Our mother was out, don’t ask me where, we were used to being home alone, it was like we were roommates. Terry was winning the hand and right before he won the game the phone rang. Terry jumped up and raced to the phone. “Hello?” He said cheerfully into the phone. 10
“Hello, may I speak to Mrs. Kilbourne?” A man with a deep voice and a New York accent said on the other line of the phone. 11
“Uhh…she’s not in right now, can I ask who this is?”12
“This is Homicide Detective Ralph Fisher from New York City. Is this a relative of Tiffany Kilbournes?”13
“I am Tiffany’s brother, Terry. Wait is she okay?” Terry’s voice was beginning to soften and I could see the worry in his eyes. I stood up to walk over to him but he put his hand up and told me no.14
“I am sorry to inform you Mr. Kilbourne but we found Tiffany’s body in a dumpster behind her apartment. All we can say now is that she was badly bruised and marked, we think it might be homicide. We’re doing all we can right now, but we have no leads.“ All Terry could do was mouth “okay” and collapsed on the floor. I ran over to him and started crying. I knew something was wrong the minute he told me not to come by him. “Tiffany.” He said softly.15
“What about her? Did she get into an accident? What hospital is she at?” I asked him panicking. 16
“She’s not at the hospital, Trace.” 17
“Well where’s she at?” I asked impatiently.18
“She, she, she’s dead.” He looked at me right in the eyes when he said that and I just looked right back. Everything went quiet and all that was heard was the off-the-hook tone from the phone. Terry was still holding the phone in his hand and the detective must have hung up. I started to cry and Terry did too and we just sat on the floor sobbing for our sister. 19
We must have cried our selves to sleep because we awoke to our mother stumbling in the front door singing “ Witchy Woman” by the Eagles. She seen us waking up on the floor of the living room and started to yell. 20
“What the hell are you two doin’ on the damn floor. You aint nuttin’ but little scum bags you know that. Look at the fuckin’ house, it’s a damn pig sty in here, what the in the hell do ya’ll do all day!” She was screaming and she looked a total mess. Her lipstick was smeared on her face and so was her mascara and her hair was a mess of tangles. She smelt like brandy and cheap hairspray. “You know without Tiffany this family has gone to shit! Did she call today?” 21
Terry was bright red with fury. “You know what you stupid drunk bitch! Tiffany is fucking dead! A Detective called while you were out whoring on your corner .” He was screaming and tears were running down his cheeks. “If you cared more about us and not booze and dirty men, maybe you would already know that!” My mom slapped Terry across the mouth hard and grabbed his face. “Don’t you ever, I mean ever talk to your mother like that! You know what would of happened to me if I talked to my mother like that?” Terry cut her off, “Aren’t you even listening? Tiffany is dead!” He pushed her hands off his face. “What do you mean Tiffany is dead?” My mother screamed violently. “I already told you, a detective called from the city and they found Tiffany’s body. They think it‘s murder.” Terry was calm and it scared me. My mother looked at both of us up and down. “You two are nothing but trash, just like your father. Get the fuck out of my face. Now!” She yelled and grabbed the remote off the coffee table. Terry grabbed my arm and we started running to the front door. Just as we were running out of the house we heard the remote crack and fall to pieces on the floor. “That dumb bitch, I hate her!” Terry said in between his teeth. 22
“Where are we going to go Terry.” I said crying. 23
“Don’t worry I know a place, but please don’t cry we’ll make it together.” I wiped my tears from my face and followed Terry down the street. We walked for about a half of a mile until we reached an abandoned house. The house stood three stories high and was worn and gray. Everything about it was eerie. All the windows were broken out from neighborhood kids throwing rocks and there was always the sound of stray cats fighting. “Were staying here?” I asked nervously. “Yeah come on it‘s safe.” He grabbed my hand and took me to the shed next to the house. He opened the door and took me inside. “Hold on.” Terry told me. He fiddled around in the dark for a minute and clicked on a battery powered lantern. It took me a minute for my eyes to adjust but when they did I was surprised. There was a wooden industrial spool used for a table in the middle, and posters of Nirvana and Korn were taped on the walls. There were a couple of metal chairs and a radio on the floor. “I come here a lot. You know, to kinda get away. No one comes here cause it’s to scary so I have guaranteed privacy.” I was impressed. “We can stay here for the night, let Momma cool down until the morning. He sat down on one of the chairs and lit up a cigarette. There was already an ashtray on the make shift table full of cigarette butts and smoked joints. There was also empty beer bottles littered on the floor. I decided not to ask him about his drinking and drug use, I figured it wasn’t exactly the right time. “I cant believe this.” I said. “ I know Tracey, me either, but I don’t really want to talk about it right now, why don’t you try to get some sleep. He took off his hoody and laid it on the floor of the shed. “Where are you going to sleep Terry?” I asked. “Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine.” I didn’t argue and laid down on his sweatshirt. My mind wandered for a minute and I soon was asleep. 24
I was walking with Tiffany in an empty alley way. She was holding my hand. I tried to talk but nothing came out. She just looked at me and smiled. We walked passed dirty buildings with worn neon signs. I could hear a baby crying and a dog barking in the distance. I didn’t know where I was at, nothing looked familiar. We walked through dirty puddles and past an Asian man wearing all white dumping grease into the alley. I looked up at the doorway where he was standing. It read Stan Yee’s Restaurant. We walked a little longer and reached a big rusty dumpster. Tiffany pointed towards it and motioned me to look inside. I walked closer to the dumpster but I couldn’t see. I squinted my eyes and a bright light blinded me. 25
“Hey you kids! Wake up.” I jumped up and seen Terry asleep at the table. I looked around and in the doorway was a police officer dressed in all blue pointing a bright flash light in my face. “What are you two doing in here?” He asked sternly. Terry woke up and stood up. 26
“Uh, hey Officer. Me and my sister were just sleeping here for the night, we weren’t doing anything wrong.”27
“Yeah besides breaking curfew and breaking and entering, you probably weren’t.” He ducked to get inside the shed and waved the flashlight around the room. “Well, well, well, what do we have here?” He said pointing at the ashtray on the table. “Is that marijuana I see?” I started to panic and looked at Terry, but he seemed composed. 28
“Look Officer…” He squinted to read the police man’s uniform, “Officer Bailey, me and my sister just had a rough night. We just found out our sister died, and our mom was in a drunken rage so we took off. We found this little shed and decided to stay here for the night.” 29
“Your sister just died?” The officer asked not convinced. 30
“Yeah, she was found in a dumpster in New York City. A detective called Fisher or something called earlier and told us.” Terry explained. 31
“Fisher called you?” The officer asked curiously. “That’s my cousin, he works Homicide in the city.” 32
“You don’t say.” Terry said with aggravation. 33
“Alright then you two, you had a long night, why don’t we get you home. What’s your address.” Officer Bailey asked. 34
“5101 Frances Street.” Terry said. 35
“Well come on I’ll take you home.”36
Me and Terry followed Officer Bailey to his squad car and he opened the back seat door for us. “Don’t worry kids, you aren’t under arrest.” He gave us a smile and we climbed in the back seat. I never been in a police car before and it intimidated me. There was a computer in the front passenger seat and a bullet proof window separated the front and the back seats. The back seat was cold hard plastic and there were no handles from the inside. The dispatcher said something I couldn’t understand from the back seat and the Officer Bailey replied. “Negative on the B&E, just some kids, I’m going to take them home.” He placed the walkie talkie receiver down and started to drive. Me and Terry both slid on the plastic seats. I had never been in a car that drove so smooth. It was as if we were floating. We made it to our block and the car slowed down. “Alright now kids, I’m going to let you go this time on a warning, but don’t let me catch you too setting up camp in someone’s yard.” He winked at us and smiled. “My name is Officer Bailey, if you two ever need anything feel free to call.” He slid open the protective guard and gave us each a business card. What are your two names?” He asked.37
“I’m Terry Kilbourne and this is my little sister Tracey.” Terry replied. 38
“Kilbourne…you two related to a Janice Kilbourne?” The Officer asked. 39
“Yeah, that’s our Mom.” I said ashamed. I knew he probably knew her from the streets. The Officer shook his head and said, “We’ll you guys have had a rough night, take care of each other you hear me? Your sister will be in my prayers.” He parked the car on the side of our house and opened the back car door. Me and Terry climbed out and waved to the officer, “Thanks.” We both said quietly. “Anytime.”40
As we walked up to our house we watched Officer Bailey quietly drive off into the night until his back lights were nothing more than faded red spots. Terry opened the door and we seen our mom passed out on the couch with a lit cigarette in her hand. “What a loser.” Terry said and grabbed the cigarette from her hand a took a drag. “A waste of life if you ask me.” I responded. “Come on Trace, you can sleep in my room tonight.” I followed Terry to his room and laid on the floor. “No you can have the bed, I’ll take the floor.” Once again I didn’t argue with my brother, and as soon as I laid down I fell fast asleep. 41
CHAPTER FOUR42
ANOTHER GOODBYE43
I got up the next morning and I suddenly remembered my dream from the night before. What did it mean? Was it Tiffany trying to tell me something? I couldn’t believe that I forgot to tell Terry. I got up and looked down at the floor but Terry wasn’t there. So I walked into the hallway. I could hear my mother talking on the phone so I stood in the hallway and stayed as quiet as I could be.44
“I need to make funeral arrangements, for my daughter. She was found yesterday in the city, I want the funeral here. My name is Janice Kilbourne, can I come up and talk with you.” I heard my mother say. “Alright then, see you at two.” My mother slammed down the receiver on the phone then looked behind her and seen me. “You know this is all you and Terry’s fault. Tiffany thought there wasn’t enough room for her anymore, so she left. Now look what happened to her. Are you happy?” She said coldly. I knew in my heart this was a lie, but it hurt to hear those words come out of my mother’s mouth. “Where’s Terry?” I asked, ignoring what she just said. “I don’t know, he wasn’t in the room this morning. Probably out smoking dope with those little hoodlums.” My mother spat back. I turned around and walked back into Terry’s room. How could he leave me with her? He didn’t even wake me up or anything? I kicked his pillow that was still laying on the ground and there I seen an envelope. I bent down and picked it up. On the front it plainly said Tracey in Terry’s writing. I ripped it open and unfolded the letter and a picture fell to the floor. I picked it up and looked at it. It was a picture of me, Terry and Tiffany when we were young at Halloween. Tiffany was standing in the middle of me and Terry arms wrapped tightly around both of us. We stood there grinning from ear to ear, Tiffany was the pink power ranger, Terry the red one, and I was the yellow. We were ready to save mankind from the evil that would destroy them. I smiled and a tear ran down my cheek. I opened the letter and it read; 45
Dear Tracey (My little sis),46
I know you’re probably mad at me for leaving you with mom this morning, so let me apologize for that, but I know you’re a strong girl so you can make it. I left you the picture, it was my favorite. You know Tracey, I love you so much, your one of the smartest people I know, you have so much going for you. Not like me, I wont be nothing in life besides maybe a factory worker. Please don’t be mad at me for doing what I did, I couldn’t take it anymore, and what ever you do find Tiffany’s killer and get revenge for her death. I love you little sis, and I always will. 47
Terry48
I dropped the letter and it fluttered to the floor. I threw on my shoes and ran out the door. My mother didn’t even say a word as I flew past her. I ran all the way to the shack where we were at the night before and when I got there I was breathing hard. I opened the door and seen Terry asleep at the table like he was before. 49
“Terry, wake up, what the hell is wrong with you writing me a letter like that!” I yelled at him. Terry didn’t move. “Terry!” I said loudly. Still nothing. I shook him on the shoulder, but he was cold. No, no, this cant be happening! I thought. I put my hand to this wrist, and felt nothing. I picked up his face but it was white and pale. “Why!” I screamed. I started bawling and ripped the posters off the wall. “Why!” I said and torn down the poster of Nirvana, “Why!” I screamed and tore down the picture of Korn. “Why my family?!” I ran out of the shack and across the street. I ran up to someone’s porch and started banging on the door. “Help, help, somebody help me please!” I was crying so hard at that time that I just collapsed on the stranger’s porch, rocking back and forth on the ground. A second later a lady opened the door. 50
“Oh my God, sweetie are you okay?” The lady asked frightened. She picked me up by my shoulder and her touch was warm. “Come on, lets get you in the house.” She said. Her house smelt of cookies baking and it was inviting. “Now honey, sit down and tell me what’s going on.” She sat me in a chair in the living room and bent down on her knees. “I need to call 911, quick, get me a phone.” She jumped up and brought me a phone. I punched in 911 and a voice quickly was on the other line. 51
“911, what is your emergency?” A lady said on the other line. 52
“I need an ambulance at Mary Court, my brother is in the shack at the abandoned house and he is white and cold.” I said crying and breathing hard.53
“Okay hun, calm down, did he fall?” The lady asked.54
“No, I think he killed himself.” I said. The lady who’s house I was in looked shocked. 55
“Okay, just stay where you are, they’ll be there in a minute.” 56
I hung up the phone and just sat there. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t think, I was in shock. I could hear the woman trying to get my attention, but I didn’t care, my life was falling apart, one relative at a time. The sirens snapped me back into reality and I jumped up and ran outside. The ambulance parked in front of the abandoned house and three men ran to the shack. Two of them holding a stretcher, and one holding a medical bag. I stood by the stranger’s house waiting, watching. Not even two minutes later, the first man came out and I sprinted towards him. “Is he going to be okay?” The young man looked at me. “Hello? Is my brother going to be okay?” I said again. He didn’t have to answer me because just then the two men with the stretcher came out of the shack, but instead of being empty, it was my brother that was on it, a white sheet covering him. I ran back to the house where the lady let me call 911, she was still in the front yard. 57
“I’m so sorry.” She said apologetically. She was crying too. “I need to use your phone again, if that would be okay.” I asked her. “No problem, come on in.” Just as I followed her back up to her house it started to rain. I looked up into the sky and let the rain run down my face. I knew Terry was with Tiffany at that moment and it reassured me that everything was going to be okay. The lady was in the doorway and yelled, “Come on, your going to get all wet.” I ran up to the porch and she shut the front door. “My name is Helen, what’s yours?” The lady asked. “Uh, Tracey.” I told her. She seemed to know that it wasn’t the time to make small talk, and it would be extremely uncomfortable to say nice to meet you, so she gave me the cordless phone and walked into the kitchen. I reached in my back pocket and pulled out the business card that Officer Bailey had given me yesterday. “If you two need anything feel free to call.” I remembered him saying. I pressed the numbers into the phone and it rang twice. 58
“Howell Township Police Department what extension?” A woman said. “Umm… I am looking for Officer Bailey, is he in?” I asked. 59
“Actually I think he is, hold on I’ll transfer you.” There was a click and the phone rang again. “Bailey.” Officer Bailey said.60
“Officer, hi this is Tracey Kilbourne, I talked to you yesterday.” 61
“Hey Tracey, how you doing?” He asked. 62
“Uh, not so good, I just found Terry dead in the shack. He killed himself” I said quietly. 63
“You found him dead? Where are you at?” 64
“I am across the street at someone’s house, I wanted to call you though I don’t know what to do.” I started crying but he cut me off.65
“You stay right there Tracey, I’ll be there in a few minutes. Don’t leave.” Officer Bailey hung up the phone, and I walked to the door to wait for him. Helen came up behind me and put her hand on my shoulder, “Tracey, don’t you think you should call your parents?” 66
“Oh, I just called my dad, he’s a cop, he’ll be here in a minute.” I lied to her, I didn’t want to tell her that I never knew my dad and that my mom was a drunk. 67
“Okay well I have to make a phone call, so I hope everything goes okay for you.” Helen said and turned around and went into a bedroom and shut the door. I knew she was calling her husband or her friends and telling them about a boy that was just found dead across the street. I didn’t care, I just wanted to leave. I looked out the door and seen the police cruiser pull up in front of the shack and I ran out of the house and flagged Officer Bailey down. 68
“Tracey! Are you okay?” He said running up to me and giving me a hug. 69
“Yeah I’m okay.” I said.70
“Come on, I got to take you home and tell your mom.” 71
He motioned me to get in the front seat and I did. When we got to the house I looked at Officer Bailey. “She’s probably drunk.” I told him. “Don’t worry about it, come on.” I lead Officer Bailey to my house and opened the door. My mom was sitting in the living room smoking a cigarette. “What the hell is this? What did you go and do Tracey?” My mom asked me.72
“Mrs. Kilbourne, Tracey didn’t do anything, but she found Terry dead in a shack on Mary Court. He killed himself.” Officer Bailey informed my mom.73
“He killed himself? I cant take this shit, first my little angel is found dead and that little retard goes and offs himself. Come on Tracey what the hell are you waiting for?” My mother said. I was devastated, how could she act like that when Terry just killed himself. 74
“That’s enough Mrs. Kilbourne! I am going to take Tracey with me, and placing you under arrest for child neglect. Put your hands behind your back.” Officer Bailey told her sternly. 75
“Child neglect? Oh this is bullshit, I don’t want her anyway!” My mother screamed. She went to get up but Officer Bailey threw her down and put the handcuffs on her wrists and clicked them tight. 76
“You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law.” Officer Bailey was reading my mother her rights. He pulled her up by her arms. “I’m going to put her in the back of the car, why don’t you grab some clothes, and your toothbrush and stuff.” I nodded to him and went to my room and grabbed my backpack and filled it with some clothes from my drawers. I walked through the hallway and went into Terry’s room and grabbed the letter and the picture that he left me and placed them in my bag. I waked outside to Officer Bailey’s car. “You got what you need Tracey?” He asked me. “Yeah.” I replied. “Well I’m taking your mother to jail, I’m going to hand you over and you’ll be ward of the state, it’ll be better for you. We’ll get this straightened out when we get back to the station.” I just nodded, not knowing how much my life was about to change. 77
CHAPTER FIVE78
THE COURT HOUSE79
A day went on and I had found myself in the court system for the first time in my life. Not because I broke the law but because my mother was unfit and I was now a ward of the state. Some say that once your in the system you cant get out, and by first hand experience I can promise you that it is true. 80
I sat on a unfriendly metal bench outside the courtroom waiting for my case to be heard. A social worker named Ms. Cates sat next to me, her legs neatly folded. She was a young lady, probably in her mid twenties and very attractive. Her skin was a caramel complexion and she had long straight black hair that she wore in all different kinds of styles. That day it was pinned up in an orderly bun and a small flower accompanied it. She held a folder in her hand and she was busily rummaging through it. 81
“Now Tracey, I know you have been through a whole lot in a little bit of time, but you need to tell the truth up there on the stand. Don’t start feeling bad for your mother now; not after all that she has done to you. We have a record a mile long on her to prove her unfit, but your testimony would seal the deal.” Ms. Cates said in a professional tone. I never looked at her the whole time she was talking to me, I just stared at my feet. After Officer Bailey took my mother to jail he drove me to the Clair County Juvenile Detention Center, and I had spent the last week there because I had no place else to go while I awaited my court date The staff didn’t treat me like the other girls that were there for breaking the law though. I had my own cell and I was allowed to keep my belongings in the cell with me. The whole time I was there I really didn’t talk, I was scared and alone and I didn’t trust anyone.82
“Ms. Cates, Judge Browne is ready for you and the juvenile.” A bailiff said to Ms. Cates. “Okay, thank you we’ll be right in.” Ms. Cates answered back. We both stood up and I kept my head down while I followed her in the court room. We walked up to the front and she motioned me to stand by her. She placed her heavy folder on the table in front of her and turned and smiled at me. “What the hell are you smiling for, none of this is good for me.” I thought. There was a lady on the side of the judges bench that was typing away, typing my life away, without a second thought. The bailiff stood next to the door we walked through, locking me in this room. I thought about running for a second, but I really had no place to go. The first places they would look for me at would be my mother’s house and the little shed that me and Terry went to, and those were the only two places that I knew. The benches were full of people, mothers with their babies and children with worried faces.83
“All rise for the honorable Judge Browne.” The bailiff said loudly. Everyone in the court room stood and Judge Browne came out of a door in the back of the room. He was an older man with a white balding head and he was shorter than I had expected. He sat down and everyone followed suit. 84
“Ms. Cates, your representing the Kilbourne juvenile, am I correct?” The Judge asked Ms. Cates. “Yes your honor.” The bailiff brought out my mother from a waiting room for prisoners. She looked tired and worn but not a bit regretful. Her hair was tied back and she was wearing county oranges and handcuffs and shackles. The bailiff escorted her to a side bench and he then went back to his position by the court room doors. 85
“I have been working on this case and I think it would be in the best interest of the child if she was placed in foster care. Her mother is a repeated offender with cases such as prostitution and possession and I think on that alone categorizes her as unfit. I recommend immediate removal of custody and charges against Ms. Kilbourne for child neglect.” Ms. Cates said to the judge. “I have also looked over this case and have eyewitness statements from reliable sources to prove her unfit. If there is anything the child would like to say it would be best to speak now.” The judge replied. I stood there and stared at my mother, hoping she would smile at me and tell me she was sorry so I could tell the Judge I wanted to live with her, but she was empty and showed no emotion. Ms. Cates whispered to me, “Tracey, if you want to tell the judge anything, now is your time to say it. Do you want to speak?” I looked at my mother one more time but she gave me a dirty look so I shook my head no. “The child has nothing to say your Honor.” Ms. Cates told the judge. “As Judge of the family division of this court I order the juvenile, Tracey Kilbourne to be placed in immediate foster care and to be deemed ward of the state until she turns the age of eighteen. I also charge Janice Kilbourne with child neglect and request her to be kept in custody at the Clair County Jail for ninety days, time served. After she is released she is to be put on probation for a minimum of two years and terms of her probation will be as followed; random drug tests once a week, child parenting classes and one-hundred and sixty hours of community service.” Judge Browne said flatly. I almost felt bad for my mother then I stopped myself. It was all her fault everything happened, if she was a good mother our family would still be alive and close. 86
“Come on Tracey, its all over.” Ms. Cates said to me and we walked out of the courtroom. “Now your going to have to go back to the juvenile center until the morning when Mr. Makowski can come get you.” 87
“Who is Mr. Makowski?” I asked. 88
“He is your foster father, the family you’ll be staying with from now on. He only lives about ten minutes from here so you will still be able to go to the same school you have been when fall comes. He’s a good man, very qualified, a lot of children go live with him and his wife and they love it there, but wait right here, I have to go see if there is an officer available to drive you back to the detention center.” 89
I sat down on a bench that was identical to the one I was sitting on before. There was a girl around my age that was sitting on the other side. Her hair was blonde and straggly and she was wearing black jeans and a hoody. “So what you here for? You probably stole something huh? You don’t look like no fighting type.” The girl asked me. I was going to tell her some crazy story but I thought I better not, I didn’t need this girl going around saying a was a whacko or anything. I looked at her for a minute and she stared back at me stretching her gum out and twisting it around her finger before she sucked it back in her mouth. “I had to go because of my mother, they are placing me in a foster home.” I told the girl truthfully. “Damn, I feel for you though, I had to do that shit too. You’ll be alright.” The blonde girl said to me. “So why are you here?” I asked her.90
“Oh I got into a fight with a teacher at school and I tried hitting her in the face with a book.” I didn’t know how to reply to that comment so I just nodded my head. I seen Ms. Cates walking towards me so I cut the conversation. “Well I have to go.” I told the girl. “Alright, well see you later, good luck with the foster home.” She told me. “Thanks.” I said and hurried over to meet Ms. Cates. “Come on Tracey, there’s no officers available until 4:00 and it’s only 9:30 so I’ll drive you. Do you want to stop at your mother’s house and get the rest of your things.” She asked me. “Yeah, I would actually.” I told her. 91
When we got to my old house it looked barren and uninviting. Ms. Cates followed me inside to help me get my things. I went into my room and pulled out a suitcase from under my bed and shoved the rest of my clothes in it. It didn’t take me long because I didn’t own a lot. I reached up to the top shelf of my closet and grabbed my shoe box that held my photos and keepsakes. I then went into Terry’s room and shut the door. I grabbed his favorite Yankees baseball cap and his army back pack. Just as I was about to leave I noticed a small piece of paper lying on the floor. I picked it up and read it. Detective Fisher, 555-4774. I folded up the piece of paper and put it in my back pocket with Officer Bailey‘s business card. I made sure I had kept his card with me just in case I would need him again. For some reason he was the only person that I felt safe in trusting at least a little bit. Before I left I took a peek in Tiffany’s old room and I couldn’t resist to walk in. There was nothing really left, she had sold her bed because there was no way to take it with her, and she had taken all of her clothes and belongings. I gazed around at the room hoping to find something of hers to take with me when I noticed a doll in the back shelf of the closet. I stretched my arms to reach it but I wasn’t tall enough. I went into my room and grabbed a milk crate I was using as a laundry basket and ran back into Tiffany’s room. I stood on the crate and finally I reached the doll’s arm but I lost my balance and teetered off the crate. I laid on the floor for a second but then everything went black. 92
Tiffany and Terry were standing above me and Terry was smiling. I tried to talk but I couldn’t speak. I looked down and I was laying on dirt. Tiffany bent down and started to write something in the dirt. J, M, G. She pointed to the initials and circled them over and over again. 93
“Tracey, Tracey, are you okay?” I opened my eyes and realized I was in Tiffany’s room with her doll still in my arms. 94
‘Yeah, I think so, I must of fell when I was trying to reach this.” I showed her the doll and got up and dusted off the front of my pants. My head was throbbing but it wasn’t bleeding. 95
“You took a fall there Tracey, maybe we should take you to the hospital.” Ms. Cates said concerned. “Oh no, for real, I’m okay.” I reassured her. “Well if you say so, just be careful ok. We got to get going though I have a hearing in forty-five minutes and I still have to drop you off. You got everything you need.” 96
“Yeah, I got everything.” I grabbed my suitcase and threw Terry’s backpack over my right shoulder and stuck his baseball cap on my head. I followed Ms. Cates to her car, the doll tightly wrapped in my arms. 97
What is J.M.G and why do I keep having these dreams? Is Tiffany and Terry talking to me on the other side? I daydreamed about the possibilities and before I knew it we were at the Juvie. 98
CHAPTER SIX 99
A NEW HOME100
I was awoken the next morning and was escorted to Mr. Makowski’s house at around ten by Ms. Cates. All I had was my clothes, Terry’s backpack and hat, and Tiffany’s doll. We pulled up to a two story faded ivory house with junk and trash in the front yard. There was a old blue van in the driveway and a woman outside who was sweeping off the porch. 101
“That’s Mrs. Makowski, she’s a real sweet lady. Grab your things Tracey, I’ll take you inside.” Ms. Cates said to me. I got out of the car and grabbed the little bit of things I owned from the back seat and followed Ms. Cates up to the house. 102
“Oh, this must be Tracey! She is a little cutie, but why do you have that hat on you look like a little tomboy.” Mrs. Makowski asked me. “It’s my brother’s, it means a lot to me.” I snapped back. “Well come on in, we’ll get you settled.” Ms. Makowski was a large lady and she wobbled when she walked, almost if she was going to teeter over if her weight shifted too much. She had very, thin stringy brown hair, so thin in fact that she could have been balding. I turned around to see if Ms. Cates would follow but she was waving at me. “Well Tracey, here is your new home, you’ll be fine here, but if you need to reach me call my office.” Ms. Cates handed me a business card and turned on her heel and walked to her car. 103
“Come on child, what you waiting for?” Ms. Makowski asked. I looked at her and wanted to laugh. She reminded me of the Big Bertha game that kids play at the carnival, her faded thin dress only intensified the image. We walked into the house and I wasn’t impressed. Everything was covered in a thin coat of dust, the couch, the tables, the TV and it smelt musty. There was two little girls in the living room fighting over a bald Barbie doll and the didn’t even notice us as we walked in. 104
“Cut that crap out!” Ms. Makowski yelled at the girls. They looked at her and scowled and ran out of the room. “Now your room is upstairs but I can’t get up there, so go on yourself and unpack. Kerry and Vanessa should be up there so they’ll help you if you need it.” She was already breathing heavily from walking to the stairs so I couldn’t imagine her trying to get up and down them. “Okay, thanks I can manage myself.” I told her. I walked up the old stairs and they creaked and moaned under my feet. I got to the top and looked around and then a girl about thirteen came out of snatched my hat off my head. 105
“Hey, you must be the new girl huh?.” She was swinging my hat around while she said it. 106
“Yeah, my name is Tracey, can I have my hat back?” I asked her. 107
“No.” I didn’t want to argue with this girl, because I was hungry and tired and didn’t want to make a bad impression on my first day. 108
“Give it back to her Kerry.” I looked behind me and there was an older girl with curly blonde hair behind me. The younger girl gave my hat back without hesitation. 109
“Hi, my name is Vanessa, and that is Kerry. She gets a little rowdy sometimes, so don’t mind her. What’s your name?” Vanessa asked me. 110
“Tracey.”111
“What home where you in before you came here, the Williams?” Kerry asked.112
“Uh, no. I was living with my family.”113
“So what happened?” 114
“Quit, bugging her Kerry, it’s none of your damn business.” Vanessa said sternly. She grabbed my suitcase out of my hand and motioned me to follow with her head. We went into a large room with two bunk beds and a cot. 115
“This is the girls room, we never have more than five so it suits us okay.” I sat down on the cot and looked around the drabby room. The carpet was old and worn, it was the fuzzy orange type that was popular in the sixties. The curtains weren’t curtains at all but old sheets nailed above the windows, and there was only one closet and one dresser for the five of us. 116
“Okay so I am going to let you know a few things about this place Tracey.” Vanessa said to me. “Just do whatever your told, don’t rebel and don’t talk back to Mr. and Mrs. Makowski, your life will be a lot easier. Now come on I’ll introduce you to the boys.” I didn’t think twice about what she said about living here, I figured she was just giving me a common sense talk. I was soon to find out that this place made me miss living with my mother. I followed Vanessa down the hall to the boys room. It was about the same size but they had one bunk bed and a small mattress. There were two younger boys about six or seven doing wrestling moves on the floor and a boy about the same age as me sitting on the mattress reading a car magazine. 117
“The two little ones are Bobby and Steven, this is Corey.” She nodded into the older boys direction and he glanced up from his magazine only to acknowledge me. He reminded me of Terry and I started to feel sad. I had missed both Terry and Tiffany’s funeral. In fact there wasn’t funerals at all because my mother was incarcerated and there was no one else to make the arrangements. I knew Tiffany was cremated at a funeral home in the city, but in Terry’s case I still did not know at that point. I left the boys room and went down stairs in search of a bathroom. I found one at the bottom of the stairs and shut the door behind me. The bathroom was just as dirty as the rest of the house. How can a foster home be so filthy? I thought to myself. I looked in the mirror and the reflection that looked back at me was a stranger. My face was pale and thin, and I had large bags under my eyes. The past few weeks had been horrible for me and I lost interest in my appearance. I ran warm water and splashed it on my face. I felt a little better after that. I took a deep breath and thought to myself, you can do this. I opened the door to head back upstairs and a big arm grabbed my wrist. 118
“So you’re the new girl, huh?” The man was wearing a flannel with the sleeves rolled up revealing his hairy forearms . He was probably in his late forties or early fifties because his dark hair was spotted with gray. Like his wife he was overweight, not to the extreme, but quite husky. I tried pulling my arm away but his grip remained tight. 119
“Listen here little girl, I own you, you do what I say.” His eyes were burning with rage and I was frightened. He finally loosened his hand off my arm and I flew upstairs. My eyes were filled with tears and Vanessa seen it. 120
“He is the devil, don’t get in his way.” She put her hand on my shoulder to let me know she cared and left the room. I wanted to call Officer Bailey to see if there was any news on my mother or Terry. I crept downstairs and found a phone in the room where the little girls were playing earlier. I dialed the number and Officer Bailey answered the phone. 121
“Bailey.”122
“Hi, this is Tracey.”123
“Hey! How are you doing? Is the home going okay?”124
“Yeah, it’s alright.” I lied. 125
“Actually I was calling to see if you knew what happened with Terry’s arrangements.”126
“Oh. Well, he was cremated Tracey, his urn is at the funeral home.”127
“Oh. How long do they keep them for?” 128
“I’m not sure sweetie…you know if you want I can pick up the urn for you and hold on to it until you can come get it.”129
It was strange to hear him say he would do that for me but I agreed. I thanked him and then we hung up. I hurried back upstairs and Vanessa was there waiting for me. 130
“There are some things you should know that I didn’t tell you earlier.” I nodded and we went into the room. “This is a bad place Tracey. Mr. Makowski makes us do things here. The boys have to work all day with him most of the week helping him make furniture that he sells. He does things to us girls though Tracey, horrible things, and he’s going to do them to you. He doesn’t care about us, were just a check from the state each month and free labor.” Vanessa put her head down in shame. 131
“Well why don’t we call someone? I know a cop--.” 132
“It doesn’t work, nobody believes orphans. People even tried running away but they never make it. The cops or Mr. Makowski always finds them in an hour and there right back here.”133
“DINNER!” I voice yelled from downstairs. 134
“Come on, we got to go eat dinner.” Vanessa grabbed my hand and we headed downstairs. I was relieved because I was starving. We went downstairs and into the dining room. There was a table in the middle of the room big enough for maybe four people, yet it only had two plates on it, and there were eight children. We all stood in a little group and waited to be instructed. Mrs. Makowski pointed to a pot on the stove and said, “There’s your supper, you only get one bowl you got to save this for tomorrow too.” Mr. and Mrs. Makowski sat down at the table and I followed the others to the stove. I grabbed one of the bowls off the counter and looked in the pot. I had no idea no idea what the brown mix was but I scooped some into my bowl anyway. When I was done I looked to see where I would sit and seen the children sitting on the floor, I sat next to Vanessa. 135
“We sit on the floor?” I whispered.136
“Shh…there’s no talking at supper.”137
I looked up at the table and seen steak, baked potatoes, corn on the cob and a pie. My mouth watered and I looked down at my bowl. In prison, people who are put into solitary confinement are sometimes served food called juke balls; a mix of old meals mashed together. That’s what they fed the children, I was sick to my stomach. I didn’t eat, and when supper was over me and Vanessa had to do the dishes and put them away. The Makowski’s leftovers were given to the dog outside. When we were done we went upstairs and I laid in my bed and covered my self with a torn wool blanket. I dreaded the day before me and everyone after that. 138
CHAPTER SEVEN139
THE CLOSET140
When I awoke in the morning it was strangely quiet. I looked over at the bunk bed beside me but Vanessa and Kerry were gone, their beds neatly made. I slipped on some sweat pants and walked into the boys room, but they were gone too. I hesitated to go downstairs but I did so anyway, my bare feet meeting with the cold, wooden stairs. The downstairs was empty too, where was everyone at? My stomach groaned with hunger pangs and I figured this would be a good time to get some real food. I walked toward the kitchen and noticed a piece of paper stuck to the refrigerator with a magnet. In misspelled chicken scratch it read; 141
Deer Tom,142
Me and the girls went to the stor to git some grosheries, be back soon. 143
I giggled at the ignorance and opened the refrigerator door. I rummaged around it for a little bit and took an apple from the bottom drawer. When I shut the door Mr. Makowski face met with mine and I dropped the apple in fear.144
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Mr. Makowski hissed at me. 145
“I was just getting something to eat.”146
He slapped me across the face and I fell on the floor in pain. My face stung and my eyes burned with tears. 147
“Dirty, little thief.”148
“I was hungry-.” I started to stammer.149
“I give you a home, because no one wants your sorry ass and this is how you repay me? Get up!” He grabbed me by my hair and threw me across the kitchen. My head hit the table and I tasted warm blood in my mouth.150
“Get up!” He screamed again. I got up and he once again grabbed my hair, this time dragging me to the basement door and hurrying me down the stairs and into a little room. 151
“I hate thieves. Rot in hell you scum.” I heard a click of a lock and heavy footsteps up the stairs. As I sat in total darkness I tried to register the madness that had just occurred. I felt my head and ran my fingers over a warm lump that was rising on my scalp. Blood and salty tears were running down my face and into my mouth. When my eyes finally adjusted to the darkness I could only see a foot in front of me. I realized I was not in a room at all, but a small broom closet. Mops and tools lay all around me. I cleared away some clutter and laid my back against the wall. The little tank top I was wearing gave me no warmth at all, and even though it was the end of July the basement was cold and damp. I was shivering and hungry, and my head was throbbing. I started to cry and my heart ached for my lost siblings. I suddenly remembered what Terry said about finding Tiffany’s killer and I knew I had to be strong. I felt around and found a pair of industrial scissors and attempted to free myself from the dark imprisonment I was locked in. I pummeled the door latch with the tip of the scissors but it was to no avail, I was locked from the outside with a pad lock. Hours went on and I drifted into a slumber. Footsteps and voices awoke me. 152
“Tracey, it’s me, are you okay?” Vanessa whispered through the door. 153
“Yeah, I think so but my head was bleeding earlier, Mr. Makowski did it, then he locked me in here.”154
I know, we were all at the market. Are you hungry, I stole you a Snickers bar. It was all I could get that could slide under the door.”155
She slid the candy bar under the door and I quickly scarfed it down.156
“Well I have to go before I get caught.”157
“How long will I be in here?” I cried.158
“I dunno…hopefully he’ll let you out tonight.159
I heard Vanessa scatter up the stairs and I once again was alone, caged like an animal. To get away from the hell I was in I started to drift away in memories of my past. 160
I was about five years old and Tiffany organized a plan for me and Terry to go camping. Not at a campground of course, but in our backyard. We were all ecstatic about the idea and ran around the house collecting things for our rendezvous. I grabbed blankets, sheets and pillows, Terry was in charge of the food, and Tiffany make shifted us a tent made from sheets hanging from low tree branches. It was an accomplishment for us. Terry stole a lighter from our mother and we used it to roast marshmallows on forks. We munched on chips and cookies Terry got from the kitchen and then Tiffany announced it was time for scary stories. We gathered around her and Tiffany placed the flashlight under her chin, and when she clicked it on me and Terry squealed with excitement. 161
“This is a story about three kids who camped out by Lake Fraser, bringing with them a flashlight a piece and their bravery.” She spoke slow and low to add to the creepy effect and turned her head from me to Terry, her face glowing with terror. I gripped on to my stuffed animal and scooted closer to Terry.162
“There was an old tale of an evil witch who lived in the woods behind the lake and preyed on people. The saying goes, if you are around the light, the wicked witch won’t bite. The three kids didn’t believe the tale though so they went to see for themselves. One night they hiked for miles to get to the lake, and finally found a spot they wanted to camp at. They all sat down, flashlights on and in their hands and they all agreed on the count of three they would turn off their lights to see if the witch was real or not.”163
My heart raced and I was sitting on my knees, ready to sprint at any second. 164
“One…two…THREE!” On the three Tiffany clicked the flashlight off and ran towards me and Terry growling with her hands clenched like claws. We screamed and ran around the yard. We eventually stopped and started to laugh until we cried. 165
I was still laughing when I realized I was still in the closet. I sighed and wished to be back in that time. Then I heard something, footsteps! Vanessa was back. Maybe she stole the key and was letting me out. I jumped up with the scissors still in my hand and whispered to her.166
“Did you get the key, your letting me out right?” The locked clicked and the door opened. The light blinded my eyes and when they adapted my eyes focused not upon Vanessa but Mr. Makowski. My heart dropped and my hands started to sweat. 167
“I don’t think you learned your lesson.” He grunted. He grabbed my arm and started to undo his belt. He took his wallet from his back pocket and threw it on the floor. He then started to unzip his pants and pulled me close to him. Memories of what my mother put me through started to flood my brain like a broken dam. I brought forth my right hand where I was still clutching the scissors and lunged them into Mr. Makowski’s stomach. He slumped back and a red stain was quickly growing on the front of his shirt. Both of us shocked we stood there and stared at each other. I dropped the steel scissors on the cement floor, and the loud clank brought me back to the nightmare I was in. I darted for the stairs but then remembered the wallet on the floor and ran back to grab it. Mr. Makowski then fell on the floor moaning. I looked at him and hissed, “Looks like you’ve learned your lesson.” I sprinted up the stairs and ran past Mrs. Makowski. 168
“Where you running to child?” She yelled behind me, but due to her weight she couldn’t chase after me. I slipped on some shoes by the front door, and grabbed the knob. Just as I was about to run out I remembered Terry’s hat and my backpack containing the little bit of memories I still had of my family. I ran upstairs and started digging through the closet, strewing clothes about the room.169
“What in the hell are you doing?” I jumped and realized it was Vanessa. I put Terry’s hat on and grabbed my backpack stuffing clothes in there that I wasn’t even sure belonged to me. I also grabbed my pictures, and Tiffany’s doll. 170
“I got to leave, now. Don’t let Mrs. Makowski call the cops until I’m long gone please! Everything will be better for you guys, just tell them everything!” I started to run downstairs and Vanessa stopped me.171
“What happened?”172
“I have to go, I’m sorry.” I ran downstairs and through the front door. 173
CHAPTER EIGHT174
BREAKING NEWS175
Running as fast as I could I darted through back streets and alleys until I made it into town. I slowed my pace and I was breathing heavily when I seen a black and white police cruiser turn the corner in front of me. Worried they were after me I ran into a Burger King and into the ladies bathroom. I rushed into a stall and tried to catch my breath. What did I just do? I just stabbed my foster father in the stomach… what if he dies? I’ll be a murderer! I reached into my bag and got a change of clothes and when I was changing into some jean shorts I remembered the wallet I stole from Mr. Makowski. I held the worn leather wallet in my hands and opened it up. Bills of money were squeezed into the wallet tight, and when I counted it I could barley believe the amount, thirteen hundred dollars! There was ten one hundred dollar bills, and the rest consisted of twenties, tens and fives. My stomach flipped with excitement. I took off Terry’s hat and zipped up my back pack and exited the stall. I looked at my hands and realized they had blood on them and I washed them in the sink with scolding hot water and soap. With my outfit changed and my hair down I felt safe enough that I wouldn’t be spotted but I needed to get out of town quick. I knew there was a bus station about a mile from where I was and I decided I would take the bus to New York City. I can go to Tiffany’s old place and snoop around the town, somebody has got to know something. Before I left Burger King I smelt the fries and burgers cooking and my hunger hit me like a bullet. I ordered a Whopper combo with a Dr. Pepper. When I went to pay I realized the money was still in the wallet and the employee looked at me strange while I sifted through the hundreds looking for smaller bills. I gave him a twenty and decided to keep the change and a twenty in my pocket and the rest in my backpack. While I was waiting I felt a tap on my shoulder. 176
“Hi, it’s Tracey isn’t it?” A young woman smiled at me and I couldn’t remember where I knew her from. 177
“So is everything okay now?” She asked me rubbing my shoulder. Oh, it’s that Helen lady who let me use her phone. Damn, I hope she don’t say anything if she hears the news.178
“Yeah, everything’s okay now.” My order was handed to me and I was anxious to get out of there.179
“Oh, well I have to go, I’m late for something.” I smiled at her and walked to the door. As soon as I made it out of there I ran again until I reached an old five and dime store that sold everything from food and toiletries to second hand clothes. I ate my meal on the bench in front of the shop before I went inside. When I walked inside a bell rang and I was greeted by an older man. 180
“Hello there young lady, how can I be of service for you today?” He said, pushing his oversized glasses back up the bridge of his nose. 181
“I just needed to get some clothes and things.”182
“Okay, well the clothes are in the back and everything else is in the front of the store, there’s some baskets right there, sorry we don’t have any carts.” He gave me a crooked smile and slowly walked to the register with his cane. I rummaged through the clothes for a bit and picked out two pairs of jeans, three t-shirts, a used pair of Nikes, a sweatshirt, and also a green suitcase to put my belongings in. Before I got to the register I also put some shampoo, soap, deodorant, a toothbrush and a bottle of toothpaste, and a comb in my basket. 183
“Will that be all today?” 184
“Yes, sir.” I said taking the things out of the basket and placing them on the counter. 185
“Where you headed off too? Going on vacation or something?” The old man asked while keying in the prices on the cash register. 186
“Yeah, something like that.” I answered. 187
“Okay that will be twenty-eight dollars.” 188
I reached in my front pocket and gave him a twenty and a ten. He started to put my things in bags but I stopped him.189
“I can just put my things in the suitcase sir.” 190
“All right, whichever way you like.” 191
I folded my clothes and placed them neatly in the suitcase and put the other things on top, it was a pretty large suitcase so I could also fit my back pack in there too. I snapped the locks closed and thanked the man and headed off the bus station. When I got there it was busy with travelers. I waited in a line for fifteen minutes before it was my turn. 192
“Hello, how can I help you?” An older woman with bright pink lips asked me. 193
“ I need a one way ticket to New York City, when does the next bus leave?”194
“The next bus leaves in forty five minutes, but you need to be eighteen or have parent permission to travel on the bus.”195
Shit, I didn’t even think about that, now what was I going to do? My mind raced for ideas and I blurted the first thing that I thought of. 196
“Ma’am, I don’t have I.D with me, my purse was just stolen when I was waiting on the seats over there.” I lied to her convincingly. 197
“Well you need I.D., company rules, maybe you can go back home and find some other form of-.” I cut her off and pleaded.198
“Ma’am, My mother just got into a car wreck and I need to get up to New York as soon as possible. I know it’s company rules but I don’t have time to make it back home. I just took a taxi up to the bus station and my ride left. It is not my fault you have hoodlums in your place of business, now either you sell me a ticket or I will be forced to make a police report, and we both don’t want that to happen do we?” She looked me in the face and I was scared she would know I wasn’t eighteen. Since I was taller I did look older than the thirteen I was but I didn’t know if I could pass for eighteen. I crossed my fingers under the counter and she finally replied.199
“Alright, I guess. But don’t tell anyone that I did this for you okay, it could lose me my job.” She typed on the keyboard, and it was hard to control a smile that was about to run across my face. 200
“Your name please.”201
“Tracey Kilbourne.”202
“And you wanted a one way ticket to New York City correct?” 203
“Yes, please.”204
The printer hummed away and printed out my ticket. 205
“Okay Ms. Kilbourne, that will be sixty-five dollars and eighty four cents, are you paying with cash, check, or credit card.206
“Cash.” I realized my money was in my suitcase and had to lift my suitcase on the counter to open it and get it out. I gave the women a hundred dollar bill and she marked it with the counterfeit marker to see if it was real. 207
“Okay thirty-four dollars and sixteen cents is your change.” She placed my ticket and my money in my hand and I thanked her.208
“You can take a seat in the waiting area over there, there will be an announcement shortly to notify you when to board the bus. I grabbed my suitcase and sat down in the waiting room on a plastic blue chair. There was a TV in the waiting room and I watched soap operas to pass the time. About forty minutes later there was a breaking news alert that came across the screen. 209
A young attractive lady with chestnut hair reported the story.210
“We just got breaking news of an attempted murder at a foster home in Clair County. A young child stabbed the foster father in the stomach with a pair of scissors. The father is currently at Memorial Hospital in critical condition, but doctors say he will pull through. No word yet on where the child is, but if you see her contact authorities immediately. The police denied giving any names, but we will update you with further news.” They flashed a sketch of me and my description and I became a nervous wreck. Just then an announcement was made over the loud speaker that my bus was leaving in five minutes and the passengers were to board. I grabbed my suitcase and quickly went to the entrance to board my bus. I was paranoid that someone would recognize me from the news and I wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. I boarded the bus and found a seat at the back and sat down. There wasn’t that many passengers on this trip and I was glad. The less people there were, the less likely I would be identified. 211
“Welcome to Grey Hound Bus Service, this is a four hour trip to New York City and we will be making no stops. There are bathrooms located in the rear of the bus for your convenience, please remain seated unless using the facility. Thank you for choosing Grey Hound.” The driver spoke over the intercom. 212
Four hours and you’ll be safe. You’ll be able to blend in the city, no one will find you. The bus started to roll away and I looked out the window at the passing city where I called home. Eager to leave yet scared to go I couldn’t prepare myself for what I was about to encounter. 213
CHAPTER NINE 214
NEW YORK CITY215
The breaks squeaked as the bus halted to a stop. Groggy passengers stretched their arms and legs after the trip and gathered to the front to get off the bus. We all grabbed our luggage from the compartment on the side of the bus and while people started to go in their separate directions I contemplated my next move. I didn’t even know where to start so I headed into the bus terminal to stop at a stand. This terminal was twice the size as the last one and with plenty more people. A mother whizzed passed me dragging her whining kid behind her. “I want to get a toy, I want it now!” The little girl screamed. People talked on cell phones and dragged their luggage as I stood there looking for a kiosk. A man bumped into me and dropped his bag. “Watch where you’re going kid!” He grumbled. I stepped up my pace and found a information desk at the end of a hall. I bought a map of the city, a bag of Doritos and a bottle of Pepsi. I took my things over to a bench and sat down to read the map. As I munched on the chips I looked for the area Tiffany used to live in. Then I remembered the address she used to write on the envelopes when she sent us mail. 4560 Lexington Avenue. I traced my finger around the map and found the street, it was ten and a half miles away from the bus station; I needed a taxi. I hopped up and raced to the front of the building to find a cab. I was in luck, there was taxis zooming to and from the station in all directions. I never yielded a cab I before but I remember in movies they whistled, and since I never could learn to whistle I raised my hand and yelled “Taxi!” A taxi was in front of me in seconds. I opened the back door and hopped in the backseat. 216
“Where ya goin’?” The driver said quickly. He was smoking a cigar and the smoke was streaming to the back seat and in my face. I coughed and replied. 217
“I need to go to 4560 Lexington Avenue please.” 218
“No problem.” He jerked the taxi off into the street nearly missing another car. Beeping and throwing profanities with his finger we sped off into traffic. I was amazed at the size and the population of the city. Buildings were everywhere and so were cars and people. The ten mile trip should of took us no more than fifteen minutes but due to the congestion of the city we made it there in twenty five. We pulled up to a shabby brick apartment building with around ten floors.219
“That will be sixteen dollars.” Sixteen dollars? I’m going to be broke in a week! I paid the man and got out of the car and took in my surroundings. Tiffany must have been scared coming here all alone. This place is intimidating. Intimidating, yes, but it was also remarkable. People could come here and start a whole new life, opportunities blossomed at every corner, yet danger lurked behind you like a miserable shadow. I walked over to the apartments and read the sign above the door, in red lettering it read City Manor Apartments, but when I went to open the it wouldn’t budge. 220
“You got to go around back, you just moving in?” A man with dreadlocks and ripped jeans asked me. 221
“No, actually I was looking for Tiffany Kilbourne’s apartment do you know her?” 222
“Nope, sorry.” He turned his heel and walked away.223
I headed around the corner to get into the back of the apartment and I seen The New York Beanery. This is Tiffany’s old job, guess I’m in the right spot. I continued walking around to the back and dropped my suitcase in awe. To the left of me was a neon sign that read Stan Yees. This is the place from my dream! I am definitely where I need to be, now I just need to find some answers. I picked up my suitcase and head to the apartment door. When I walked in there was a dusky hallway that had a staircase at each end. The building was sticky from the humidity. Music was blasting from different apartments and kids were smoking cigarettes on the steps. There was a young woman with her hair pulled sloppily back leveling a paper bag of groceries on her hip and fidgeting with her keys. She finally clicked the door open and a white and black pit bull came running towards me. Panicking I put my suitcase in front of my torso to stop the impact.224
“Kita! Get over here!” The young woman yelled at her dog. 225
The dog stopped in her tracks and skipped over to her.226
“I’m sorry about that, she wouldn’t bite you though, she only bites men.” She shooed the dog in the house and went to shut the door. 227
“Hey, what is a young girl like you doing lugging around a suitcase over here?” She said, squinting her eyes. 228
“I was looking for someone, my sister.”229
“Well who’s your sis, I’ll help you find her. You don’t need to be walking around this place, it’s not safe.” 230
“Tiffany Kilbourne.” 231
The woman dropped her bag of groceries and apples, dog food, paper towel and eggs rolled on the floor. 232
“You’re Tracey?” She said in amazement. 233
“Yeah. Who are you?” 234
“I’m Shay Preston, I was your sister’s best friend up here. Well when she was alive.” Her eyes were started to well and she bent down and picked up her groceries to hide her emotions. 235
“Why don’t you come on in Tracey?” Shay asked me politely.236
I followed her into the apartment and the pit bull jumped up on the couch and curled up. We sat down on old metal chairs in front of a little table and Shay talked to me from the kitchen as she put her groceries away. 237
“So where are you coming from?” 238
“From Fair Haven.” I answered.239
“Fair Haven! All the way in Clair County, how did you get out here?” 240
“I took the bus.” 241
“Oh. So where’s your brother at?”242
“Terry-.” I paused, not wanting to tell her the truth. 243
“Terry, he committed suicide.” I said. Shay snapped her head around and bit her lip.244
“I’m so sorry Tracey.” She didn’t ask anymore about Terry and I was glad. Shay brought over two mugs of juice and placed one in front of me. 245
“Sorry if it’s cold in here, I cant stand the humidity so I blast my A/C.”246
“Oh no, it feels good.” 247
“Shay, I came here because there is no leads on Tiffany’s killer, and I need to know the truth. You were her best friend, you have to know something.” I sipped the cranberry juice and looked at her. 248
“I don’t know anything Tracey, I’m sorry.” She said quietly. I could see that she was lying because she was fidgeting with her hands. 249
“Shay, if you know something you have to tell me, she was my sister.”250
“Tracey, you don’t know what your getting yourself into!” She got up and latched the front door and looked through the peephole. 251
“Your sister got mixed up with the wrong crowd, and if you go digging around you will too! I‘m not getting involved.” 252
“I don’t care, somebody murdered my sister and they need to be punished!” I got up and headed to the front door. “If you don’t want to help me fine, I can do it by myself.” I went to go unlock the latch but Shay stopped me. 253
“Okay Tracey I’ll help, but don’t leave, you wont make it forty-eight hours out there by yourself. Damn your hard headed.” We sat back down at the table and she sighed. 254
“Like I said your sister got in the wrong crowd. Not on purpose though, it just sort of happened.” 255
“How?” 256
“What are you a detective? Slow your roll. Let me explain. I met Tiffany when she first moved in and I helped her get her stuff up to her apartment. We became fast friends. She got a little day job at that coffee place down the street and she was talking about doing modeling. One day she came home from work and told me about this guy that told her he was a co-partner at a modeling agency. She said that he would make her a portfolio for free if she would have dinner with him. I told her no, but she did so anyway. She kept telling me he was just a nice guy.”257
“And what happened after that, did they make a portfolio?” I asked. 258
“He took a few pictures of her and she brought them home. When she showed me them I wasn’t impressed with the quality. Those pictures looked like they were taken with a regular camera.”259
“Did you ever meet this guy?” I asked her taking another sip of my cranberry juice. 260
“Yeah, this one time he came over to Tiffany’s while I was there. Introduced himself as Jean Michael Gammond.”261
“Oh my god! J.M.G!” I shrieked, “That’s the killer!”262
“What?” 263
“I had these dreams and Tiffany told me those initials! We need to go to the cops right now.” I said getting out of my chair.264
“And tell them what Tracey? That you have a lead to a murder case on the basis of a dream. NYPD will laugh in your face. We got to do this together, we have to investigate this stuff on our own.”265
“I thought you wanted no part of this?” I asked her.266
“Screw that. Tiffany was my best friend and she deserves this.”267
“Now that’s what I like to hear.” I smiled at her and she smiled back.268
“So where are you staying at.” She asked. I shook my head at her and said,269
“No where.”270
“You came all the way to the Big Apple and didn’t even have a place to stay? You can stay here Tracey, it’s not much but at least it’s home.” She plopped down next to Kita and started rubbing the dogs head. 271
“So are you hungry or anything, you can make a PB&J sandwich if you want.” She was clicking through the remote and stopped on the news. 272
“No thank you, I’m not hungry.” 273
“Well go ahead and unpack, there’s a closet right there you can hang your stuff up in, and if you want you can take a shower, the towels are in the bathroom.274
“Okay, a shower would be great.” 275
I went into the bathroom and peeled off my clothes. My feet were sore from running and hiding and there was a blister growing on my heel. I started the water and waited for it to get hot and got in. I let the hot water run down my face and neck and scrubbed my hair with shampoo and rinsed it out. It felt so invigorating to be in there and I waited until I ran the hot water out before I got out of the shower. I got out and dried off and wrapped the towel around my wet hair. When I changed into some clean clothes I went to meet Shay in the living room. 276
“Aggravated assault, theft, and attempted murder?” Is all Shay said to me. Uh oh, she must have seen my story on the news. Shay just looked at me and then a grin spread across her face. 277
“Next time you show up at my door, tell me if you’re a fugitive.” I explained to Shay what happened at the foster home and she totally understood. She was also an orphan as a child so she could relate to the abusive situations some foster homes could carry. She told me she had the day off of work the next day and we could go out and see if we could find any information on Tiffany. I slept on the couch in the living room and waited for the next day with anticipation. 278
CHAPTER TEN279
THE NOTE280
The next morning I was awoken to Kita licking me in the face. 281
“Okay, Okay, I’m getting up.” I threw the blanket off of me and looked out the window that overlooked the city. Man, I wish Terry was here with me. I know he would love the excitement here. The city was already engaged in the everyday commotion that it was accustomed to and I was ready to get my hands dirty. 282
“Good morning sunshine.” Shay yawned and blew on her steaming coffee. 283
“I figured we could go to Tiffany’s old apartment, see if she left anything” I told Shay.284
“Well actually I saved some of her things. They’re in boxes in my bedroom closet. The rest of it was stolen. You can’t leave your apartment alone for a day before these dope heads come and strip your shit, they’re like animals.” Shay got up and went to her bedroom, a few minutes later she was balancing two cardboard boxes on top of each other. She placed them down in front of me and opened the flaps. 285
“Well, start digging. I’m going to make some breakfast, tell me if you find anything.” Shay got up from the floor and walked into the kitchen. She was wearing flannel pajama pants and a white robe. Her auburn hair was tied at the back of her neck and as she walked it swayed from left to right. Kita sniffed the box as I started to sift through it and there was nothing really out of the ordinary. Shay saved all of her papers, mail and bills. I started to make a pile of the things I went through on the side of me and it began to build up quick. An unopened light bill, junk mail, and letters from me and Terry were the main components of her mail. Then I seen something that made me stop. At the bottom of her mail was a hand written letter in handsome cursive. 286
My Dearest Tiffany,287
I am sorry you made the decision that you did. I never meant to hurt you, and I only lied because I wanted to be closer to you. I am just confused that you would want to move back home, this City is for you! We are meant to be together, and with whatever it takes I will make you understand that. I have done nothing but lavished you with everything a woman wants, other women would kill to be in your spot and I am saddened you are leaving me. One day you will see my sweet rose, one day you will see. 288
With all My Love, 289
J.M.G290
“Shay! I think I just found something!” I jumped up and ran to Shay, scaring her in the process. She fumbled to hold on to the pan she was frying eggs in and looked at me sternly. 291
“Don’t run up on me like that Tracey, I could of hurt myself.”292
“I’m sorry, but you need to read this. It’s from that Jean guy.” I pushed the letter into her hands and folded my arms. Her eyebrows shifted up and down while she read the note. 293
“Okay, so what are you trying to say?” Shay asked me. 294
“She was breaking up with him Shay and he didn’t like it. Plus he said something about Tiffany moving home, she never said anything to me about that.” 295
“She never said anything to me either. Maybe she just told him that, you know to make him leave her alone.”296
“Why would she have to lie? Was this guy a psycho are something? I want to know everything about Jean.” I demanded. 297
“Well, Jean wasn’t American. I think he was French or something, but he was really well off. Jean was always buying things for Tiffany; roses, clothes, jewelry. Tiffany didn’t want to always take the gifts from him but he wouldn’t allow her to refuse them, he said it was an insult from where he was from, so Tiffany took them. In fact I think there is still some in the box.” She opened the little box and pulled out a couple of blue velvet jewelry boxes.298
“Here’s some of the jewelry he got her. A necklace, earrings, and a bracelet. All from Tiffany’s Jewelry. Tiffany used to tell me that Jean would say, A beautiful woman with a name such as Tiffany only deserves fine jewelry that could compare to her beauty. This jewelry has to cost thousands, Tiffany’s Fine Jewelry aint cheep.” She gently pulled out the diamond earrings and placed them by my ears. 299
“You should take everything. It wouldn’t be right for me to keep any of this stuff.” I gazed at the beautiful jewelry then thought of my sister. I am not keeping anything that came from him, he had something to do with Tiffany’s murder. I sat the earrings down and looked at Shay. 300
“I should of told you this yesterday, but I didn’t want you to think I was nuts.”301
“What is it. Trust me, I’ve seen a lot nothing really shocks me any more.”302
I took in a deep breath, “Well, right after Tiffany died I had a couple of dreams. There were so real, and Tiffany and Terry where in them, I think they were trying to tell me something.”303
“Do you remember them now?”304
“Of course. The first one I had was with Tiffany in it. I was walking with her in this area, and we walked to a dumpster. I seen that Chinese restaurant’s sign in the alley, and I seen it when I came here.” 305
“Whoa, that just gave me goose bumps.” Shay said rubbing her arms. 306
“The next time I had a dream it was with Terry and Tiffany. They were standing over me and Tiffany kept circling the initials JMG.”307
“This all has to mean something, coincidences don’t come this correct.” Shay said. She got up from off the ground and starting digging through her purse. 308
“I know I have it somewhere…”309
“Found it!” She pulled out a tattered note pad and started skimming through the pages. “I know this psychic, her name is Lady Adeline, I went to her a few times, she used to read my tarot cards. We should go to her maybe she can tell you something.”310
“I don’t know Shay, a psychic? Aren’t they phony, I mean look at Ms. Cleo, she was a fraud.” 311
“Tracey, Ms. Cleo? Are you serious, she was a phone scam. Lady Adeline is a real medium. What other options do you have? It’s worth a shot.” 312
“I guess you’re right.”313
“Well then lets eat breakfast and then we can go. It’s only like ten blocks from here.” We ate the fried eggs and toast and cleared the table. 314
“Well I’ll call Lady Adeline and see if she can see us today.”315
I sat down on the couch and surfed through the channels; a baseball game, an infomercial and a cartoon. 316
“Tracey, she would like to talk to you.” Shay said motioning her hands over to her. 317
“Hello.” I said into the receiver.318
“Good afternoon darling, how are you?” 319
“Alright, I guess.”320
“Yes, I sense tension. Shay informed me that you are interested in a reading from me. I can squeeze you in but you must hurry, I have a lot of appointments today.”321
“Okay, I appreciate you finding time for me. How much does it cost for a reading?”322
“For murder cases I do not charge. I also recommend bringing something off hers and maybe a picture”323
“Thank you, Ms. Adeline.”324
“It’s Lady Adeline, and I’ll see you soon. 325
“What did she say?” Shay asked.326
“She can get us in soon, today.”327
“Today? Great, how much does it cost?”328
“It’s a murder case, so it’s free of charge.”329
I contemplated on telling Shay how much money I had. Well, after the plane ticket, some chips and soda, and the items at the thrift store, I was still left with eleven hundred dollars.. I decided I would. Hell, this lady didn’t even know me and she took me in.330
“Shay, I have something to tell you.”331
“Yeah.” She said filling up a bowl of water for Kita.332
“When I stabbed that guy, I stole his money too.”333
Her eyes lit up.334
“How much did you get?”335
“Six-hundred.” I lied. I still didn’t trust anyone and I didn’t need to be scammed.336
“Well, you cant be walking around with that much money, lock it up. I have a little metal lock-box with only one key, your welcomed to use it if you like.” I agreed and put the five hundred dollars in the box. Leaving around fifteen dollars and some change in my pocket. We headed out the door and to Lady Adeline to forecast the future and unlock the mystery of the past. 337
CHAPTER 11338
THE READING339
I offered to pay the cab fare to get to Lady Adeline’s place but Shay refused. 340
“It’ll take longer driving than it will walking. It’s only a few blocks. Plus you can see the scenery.” She locked her apartment door and I could hear Kita crying and scratching at the door. 341
“She’s got emotion issues; cant stand being away from me and is really jealous of people I bring over. I cant even count how many ex boyfriends have been bitten by Kita. She’s a good girl though. She likes you so that has to mean something.”342
We descended down the stairs careful from tripping on toys or trash. When we left the apartment building it seemed like the lights got turned on. Everything was so much brighter than it was in the building. The apartments were like caves. We walked past newspaper stands and parking meters. Determined business men with briefcases ran to important meanings and the sidewalks were crammed with rushing, inpatient people. 343
“Here it is, it’s right here.” Shay pointed to a building. 344
“Where?”345
“Right here.” She bent down and slipped between the buildings and into a doorway. Above he door way a beaded sheet dangled from the frame. The room was dark and very strange. It smelt strongly of inscents and burning sage. Bones and feathers floated above her by thin pieces of thread and she sat behind a low table humming with her eyes closed.346
“Come, child, sit down.”347
I sat on the floor in front of her and waited for instruction. 348
“Did you bring what I asked?”349
“Yes, I brought an old picture and a doll from her.” 350
“Great, let me see the doll.”351
I gave Lady Adeline the doll and she caressed it with her hands and rolling through her palms. 352
“I Get a lot of good, positive energy with this spirit. But there is a unloyalty and betrayal in this circle, and you are in grave danger young one. You must leave!” Her hands were shaking and sweat was starting to perspire on her forehead. 353
“I wont. Not until I find Jean Gammond. Can you tell me something about him. Where is he at?”354
“Jean is living somewhere nice. He lives in an apartment in Manhattan. I see the number 3889 in my head, I don’t know what that means. I also see I fight, and much jealousy in this circle. I see a male figure and two female figures in this dispute. Be careful who you trust, for deception is the key to failure.”355
“Is there anything else I should know?”356
“Get away from that evil girl.”357
“What evil girl?”358
“Shay, she is no good. Bad people she is.” Lady Adeline’s toothy grimace shocked me. 359
“The girl’s no good, get out and live day by day. You have strength and I know you will make it in the future. It will be hard but you are capable.” Lady Adeline picked up the picture and traced her finger lightly around Tiffany’s face. 360
“Tiffany was answering the door. Someone knocked, I don’t know who it was but she let them in because she felt comfortable. She was being strangled but then something else came in. A dog maybe? There is a man in the middle of all this, and Tiffany’s killer wanted him for her self. Tiffany fought back for as long as she could, but she was no match.”361
Lady Adeline gave me my picture back and looked at me hard.362
“Listen to me, and listen to me well little one. You must leave Shay alone, go anywhere but back there.”363
“Okay, I promise.”364
She took off one of her necklaces made from hemp and sea shells and placed it around my neck.365
“Protects from betrayal. You will need it.” 366
I thanked her and realized I had no idea where Shay was. She wasn’t outside or inside, where was she? A teenage girl with thick black hair braided into a tail stood out side smoking a cigarette against the wall. 367
“Did you see anyone come past here.”368
“Ha, are you kidding, this is New York City!”369
I decided I would go back to the apartment, maybe Shay was just dropping me off and doing errands. I jogged the blocks back home and the door wasn’t locked.370
“Shay?”371
No Response.372
“Shay?”373
Nothing. 374
I looked around and most of her things were gone. I looked in the closet and found my suitcase but the cash box was gone. That liar. She used me this whole time. I don’t believe this. At least she didn’t get it all I still have six hundred left, it should last me. I decided not to let this deter me from my goal and I packed up my things. I wanted to check out Tiffany’s apartment before I left this place so I went up another flight of stairs and found it. The door wasn’t locked and the place was a mess, people looted whatever she had and turned the place inside out. I walked slowly through the area, knowing that I stood in the same place where my older sister was murdered. A rat scurried past my feet and I screamed in fright. I quickly got out of the apartment building and into the city. I walked and walked until I found an abandoned building that I could make home. I went inside and scoped out my surroundings. There was no sign of people out there and the brush hid the side of the building I was at, and where I could peek out into the street. I set my suitcase down in a corner and put my money in the front of my pants pocket. I needed supplies if I was going to last so I made a trip up to a army surplus store. I found a phone booth on the sidewalk and flipped through the pages until I found one. I ripped the page out of the phone book and headed towards the store. Six blocks later I was there. I heaved open the heavy door and an older white balding man stood arms folded in this chest. 375
“Can I help you little girl?” The man took off his glasses and wiped them with a handkerchief. 376
“I need some things; a sleeping bag, a lantern, and a pocket knife.”377
The man came out form behind the counter and showed me to the sleeping bags and I picked out moderate one. When I left the store I carried two bags with a pocket knife, a lantern, a radio, food, water, candles, matches and other little necessities. I got back to my abandoned place and decided I wanted to make it more comfortable. First things first, I need to name my home… the haven. I brushed the garbage and leaves away from my area and started to make my home. I laid out my sleeping bag in the corner and placed the lantern next to it. I looked around the place to see what I could make useful. I found an old chair and a wooden crate. I dragged them back to my spot and went searching again. All I could find was some broken pieces of wood and an old paint bucket. I brought them back and started to set up camp. I used the crate as a table and placed the lantern and the radio on it. I opened my suitcase and inventoried my belongings. I still had all my clothes and soap products along with Terry’s hat, Tiffany’s doll and a few pictures. I clamped the suitcase closed and leaned the case next to the crate. I turned on the radio and listened radio shows debate politics and abortion. I yawned and turned it off and laid on my stomach. Just then I heard a fait noise in the distance. I grabbed my pocket knife and produced the blade. I could see the shadow coming closer and closer until; the shadow was being produced by a tiny kitten. I giggled and cooed it over to me. The kitten rubbed my leg and purred like a motor. You’re probably hungry little guy huh? Me too, I’ll go get some food. I ran across the street to the Liquor store and bought a bag of cat food and a bottle of milk. I hurried back hoping my friend was still there, He was, curled up on my blanket fast asleep. Well what are we going to name you stranger? How about Sherlock. Me and you can figure out this mystery ok? I poured some milk unto the lid of the milk can and Sherlock stretched his arms, releasing his claws in the process. He lapped up the milk and I laid down on the sleeping bag. I read my watch 8:47, the day was already over. I closed my eyes and drifted into sleep. 378
CHAPTER 12379
A NEW SUSPECT380
The next morning I got up at around seven. It’s hard to sleep in late when there is so much commotion right outside your window. Thankfully Sherlock was still there and I rubbed his belly. I poured him some more food on the floor and started to get ready. I put on some khakis and a blue tank top. I grabbed my back pack and put my shampoo, deodorant and my toothbrush in there. I patted Sherlock goodbye and crept out the back. I went to a little diner across the street and went straight to the bathroom. I washed my face and arms and legs the best I could with the paper towel, and I washed my hair in the sink. After I combed out my hair I looked pretty decent, and I was on my way to the court building. I asked one of the waitresses if she knew where it was at but she snapped at me in Greek, I was glad I didn’t understand. I headed outside to catch a cab, something I didn’t want to do, but I had no idea how far it was, and I didn’t have a bus schedule. I yielded for a taxi and once again one came flying at me. 381
“The Court Building please.” This taxi driver didn’t speak the whole time in the car, I don’t know if he even spoke English.382
“Eight dollar.” He spoke in broken English, I gave him ten and walked to the building. It was huge where would I start? I climbed the stairs to get in and was stopped by a police officer. 383
“Ma’am you have to go through the metal detectors. Place your bag on the belt.” I did what I was told and he let me through. 384
“Do you know where the homicide department is at?”385
“Floor four, down the hall and to the right. Elevators are right there.”386
I hurried over to the elevator and crammed my self in and pressed four. Slowly people got off and I was able to breath. The number four blinked and the door opened. I walked to the records department and there was a lady at her desk filing her nails. She was young, and she had deep red hair and freckles to match. She noticed me and said, “Can I help you?”387
“Yes. I need a copy of a murder case.”388
“You want a copy? You just don’t get copies of that.”389
“We’ll is Detective Fisher in?”390
“I don’t know let me check.” She dialed a number on the phone.391
“I have this girl up here Detective, and she wants a copy of one of your cases. I don’t know. What’s your name?”392
“Tracey Kilbourne”393
“Tracey Kilbourne. Are you sure? Okay boss.” She said and hung up the phone.394
“He’s coming out, you can take a seat if you want.”395
I nodded my head but stood staying still. A minute later a hefty man with red facial hair and thin, balding head came out to greet me. 396
“Tracey I presume? Come with me.”397
I followed the man down the hallway and into a tiny office crammed with stacks of papers half way up to the ceiling and a computer. 398
“You want your sister’s case file?”399
“Yes sir.”400
“All I can give you is the police report.”401
“Alright I’ll take that.”402
“He rummaged around in one of the boxes and pulled a yellow folder with Kilbourne, Tiffany on the front. He placed it on the desk and dug through it for a minute. 403
“Okay sit here while I make a copy of this for you okay?”404
I waited for him to turn the corner and scanned through the pages, looking for anything. Interviews with Jean, and Shay, police line ups, and finger prints. Nothing interesting. Nothing until I saw the address and phone number of Jean! I grabbed a piece of paper off his desk and quickly jotted it down. 3889 Holloway Drive, Manhattan. Bingo! The detective came in just in time and handed me the copies. 405
“You know there still isn’t any leads, we are doing the best we can.”406
Sure you are, as you sit here and let al these files of people’s mother’s, brother’s, son’s, and in my case sister; get filled with dust and forgotten. I’m doing this by myself.”407
“I’m sure you are, have a nice day.” I left the building and heading straight to the bus station and waited. I didn’t want to spend anymore money on taxi fare than I had to. I asked someone if they knew if this bus went to Manhattan and she gave me a schedule, she said she had another one. I looked at the map and realized I would be taking a couple of transfers to get where I was going. The bus finally came and I took a seat. I read through the file as I rode on the bus. Tiffany died of strangulation and was left in the dumpster down the alley. There were no witnesses and there wasn’t any motives or suspects. I got on and off five buses before I was in Manhattan and it was 1:45. I took out a granola bar I packed with me and ate it while I looked for Holloway drive. Then I seen it right in front of me 3889 Holloway Drive! My stomach hurt with butterflies, but I was not scared at all, this was something I needed to do. I walked up to the steps and rang the doorbell. A minute later a nice looking man with deep brown eyes and slicked backed hair answered the door in ironed slacks and an open shirt.408
“Are you Jean Gammond?” I asked sternly.409
“We, I mean yes, I am Jean.” He said in a French accent. 410
“We need to talk, mind if I come in.” 411
“Actually, yes I do, leave my property now!”412
“What does the name Tiffany Kilbourne mean to you?”413
His face turned pale and let me in his home. It was magnificent. Everything looked so expensive and royal. 414
“Please, sit.” He pulled out a chair for me but I refused. 415
“I’m not sitting here, your going to jail. You murdered my sister!”416
“No, no. I loved your sister with all my heart. I didn’t kill her I swear to you.” He pleaded.417
“Then who did?”418
“Shay.” 419
My heart broke and I wanted to throw up. I was living with my sister’s murderer. 420
“Let me explain Tracey.”421
“How do you know my name?”422
“Tiffany showed me pictures, she really loved you and your brother.”423
“Shay and Tiffany were good friends when I met Tiffany, and she was always jealous of her. She tried to seduce me one night by putting something in my drink, I seen her do it though so I left.” 424
“What about the note I found from you to Tiffany begging her to take you back?”425
“That was a faux letter. We did that together because Tiffany was going to move in with me but she didn’t want to be friends with Shay anymore. So she told her that she was moving home and breaking up with me. We left the note where she could see it as well.”426
“So Shay wanted you?” I asked.427
“Very much so. She would stalk me and trash talk Tiffany behind her back and even tried pulling my pants down. I told Tiffany about all of it, that’s why we were planning to move her out of there.”428
“So what happened that night she died?”429
Jean took in a deep breath and looked small and scared like a child.430
“Tiffany invited me over for dinner. She made me spaghetti and she bought champagne for us. In the middle of dinner someone knocked on the door. I told her not to answer it because we knew it was Shay, but she did so anyway. As soon as she came in she rushed towards Tiffany and put a rope around her neck. I tried to get her off but her damn dog kept attacking me and I couldn’t get to her. I finally got up and ran towards Shay but she hit me in the head with a lamp off the table. When I woke up I was in Tiffany’s apartment alone. I was scared Shay would come back to kill me so I left as soon as I could.”431
I don’t believe this. This is straight from a Hitchcock movie, Shay is the killer. 432
“If you don’t believe me look at the bite scars I have all over me from that mutt.” He pulled his sleeves and pant legs up and there was even one on his face. 433
“Why didn’t you go to the cops?”434
“It’s not that simple, I would have but Shay’s brother is a cop down in the precinct and she got strings she can pull.”435
“Damn. Well we need to do something Jean, you loved her right?”436
“With all my heart.”437
“Well than, lets get her. She needs to get what’s coming to her.”438
He smiled a beautiful white teeth, and I could see why Tiffany fell for him, he was gorgeous. 439
“I’ll come back tomorrow with a plan, think of one too.” 440
“Would you like a ride home.”441
“No thank you.” 442
I don’t want any body knowing where I am staying, I have some very dirty work to do. 443
CHAPTER 13444
RESURRECTION 445
I came back to the haven and laid on my bed. Sherlock was still there meowing at my leg. “Hi baby.” I said and rubbed his back and he arched his spine as I did so. I fed him more food and looked up at the ceiling. I don’t want to murder this girl, but she needs to be put away. She killed my sister and she cant get away with that. Maybe I could clunk her in the head with something and throw her into the water, or give her poison. Oh my god what am I thinking, I am being crazy right now. I opened a bottle of water and drunk half of it. My mouth was dry and thirsty. I had so many ideas running through my head, I didn’t know what to do. I decided to call Jean. I went to the pay phone and put the change in and pressed in his numbers. 446
“Hello?” Jean answered.447
“Hey, it’s me, Tracey.”448
“How did you get this number? Ah, oh well.”449
“I was wondering if you know what happened with Tiffany’s body. Was there a funeral service.”450
“No, but I think they keep the ashes at a cemetery when no families claim them.”451
“What’s the cemetery?”452
“Resurrection”453
“Thanks, I’ll see you in the morning, so be home.”454
“Alright, Alright, you are bossy like your sister.”455
I walked down the street in search of a floral shop and after eight blocks I found one. Roses are Red, was the name.456
I searched for something I could place by Tiffany’s plot. 457
“Want some help dear?” A woman asked.458
“Yes, please.”459
“What’s the occasion?” 460
“I need something for a grave.”461
“Okay, is it a woman?”462
“Yes, it’s for my sister.”463
“I know something, hold on.”464
She turned her back and I seen her pull flowers from different vases and presented me a beautiful bouquet. It was a serenade of pink roses, white roses, and baby’s breath. 465
“It’s beautiful, thank you.”466
I paid the woman and headed to find a cab. 467
I took the cab to the cemetery and went to the directory. 468
“I am looking for a site please.” I asked a younger man behind the counter.469
“Name.” He asked.470
“Tiffany Kilbourne.” 471
“Hmmm…. Let me see” He flipped through the pages and said, “She is in 76-C, its at the right hand side in the mausoleum.”472
As I walked through the cemetery I was careful not to walk over anybody’s grave. I was suddenly depressed. I was surrounded by death and my young, smart, beautiful sister was with them. I found the mausoleum and went inside. I placed the flowers in a holder and cried for a minute. Then I just had this feeling that I needed to pray, and I did. I prayed for my sister, my brother, my mom, my dad, I prayed for everything, and when I was done I felt refreshed and stronger. Like something was reassuring me that everything was going to be okay. I took the taxi back home and passed out. I was physically and mentally drained, and I needed the rest for the day I was about to come. 473
CHAPTER 14474
THE CONFRONTATION475
I awoke the next morning and immediately called Jean. We planned to meet for breakfast at a Coney island. I walked to the restaurant and scanned for Jean. No sign of him. 476
“How many?” A waitress asked.477
“Two, I’m waiting for someone.”478
“Follow me please.” I sat down at a booth and ordered an orange juice. Before it came Jean was at my booth. He was dressed impeccable and he looked scared. 479
“I thought of a plan Tracey.” 480
“What is it?”481
“Well we set up Shay, you know I’ll call her and invite her over to my house-.” The waitress brought my orange juice and we hushed the conversation. 482
“I’ll have a tape recorder and everything and I’ll make her confess, that way we can take it to the police.”483
“That’s a great idea! But what can I do?” 484
“You can be there too, but you have to hide in a closet or something.”485
“Okay, when should we do it.”486
“Tonight. I can call her now.” He pulled out his cell phone and dialed the number. 487
“Hello Shay, this is Jean how are you? I’m fine. Actually I was calling to see if you wanted to get together at my house tonight. I’m lonely and I really miss you. Okay see you at eight then? Alright, bonjour.”488
“Okay she’s coming over at eight, come to my house at seven and we’ll set everything up.”489
“Alright, sounds good.” 490
“Could I get you some coffee sir?”491
“Merci, but no.” Jean paid for my orange juice and we both left the restaurant headed our separate ways. I walked back to my haven to see if Sherlock was still there, he was. He climbed into my lap and I petted his head. I thought about what was going to happen tonight. I was scared but anxious at the same time. To pass the time I decided to take a walk around the city. I went to McDonalds and ate a double cheeseburger meal. I looked at my watch, four fifteen. Then I had an idea, I would go to Lady Adeline. I jogged to the other side of town and went through the side of the building.492
“Ah…you came back I see?” Lady Adeline spoke slow.493
“Yea, I was wondering if you could make contact, you know on the other side?”494
“Possibly, depends on the spirit.”495
“Sit down child, let me try.” I sat with my legs folded on the floor and watched her close her eyes and mumble words I couldn’t understand. 496
“There is a boy, I see him. He is with a younger lady and they are holding hands. 497
“That’s my brother and sister!” 498
“They say be careful, they are very worried about you.” 499
“Tell them I love them.”500
“They already know. The boy shows sorrow for what he did, but he is happy now.”501
“They are gone now. How do you feel?”502
“Better, it feels good to know that they are still there.”503
“Missy, you must be careful, because there is danger in your future, very severe danger, so watch out.” 504
“Okay, I will.” I knew she was talking about the night with Shay and Jean and I started to get nervous, but I wasn’t backing down now.505
I tried to pay Lady Adeline but she once again refused. It was now six thirty and I needed to get to Jeans house. The fastest way would be a taxi, so I rode one to his house. When I got there he opened the door before I even rang the bell. 506
“Alright, your going to hide in this closet here. Don’t say a peep, or this thing is going to be over. She’s going to be over here soon.” We heard a car pull up and I rushed into the closet. She’s a little early. I sat in darkness and I could only hear the conversation. 507
“Hi Jean, you look great like always.”508
“Thank you, same to you.”509
“Would you like some wine?”510
“Yes, red please.” 511
I heard clanking around in the kitchen and a bottle being popped. 512
“So I wanted to talk to you bout that night Shay.” Jean said timidly. 513
“What night?” Shay said innocently. 514
“The night with Tiffany-.” Shay cut him off and threw her glass on the floor and she screamed over the breaking glass. 515
“What? I killed that bitch. She deserved it. You deserve better than some country trash.” That comment made my blood boil and I exploded out of the closet. I lunged towards her and grabbed her hair and threw her down. She got up quick and hit me hard with a left jab. Jean jumped in and grabbed Shay and threw her down, but she got right back up, this time with a kitchen knife in her hands. 516
“You stupid mother fuckers! You cant fuck with me.” She swung at Jean and sliced his arm. She laughed and turned towards me. 517
“Guess I getting rid of the Kilbourne’s for good huh?” She brought her arm back and stabbed me in my chest. Warm blood filled my shirt and I was breathing hard. She was standing over me with the knife in her hand ready to finish me off when I heard I loud crack. Shay crumbled to the floor and Jean was standing there with a baseball bat. 518
“Are you okay? I’ll call an ambulance.” Jean dialed 911 and told them the story. As we waited for the EMS Jean tied Shay’s arms behind her back with a neck tie. 519
“She’s not going anywhere but jail.” 520
The EMS came and a man checked my pulse and told him his name was Richard and he was going to keep me alive. I was hoisted on a stretcher and everything went black. 521
CHAPTER 15522
THE RESULTS 523
“Tracey, can you hear me?” I looked through bleary eyes at a nurse. She had blonde hair and it was pulled back behind her ears. 524
“What happened?” I asked. I tried to sit up but the pain was too unbearable.525
“You were stabbed, it’s not critical, the blade didn’t touch any organs, but your going to be sore for a few days. Do you remember what happened?” Yeah I do remember, Shay stabbed me and Jean. 526
“Where’s Jean?” 527
“He’s out in the hallway I’ll get him for you.”528
A minute later Jean came strolling in holding a bouquet of flowers, his arm in bandaged. 529
“How are you feeling?” He set the flowers on a table and sat down in a chair next to me.530
“I’m in pain, but I think I’ll live. What happened to Shay.” 531
“Shay is in jail, she is getting charged with one count of first degree murder, two counts of attempted murder, and aggravated assault. She has a million dollar bail.”532
“Good I hope she rots in jail forever.” 533
“It wont be that easy, her brother is trying to get her bail reduced now and get her out on bond.”534
“What?!” After the taped conversation and everything.?”535
“The tape was ruined, wine was spilt on the recorder and the tape was fried.” Jean said miserably. 536
I felt like I could die, why was nothing going my way?537
“Tracey, I know you’ve been through a lot of bad things lately, but something wonderful has happened.” His smile was as wide as it could be. 538
“What is it.” 539
“Well, you needed to get a blood transfusion because you lost a lot of blood. Here is the man that donated his blood for you.” 540
Just then a man that I recognized came in the room. That’s the EMS guy, why did he do that for me. 541
“Tracey, I have something to say that might shock you. But I think I am your father, I mean you look like me, and you‘re last name is Kilbourne like your mother’s, maybe you‘d like to get a paternity test?” My heart dropped and I stared at him. He moved closer and I touched his face. I had his nose and his eyes. Was It really my dad? 542
“Yes, I would want to take a paternity test. What is your name again.”543
“Richard, Richard Davison. Well the test results can be done in twenty four hours, I’ll get a nurse.”544
The paternity test was preformed and I was heavily sedated the whole night. I awoke the next afternoon with people standing all around me. Richard was holding my hand and Jean was rushing people out. There was cameras and reporters and police men. Jean finally got everyone to leave but a police man stood by my doorway. 545
“What is going on, why are all these people here.” I went to move my hand and realized it was handcuffed to the bed.546
“Why do I have handcuffs on?” I demanded.547
“Well Tracey, because your being charged with aggravated assault for the stabbing of Mr. Makowski.” Richard said softly. “But don’t worry, I just hired a lawyer, we’re going to beat this case.” 548
“Why would you hire me a lawyer?” I asked groggily. 549
“Because I’m your father Tracey.” 550
I looked up at the man I had been searching for, for years and all I could say was “Daddy.” I fell back to sleep from the medication and when I awoke Jean was asleep on the chair next to me.551
“Hey honey, how are you feeling?” Jean asked brushing his hand across my forehead. 552
“Alright, I guess, do I really have to be in these handcuffs?” I said trying to outstretch my arm. 553
“Yes, the police man said so. Tomorrow you have to go to court in Clair County. Me and your father are going with you. You’re lawyer said you have nothing to worry about, there are plenty of witnesses at the home to back you up.” 554
“Why are you doing this for me Jean?” 555
“Because I loved your sister, and this is what she would have wanted.” I smiled at him and he smiled back. 556
“Get some rest, we’ll be leaving early in the morning.” I placed my head down back on the pillow and yawned. 557
“Jean, could you do me a favor?” 558
“Anything, what do you want.”559
“I was living in this abandoned building, off of Fourth Street, by that Coney Island. Would you go there and get my belongings, and my cat.”560
“You have a cat?” Jean asked.561
“Yes, and I would like to keep him. Could you go get him?”562
“Sure, I will go and see if he is still there, he doesn’t bite now does he?”563
I giggled and shook my head no. Once again I was fast asleep. 564
CHAPTER 16 565
BACK IN COURT566
The police said it would be alright for my dad to escort me to the court house. My dad, wow it was weird to hear that word. Fate had finally stepped in and given me a gift. My father. Jean accompanied us too, since the incident with Shay; Jean, my father, and myself had been staying real close. Jean offered to pay for the lawyer’s fee and my dad agreed. I had to be in a wheelchair though because my body was still too weak to walk. I strolled into the court house with Jean on one side and my father on the other. News cameras and reporters scattered the building like roaches. This was a big story for a little town. As I was wheeled into the court room, it brought back memories of when I was given away from my mother. My father’s hand on my shoulder reassured me and I felt more confident. Reporters kept trying to ask me questions, “Why did you do it?, Did you hear voices?, was it because of your mother’s neglection?” My father kept them at bay at answered “No comment.” to every single one. Once we were in the court room it was quiet. I was once again in Judge Browne’s court room. My lawyer talked to me for a short moment and told me two simple things. “One, tell the truth, you were mistreated and protected yourself from rape, and tell them about the disgusting living conditions, the other foster kids are here too, so they can coincide with your story. Secondly, do not answer any questions the prosecutor might ask about Shay Preston, it has absolutely nothing to do with this case. I was wheeled to a table and sat with my father and my lawyer, opposite of me, a pale, nervous Mr. Makowski and a fierce young prosecutor. 567
“All rise for the honorable Judge Browne.” Everyone stood, excluding me. 568
My lawyer stood tall. He was a mature man, but much younger than he looked. He had dark black hair and eyes that burned right through you. Smart and to the point, my father hired him for a reason. 569
“Good Morning Judge, I am Jerald Morgan and I am here to represent the defendant. I like to start off by saying Ms. Kilbourne was in a disgusting home and after the incident Child Protective Services did a extensive investigation and found many neglective and abusive situations.” 570
“Object your honor.” The prosecutor said. 571
“Over ruled.” 572
“I also think it would be mentally abusive to have Tracey to have to tell the horrific story again, there is more than enough evidence, and witnesses to this situation, and this poor child has been through enough.” 573
“Fair enough, the child may leave.” 574
I was taken out of the court room and Jean sat with me in the hallway. A half hour went by and Jean was pacing back and forth. 575
“What are they doing in there?” 576
My father and my lawyer came out a few minutes later with smiles on there faces. “The evidence was overwhelming, Mr. Makowski pleaded guilty to attempting sexual acts on a minor, and took a plea deal. He will serve a five years in prison, and the Makowski house is shut down. All the children are being replaced in different homes.” My lawyer shook my hand. “You’re a strong girl, stay that way, in this world you need it.” Jean, my father and I hugged, and photos were then being snapped by the reporters. We still wouldn’t answer any questions. Right before we were about to leave the court building I heard a voice call my name. 577
“Tracey.” It was Vanessa.578
“I wanted to thank you for what you did. Everyone was too scared of them and what they could do to us, so we never said anything. You saved our lives.” She started crying and I gave her a hug. 579
“I did what was needed to be done, don’t ever let anyone push you around.” I took off the necklace that Lady Adeline had given me and placed it around her neck. 580
“This necklace will protect you, I want you to have it okay?”581
She rubbed her fingers around it and mouthed thank you. I waved good bye and we were back on our way to New York City, where my father lived. I was moving on up like George and Wheezy, from my little haven to a real house with my father. 582
CHAPTER 17 583
A NEW HOME584
I slept most of the car ride to my father’s house, the court wore me out, and I was glad it was over. I just had one more to attend and this one, meant more to me. We finally pulled up to a beautiful two story house in a nice neighborhood a few miles away from Brooklyn. My dad parked his black Suburban in his driveway and hopped out. He quickly ran to my side and helped me out of the car and into my wheelchair. 585
“I think I can walk now, I just might need you to lean on.” I said.586
“Are you sure?” My father asked concerned. 587
“Yeah.” I wobbled out of my chair and moved my legs. It was hard, but the stretching felt good. We carefully walked up the stairs to the porch and he opened the door. I was so amazed, he had such a beautiful house. The living room had a fire place and a staircase that lead to the second floor. There was balloons and flowers all around the kitchen and I laughed. 588
“You are all these from?” I asked.589
“Jean.” He replied and laughed. 590
“He also got you a surprise. Think you can make it up the stairs?” 591
“I think so.” I leaned on my dad’s shoulder as he helped me to the upper floor and to a room. He opened the door and my jaw dropped. It was a wonderful room, with a walk out balcony. 592
“This is your room now kiddo.” My dad said patting my head. 593
“Mine? This is all mine?” I was shrieking with joy. 594
“That’s not all, Jean bought you a whole new wardrobe.” My dad walked over to the closet and opened the door. Rows of jeans, and tee-shirts, and dresses, and sweaters lined the racks of the closet, and below them rows of tennis shoes, heels, and boots. 595
“He’s a good guy. Your sister picked a winner.” He sat me down on the bed and sighed. 596
“I never left you kids, never. You’re mother left one day when I was at work and just disappeared. I couldn’t find you guys for the life of me, and I tried every facet. I am so blessed to finally be with you, but I wish I could see Tiffany and Terry too.” He hugged me, and I felt sad and happiness at the same time. I felt so happy I was with my father, but so sad that my siblings missed out on such a wonderful man. 597
The doorbell rang and my dad jumped up, “You can stay here, get comfortable and look through your new things. I’ll get the door.” 598
I slowly got up and limped to my closet. Jean had such a good taste in women’s clothes. I couldn’t believe the price tags, three hundred dollar Gucci jeans, Prada shirts, and Loui Voutin sweaters. I rubbed the cashmere sweater on my face and couldn’t believe my life now. 599
“Hey Trace.” Jean said from the doorway.600
“Jean!” I squealed and hobbled over to give him a hug. “Thank you for all this stuff, but you didn’t have to do all that.” 601
“I have the money, why not spend it on a princess.” He winked and brought out a box from behind his back. 602
“You got me more?” 603
“You wanted it.” He opened the box and out jumped Sherlock. I picked him up and rubbed his head. 604
“Thank you Jean, thank you for everything.” 605
“You know, I cant replace your brother, but if you need a big brother person, I am here for you.” 606
“Thanks, that means a lot.” 607
“Hey you guys want some lunch?” My Dad yelled from downstairs. Jean and I looked at each other and shook our heads, we were starving. He helped me down the stairs and to the kitchen. My dad brought out bread, lunch meats, mayo, cheese, and lettuce and we all made sandwiches. While we were all enjoying our lunch the phone rang and my dad got up and answered it. 608
“Hello?”609
“You, Jean and your stupid little daughter are going to pay.” Was all that was said and there was a deadly silence. 610
“Who was that?” Jean asked. 611
“I think it was Shay.” 612
“Shay? What is she doing bothering us?” I said. 613
“I don’t know, but I am calling the police right now, if she is out on bond she just revoked her terms, because she cannot have any contact with any of us.” My father was scared, and dialed the police department quick. 614
“The police said they would keep a surveillance on our house, Jean you should stay here for a few days, I would feel more safer.” My dad said. 615
“No, no, I cant intrude.”616
“Intrude, Jean are you kidding! Please stay!” I begged. 617
“Okay, okay, I will stay, just cause you say so. Let me get some things from my house first okay?” 618
“Okay, just hurry back.” We finished up our lunch and my dad cleaned up the kitchen. Jean said goodbye and said he would be back in about a half an hour. My dad and I sat in the living room and watched TV. After an hour there was still no word of Jean and we started to worry. We called his cell phone, but there was no answer. 619
“I hope he’s okay.” My dad said. 620
“Daddy, I have a bad feeling.” I said. Just then the phone rang. 621
CHAPTER 18622
SHOTS FIRED623
My dad ran to get the phone but it only rang once. The caller ID showed Jean’s number and when my Dad tried to call it back it went straight to the voice mail. 624
“Something’s wrong Tracey. I am going to go to Jean’s house, you stay here okay.” 625
“I am not staying here, no way, what if Shay comes back here? Plus I got you into this mess I’m not going to leave you when it’s gets hard.” I got up and winced in pain, hiding the agony from my father. 626
“Alright, fine, but your staying in the car.”627
“Deal.” My dad ran to a closet in the living room and went feeling around the top shelf and produced a nine millimeter hand gun. I was shocked.628
“Whoa, Dad, are you going to kill her?”629
“I got to protect you two, and if she tries anything she’ll be sorry. Let’s go.” 630
We went to the suburban and squealed out of the driveway and into Manhattan where Jean lived. My dad picked up his cell phone and was about to call 911. 631
“What are you doing?” I snapped.632
“Calling the police, what do you think I’m doing?” 633
“Are you crazy, Shay’s brother is on the force, she’ s got the connections, she might be trying to set us up.”634
“You’re right.” 635
“I know who to call though, give me the phone.” My dad handed me the phone and a dialed in Officer Bailey’s number, if there was one cop I could trust it would be him. 636
“Bailey.” I heard the familiar voice say on the other end. 637
“Mr. Bailey, this is Tracey, I am in a serious jam right now and I need your help.”, the words tumbled out of my mouth. 638
“Slow down, what’s going on?” 639
“We’ll I think there is a kidnapping, the girl who killed Tiffany is trying to hurt me and her ex boyfriend, and I think she kidnapped him.” 640
“Wait, what are you talking about?” 641
“Just trust me, something bad is going on, and I need your help. This girl has a brother on the force, and I am scared to call the cops down here.” 642
“Damn. Alright, let me call a few officer’s down there that I know, I’ll have them check it out, I’ll be up there as soon as I can. What‘s the address?”643
“It’s 3889 Holloway Drive, Manhattan. Thanks, Officer, thanks for everything.” 644
“Yeah, you owe me. See ya in a couple of hours.” 645
“You know a cop?” My dad asked.646
“Yeah, he’s from Clair County, he’s going to call some cops he knows up here and he’s coming too.” I explained. 647
“Alright, let’s hope were not too late.” My dad pressed on the accelerator and zipped in and out of traffic. I tried calling Jean’s phone back over and over, but it still went to voicemail. 648
“Right there, that’s Jean’s house!” I pointed and my dad slowed to a stop by the corner.649
“Stay here, if I’m not back in five minutes call the EMS okay?” My dad got out of the car, his pistol raised in his right hand. I watched him go up to an opened door, and waited impatiently in my seat. After one minute of squirming around anxiously I opened my door and headed to Jean’s. I crept up to the house and listened from the outside. I couldn’t hear anything so I peeked in. Jean’s body was lying on my floor, a small pool of blood collected by his face. His phone was still in his hand and I picked it up and called 911. Before I could say anything I heard Shay upstairs yelling. I dropped the phone and darted up the stairs. Shay was standing above my crouching dad, she had him lean into the bath tub, and was wielding a shot gun to his head. 650
“Don’t fucking move. I don’t know why everyone wants to be a hero, all it does is get you in deep shit.” I froze in fear and a glitter in the corner of my eye caught my attention. My dad’s pistol! It was laying in the hallway by the bathroom door, and I needed to get to it quick. I crawled over to the door and I heard the shotgun being cocked back. 651
“Too bad little Tracey didn’t get to see her Daddy long huh, boo fucking hoo.” Shay spat at my dad. I grabbed the gun and the steel was cold in my warm, sweating hands, I aimed it at Shay’s chest and said. 652
“Hey Shay!” Shay whipped around and I pulled the trigger. The shot vibrated through my whole body and force shaken me. Her gun went off and I dropped on the ground. I got back up and Shay crumbled on the floor her abdomen bleeding. 653
“Please, don’t kill me Tracey.” Shay begged and blood was filling her mouth and running through her teeth. I looked at her with disgust and vengeance ran through my blood. I pointed the gun at Shay and aimed it to her head. 654
“Don’t do it Tracey, don’t be a killer like her.” My dad stood up and said. His face and shirt was covered with blood and he looked at me with desperation. I lowered the gun, and kicked Shay in the side.655
“I wont kill you, you don’t deserve to die that easily.” Just then we heard sirens in the distance. I went over to my dad and we embraced in a hug. His strong body was weak and he leaned on me for support. 656
“We’re you shot, you’re bleeding.” I asked my dad.657
“No, she hit me with the gun, we were scuffling around.”658
Shay moved her leg and I put my foot down on her chest. 659
“Don’t make the slightest move, or I’ll blow your fucking head off!” Shay collapsed onto the floor. 660
“Where’s Jean?” My dad asked. My heart sank, remembering his body on the floor. 661
“He’s downstairs. I don’t know if he’s okay.” 662
“POLICE!” Was heard from downstairs and I yelled for them to come up stairs. 663
“We’re in the bathroom!” A young cop with blue eyes came in pointed a gun. 664
“What the hell went on here?” He asked waving his gun from me to Shay. 665
“This girl tried killing my Dad, and I came in and shot her.” He looked at my dad and he mumbled.666
“It’s true, I came her to check on Jean and she busted me in the head with her gun, my daughter came in and shot her in self defense.” The cop lowered his gun and spoke into his walkie-talkie. 667
“I need EMS, and back up here. 3889 Holloway.” The cops helped my Dad sit down on the ground and handcuffed Shay. I dashed downstairs to see Jean. He was still lifeless on the ground. I bent down and touched his face, it was still warm, and his breathing was filled with wheezes; at least he was alive. 668
“Jean, can you hear me? It’s Tracey. Everything is going to be okay, you got to stay breathing for me though.” I grabbed his hand and held it tight. Two EMS workers came rushing through the door. 669
“Move back ma’am.” They shooed me away from Jean and starting taking his pulse and checking his wounds. Three more EMS workers came rushing in and ran upstairs. I sat on the floor staring at Jean. I knew I shouldn’t be shocked by this, especially everything that I had been through, but I was. A few minutes went by and Jean was taken out to the EMS on a stretcher, followed by Shay and my dad. My dad was in stable condition, Shay on the other hand was critical. She had an oxygen mask on her face she looked pale. I followed everyone outside, and took in the chaos. There were two EMS trucks, four squad cars and every neighbor on the block in the yard. Cops were taping off Jean’s property and herding the onlookers away from the house. The young cop who first arrived on scene walked over to me. 670
“They are taking them to the hospital, would you like me to drive you there?” He asked. 671
“Yes.” I replied and followed him into his car. We followed the ambulances to the hospital and I prayed for Jean the whole way there. 672
CHAPTER 19 673
A PRAYER674
We pulled up to Providence Hospital, and I hesitated to go inside the place I was just at a few days ago from a stab wound. I waited in a little room for hours. I tried to read torn magazines and drink cold, bitter coffee to pass the time but it wouldn’t work. I kept staring at a large clock behind the nurses desk, and every time I would look back at it the hands seemed to be going backwards. Finally a nurse came and told me that my father was stable and that I could see him in his room. 675
“He’s been sedated, so he wont be up long, just try to make it quick okay?” The nurse flashed me a quick smile and flipped through a clipboard as she showed me to his room. I went in and he was tightly covered up in blankets in his bed. He looked like a sound child, so much I almost didn’t want to wake him. 676
“Daddy?” I whispered and gently shook his hand. His eyes fluttered open and he smiled at me. 677
“Hey sweetheart, good job back there.” 678
“I did what I had to do Dad. You‘re the one who survived the assault.”679
“Naw, she just hit me in the head, it’s just a little concussion, I’ll be alright. Nothing like a stab wound.”680
“Yeah.” I said feeling my scarred chest. 681
“I’m proud of you. How‘s Jean doing?” 682
“I don’t know yet, they haven’t told me anything.” I heard a cough from the hallway, and seen the nurse. She cleared her throat to let me know I had to wrap my conversation up. I nodded and looked back at my dad. 683
“Well Dad, I got to go, this isn’t exactly visiting time you know?” My dad laughed and I gave him a hug. 684
“I’ll see you in the morning okay? Sweet dreams.” I said.685
“You too, ” I started to walk out of my dad’s room when I heard my Dad say, “Hey, Tracey.”686
“Yeah, Dad.”687
“I love you.”688
“I love you too Dad.” I wanted to cry with happiness when I turned and walked out of his room. I returned back to the waiting room and a nurse was waiting for me there with a pillow and blanket in her hands. 689
“There is an empty room right across there if you’d like to sleep there for the night.” She offered. I shook my head yes and followed her into the empty hospital room. The older nurse had her graying hair tied into a bun and she looked tired, not from working, but tired, from seeing what her eyes had seen her line of work. Families grieving for lost ones, children crying, mother’s grieving, she worked at the hands of death for years, and it showed. She fixed my bed and neatly rubbed my blanket smooth like a grandmother tucking in a grandchild. 690
“Here honey.” 691
“Thank you so much, I really appreciate this.” I took off my shoes and climbed in the bed and covered myself with the warm blanket. I was dead tired from the day but I couldn’t fall asleep. I laid there staring at the ceiling and decided to pray. 692
Dear God, I know I haven’t really talked to you too much in my life, but you see everything so I don’t need to fill you in. I’m not trying to whine about my life, because I know other people have it harder than I do, but why did you take my brother and sister from me? It’s like your playing cat and mouse with me. You give me my father, and then I almost lose him? I thank you for giving me the opportunity to have a life with him though. I just want to pray to you that Jean will be okay. Please, he’s such a good guy, and he’s the closest thing to a brother that I will have. I also pray that Shay doesn’t die. I don’t know why I pray for her, but just let her get what she deserves. We’ll I don’t really know how to do this, so tell my brother and sister that I love them. I turned on my side and closed my eyes. 693
I was sitting at a long table, like the one’s in a king’s castle. Terry and Tiffany sat on either side of me and I laughed when I seen them. 694
“Everything will be fine now Tracey.” Tiffany said. Her voice was quiet and clear, yet so much more beautiful than I remembered. 695
“Dad will take care of you ‘lil sis.” Terry said. 696
“He’s wonderful, you guys would love him.” I said.697
“We do love him Tracey. We know him more than you realize.” Tiffany said.698
“Let Jean in your life, he’s not me, but he will do.” Terry said to me and winked. 699
“We’ll come and visit, we love you Tracey.” Tiffany said. She stood up and Tiffany, Terry and my self all held hands as we stood up. 700
CHAPTER 20701
A SURPRISE GIFT702
I awoke the next morning to a nurse opening my blinds, letting the wonderful warm sunshine into my room. 703
“Well Good Morning, you’re Tracey right?” 704
“Yes.” I said kicking my legs over to get out of bed. 705
“Back so soon?” I looked up and realized it was one of the nurses who was took care of me. 706
“Unfortunately.” I said.707
“I heard what happened, I hope they give the death penalty to that girl.” The nurse whispered. 708
“Yeah, I hope she gets something.” I started to put on my shoes and looked up as I was tying my laces.709
“Do you know the condition of Jean Gammond?” I asked.710
“Nope. You’re going to have to ask one of the nurses at the desk. 711
“Okay, thanks.”712
“Take it easy child.” The nurse said and started folding blankets on the bed. I walked past the nurses’ desk and a male nurse was writing something on a piece of paper, and as I past I smiled hello. When I got to my dad’s room he was sitting at the end of his bed with his clothes on and a bandage taped around the side of his head. 713
“Well good morning!” He said and walked over and gave me a hug. 714
“Are you sure you should be walking around?” I asked, backing up and taking a look at him. 715
“Coming from someone who got stabbed and wanted to walk on her own?” I shrugged my shoulders and giggled. I see where I got my stubbornness from. 716
“Well, they say I’m free to go.” 717
“Really? Well then lets go see how Jean is doing.” Bringing up Jean’s name brought back memories of my dream the night before. I wanted to say something to my dad but I felt it was too intimate, something I wanted to have for myself. My dad and I walked out of his room and up to the nurses desk. The male nurse turned up his blonde head.718
“Leaving so soon Richard?” He said sarcastically. 719
“Yeah, I got people to save, you’ll see me again, I am an EMS driver you know?”720
“Yeah I know. You better hurry up and get back to work, the other driver has got unpaid parking tickets.” We all laughed and then I decided to ask about Jean. 721
“Do you know what room Jean Gammond is in?” 722
“Hmm…let me see.” He said running his finger down a chart. 723
“He’s in ICU room twelve.”724
“Can we see him?” My dad asked. 725
“Sure. Just go up the elevator to floor six, and it’s to the right.” The nurse waved us goodbye. 726
We took the elevator and got to floor six and to the intensive care unit. We walked past fragile bodies with tubes and machines and got to room twelve. We quietly walked in and there Jean was peacefully lying in his bed sleeping. There was a heart monitor that quietly beeped, and he had I.V.’s and tubes in his arms. We must of awoken him because he sheepishly opened his eyes. 727
“Bonjour.” 728
“Good morning, Jean, how are you feeling?” I asked walking over to him. 729
“Eh, I’ll be okay. Richard, you’re okay? I’m so happy to see so.” Jean said weakly. 730
“Yes, I’m fine. It’s you were worried about.” My dad answered back. 731
“I’m going to make it, I have to keep an eye on my little sis.” Jean fell back asleep and my dad put his arm around my shoulder and we walked out his room. There was a doctor standing in the hallway reading a clipboard and my dad approached him. 732
“Hi Doctor, we are family of Jean Gammond’s can you tell us his condition.” 733
“Sure. Mr. Gammond was shot at with a shot gun, and a buck shot brazed his left side of his head.” We gasped. 734
“Don’t worry, it just braised the skin, we are keeping him in ICU for observation just for precaution. He’ll be out in two days, and you two can come get him.” We nodded our heads, “Will that be all?” The doctor asked. 735
“What about Shay Preston.” The doctor looked at me sternly. 736
“I’m not allowed to give you that information.” I sighed.737
“But if you didn’t hear it from me.” he winked, “She’s not too good, the bullet hit her and pierced her liver. She might not make it, and if she doe’s she wont like where she’ll be going.” My dad shook the doctor’s hand and we headed out of the hospital. We called a cab and took it back home. 738
When we got there Sherlock ran up to me and started to rub myself on my leg. My dad patted his head and went to sit in the living room. 739
“He’s probably starving.” I went to the kitchen and grabbed a can of tuna out of a cupboard and opened it. As soon as I set it on the floor Sherlock started eating away. Just as I was going to sit down next to my dad the door bell rang.740
“I’ll get it Dad, you stay still.” I skipped to the door, and when I opened it I couldn’t believe my eyes. 741
“You are under arrest Ms. Kilbourne.” A plain clothed Officer Bailey said smiling. 742
“Officer Bailey, Oh my God! Come in, come in!” I rushed in Officer Bailey and yelled to my dad, “Dad! Officer Bailey is here, that cop I called when we went to Jean’s.” My dad walked over and they shook hands. 743
“Nice to meet you Officer, if my daughter likes you, you’re welcome in my home.”744
“Thank you, and a beautiful home it is.” He said gazing around. 745
“Can I get you something to drink, coffee, soda?” I asked. 746
“Sure I’ll take a soda.” My dad motioned him into the living room and I went to the kitchen and grabbed the soda. When I came back I gave Officer Bailey the can and smiled. 747
“Wow, I sure wasn’t expecting you.” I said. 748
“We’ll you did call me and tell me about a kidnapping.” He said cocking his head. 749
“Oh yeah. Well everyone’s fine. Jean’s going to be okay too. Shay, we’ll she might not make it.” 750
“I know, I heard what happened Tracey. Let me tell you something, if something happens with Shay I don’t want you feeling one bit upset okay. You did that in self defense, you did a good job.” I suddenly felt sick, I never thought about what would happened if she would die. I would be a murderer. I shook the feeling from me and sat down with my dad and Officer Bailey. 751
“Well, I got a little surprise for you Tracey, actually a surprise for both of you, but you have to come with me. You up for a little drive?” Me and my dad looked at each other and agreed. 752
“We’ll take my car, ready when you are.” Officer Bailey said finishing off his cola. 753
“We’re ready now if you want.” I took Officer Bailey’s empty can and placed it in the trash. We all walked out and realized how beautiful of a morning it was. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky and everything shined brighter for some reason. We walked over to Officer Bailey’s Ford Explorer and my dad offered me the front seat. 754
“No dad, you can take it.” We all climbed in and he started the car. 755
“Is this going to be a long trip Officer Bailey?” I asked. 756
“No, and quit calling me Officer, you can call me Malcolm.” 757
“Malcolm huh? That’s your name?” I said and he laughed. We drove into the city traffic and I noticed we were going in a destination that I had traveled before. Soon enough we pulled up to Resurrection Cemetery. Malcolm drove quietly around the small dirt roads that weaved through out the cemetery. He pulled over to a small area and stopped. 758
“Come on, I have something to show you.” We all got out of the Explorer and walked over to two graves. There was two light grey granite headstones, cleanly polished. The first read, 759
Tiffany Ann Kilbourne760
Beloved Sister and Daughter761
February 18, 1982- July 8, 2007 762
Alongside Tiffany’s gravestone was a identical one, except this one read, 763
Terry Jeffery Kilbourne764
Beloved Brother and Son 765
November 3, 1985- August 10, 2007766
Each gravestone had two angels holding hands above the lettering. 767
“This is so amazing. You did all this?”768
“Well I did part of it, I had a fundraiser at the Precinct and we all pitched in to get these for you, your brother and sister deserve it you know?” I hugged Malcolm as tight as I could, and from behind his back I seen my dad on his knees crying by the stones. I leaned down next to him and put my head on his shoulder. 769
“We have each other, and they have each other, we’re going to be okay.” I wiped the tears from my father’s eyes; it hurt to see a grown man cry. As we stood up and looked at the beautiful sky, we both seemed to feel surrounded by a warm force that hugged us tight. At that precise moment, I actually felt safe, secure and happy with my life. 770
CHAPTER 21771
ONE YEAR LATER772
A whole year went by and my father and I decided to have a memorial service for Tiffany and Terry. With the extra money I had I donated it all to an orphanage inspector service, making sure that no child would have to live with the mental and physical torture that I, and countless others had endured. Shay Preston was ultimately sentenced to life in prison, with the possibility of parole in twenty-five years. Jean , myself, and my Dad all attended the court proceedings, and when the jury came back and said the magical words, guilty, we jumped up and hugged, and laughed and cried. All of our emotions had come out at once. The frustration we had bottled up was finally released and I felt that I was walking on air. 773
The memorial service took place in the Resurrection Cemetery that Terry and Tiffany were buried. It was a small gathering; my father, Jean, myself, and a few friends of my Dad’s and Jean’s also came. We paid our respects to my siblings, and left roses, stuffed animals, and candles at their site. We embraced each other in hugs and tears, and for some strange reason the same tears that fell because of sorrow, healed the heart in the process. We all gave each other hugs and hand shakes and were headed back to our cars when I seen a lady hiding behind a huge oak tree peeping at us. 774
“Dad, do you know that lady? She keeps spying on us over here.” I said pointing to the tree. My dad squinted his eyes in her direction and shook his head no. 775
“She’s probably looking for a grave or something, that’s all.” I nodded and bent down, pretending I was tying my shoe. As soon as my dad walked to his car and quietly ran from tree to tree looking for the unknown lady. Finally I seen her, and she was right in front of me. I grabbed her arm and she whipped around. 776
“Mom?” I asked, not believing my eyes.777
“Yeah, Tracey, it’s me.” My mother was quiet and timid. 778
“Well what do you want.” I snapped at her and looking her up and down. She was wearing clean black slacks, and a silk top to match. Her hair was curled and pinned up behind her ears and her makeup was done flawlessly. 779
“I came here for the memorial service.” She said putting her head down. 780
“Yeah, well its over, like you care anyway.” I started to walk away from her and she grabbed my arm. 781
“Tracey, I know you probably hate me, shit, I hate myself. I just want you to know that I do love you, I really do. I just have a problem and I need to get it fixed. I am working really hard though. I got a job doing receptionist work at this little office, and--” 782
“And what Mom, you think you can fix all of this?” I threw my hands up in frustration and I seen my Dad walking towards us. 783
“Is there a problem here Tracey.” He grabbed my hand and looked at my mom with a empty face. 784
“Janice Kilbourne.” He said coldly.785
“Hi Richard.” I could tell the conversation would be uncomfortable for all of us so I butted in. 786
“Well Mom, we have to go, you can pay your respects. We are having a brunch at Dad’s house, if you would like to come over.” I glanced up at my Dad to read his facial expressions, but he seemed he wouldn’t mind. I dug into my purse and grabbed an old receipt and jotted down my Dad’s address on the back of it. 787
“Here Mom, there is the address, see you there.” Just as I was about to walk away something amazing happened. Two doves landed on Terry and Tiffany’s gravestones. They stood there and were not frightened. I was speechless. I motioned my Dad over and he stared in awe. We watched the doves, and they seemed like they were cooing at us. The beautiful birds finally stretched their wings and ascended in the air, leaving us in total shock. 788
“That was them!” I yelled. I looked over at my mom and she was crying. In that moment I felt bad for her, like she was an unsafe baby, that needed someone. I walked over to my mom and she looked me dead in the face. For the first time since I can remember my mother was sober. I could see it in her eyes, I could finally see the compassion and love she held inside of her. She hugged me and sobbed. 789
“I never meant to hurt any of you, I am a horrible person, I know that, but please give me a second chance. I don’t want to lose my last baby. Tracey, please forgive me.” I rocked my mother in my arms and realized that no matter how old you are, or how bad a relationship can be, there is always, always, room in your heart to forgive and move on. I lifted my mother’s crying face and placed it against my shoulder. 790
“I forgive you mom, I forgive you. I will try to make a new relationship with you, but I have to move slow. I have been through a lot, and I need some time.”791
“Take as much time as you need, I just need to know that you don’t hate me.” 792
“I cant hate you, you are my mother.” I headed towards my Dad’s car, hand in hand with my mother. The two doves were a sign of a new chapter in my life, and an old chapter closed. As we drove off into the sunset to my Dad’s I had a tingly feeling all through my bones. For the first time in my life, I actually felt assured and safe and things were going to finally look up. The chaos in my life was over. I looked back and forth towards my parents and a smile stretched across my face. This wasn’t a memorial service this was a reunion, a much awaited reunion.793
A contest entry
- Whatcha Feel Like. by lovableReese.
510 points, ended March 12, 2008, 33 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Good Writing Contest by Silverwit.
650 points, ended April 16, 2008, 30 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
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Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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ok i have to add something for the contest and i forgot, my favorite breed of dogs are pitbulls! Thanx reese for awaring me of that!
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any time. Thanks for doing that so now I can judge my contest. Excellent Job.
-Sarah-
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Ok I have asked you to check the rules. Otherwise I'm telling you to tell me your fav. dog and a little bit about yourself.
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THIS. WAS. THE MOST AMAZING. STORY. EVER.
i read this for 2 hours straight and you never made me lose interest once. i wasnt expecting to spend my boring evening reading, but boy! this was exhilerating! thank you so much for posting- i cant start to imagine how long this must of taken you to write!! you are quite the writer! bravo.
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Dang
Not only was this a very good but very lengthy read, you could break this story up into halves- if not into half and still manage the impact of its entirety towards your reading audiences. Kudos on the climatic ending -
:) OMG!!! :(
This was an excellent piece of writing.I cryed through a lot of it. :'( I looked really stupid sitting at my computer bawling. This had such emotions. However in the beging it was hard to get into the story. Aftre awhile the action started and it was really interesting. Also you might want to do spelling and grammar check. Good Job on a wonderful piece if art.
beginning: 1, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 3, characters: 5.
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