Sara sat in her basement listening to rock music when her phone rang. She looked at the caller ID and smiled. She picked the phone up and said, "Hey Bobby."1
There was deep breathing on the phone and she said, "Stop joking around. I miss you. Tell me when you're coming over."2
Then she heard the click of the other phone. She set hers down and thought, 'He's never hung up on me before.' She quickly dialed his number what the line was busy. She got up to turn off her music when then phone rang again. "Hello?"3
The same deep breathing was there and she said, "Bobby, you're scaring me."4
"Good," a deep voice said, "I mean to."5
She dropped the phone and panicked. She ran up stairs and saw blood on the wall. She screamed and then ran up to find her parents. She found her dad on the bed with a knife deep in his heart and her mom in the tub with knife in her throat. She ran all around the house and locked all the doors. She picked up the phone and dialed 911 but the line was dead. That's. when she heard, "I'm coming for you Sara. You are so stupid. You think you can get away from me. Where do you think I am?"6
She fell to the floor with her hands over her face crying. She scream, "Where is Bobby?!"7
"In hell."8
Her eyes widened and she ran to the door. She unlocked it and as she opened it a bullet pierced her heart.
A contest entry
- scary stories time! by VainfulSideEffects.
100 points, ended March 12, 2008, 4 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
er...
This is creepy. I really don't get it though. How is he a stalker...and how did he get in her house...and how did he get Bobby's phone? I am so confused. But it was affectively creepy...lol. Spell check it! Lots of mistakes! And grammar mistakes as well. -
Nice job. You might want to consider making it longer and more emotional in order to make it scary. The situation itself is scary but you have to add that emotion and terror in there to scare the readers. Maybe make it first person so you can use those lovely I statements!
beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 3, dialog: 4, characters: 2.
-
very very good should summon up ending better but really drew me in gave me the emotions i wanted for the contest. good luck in this contest!
Adding your comment:
