Oh, Emilie

Dear Emilie,1

The day you died killed me. I want you to know that. You destroyed my life. 2

I remember hearing it from Danielle, and thinking about Sarah. I remember colapsing and not being able to cry, even though I really wanted to.3

I remember going to your wake and seeing your neck. I remember the rope burns and the nail marks. I remember crying because then I knew you didn't mean to die. I remember being in denial and thinking your parents must have had something to do with it, and I remember hating them when they took their boat out two days later.4

I remember this song comming out the day after you commited suicide and thinking that the song was written for you, because you had told me you felt that way sometimes.5

I remember not being able to listen to the song without crying until a year ago.6

I remember hearing about Sarah's reaction and that she loved the song because it reminded her of you.7

I remember everyone dedicating their first daughter to you, like using your name would make everything better. 8

I remember no one knowing how to react and I remember having to miss a week of school.9

I remember hating the eighth grade draduation dance because it was only a month later, and you should have been there.10

I remember the first time I forgot what you sounded like.11

I remember the first time I forgot your birthday and the first day I forgot your death day.12

I wonder if you would be proud of me.13

-Kim14

PS: I forgive you.