Think happy thoughts. You'll be fine-just think happy thoughts.1
Yeah, because that's possible right now. What am I going to do? This is madness! This is an after-school speical-I am a statistic. 2
The alley was dark and I couldn't see anything except a light at the end. How ironic. The light at the end of the tunnel. Am I dead? I might as well be. 3
How could this happen to me? I can't keep going. I fall to the ground. It is wet and dirty. The world seems to be falling into nothing around me. I wish this dirty feeling will leave my body. 4
As I wrap my arms around my legs, my body starts to shake and tears stain my face and splash onto the pavement. I can feel the blood running from the wounds on my legs, my arms, face-other regions I can't mention.5
I shouldn't be sitting here. He'll come back- I don't move. There are footsteps coming from the light. Oh god! He's back! No, please god, not again-please. 6
"Take my hand." Who was this blessed stranger? I don't care; I take his hand. 7
"Who are you?" I don't feel my legs moving, yet I am moving. 8
"It doesn't matter right now-I'm taking you home." I leave it alone and we continue into the light.9
Author notes
Age:17
Gender: female
Quote:"Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep."- Fran Lebowitz
A contest entry
- Options Again... by On.Cue.
404 points, ended March 30, 2008, 20 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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i thought this story was more about rape then the quote....
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Hehe, this is a really good story. I can't wait to read more. Keep penning.
Ice Wolf
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This is very short and confusing, but I like it.
This is one of those rare times where I am going to ask the author to please write more to it, whether it be a prologue or an epilogue or whatever else
You really pulled me into this by making it suspenseful and mysterious.
Little tid bits you should look over:
When you use "-", try and put a space on both sides as it can get a little weird/confusing reading. Also, make sure you don't over use it. It can put halts into stories. Instead, try to blend whatever you're separating into once sentence.
When you are going to put dialog in a story, make sure each dialog gets its own, separate line.
Also, do not be hesitant to use conjunctions, introductory clauses/phrases, etc to put more flow and depth into your story.
Details and descriptions are what makes a story go from good to excellent. It is also vital to impact the readers emotionally and to give readers enough to create a scene in their minds. While you do have several, try and elaborate more on scenes. Was it cold or hot? What did her skin feel like? Soft, sticky, wet, cold, covered in goosebumps? What was she feeling like? Tired, drained, angry, fearful, angst, sadness, lose of innocence, paranoid, etc. (Although don't bluntly say, "I felt angry." Use other ways to show that she is angry,etc.)
Sorry if I sounded like a complete bitch with all the things I just mentioned above..
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