Bernie was a very sensitive bear. He liked beaches, gardens and meadows. Oh, how he loved those meadows. So lushous and green and pretty. Sometimes he would just chase the deers around because they were so fun to chase.1
Bernie lived in a house made of driftwood because his parents couldn't afford the expensive pine design. Nonetheless, it held, and it was a good house. They had a very spacious front lawn, and a cubby house (also made of driftwood) out the back. How Bernie loved to play in that cubby house.2
One day, while Bernie was on his way to school, he found something very strange next to a fallen tree. It was shiny. Bernie loved shiny things. He picked up the shiny thing and pressed a button. The shiny thing was suddenly making a lot of noise. VROOM! How it vroomed! So Bernie decided to take it to school and show his teacher.3
The shiny thing was very sharp. Bernie asked his teacher if she would like to touch it. She touched the shiny thing and said ouch. The teacher's finger was on the ground and tomato sauce was all over. Bernie thought it was fun seeing tomato sauce everywhere, so he touched the teacher with the shiny thing again. More tomato sauce came out. Yay! So Bernie walked around the school, touching everyone with the shiny thing. More tomato sauce. Yay! Pretty soon everyone in the school was sleeping and covered in tomato sauce, so Bernie went back home.4
When Bernie walked in the door, his parents saw the shiny thing, covered in tomato sauce. They screamed. They ran. Bernie ran after them, trying to touch them with the shiny thing. When Bernie's parents ran into a dead end, Bernie touched them with the shiny thing again and again and again. More tomato sauce. Yay! After he was finished touching people with the shiny thing, Bernie felt very hungry. He decided to have some tomato sauce.5
THE END6
Author notes
(contest note)
Regaltheft
In a list
A contest entry
- Bear-ter Leave a Comment! by Ted E Bare.
175 points, ended February 23, 2008, 3 entries
Bronze trophy winner
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Is this a bit too freaky? Be honest now.
Comments
1 - 33 of 33
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LMFAO thats what I'm doin! Dude this was fuckin hilarious now this is one of my fav. short wicked stories! This makes me wanna see your other stories! rofl I luved this!
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At first I thought this was an innocent children's story. *laughs* How gruesomely wrong I was. This is sick and twisted which means you did a good job. Well done. lol
Sabrina
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O.O omg thats wicked
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Haha wow, this thing is so twisted and yet so funny! Good job on the incredible 'sarcasm' and the amazing background picture xD
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This is a long way a bit too freaky... its very disturbing in fact....
Ah, and what was the shiny thing?!
-eleno
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This was an interesting and slightly disturbing story. It was well written, the only things that niggled me were that the plural of deer is deer not deers and that the house held ... maybe add the word 'together' or something similar just to make it flow a bit better. I enjoyed it, thank you.
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O.o I am officially having nightmares because of that bear. Lol one thing is what is the shiny thing? Lol. This was very well written and fun to read. It kept my attention and that's a good thing lol. I like this so that means I have to read the other ones lol.
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um this was interesting. I was fascinated.
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[1] 'luscious' not 'lushous'
[2] 'Nonetheless, it held...' incomplete 'it held what?' - do you simply mean the house was solid? Perhaps you could re-write this sentence as;
'Nonetheless, it was solid; a good house.'
Apart from these edits, I found the story quirky and humourous. Good detail from the POV of a young bear
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S.P.E.E.C.H.L.E.S.S.
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Kind of a bit more freaky than funny: a seemingly mentally handicapped bear with a chainsaw going on a killing spree hm....
I still enjoyed it "Pretty soon everyone in the school was sleeping"
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aww thats cute lol
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Lol, nice story. And just when Bernie was sounding cute, he kills every body. Nice. Tomato sauce as blood. Lol, couldn't stop laughing. I love it. It makes me think what the sharp thing was. Nice story. Hehe, mew!
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dont eat the tomatoe sause
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pffff
hahaha i liked it
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Hmm.
p1 deer is both singular and plural.
Tomato sauce I assume was blood. He killed everyone at school and then his parents. Then started eating the blood, that does seem psycho. I didn't know what the shiny object was.
I don't think it was necessarily too freaky, but it doesn't seem like a good children's story.
What do you have in mind with your psycho animal series?
Andy
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I made a comment, but it disappered! Anyways, I loved this story. I laughed so hard. ROFL!!!!
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Interesting to say the least. Well hmpf
Good luck in the contests.
Brooke -
Sometimes he would just chase the {Deers} should be [Deer] : )
OVERALL:
This was kind of nasty, but kinda of creepy too. I liked how you managed to make it nasty without saying "Blood" or "Knife" or even letting us on that the bear is holding a sword, knife or sharp thing. All we know is that it is pointy.
The bit about Tomato sauce was good as well, this was a good look at how gory stories can be told..without the gore. : )
Wonderful Job on this! I hope to see some more of your work!!
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What the....? Wow!
I'm laughing so much right now!....not sure if this is a good thing or not! You have such a great talent for freaky humourous stories!
I feel very sorry for everyone who got covered in tomato sauce, but this was an incredibly creative, disturbing, hilarious story! Well done!
This definately has my vote in the contest Voters Royale!
~Miranda xx
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My vote for this story in the contest Voter's Royale!
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Oh my gawd.... just the sort of twisted brilliance most of my friends would love!
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I suppose that on some level this is very wrong, but I laughed my ass off. The persistence and plain ignorance of Bernie is just very amusing. Yay! Well, maybe that comes from Special Ed -- don't know if you've seen that show...
... I was trying to figure out what the shiny thing was. The only thing I can think of is a chainsaw, which I'm not sure is exactly sharp, but what the hell. If it's a chainsaw, that's pretty funny. Sort of a fairy tale merged with dark humor, then.
Mik -
... scary...
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Yeah, I get that a lot with this story, hehe.
--RT
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This is disturbing.
Good job.
Good luck
Angel
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This was disturbing.
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Pretty soon everyone in the school was sleeping and covered in tomato sauce, so Bernie went back home
lol that's cute, "everyone was sleeping...."
poor bernie, poor victims.
good luck!
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that was sooo coool
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Oh goodness... That was soo awful it was AMAZING!!! Loved it! Half of me is trying to crack up laughing, well the other part is telling me I shouldn't laugh at something like this.
Stuff that part.. Muwahahahahah!!
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that was...diabolical to say the least :-P
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Sounds like Bernie can be a very wild bear; shall I say PSYCHO(lol)!!!!! Good imagination with the story. I truly want to thank you for entering my "Bear-ter Leave a Comment!" contest!
Ted E
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LMAO oh my god!!! I can not quit laughing! This is awesome!! Looks like Bernie ended up with him a lot of tomato sauce!! Very funny and creative story. Good luck in the contest
~Joann
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