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It was just before sunrise. The world was holding on to the last shadow of night before throwing it into the waves below for the sun to shine its way across the abyss of blue ocean. She sat upon a cliff, right along the edge, which forty feet below assembled rocks over which waves washed again and again, wearing them smooth. The slowly eroding cliff side got smashed by the larger waves, sending up a spray that caught the first glimmers of light shining over the waters.1

The sea. It was ever-changing. It never kept one form for long. The waves came, and were gone. Some days she was happy and calm and she shone of the most dazzling blue. But there were days where she was angry, and she punished the world as if those living on her coasts were the cause of her pain. Yet, in the midst of her discrepancy, she was always vaguely the same. She was always the sea. No one could ever change that.2

The sea was the only friend she had and the only friend she wanted. She understood why the sea punished the world with her winds and waves. The world was evil, cruel, and deserved whatever punishment it was dealt. She disowned the world and everything in it. To them, she was nothing but a ghost, no longer living but not yet dead. At least that’s how it was at first, but by now… well…3

Now she was a ghost. She lived alone, but that was how she wanted it. No one any longer knew of her presence among the trees upon the hill by the sea, and even if they would’ve known… they wouldn’t have cared. 4

And it was all because of them. Them. The world. It was their fault for her fate. It was their fault that she was known only by the sea. It was because of what they did to her way back then… then… an echo to the corners of eternity.5

What do you think? (Honestly)

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Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • StarIlluminated
    March 21

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    Wow this is such a great piece of writing. Everything was so descriptive and it was amazingly well written!! I love this story so much!
    *KT*


  • Doctorisn
    February 25

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    Actually, not a bad bit of writing. Some of your word placement and usage disrupts the flow you seemed to be going for. By the comments already made, you've created a lot of interest in this character. I like it, and whether you add to it or leave it as a stand-alone piece, you've done a pretty good job here.


  • rosesofpassion
    February 24

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    Hey! I like it! The descriptions of the sea like "The world was holding on to the last shadow of night before throwing it into the waves below for the sun to shine its way across the abyss of blue ocean" are really neat and creative. One question, though, what did the world do? It would really be nice if you continue writing with this piece! Otherwise, great job! *roses*

    • Curious Koop
      February 24
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      Yeah, I plan to finish this one. It'll have to wait for a while, though. Right now I can't get really into a story because I have to many things to do for school, especially since our Academic Fair is coming up. Sooo....give me a little while. You will see a continuation eventually.


  • SeleneStone gold member
    February 24
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    I like this. Is it some type of prologue? If so it sounds like it will be an interesting story to read. The descriptions are done very vividly and I think you could really take this places. I do hope that you continue on with this and make it into a larger piece
    ~Joann


  • Mr Majenta gold member
    February 22
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    honestly it's good. it gets a little wordy in parts, and you use a few words more than you should in one paragraph, or even one sentence at times.
    description is thorough and vivid. this would make a great opening for the right story, and it seems like you want it to be.


  • Gary Alexander silver member
    February 21

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    Well...

    It's a sketch.... You never reall get into any story. For a moment there...I thought you just might with the start of paragraph three: "The sea was the only friend she had..." for then, you could tell WHY...WHO was SHE?...WHAT was her gripe? But you don't.
    What you do is rail against the world...("evil" "cruel"..."deserving of punishment!") But WHY? WHAT WAS her "fate?" The answers to all of those questions (Who, Why, etc. are what COULD make this a worthwhile story. As it is, some nice writing (although a bit over dramatic) but you need SUBSTANCE! (You said "Honestly")...Please keep an open mind...and don't be married to your initial piece of prose. Step back...calm down...expand and develop! OK?
    GA


  • xxmomoxxx
    February 21

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    this is kinda good- but what did they do to her? are you gonna write it in a next chapter or something?


  • PeachesNscreaM-rawr
    February 20
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    As I told you before, love it! ^^
    <44444
    Cas

  • bubblybrodie25
    February 20

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    It's very poetic and discriptive. But the ending doesn't make me want to come back for more. Add a little more so people get an idea where this is going, but other than that, it is nicely written.

1 - 12 of 12