X storms in to the apartment slamming the door nearly knocking the picture off the wall next to it. Cain tries to grab X’s arm, but is instantly brushed off like a fly, X slams the bathroom door in Cain’s face. 1
“Come on X it wasn’t my fault and you know it,” Cain says leaning on the bathroom tracing the wood marks with her fingers.2
“Just go away Cain, I need to be alone,” X yells throwing a bottle of shampoo at the door.3
“X, please believe me it’s not my fault it wasn’t my choice and you know it,” Cain says pressing her hand flat on the door.4
X says nothing but she slides down to the floor bursting into tears; she knows it wasn’t Cain’s fault she was not blaming Cain, only herself for allowing to happen. Cain knocks on the door, “X, and please don’t do anything you will regret.” She says before walking away and to the bed room laying down on the bed and curling in to a ball. Cain had no choice its not like she had anywhere else to go to make money since she never graduated and never went to college no one wants a brainless no graduating person working any where. Cain began slowly crying herself to sleep hoping X will come to her soon. 5
X pulls out small razor blade from a box hidden within the hole be hide the toilet.
She slowly slides it down her forearm with barely any pressure, her tears to strong to even hold it straight. Easy relax, you can’t be too loud otherwise Cain will hear you; X whispers to herself. Taking a deep breath X presses hard and goes back over the line again, she does it over and over again cutting deeper in to the vain to the point the blood is just pouring away from the cut and streaming on to the white unstained tiles. All she does is staring watching the blood flow; she stays there watching till her vision is turning black around the edges. X screams, she couldn’t have there is no way she went this far she thoughts raced inside her mind but her screams were real not just in her head.6
Awoken with a fright at X’s screams, Cain jumps out of bed and rushes in to the bathroom not even trying to ask permission. Cain began to shake she grabs a towel and wraps it around X’s arm trying to stop the bleeding. She pulled out her cell phone and quickly rang Seth and told him she need his help and fast. As soon as Cain hung up she knew Seth would be bursting threw the door any minute, she wrapped her arms around X and begins crying. She was right Seth came in minutes and knew exact ally what to bring. Cain knew they are lucky to know a doctor and that keeps a blood supplies at his house. X passed out shortly after Cain came in the bathroom; Cain keeps a hold of her as Seth works on her. 7
It’s been an hour and X is still out cold but Seth moved her to the bedroom. Cain yells in frustration, she can’t get the blood stain off the floor. Seth moves be hide Cain and rests a hand on her shoulder; “Come and sit Cain, it will still be there later”
Cain stands up and walks away from the bathroom and the stain that hurt her so much inside that it wouldn’t go away. 8
“She will be okay, Seth; won’t she?”9
“She needs rest, as far I can see at this point yes,” Seth looks at the bedroom door and then back again at Cain; “You are going to have to watch her at this point there is no trusting her alone.”10
Cain begins to cry, “I don’t want to lose her, you and her are all the family I have”, she couldn’t even look at Seth.11
“Relax Caindaince, I won’t let her leave you alone and I am definitely not going to leave you alone”, Seth walks ups and hugs Cain and tries to clam her down. “We have to be strong for Xeria even if it’s hard to. Go and get some sleep I will be here tonight.”12
Cain hugs Seth back, “thank you so much for all your help”13
“It’s no problem and your welcome, your lucky Malick isn't the jealous type” he says laughing.14
Cain laughs and kisses Seth’s check “No he just knows I don’t like guys and your too in love to ever get with any one let alone a chick; night” She’s says walking in to the bedroom and lying next to her unconscious love. Cain kisses X’s forehead and whispers in her ear, “Don’t you ever leave me, my sweet there will be nothing left with out you in my life.” Cain watches X breathe for a while before finally fall asleep with her hand in wrapped in the one not injured.
Author notes
It will Contuine... Tell what you think it is my first time writing something like this
~Kirsten Dunst is my pick on the hottest~
In a list
- GSA Gay Straight Alliance group list • next in list
A contest entry
- You Think You Have What It Takes? by On.Cue.
675 points, ended March 19, 2008, 53 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Gimme Something Gay by Azzy Bear.
375 points, ended July 13, 2008, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - ♥ ♥Lesbian Love story ♥ ♥ by Prodigious.Mirth.
600 points, ended June 21, 2008, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think Honestly?
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Great work. I loved the way you used X instead of names, that just adds to the mystery. Not the kind of story I would usually read and it needs a little tweaking but it is clear to me that as awriter you have potential.
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This was good! I am not a fan of cutting stories, but I don't mind reading one with that in it. This story was actually quite interesting considering the main character tried to end her pain. I was a little confused at what Cain did that was so bad, but I suppose it wasn't of that much importance to go into detail. lol The plot was very well thought out. I like how you started the story, because it left me very unaware that something like that was about to happen! lol
I also am glad that you wrote a story involving gay lovers. I don't see many around, and it is always great to see others experimenting in different fields of writing! Like, horror, romance, fantasy, and in different ways, with women; guys; guys and girls; women and other women; men and other men.
Great work though! I liked the ending, it made me smile because everything would turn out alright with the two women...I hope, and what she said about the guy's lover not being jealous was rather humorous.
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lookin 4ward 2 more~
THis was a wondeful story. I found the structure a bit off and some grammar issues popped, but i won't harp, i lvd it! For a 1st tymer on the sub u did it wonderfully, kept me n2 it and wantin more! Very well done!~ i look 4ward to more from u~ durian
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I thought it was interesting that you did not say the name... you used X and that gave more mystery to the whole piece because names mean everything, though at some point it would have been nice to connect with the character on some notes.
This was really good. I mean extreamly
I could connect with most of the theme in this story. I felt almost absored into it, feeling everything the story had to offer.
If a story makes me feel something especially some kind of fear and sickness which in some points it did I can only be to kind to give it credit for moving me
It made me cry...
Though besides that actual point of the story some parts I was dissapointed in.
It was written very fast paced and some placed I had to stop and re-read..
So I am a bit iffy...
Maybe tell me what made you write this...
ect... i want to know more
well done
exellent job
Good luck with the contest
Thank you for the entry
Blair ~
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Well, it being your first attempt at writing this. I'll take it easy on you.
One of the paragraphs here have a sentence thats a thought, and no quotes.
I am not gonna buttercup and sugarcoat this up.
I didn't like it.
Not coz it's a lesbian flick, because it gave me the impression you wrote this in about ten minutes. You missed a few punctuations and the second paragraph was kinda like, 1st person in third person. I apologize if i come off as talking down to you, I assure you I have no intent on doing that.
Overall, it was okay. Not that bad, and not quite bad.
Believe me, i've seen much worse. XD
Thanks for entering.
Take Care
~Azreal
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Interesting. I love the name X! Kais =)
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I don't want to sound like a complete bitch, but since you said you'll be continuing with this, I want to give out all the suggestions I had to help you improve with writing.
-Sentence fluency is vital in making a story flaw and a very good read. Use conjunctions, introduction clauses/phrases, appositives, etc to connect related ideas together.
-Comma usage. While I'm not the best with comma rules, I can point out at least ten different places where you desperately needed commas! Be careful of not using them in places needed (and at the same time overusing them). If you feel up to it, take ten minutes to Google "Basic comma usage"
-Spelling mistakes! "To" and "Too" are often mistaken. "Be hide" should be "Behind." etc. Be careful when you're typing these stories. What I suggest you do is type your stories on Microsoft Word to catch as many spelling and grammar mistakes as you can.
-Remember that EVERY single time a character speaks, whispers, screams, yells, thinks, etc something, they HAVE to be set off with a "" or ''. And they most of the time deserve their own line.
-Avoid using impersonal words such as "it", "thing", "stuff", etc because when you are writing stories, especially emotional pieces like this, it makes everything you write sound a bit artificial in a sense. Be specific.
-Sentence run ons and fragments! Oh my, my, my. Please be careful with not using enough punctuation and writing fragments. I have read several sentences that should have been divided by periods, semicolons, commas, etc.
-Make sure what you are writing all corresponds and works together. For example, when you wrote, "I need to be alone," (I think that's it), you made it sound like she was calm and quiet. However, you added that she threw a bottle at the door. If you want to keep the action, put an exclamation point at the end..."I need to be alone!" or even better would be, "Leave me alone!/Go away!" Also, emotions and dialogs are not together in places. Emotions, dialogs, and actions must all work well together. We can't have "I wanted this so much, thank you." She said angrily as she looked at the present confusingly.
-It may be just me, but please try and keep your story parts real. The whole thing with blood at Seth's house...seems unrealistic and possibly illegal? The time it took for Cain to fall asleep vs. the short time it took for X to cut--way too short of a time for Cain to fall asleep or way too long of a time for someone to cut his or herself.
-Details and descriptions. Give enough for the readers to be able to get a setting in their minds.
-Emotions - almost there, but convey it in a way that would have the most impact on the readers.
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Contest part:
I must say that while this has a great potential to develop into an intriguing and creative story, you have to first work on many writing skills to really make it a great read. I also wanted accurate descriptions and realism in the story: they both slid downhill as I continued to read the story.
You should have also put what I asked of you in the authors notes. -
Thank you For the comments i am glad you liked it
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it was nice
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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lol This really caught my eye because of the name X in it. (Refers to her name Xtclozer13, and the fact taht one of her nick names are X)
This was a very interesting first chapter, and I want to read moooorrrreeeee. I love romance lol.
Great job
Keep writting
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