Bad Feed: Chapter Six

Rachael’s laughed loudly as bobby went red, brent smiled slightly and Dr. Hanigen glared at Rachael, she put a hand to her mouth1

"Sorry doctor, we ain’t going out tho... it was just funny" she giggled out the words as a smile appeared on the doctors face, 2

"Oh…well, keep still or ill stitch you up wonky" he replied, trying for a joke, Rach shook her head as bobby sat down.3

A few hours later they were out of the hospital, bobby gave Rachael his keys, 4

"I’m ah, I’m gonna go see Drey okay? Help ya’ self to anything" with the last word bobby turned and walked back, brent followed as he did his own small wave. Turning Rach realised the only key he didn’t give her was to his bike, sighing she started walking down the cold streets, the sky was dark and it was hard for her to make out street names. 5

Finally getting to Bobby’s street she stopped for a moment only just realising, why weren’t the streetlights on? Slowly she started walking again; her eyes scanning the streets as she walked, this scene she knew all to well. Fear rose in her as she remembered.6

' Smiling Rachael took the few hundred dollar notes from the girl in front of her, her black short hair laid messily upon her head, her eyes were red from lack of sleep and her skeleton on a body laid underneath a large brown coat,7

"This time Kylie, take it easy. Eat something, okay? For me" Rachael handed Kylie a small bag, the white substance inside bringing a longing smile on Kylies lips, 8

"Thanks Rach, I will, promise" giving Rachael a small wink Kylie ran from the small ally way. 9

Putting the money away Rachael turned and started walking the other way, a loud bang stopped her in her tracks, she turned quickly, but it was to slow, hearing the sound of metal contacting her head her eyes went black and she was out cold' 10

Rachael shivered; not wanting to remember anymore, the pain of it was too much to bare right now. Finally she was only a block away from Bobby’s apartment. Walking past the blackness of a small ally she heard a noise, panicking she started at a run, only stopping when she got to Bobby’s place, rushing for the keys her hands shook. Getting the right key she felt a warm hand on her shoulder, turning fast her shoulders slumped and a relaxed look spread across her face, 11

"Sorry did I frighten you?" the Dr. asked, she smiled and looked up at him12

"What are you doing here?" she asked curiously, he looked down embarrassed, 13

"I umm, well I saw you walking by yourself and thought, well umm, I just wanted to make sure you got home alright" he kept his head down, Rachael giggled a bit and patted his head, this made the man look up14

"So um, Dr. Hanigen, may I asked what’s your name?" feeling stupid for not knowing already she backed up a bit, he laughed15

"Devon" he replied as he stepped closer to her, she bit her lip nervously, 16

"Well I better go, Devon, see ya later" turning she unlocked the door and went inside, she was happy the night sky didn’t show the red that had crept up in her cheeks while they were talking.17

Author notes

sorry its not much angell..

[= tell me the truth... is this any good?

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Comments


  • asthray.heart
    February 20, 2008

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    When she was knocked out, was that before she left? Ohhh I wonder what happened lawl.

    Bobby just left her to walk home all on her own? That isn't very nice, not when creepy Devon coulda made his move all too son hmm. Not cool much, gosh. Silly brother.

    Devon and Rachael sitting in a tree, k.i.ss.i.n.g hehehe

    Keep it up love, I can see where I go from here, maybe .. hmm lawl.
    LOVE YOU.


    xoxo


  • Hermanator1 silver member
    February 20, 2008

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    has potential

    There are a few transitions that are too jumpy to keep the reader involved Knocked out cold for example then into an almost romantic scene. If Rachel was knocked out she would also not be in a playful mood when Devon scared her from behind.
    It is a good story if you smooth out some of the scenes and let us know what Rachel went through when she came to. Was she bleeding? Was she raped...robbed...? simple things can sometimes add so much.
    Good luck.

    beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.


    • angel.of.mine
      February 20, 2008
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      ..lol.. well. i put lil ' ' things were she was having a lil flash bak, i wulda put it in italic but im not a gold member... hmm well, ill try harder not to jump through it so quickly nect time, i guess its coz i havent written anything is so long i needa get back into the trent of expanding things more.. thanks for your comment!

      luv fable xo