Regret

I slowly walk down the isle, step by step, as if I am a bride to be... but I am no bride.  The isle comes to an end before a wooden casket.  It is open, and as I blink the tears from my eyes, the body comes into focus.  I approach the coffin and stare into his lifeless lids, examining every quiet particle of his being.  A droplet rolls down my cheek and falls upon the silent shell of a boy.  I take his hand in mine, and the tears flow freely.  I push his sleeve to his elbow and carefully turn his arm to see his scars. His pain is visible in tiny pink slashes like mine.  I let out a quiet cry and trace the tallies.  1

"You never truly lived.  You've been dead for years, but you never had enough time to be born," I whispered to him. I lean down and kiss his forearm.  It's cold and empty, but i feel as if the slashes still pulse upon his vacant arm.  I return his arm to his chest, and try to speak again.  I choke upon the words.2

"I'm sorry I never saved you."3

Each syllable is so sincere.  I can't bring myself to leave his side.  Without thinking, I climb up ontop of the coffin, grasping flowers and the picture of the man he used to be.  I settle in beside his lifeless body.  I rest my head on his chest.  I weep for the absence of his heartbeat. 4

"Oh happy dagger... I miss the feel of your edge on my skin." And with those words, I fall asleep.5