Chapter 4 (Etched)

4.Still there1

The light streamed in brightly, blue and beautiful. It wasn’t the usual morning light. Looking through the curtains and past the trees I could see the sky. It was a bright blue. There were large puffy clouds scattered throughout its vastness. The sun was low and bright. It did not seem like early morning. I opened my eyes wider and breathed deeply. The sheets were still pushed down at the end of the bed. My arms and legs were sprawled across the mattress. My pillow was on the floor. I pushed my hair out of my eyes and turned onto my side. I looked around though I was deep in thought. 2

Last night’s events were still clearly pressed in my mind. He was still there. Still there. I could not remember my dream. I could remember nothing at all except for the pain and the blackness. My head was still throbbing. I stayed in my place on the bed, on my cloud. I didn’t move. I was not fully awake yet. I could have lied here forever. I kept my gaze locked on the forest outside of my window. 3

It was beautiful. The ground was dusted with a thin layer of snow that sparkled under the light of the bright snow. The tree branches were covered in snow and ice with the same sparkles that danced under the light as the snow’s. Some of the snow was dripping in thick droplets off of the branches as the warm sun began to melt it. It was hard to believe that the bright sky had once contained dark gray clouds, clouds that I had not seen before I slept. I sat up and blinked a few times letting my eyes fully adjust to the light. 4

“Good morning Skyler. . .” said a voice.5

I turned my head slowly and looked towards the window. My heart beat started to pick up speed. 6

“How are you. . .” I heard the soft voice again. 7

I didn’t answer the voice’s question. I sat there, frozen. I was dreaming, I was dreaming, I was dreaming. Shut up! Please. 8

“Answer me Skyler. . ..” the voice commanded firmly. 9

I feared that it was him. I feared that I would feel the pain again if I disobeyed him. 10

“I’m. . . fine,” I whispered. 11

I got off of the bed and walked over to the window. I pushed the curtains aside and opened the window. The air was cold and it rushed in all too quickly. 12

“Good. . .” he said his voice fading away. 13

I let the wind blow my hair across my face. 14

“Who are you?” I whispered changing the subject.15

“I wish I could tell you,” he responded sincerely. I wish you could too, I thought. I want to meet you. I want to see your face. But I was too afraid to say any of it. 16

“I’m sorry I frightened you last night. . “ he apologized kindly. It was his turn to change the subject. He did not, he would never tell me who he was. I didn’t say anything. I lowered my eyes to the ground. His voice was louder, clearer now. He didn’t say anything. For a moment I feared he had left.17

“Why. . . why did you have to hurt me ?” I pleaded for him to answer me. 18

“I . . .I never wanted to. It’s just. . .” By the tone of his voice I knew that he was ashamed of himself. For awhile I stood there waiting for him to say something back. 19

“Are you there?” I asked him. 20

He laughed. “I will always be with you. . .don’t be scared,” he assured me.21

“Is there a reason I should be scared?” I asked, my tone lighter. 22

He didn’t answer me. 23

“Is there a reason?” My words were separated, stressed.24

Still no answer. 25

“Yes, you should be. . .” 26

My body went rigid. I shifted over, gripping the sill. 27

“Could you tell me why?”28

“No. No, I can’t.”29

“Oh.”30

“I must go now. Goodbye Skyler.”31

“Will you come back. . .?” There was a brief unexpected pause. 32

“Do you want me to?”33

I thought that over. His voice, I wanted to hear it, badly. “Yes,” I whispered. 34

“Goodbye Skyler.”35

“Goodbye. . . .” I replied. 36

I reached my hand out the window and grabbed the side of it. My fingers brushed something cool and fleshy. Goodbye. . . I thought. I kept my hand there. 37

“I’m sorry I frightened you. . . I never wanted to hurt you.” 38

He had apologized. He did not lie to me. I wondered why I had not been afraid. I knew I should have been. I slid my hand away and looked out the window longingly for one final time. I sighed and turned leaving the window wide open. The curtain brushed my legs as I walked away. I wanted him to stay more than anything though he frightened me in ways I could never explain. My thoughts-no more than ever- would be on him, him. I pulled open my bedroom door and stepped into the hallway. 39

I could hear the excited chatter of my parents and the smell of cooked bacon. It burned my nose for the smell was far too strong. I yawned and rubbed my eyes as I walked into the kitchen. Scott was sitting at the far side of the table, his head bent down close to his plate of food. Carol was standing at the stove humming to herself as she cooked. A small red head was sitting with her back to me. I watched as her fingers fumbled with the piece of bacon in front of her. Cassie. Who else would it be? 40

My mother turned, a plate full of bacon and eggs in her hand. 41

“Morning,”she exclaimed flashing me a toothy smile. 42

Cassie turned her head towards me. Her eyes met mine and she turned back around hastily. I walked towards me mother’s outstretched hand and grabbed the plate of food.43

“You hungry,” she asked me her voice edged with a slight concern.44

“I guess,” I answered.45

Scott lifted his head at the sound of my voice. He shot my mother an angry glance, but quickly turned away. She bounded over to the refrigerator and reached for an egg. I walked over to the table and sat down in the only available chair-the one next to Cassie. I ate my egg quietly avoiding her spiteful glances in my direction. I shifted nervously-her glances burning holes in me. I didn’t understand what her big problem was. What had I done? I took a small bight of bacon and turned to look at her.46

Cassie had her head bent down, staring at her empty plate. Her hair hung around her face, making a light orange barrier between my glances and hers. She still had her heavy winter jacket on. She was dressed casually with a green sweatshirt and dark jeans. I felt like asking her what was wrong, but I didn’t say anything for fear of starting something. 47

Cassie had always been-extremely- sensitive. Anything could set her off. Years of friendship had showed me what exactly I could and could not say. I did not have a problem with Cassie being sensitive, but it could-at times-bother me. I reached for my glass of orange juice and gulped down the small amount quickly always keeping my eyes on her. She seemed to know that at was looking at her. She didn’t bother to look up. I turned away, not wanted to make her feel anymore uncomfortable than she already was. The room was oddly quiet. Apparently everyone was a tad bit uncomfortable today.48

I turned to face the stove. My mother had sat down next to Scott who was now eating a new plate of eggs. My mother’s hand was resting on his growing middle. I turned my attention the clock. With just one quick glance I realized why Cassie was being so spiteful. She was angry at me for not being able to go to Portland. I felt horrible. The clock read 11:16. We had both agreed to leave around nine if we were going I Portland. I was suppose to be ready two hours ago. I sighed, angry with myself, but also relieved in away. I didn’t think I was in much of a mood to sit in a car for four hours and go the whole way out, not today. She was my friend though. I had to be nice. I controlled the impulse to stick my tongue out at her like a stubborn kindergartner. I felt like asking her what was wrong, but I was tired of asking anyone that question. 49

I took one last bight of bacon and pushed the plate forward, just shrugging the rest of it off. 50

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled to Cassie after taking a deep breath. 51

She turned towards me with a blank stare on her face, like she didn’t know what I was talking about, but I knew the real information behind the innocent face. 52

“Sorry bout’ what?” she asked stupidly taking a sip of her juice. She kept her eyes on me, eyebrows raised high. I sighed.53

“That we couldn’t go,” I responded bitterly.54

“Oh.”55

She sat there for a moment and didn’t say anything to me.56

“It’s no big deal, really.” But I could tell by the way she looked longingly out the window that she was flat out lying. “I don’t feel like going anyway,” she added. I nodded. 57

“To be honest I really didn’t feel like going either,” I told her matter-of-factly.58

“Of course,” she said. “You don’t feel like going because catching up on your sleep is more important.” She was trying to lighten up the mood. She apparently-like me-wasn’t about to spend her day angry and she didn’t want to feel uncomfortable. She laughed.59

I laughed, but pushed her playfully on her shoulder. 60

“Yeah, I guess it is.”61

I sat there for a moment. “I really am sorry Cass.”62

“Umm-k. It’s not a big deal. Don’t worry about it,” she told me reassuringly. 63

I smiled. “Thanks.”64

“We can just spend the day here,” she sang.65

I buried my head in my hands and blushed. 66

“You really want to spend the day with, them?” I asked her pointing to my parents who were laughing over something Scott had just said. 67

“There’s always your room,” she told me in a mocking tone.68

I nodded, feeling regretful about sleeping in now. 69

“You’re right though.”70

“Of course I am,” she sang waving a piece of bacon around. 71

I laughed. “Oh, god.” 72

She ate the rest of her bacon heartily. 73

I sat there and watched her finish her breakfast. I looked at my half-full plate. My stomach grumbled. I hadn’t had much dinner the night before. I reached for the bacon and bit into it. Large crumbs fell all over my lap. I flicked them off and continued to eat slowly. The kitchen was filled with the sounds of clanging dishes and satisfied laughter. The air smelled of eggs and bacon. I crumpled my nose, trying to block out some of the odd smell. 74

I finished off my breakfast and juice quickly. I felt satisfied, full. I pushed back my chair and grabbed my plate and glass. The sink was filled with bubbles. The dishwasher was running. I sighed and turned to Cassie’s plate.75

“Are you done with that,” I asked, pointing to the plate.76

She nodded and handed me her dishes. I walked to the sink and set the dishes in the sink, watching as they disappeared under a sea of bubbles. I grabbed a dish towel and plunged my hands into the soapy water searching for the plates. I pulled one out, letting some of the water and bubbles run off. I scrubbed the plate, but I wasn’t paying attention. I was looking out the window. The sky was still bright, still beautiful. The ground looked like it did last night. It was covered in browning leaves, but those that were still colorful were gorgeous. The trees were still bare, dead looking. . I slid the plate in the rack, fumbling for a moment as I kept my gaze out the window. I was thinking of him now. God. I shook my head and turned away, looking down now at the water-filled sink.77

I reached in for another dish and scrubbed, keeping my attention on Cassie’s conversation with Scott and Carol. I could tell-by her tone of voice-that she really didn’t enjoy talking to them. Just starting to listen I didn’t quite understand what they were talking about and I lost interest. I didn’t turn to Scott and Carol to tell them to leave Cassie alone. I didn’t want to. I turned my attention back to the dirty plates and the sink. I scrubbed quickly, not really paying attention to see if all the food was successfully off. I slid the plate in the rack and moved on to the next cup. The water began to smell foul. I began to breath through my mouth. 78

It seemed as though my mind was screaming for me to look out the window. I lifted my head and looked out, but I saw nothing. There was a small leave from a long ivy that clung to the side of the house and the beautiful outside scenery, but other than that, nothing at all.79

I dropped the cup and stock my hands in the sink. The water felt warm on my skin. I fished around for the next dish, but found nothing. I turned to the rack. It was filled. Most of the plates still had spots of dry food caked on them. I exhaled deeply though my nose like I was sighing and grabbed them dropping them in the sink without a care. I added more soap and water and waited letting the water clean off some of the food before I started again. I heard cheerful laughter in the background. I turned to see what they were laughing about. I rolled my eyes. I don’t think I wanted to really know what was so funny. Even Cassie was laughing. 80

That’s good enough, I thought reaching in eager to finish so I could leave the kitchen and take a good shower. I smelled of dirt and leaves. I smelled like earth. I felt disgusting. I felt like I was covered in a fine layer of dirt. I noticed that when I pulled my arms from the water that they were lighter then the rest of my skin. I pursed my lips and turned away. I finished up the last piece of silverware and tossed it into the rack. It bounced off and fell to the floor. I blushed and bent over to pick it up. Carol pointed to the sick. I turned, pretending to wash it and placed it gently into the silverware dish. I pulled the plug in the sink and wiped the counter as the water drained. I began to breath through my nose again. 81

I finished cleaning and sat down next to Cassie again She seemed happy, at ease when I sat back down. Though she still gave me a strange look. I raised my eyebrows in question. She nodded her head towards my parents. I almost laughed. I turned away and bit my lip. I felt embarrassed. She had never felt very comfortable around my parents. I felt bad. I looked down at my dirty skin again and pushed back my chair to stand up. The light bulb went off in my head. I tapped her on the shoulder. 82

“Ummm. . . I have to take a shower.” I bit my lip.83

Cassie looked around and bit her bottom lip leaving two deep teeth marks indented. She was trying not to smile. I knew that she was relieved. 84

“Uhh. . Cass if you want you can stay in my room. . or you could stay down here,” I said trying to make her feel a little. . . better.85

She looked at my parents and lowered her eyes in an uncomfortable fashion. 86

“I think I’ll go up with you,” she told me turning her head to face me. She pushed back her chair and stood up quickly. Her leg bumped the table. She blushed bright red. 87

“Sorry,” she mumbled.88

I shrugged and turned. I walked out of the kitchen and into the hallway. I walked down to the last room in the hall, my room. I pushed open the door and looked around nervously. The room was a mess. I felt embarrassed for Cassie to see it.89

“Uhh., It’s a little messy,” I said in an apologizing tone of voice. 90

She waved it off with a simple hand gesture and pushed past me to my bed. She laid down and propped her elbows up resting her head in her hands. She smiled and hummed to herself while I gathered my things. I tossed her the remote to my small tv on my messy dresser. 91

“You can watch TV or something while I take a quick shower,” I instructed.92

She smiled again. “Thanks.” 93

I slung my robe on my bent arm and turned to leave the room. I pulled the door shut and walked down the hallway in my bare feet. I opened the door and stepped on the cool tile. I undressed quickly and pulled out a towel. I turned on the water and stepped in. The water immersed me in a warm blanket. I let it run over me. It felt good as it ran down my skin, washing away the dirt. I took it as quickly as I could.94

By the time I was finished the air in the room was thick. It was hard to breath. The mirror was foggy and the air was steamy. I dried off and wrapped the white silk robe around me. I didn’t bother to dry my hair. I grabbed a comb from the draw and left the bathroom after cleaning up. 95

I hoped on the bed and sat down next to Cassie. The televison was muted. I turned away and faced her. I began to comb my hair. I bounced up and down on the bed trying to get her attention. She laughed.96

“What are you doing?” 97

I shrugged and started laughing myself trying to make myself be a little happy as I remembered this morning’s conversation with him. I rolled off the bed and flipped through the clothes in my draws for something to wear. I settled on a pair of gray sweat pants and a dark red shirt. I tied my wet hair in a messy bun. I ran over to the window and opened it up letting in some cool air. I shivered, but the air felt good as it met my skin. Cassie didn’t say anything, but I inferred by the way she hugged her jacket tighter that she was cold.. I ignored her and hoped onto the bed. I landed on my back. I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her down on the bed. She giggled and rolled on her side so she was facing me. I linked my fingers together and stretched my arms. I yawned.98

“So,” she said.99

“So what?”100

“What’s up with you and Luke?” 101

I rolled my eyes. “Nothing Cass.”102

“Umm-hmm,” she sang. 103

“Seriously Cassie.”104

“What?” she asked.105

“Nothing,” I told her. 106

“Well I do see you with him. . . all the time. You seem really happy when you’re around him.”107

I sat there for a moment and didn’t say anything. I could tell that she wasn’t trying to be annoying. She was serious. 108

“Nothing we’re just friends,” I said shaking my head and sitting up.109

“Come on,” she urged. 110

I shrugged.111

“I’m really happy for you Sky,” she said. “I’m glad that you don’t have to worry about Hunter. He was starting to take a toll on all of us”112

I sat there for a moment again not saying anything. 113

“Oh. . Hunter.”114

She nodded. I took a deep breath. 115

“Yeah. I guess he was Cassie.”116

I bit my lip. I felt like crying. I rubbed my eyes and squeezed them shut trying not to think of him. I really wished that she hadn’t brought him up. I swallowed hard and turned away. Cassie grabbed my shoulders and turned me to face her. I forced a smile. 117

“Oh come on please. Tell me more,” she pleaded folding her hands in a praying position.118

I rolled my eyes still thankful though that she had so quickly decided to drop the subject of Hunter.119

“Thank you,” I told her.120

“I won’t accept your apology until you tell me,” she sang.121

I smacked her gently on the arm. “Fine.”122

I sat there and tapped my chin trying to collect my thoughts. 123

“I’m serious Cassie you’re not going to get much. I’m haven’t known him that long.”124

She smiled. “Oh, well.”125

I took a sharp breath. “He kind of reminds me of Hunter,” I told her. “He’s just really nice and funny.”126

Cassie cupped her hands together and held them near he face. She fluttered her eyes. I pushed oh her shoulder. She fell backwards. 127

“Stop,” I said firmly.128

She laughed. “Sorry,” she sang. 129

“He makes me feel, I don’t know, happy. He always tries to make a joke. God he makes me laugh all the time. I don’t fell weird when I’m around him.”130

She nodded waiting for me to continue.131

I was happy I could talk to her. I was truly grateful that I didn’t have to be so serious today. Being with was Cassie was supposed to be fun. I was suppose to laugh and joke around. There was some times to be serious. Right now was not one of those times. I was a little amused that Cassie wanted to know about Luke so much. It’s not like I knew much about him. Though I felt like I knew a lot. Or maybe it was just that I knew what I needed to know. 132

I knew how he acted and what he liked. I knew that he was funny. I knew that he loved being around me and I loved being around him. Wasn’t that enough to know? I didn’t know what I was going to say to Cassie now. Really all I could have said was that he made me happy and I would have been satisfied, but I knew that Cassie wouldn’t have been happy, at all. She would want to know everything, just like my mother. But there was one major difference between Carol and Cassie. Cassie could keep a secret. This made me think for a moment.133

Could I trust her with what happened last night? Could I tell her everything, or would she betray my secret and tell my mother? Or would she just not believe me and call me a bluff? I knew I could trust Cassie with little things like Luke and I-could that even be considered little? But things like the mysterious figure that had almost taken my life-could I trust her? 134

I might not even be here today. I had been smart enough to run and not stay with him though I wanted to. Trust. I should be able to trust my best friend. It felt horrible that I couldn’t. She had trusted me with every single part of her life, with every secret. Friends should not lie to each other. Friends should not keep secrets from each other. I didn’t want to be a bad friend. I didn’t want to do that to her. What I wanted to do was repay the favor of being a good friend, a friend that cared. God, I hated this anymore. 135

I turned my attention back to Cassie. She had a anxious look on her face. She was waiting for me to continue. I brought my arm across my chest and grabbed my shoulder. It was still sore. I avoiding tugging on it, and just set my palm on it. 136

“I feel like I don’t have to do anything special or be anything special, because he understands me. He understands about Hunter. He was around him. He was his friend. So he knows.”137

“I guess that would make it easier.”138

I nodded. 139

“I can act stupid. It’s easy to have fun with him”140

“Like you act around me?”141

I chuckled. “Yeah like I act around you sometimes.”142

We both laughed a little louder this time. I continued.143

“I don’t know. I guess I feel ,when I’m around him, like you feel with Dan.”144

She smiled. 145

“Ohhhh,” she sang happily rocking back and forth on my bed holding her Indian style crossed legs. I let myself fall back on the bed. 146

“Oh god, I just really like him Cass.”147

“I figured that.”148

She bit her lip. I knew that she wanted to ask about Hunter, and how I felt about him. To be honest I really don’t know how I feel about him anymore.149

“I’m guessing you were just dying to hear about him,” I said turning on my side so I was facing her.150

“No, but im sure Carol would be.”151

“I’m sure she would be.” 152

I tried not to laugh, but it was hard not to. Cassie knew about Carol and her gossip “problem”. It was kind of embarrassing, but it was funny all the same. She constantly made jokes about it. Over time I learned to ignore the mocking part of it all and make my own jokes, or just play along. It didn’t bother me anymore. It was something I could laugh about. Quite frankly, it’s something anyone could laugh about. It’s something Hunter and I had made jokes about, and I’m sure that over time Luke and I will joke about it together. I doesn’t take very long to pick up on Carol’s unique personality.153

I leaned forward and pulled the thin white sheet up around us. The air coming in from the open window had chilled the room. I shivered and moved a little closer to Cassie. She didn’t seem to need the blanket. Her down-filled jacket was keeping her warm. I hugged myself trying to warm up. The air in the room smelled beautiful though. I didn’t want to close the window and have to breath the fake stale air. I looked out it and into the blue sky and the sun that shone so brightly that it looked almost white. I smiled and stood up to close the window.154

The woods looked different in the daylight. The trees did not seem as eerie or threatening. The tree roots and branches that were scattered on the ground were visible. I could see the bright fall colors contrast against the dreary fall brown color. When you looked up you could see the sky through the trees. I could make you the small creek that carved through the woods. The water was a dark blue, almost black color. It ran over the smooth moss covered stones. It was breathtaking. The air was clearer and smelled so fresh and crisp. I shoved my hands deep into my pockets, pulling my jacket tighter with the sudden jerk of my arms. It was only-at the most-thirty-four degrees out, but if felt much colder.155

Through all the beauty his presence was still here. I could feel it. I wondered if he was still there in woods with me. I looked to find his shadow, but there was nothing to see but trees and brush. This did not surprise me. I realized and understood that he was smart-much smarter than me- and if he had any purpose of concealing his identity he would not be around me during the daylight hours, when I could see his so clearly, so easily.156

Cassie was standing at my side, hugging herself in an attempt to stay warm. I walked ahead, my shoes crunching over the melting snow. I kept my eyes lowered to the ground. I wasn’t sure where or if- at all- we were going to stop and sit down. We were just taking a walk. I had wanted to get out of that house so I came here. I was glad that Cassie had been willing to take a walk in the woods in the first place. She was not a nature girl. She hated it. Why she had agreed I did not know, but I think that the fact that we were out here had something to do with why she wasn’t talking to me.157

We continued to walk until Cassie satisfied herself with a large rock that rested on the edge of the creek. I sat down beside her and watched the water rush by. It was dark, but it looked clear, inviting. I leaned forward and cupped my hand together, placing them in the water. I could feel my hands go numb. The water was freezing. I pulled them from the water. They were now a pinkish red. I let the water drain and pulled them close to my face. They smelled fresh, like the air. I let them drop and turned to Cassie.158

She was playing with the patch of moss on the rock, twirling her finger around the longer spots of it. She looked up at me and then to the creek in front of her. I followed her gaze to small pool of black swirling water. Her eyes were locked on a single white object resting in the center. It was hard to tell what it was. The swirling water made it hard to see. It made anything under the surface of the water appear blurry, as if it was moving. I stood up slowly. The white object seemed vaguely, familiar. . .159

I bent down next to the pool. I narrowed my eyes and peered through the surface. I stared at it for a few moments, then plunged my hand through the icy surface and groped for the object. I searched for it, but where it seemed to be there was nothing. I ran my hand over the rocky bottom, hitting pointed stones. I finally hit something round and smooth. It was small, like a hill. Keeping one finger on it-afraid to lose it-I grabbed it and pulled it from the bottom. I closed my fingers around it and pulled it through the surface.160

I kept it hidden in my closed fist while I stared down at it. Small spots of perfect white were visible. I-finally-unraveled my fingers. I was frozen. It was my. . .shell. The one Hunter had given me. It was a perfect heart, stained red at the point. I was in awe. How. . how had it gotten here? The last place I saw it. . on my bed. I had thrown it on the bed before I went to sleep last night. I was ninety-nine point nine percent sure that I had not taken it off in the forest. I hadn’t even noticed the creek. 161

I turned around a look of sheer terror on my face. Cassie was standing behind me. She had a confused look on her face. She looked at my palm, to the shell. I looked around quickly still terrified. I held it out in front of me. I ran my fingers over it gently. Cassie opened her mouth, as to say something, but quickly closed it. I stood up and turned to face her. 162

She avoided me face and kept her eyes on the shell. She opened her mouth and stood there.163

“Isn’t that. . the shell Hunter gave you? The necklace?”164

I nodded.165

“Why did you bring it. . . here?” she asked still confused.166

“I. . I didn’t,” I said my voice trembling with much fear. 167

She bit her lip. 168

“Was anyone in your room last night Skyler?” she asked with much concern. 169

I shook my head too quickly.170

“No, not that I know of.”171

Cassie just stood there, looking down at the shell. 172

“Come on. I think we should go home,” I told her clutching the shell to hard in my now closed hand.173

“W-www- why?” she asked. “Skyler what’s wrong?”174

I shook my head.175

“Nothing, nothing at all.”176

“Skyler tell me!” she screamed. 177

I spun around. It was him. Who else could I be? He followed me home last night. He went into my room and took it. He had been in my room last night. . . But why? What significance did it play in his life? How did he even know about it? So many questions filled my head, and they all begged to be answered. I couldn’t. . . I couldn’t answer one. 178

“Nothing Cassie.” I lied. ‘I’m just a little freaked.”179

She stood frozen. I couldn’t tell her. I didn’t want to. It would scare her. 180

“I know that’s not the really reason. . .”181

“What?” I asked through clenched teeth.182

“You’re lying Sky. You look scared. Your white. It isn’t that scary,” she said slowly. 183

I stood there and faced her in silence for a few moments. 184

“I’m not lying,” I said trying to reassure her, but my voice was filled with anger.185

“Yes you are Sky!” she yelled at me. “Why won’t you tell?”186

I turned and started to walk away. 187

“Where are you going?” she called.188

“Home. Maybe you should do the same,” I said through clenched teeth.189

Her lips curled down into a frown. She turned ghostly white.190

“What! Why? Sky what’s wrong?”191

“Nothing! Nothing is wrong! Just leave me alone! It’s nothing important! It’s nothing you need to know!” I shouted at her. By the look on her face I could tell that my words stung her.192

“Trust me Cassie. Can’t you trust me?” I added.193

She just stood there, her mouth gaping open in awe. 194

“Please, just don’t worry. Trust me! Please.”195

She nodded. I didn’t say anything. 196

I started to walk. I could hear her following me. Her feet crunched over the snow. She didn’t walk at my side. I squeezed the shell within my fist until I could feel its edges digging into my skin. It hurt, but I didn’t stop. I didn’t want to lose the shell. I feared that if I let my hand relax that it would slip through and I would never find it again.197

I followed our foot prints, letting them guide us home. When the house was finally in sight Cassie quickened her pace so she was at my side. She smiled. I forced a sheepish smile back. We walked into the house side by side and into the bedroom. I placed the shell on the dresser and stared down at it. I bit my lip and turned away. Cassie was still looking at it when I sat down on the bed. I looked out the window and swallowed hard. I stared through the curtains to the forest. There was no one there, but I wished that there was.198

“You found the shell,” he called. “Good work.”199

I awoke from my sound slumber. I looked around quickly. I had not heard his voice. It was as if he was speaking to me through my mind. I sat up and pushed the blankets aside. It was dark, black. I could see nothing. I looked out the window. I couldn’t see anything. There was no shadows, only darkness. The moon was hidden behind a wall of thick gray clouds. It was pouring outside.. 200

I shivered and scrambled off of the bed. I walked to the window, pushed the curtains aside, and sat down. I touched the cool glass, running my fingers over the smooth surface. “Where are you? “ I wanted to asked him. But I didn’t. I did not expect-from him-an answer to that question. I didn’t expect an answer to any of my questions when I asked them. I knew he expected one, but there was nothing that I could say to him now.201

“I didn’t think you would ever find it.”202

“I had forgotten about it.”203

“Oh,” he said softly his voice filled with pain. 204

I didn’t say anything for a few moments. 205

“Does it matter. . .to you?” I asked him.206

“It does. . .”207

“Oh. .” 208

It didn’t. . . It never would matter to me. It was just a part of Hunter that I had no reason to be any part of anymore. I stood up and watched over to the dresser. I picked it up and turned it over and over in my hand feeling its soft surface. I stared down at its bloody point. I clenched it tightly in my hand and walked back over to sit down. 209

“Skyler. . . .”210

I touched my hand to the rain streaked window. It was trembling. I watched as he lifted his palm and touched it to the window. His touch sent a visible electric spark through the glass like a bolt of lighting. It touched my hand, sending a unbearable sensation of pain through it, but I did not pull away. 211

“What are you doing here?” 212

“I needed to see you Skyler.”213

His words stung me. 214

“I need to see you.”215

“I know you do. . .” he said in a voice so soft and pure that I could barely hear him.216

I sat there for a moment and stared at his hand. I wanted to touch his skin. I wanted to feel its smooth glassiness. But most of all I wanted to see his face.217

I wanted to be able to picture it when I closed my eyes. I wanted to see his face. I wanted to know this mysterious’s figure’s identity. I wanted to know who he was. I wanted to know that he was out there, so close to me. I needed to. . . .218

I clutched the shell in my hand and opened the window with the other. I stepped lightly on the wet ground. The icy water ran over my skin and clothes. I took a step towards him and looked up. I could see nothing but his eyes. I grabbed his freezing hand and unraveled his fingers. His eyes followed my every move. I opened mine and placed the shell gently in his pale palm.219

“Keep it. It matters to you more than it does to me,” I said softly closing his fingers around it. 220

The water ran down his skin as if he was made of glass. 221

He stared down at the shell. Tears streamed down his face. I reached up and wiped them away. I didn’t want him to cry.222

“Please don’t cry.”223

He began to tremble with my touch. I pulled my fingers away afraid that I was hurting him. He took a step back. He opened his hand and let the shell fall to the ground. I didn’t say anything. I could only hear my heavy breathing. I looked down at the shell, so white and pure against the dead grass. I bent down and pulled it from the Earth. I held it out in my palm and stood up, waiting for him to take it. 224

He stared down at it. The tears continued to flow from his bright red eyes. He squeezed his hands into tight fists. His eyes swirled with anger. They were turning a coal black color. The pupils started to become visible. They stayed-unlike the rest of his eyes-blood red. They were thin slits, like the sharp blade of a knife. He glared at me, his eyes flaming, and turned. I grabbed his shoulder in a desperate attempt to keep him from leaving me. His body went rigid. He seemed as if he was stone. He wasn’t breathing. I wanted to call his name. I wanted to call out to him. 225

He turned and glared at me. I let the shell drop to the ground. 226

“Let go of me Skyler,” he said through clenched teeth. 227

I didn’t say anything. I shook my head. 228

“No,” I wanted to say. “Please don’t leave.”229

He stood there for a few moments, the water running down his skin and onto my hand. He looked into the forest listening to something that I could not hear. I followed his gaze. He pulled his arm free with a powerful jerk and turned to look at me. He did not say goodbye. His eyes were filled with tears. I held my arms out like a pitiful, helpless child. Though I knew that he was the child. He was helpless, lost, confused. I could tell by the way he looked at me. I could tell because of the look in his eyes. But I still reached out to him.230

I was terrified of him, but is still reached out. I still reached out to him . . . . 231

He gave me one final look, saying goodbye with his eyes. I didn’t move. I didn’t say anything. He turned sharply and walked into the forest. I watched-fighting back tears the whole time- as his shadow disappeared into the black night. 232

I didn’t pick up the shell. I looked down at it and began to tremble. I turned, letting my wet hair smack me in the face. I started to run as fast as I could even though the distance to my bedroom was short. The water hit my skin like ice. I slung my leg over the sill and stepped on the soft rug. 233

The water dripped off of me and onto the carpet. I changed, leaving my wet clothes on the open window sill.234

I listened to the rain. It was a soft peaceful sound. 235

I stood in front of the window, my lights off. The darkness swallowed everything. I watched the rain. I walked over to my bed and crawled back under the sheets. They were cool. I let my soaked hair lie flat against my back. I laid there for a moments. I was too uncomfortable. I sat up and rested my elbows on my knees. 236

I could feel the tears coming. He was on my mind. I closed my eyes and waited for the tears to begin to flow. I brought my knees to my chest and hugged them tightly. I started to rock back and forth letting the tears flow. I sobbed openly. I could feel my face get hot. My whole body began to warm up. I was starting to sweat. My whole body was still shaking. 237

Still hugging my knees, I fell back on the bed. I rolled onto my side and began to hypervenilate. 238

“Don’t cry Skyler. . .”239

I did not obey the voice. I did not hear it again. I didn’t want to. Not now. I couldn’t remember how to breath. I clutched my stomach and opened my mouth. I inhaled deeply, slowly letting the air fill my lungs. I could feel my numb body come back to life. I closed my eyes. I could only see two red slits as thin as blades, as red as blood.240

His eyes.241