The smell of the grass made me think about the argument Kyle and I had. I didn't understand how we had started the volcano. It was like the elm turning into an apple tree. I should probably talk to Kyle about what had happened.1
It was really quite a stupid discussion. I didn't want to attend the harvest dance on the next restday and Kyle wanted me to go. He demanded after the second time I refused him.2
I could picture it so clearly. We were standing on a small hill. The grass reached our knees and it tickled my calves, making me bend over to scratch them. 3
"Please, Sabrina, please come with me." The wind had picked up and his long blond bangs covered his eyes seconds before he pushed them out of his face. Blue eyes sparkled with determination. 4
"Kyle, I've already told you I've no desire to go to the feasting. Besides I need to study the properties of Rosemary and I had planned to visit the second level library at that time."5
"Library?" He asked as though the word was foreign to him. The sun beat down on his cheeks making them appear burnt. 6
I stood with my hands on my hips. "Yes, a library. You know, that place where they keep paper filled with words? People usually go there to learn. Any of this registering with you?" I didn't keep the sarcasm from my voice.7
He screwed his eyebrows up, causing many wrinkles to form on his forehead. "Rosemary: Common names are Rosemary, Dew of the Sea, Incensier. Latin names: Romavinus officinalis, R. prostratus. Description: Rosemary, the herb of remembrance, is an aromatic evergreen perennial, prized for its culinary, medicinal, ornamental and symbolic qualities. Its dark green, glossy leaves are..."8
"Stop!" I interrupted. "So you know what Rosemary is all about, but I do not. And if you remember," I poked a finger at his chest while my voice rose. "you are a fourth year, where I am only a two. I need basic vegetation to advance, you pompous ass." I poked him hard enough to make him take a step back.9
"B- but, I could help you study for the exam, if you'll just come with me." He stuttered while pushing my finger away.10
I yelled no and the volcano spit smoke at the same time. The discussion had ended as we jumped back to the academy. 11
Masterplanter Root had been waiting for our report. When we had explained what had happened, the little man had tumbled away to find help.12
Kyle and I had been punished and that new world had been saved.13
Again, I shook my head still puzzled as to why we caused such an incident.14
I crawled to the riverbank and watched the many fish flash by me. I trailed my finger over the surface, and caught the attention of a couple of rainbow trout that came to nibble on my digits, tickling them.15
The last bit still needed to be put out and I pulled out the remaining packet. I held it up to the sun. I laughed under my breath as the memory of how I was given this blend.16
"But Master Ruben," I had complained. "Why have animal and insect properties together?"17
He had sighed and mumbled, "One without the other could not exist."18
I had thrown the packet down in disgust. "That makes no sense to me."19
He had shuffled over to the worn table where I had laid out my papers for that days lesson, his gnarled fingers plucked the crisp square packet up and held it out to me. "Take it. It is the last element to creating a new world."20
"So this is my last lesson?" I asked uncertain. 21
White hair fell across drawn cheeks as he nodded his head. “With me it is. You'll be moving on to Masterplanter Roots tutelage. You'll be accepting your white stripe tonight at dinner." 22
I looked at him suspiciously. "You mean I'm graduating? I'm a second year now?" 23
Again Mastercreator Rubin nodded while handing the packet back to me. "Now before you leave here I need you to recite the steps of creation."24
Staring at the packet, I couldn't help but giggle. "Oh, well I'd better get going." A few scattered raindrops began to fall around. Small craters dotted the parched ground as I walked towards the line of trees.25
Master Ruben had emphasized the placing of this blend near a grouping of trees. Something about the shelter helped them develop. Going between two mature blue fir trees, I sprinkled the white dust. I retreated to a small meadow a few feet away and huddled behind an evergreen bush. I settled myself getting comfortable knowing I could be there awhile.26
Around me, the cool rain continued to fall gently. In the distance, I heard a splash and I recognized the sound of a frog coming out of the water. A few moments later, I was rewarded with the low throated grumble of the frog.27
Author notes
Going too slow???
Edited 2/21/2008
In a list
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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This was most definitly not going to slow.
I loved the part with Kyle. xD It made me laugh so hard. That's probably exactly how I would be with a guy...or at least want to be. hahaha. Great chapter. I loved it.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Good exposition in this chapter - and that isn't 'being too slow' - all longer stories need background information, and this proposes that there is something extra special about Sabrina's talents - especially in regards to spontaneous creation in regards to her emotional state. You already described in the first part how remembering an important event with her father caused an apple tree to grow, and now here you have expanded on the argument with Kyle, and how it was her emotional outburst that caused the volcano to erupt. Overall, this story is shaping up to be both intriguing and entertaining.
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Thanks Jodie. I just hope it keeps going like this.
Brooke
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Beautiful!!
I don't think its' to slow... Although, I too can't wait to see what the scale does..
I had went back and read parts one, two, and three. I'm not sure if I commented on all of them...that was only because I just had to keep reading..
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Thanks for liking and for reading. I hope to have more soon
Again thanks
Brooke
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It's not going too slow. That would mean I like slow...because I'm enjoying this piece thus far. I don't like slow, but I do like beauty...and that's what you're giving me.
You are also giving me vital background information on Sabrina and those who know her...as well as the beauty of the world that's coming to life around her. I don't think it's slow at all. It's relaxing, peaceful.
I do have a few suggestions:
Par 7: You know, that place where they keep paper bunched together with words? [Books are bunched together with words? Perhaps try: You know, that place where they keep paper filled with words?]
Par 14: Again [,] I shook my head still puzzled as to why we caused such an incident.
Par 18: He had sighed and mumbled, "one [One] without the other could not exist."
Par 20: He had shuffled over to the worn table where I had laid out my papers for that days lesson, His [his] gnarled fingers plucked the crisp square packet up and held it out to me.
Par 25: Staring at the packet [,] I couldn't help but giggle.
Par 26: Going between two mature blue fir trees [,] I sprinkled the white dust.
Par 27: Around me [,] the cool rain continued to fall gently. In the distance [,] I heard a splash and I recognized the sound of a frog coming out of the water. A few moments later [,] I was rewarded with the low throated grumble of the frog.
Other than this, I enjoyed it thoroughly and will look forward to reading the next part when it's posted in the group....now that I'm caught up.
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Man, those pesky commas. I really do try when it comes to them. When people tell me to read it out loud and put a comma where I take a breath, I up with an overload of commas. I guess I just breath fast
Thanks again.
Brooke
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I wouldn't say it's going slow since each part has been fairly short so far. Yet at the same time you've been giving background information that explains what is going on.
It was interesting to hear about Sabrina and Kyle's argument that caused the volcano to burst. Evidently showing deep emotion during the creative process has consequences on the outcome.
We also learned that this packet is the final step in the process. You've also introduced a new character with Masterplanter Root. (An appropriate name, I might add.) *laughs*
We are all waiting to see what the scale will do but that just adds a small element of suspense to the story.
I like how you are building the storyline. Each part adds a bit more information and leaves us wondering what will happen next.
I know I am, so let's find out.
Greg
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Thanks Greg, I'm slowing chugging more out. I really wish I was a faster writer. At this rate I'll be putting out a novel every three years
Again thanks
Brooke
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Now I'm getting impatient. WHAT is the colorful scale for?
c'mon, c'mon. Please tell me. Don't make me wait.
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All will be reveal in the next couple of parts I'm glad you are getting impatient
Thanks for reading.
Brooke
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It does seem to be a tad slow (but that's probably just me).
I liked the way you did the flashbacks by using dialogue as well as narrative. This was a refreshing change from reading the usual type of flashback which generally turns into a lecture of the past. This way keeps the story interesting as well as giving up facts of what has gone before.
I'm still waiting to find out about the effects of the sphere from the previous chapter; it seems to have been 'forgotten' in this one.
One nit that requires attention and one question that may not need answering:
p22 - a cross - across
p22 - "With me it's." - I'm not sure, but should this not be:
"With me it is."
A tad slow, but still enjoyable
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Yeah, you are right it was a bit slow. I wanted to show her relationship with Kyle and with Master Ruben more. Flashbacks are hard for me. I don't like the way some writers do them and I'm not comfortable with telling. With dialog at least I'm showing or hope I am
Thanks for reading and don't worry that scale is coming up
Thanks again
Brooke
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Finally did return and read...
...and pleased that I did go back to the beginning....and I begin to see that 'I can't write small', is an affliction we all seem to have as a story takes on a life of its own.
Curious still how your world view handles the intrinsic conflict of nature, predator and prey and all of that in your, ahem, perfect world...smiles...
best of luck...
amicus....(for the second time on this one)
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I know what my views are. Can't have one without the other. But I'm not sure if that will even play in this. Since I'm a writer who never knows where the story is going we'll all just have to wait and see
Thanks for reading again.
Brooke
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Your description is amazing. I feel as if I am a part of your world. I like the character of Sabrina and how she doesn't back down once she has made her decision and her humour when confronting Kyle.
Your story seems to be character driven and the reader gets a sense of each one individually. It seems a prelude to something great that might happen in the coming installments.
Good work. -
Brooke, don't worry about keeping it small...just write it as it feels it needs to written. Revision is just that, for editing. For now, let the creativity flow.
This was fantastic. I really like this story and now am sad since I must wait a week for another chapter!
I don't think you're going too slow. With each chapter you seem to uncover a new idea or characteristic about Sabrina that we didn't know. The mystery is so inviting.
Again, I'm so very impressed by your creativity. Excellent!
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This is such a unique and clever story that you have. Every chapter is full of such beautiful descriptions and words. I loved the talk between Sabrina and Kyle, cleverly worded. Keep up the amazing work Syren
~Joann
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Thank you for your kind words. This just keeps getting out of control. I start to write a small piece about my views on creation and then here I am making a whole new world with toooo many characters for me to keep up with. I can't do small
Again thanks
Brooke
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Very well done!!
Your recollection of the 'talk' between Sabrina and Kyle made me feel a little like a voyeur. It was put down on paper very clearly. Quite easy to follow.( Just take time to re-check your spelling before you submit). Your use of the descriptive words was concise and direct.
Experince is essential.
Keep on writing
beginning: 2, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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Thanks and I did just now go through it. I am so glad that you are enjoying this. I must get cracking on it
Again thanks
Brooke
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TOO SOON TO TELL...
Hello Brooke: I love your ideas! Just this morning I was trying to think of a suitable plot for a story and I came to the conclusion that everything that could be said has already been said. Then I opened Story Write and read this story beginning and I find it so fresh and interesting and creative!!!! About it going too slow, it's too early to tell.
I'd like to help out with some little typos:
The grass reached our knees and it tickled my calves, making me bend over to itch them. (to scratch them)
Please remove the space here: officinal_is, it should be officinalis.
Its dark green, glossy leave are..." (leaveS)
I poke him hard enough to make him take a step back. (pokeD)
A few moments later I was rewarded this the low throated grumble of the frog.27 (I think the word this should be with)
Anaya Roma
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Thank you for picking those out. Just yesterday while posting it I was reading through it and thought I had gotten all. It's that always the case?
Again thanks
Brooke
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Interesting and an education in..
...the nature of Rosemary,Sage, and Thyme may be afoot?
I think perhaps I may need go back and read earlier parts of this, to get an understanding.
Well written, but I think I did note a typo, somewhere?
Thank you...
Amicus...
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Gosh I hope not. How boring would that be?
I am the typo queen. Had a friend find some of those.
Thanks for reading and I do hope you go back and read the others.
Brooke
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