There aren't words.

There are millions of things you've never said
Millions of things I have needed to hear
Plenty of words I could find solace in
In the silent spell as you held me near
Plenty of things you could have done instead.1

Remember all those times that I bled?
Hoping my blood could make my tears clear?
Not your fault, my own weakness my fear
I can't blame you for things in my head
I can't blame you, you weren't let in.2

So many things I've held within
Trying to find where this path led
Tired of this repetition
I've gained more by being dead
Exhausted by every tear3

Now, no more tears shall be shed
Though I know you'll disappear
I'll keep this pain close, hidden
Forget what's plainly written
Let love be lost, forgotten.

Author notes

SN=elfflower1989 *growls* halfway through I realized cacab is not the same as ababc ><' *redone*

A contest entry

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Comments


  • Delfishie
    February 26, 2008

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    I liked this. I know that some people find love poems boring, but this was less about love and more about the trouble of language, isn't it? The trouble of communication in a relationship.

    I think you did very well. Great job. :-)


  • Asfand
    February 25, 2008

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    I actually think this is your second-weakest entry by a mile. It just didn't click. There was no initial impact to me.

    Quick-points, elffy:

    - Absolute lack of punctuation.
    - Again, the everyline capitalization.
    - You stepped out of your unique style.
    - It was so 'emo' - you of all people are just not that.
    - It didn't resonate your personality, your way-of-thinking.


    I guess it just didn't reach out to me. It was all lovey-losty-dovey-foundy-and-losty again. The most cliched idea ever.

    I'm sorry ofr being so blunt, but if I toild you this was good or that I liked it, it would ruin the entire meaning behind this competition.

    Well, let's just see what happens next.


  • IntrepidFantasy Greeters member
    February 21, 2008

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    This was so tragic and dark, I loved it. Wow I can so relate to the words in it. I have held in so many things myself. It gets very hard sometimes to do. Great poem and good luck in the contest that you have this in
    ~Joann

  • untitled.
    February 18, 2008

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    Tragically beautiful

    You have just captured the epitome of who I used to be... and sometimes still am. This piece spoke to me.. that little hidden shadow within the darkness.. Wishing to be heard, but can never rise above the voices.. Beautiful, somber... heartfelt... As if you bled your soul on paper, and I remember how it felt to be the victim to a blade... To hope every time I committed my 'terrible sin' that all the pain would go away, that the past would disappear, and I can just drown in my state of inertia... But like any addiction, the numbness, that slight glimmer of joy or relief, fades.. till we do it again.

    I like writes like this because they are simple yet hold so much more... a delightful contradiction. I'm so glad to see that you have written. Last time I checked your page it said you hadn't been on in ages. Welcome back, . And you probably don't remember me, it's been so long, but you left a magnificent comment on my 'Exquisite Corpse' piece. I hope to see more from you, ^_^. You did a wonderful job on this, elfflower. Wishing you a bit more than a glimmer of joy, and inspiration,

    A fellow shadow waiting patiently for your next submission,

    ~S.