In a Sight of Bliss

"I need you," he whispered. The sincerity in his eyes told me that he may very well be telling the truth, but I stayed skeptical. I sighed heavily and pulled away from the embrace he held me in. I shook my head, scoffed a little and turned from him. I felt a wetness on my cheek, slowly bringing my hand up to it, I wiped it away. I couldn't cry, not now.1

"No," I stated, rather quickly, not turning to face him. "I'm not your rebound. I'm sorry." Something in me screamed. How can you turn away now? When you tried so long for him to say something like that to you? I clenched my fists, gnashed my teeth, and I walked on. Refusing to look back, refusing to say anything. One look, one look is all it could take to get weak, to rush on back. My legs, arms were shaking. This is what he had wanted all along. Despite my efforts, I heard him running after me. He grabbed my hand and turned me towards him. 2

His dark, green eyes sparkled with light, he intently gazed on me, but I lowered my face. Cupping my chin in his hand he turned my face to him, wiping away the tears from my face.3

"Please. I never meant to hurt you."4

I released my hand from his. I could feel tears brimming my eyes. It took all I had to kiss him with all I had, to wrap my arms around him, to even forgive him. I pulled away, stepping back, my heels clicked on the hard, ceramic floor. I had put myself on the line too many times before to give him another chance. Had he just simply called me over to his house to plead for me back? Knowing him, knowing who Brad was, there was always an alterior motive. 5

"No," I said it again, my stomach churned. "I've got to go. What we had was nice, but we lost it, I lost it, when you cheated on me." I walked over to the counter with my purse setting on it, I grabbed it and walked out of his apartment, I didn't even shut the door. I heard his footsteps running after me, but somewhere down the hall they died, and I supposed he simply gave up.6

I arrived home, I chose to walk instead of take the subway. The fresh air cleared my mind. I had just turned something down I had wanted, longed for, for so long. I shook as I placed my keys into the lock and slowly opened the door.7

"Where have you been?" I turned my head to face my best friend, whom greeted me as I walked in. A few thoughts raced through my head like, what is he doing here and how did he get in? However, I had never been so happy to see him in my life, I need the release and the relief, the comfort he would give me. Tightly, gently he pulled me towards him in a hug, then stepped back and examined my face and my body language.8

"Have you been crying?" he said quietly, it was a three minutes before he had even said anything. He took his thumb and gently wiped the tears from my eyes, mascara rubbed onto his fingers but he didn't mind. "Don't cry," he stated, "never." He hugged me again, stroking my hair and shushing my sobs. I was just thankful that he never asked why I was crying, he didn't want to pry. "I don't like it when you're like this," he said softly, "I feel as if it is my fault, because I won't make you feel better."9

I stared at him. "Your fault? No," I laughed slightly then fell down on a black and gold striped couch. "Why would you think that?"10

"I love you," he said, almost unaudible, but I heard it. "When you're hurt, I hurt. If I can't fix it, then I can't fix me." My heart about stopped. He had appeared in my life, almost as suddenly as he had left two years before to travel the world. He did though, make an effort to contact me every night with a new update on what he had seen or who he had met.11

"Why are you here?" Could I say I love you back? I loved him, I did. I loved him as my best friend, a brother I never had the priveledge to have. We had played together when we were in diapers, we were raised together. I was not sure I could see him as anything more, but looking at him, in that one moment, with a strand of light brown hair falling in front of sparkling brown eyes, he swayed back and forth on the balls of his feet, both of his hands crammed in his jean pockets. I swore I saw his eyes brim up with tears, I swallowed the lump that lingered in my throat. 12

He stood there, his heart on the line, and I was speechless.13

"I had to see you." That's all he said. "I'm involved in something. I can't get into details now, but I just wanted to see you because I may not for a while." He walked over to me and leaned down. "If you don't love me, Marie, I understand. I just wanted you to know."14

I bit my lip. I was worried, everything seemed sudden and hurt, pain, and panic could be read on his face. "What? What kind of 'something'? You love me, I don't know what to say."15

"You don't have to say anything," he kissed my forehead and gripped my hand. "Don't worry about me, it's just a job. Anyway, I just want to spend time with you."16

I nodded slowly, he took a seat next to me on the couch and put his arm around me. He laughed again, lightly, attempting to block out some of the tears, had I even stopped crying since I had left Brad's? "I care about you, if this job is going to keep you away from me, well, I don't want it to." The man that had always been there for me, the man that had always cared for me when no one else had been. "I love you too," and the words just poured out.17


A thin smile appeared on his lips and he pinned a strand of my hair behind my ear. "You're so beautiful," he spoke. Staring at me, he grabbed my face in his hands and pulled my face towards him. I closed my eyes and he covered his lips with mine. How was I so blind before? "When I get back with this assignment, I'll quit, it would keep me away from you." My eyes widened and he spoke once more, "I never want to stay away from you." He kissed me again.18

"Really?" I couldn't believe it, my mind was just swirling, broken.19

"I mean that," he whispered into my ear. Interrupting something so perfect, the pager on his belt started vibrating and he pulled away to look at it. "I've got to go," he said, kissing me again and rushing out the door. I stood there, everything happened so fast. Before he shut the door he added, "Remember, I'll be back after this. We can be together, start a life, like I always have wanted to. I love you, I always will." 20

I stood there, my arms crossed. Giggles escaped from my lips, I felt like I might even explode. I forgot about the boy from before, I forgot about my past hookups and my breakups, I went to bed with a smile on my face. I could not remember the last time I felt so happy.21

When I awoke the next morning, I grabbed a cup of coffee and turned on the news. A normal part of my ritual morning routine. There had been a car bombing last night, someone had died. I bit my bottom lip, death made me uneasy, uncomfortable. I didn't like to think about it, didn't like that one day we all die.22

I didn't glance back up at the TV until the name of the deceased was mention and then, did my coffee cup fall from my hands and shattered on the ground. "No," it was the only thing I could say and then scream. It was him, my best friend. I turned my head from the TV and looked down at the shattered coffee cup. For some reason, I think he knew, and he had to know that I knew he loved me. I think it was a final request maybe, a final goodbye. I leaned against the wall and slid onto the floor, and I could only cry.