Life & It’s Glories.

I woke up this morning with the same empty feeling as I had every year of my life on this particular day. 1

It's my birthday.2

A birth day is the day that celebrates your birth.3

Why on Earth would you celebrate the day of my coming to this world?4

Everyone thinks they are different and that they are so special. Pride rules in all of us, but modesty was another thing. I thought I was very different in the past years as a kid. I fell in love with the opera "Carmen" at eight. The Habanera was my song. I listened to classical music and jazz, it had a very nice sound to it. Being told that I were too timid & shy to be a singer, I turned to writing and it felt so great. My imagination sparked life and I had created a new world for myself. Poetry turned to lyrics, turned to stories which turned into art. My stories were the most important thing to me in my life at ten. I wasn't placed in orchestra, I chose it because I wanted to learn to play the violin. I only watched the History channel. I only read books on mythology and medievel time periods. Goosebumps & Harry Potter never interested me. And then, the world of the internet came to me.5

Now, I am finally 18.6

And in all my life, I had barely just begun to live as a "teen" my junior year of high school.7

I didn't really expect much of today.8

Those two parties, they weren't for me.9

What else would I to do with a bunch of old Cambodian adults who could barely speak English properly?10

Sing karaoke?11

I wish.12

I asked my mom to throw them because I wanted my parents to relax and enjoy their time off with friends.13

They're always working, I used to never see my dad for days even though we slept in the same house.14

I knew not to have expected anything from these days.15

After today, I realized, I am done.16

I've been so disappointed lately, I haven't been able to see the people I've wanted to or do the things I've wanted to. I'm just not going to bother with anyone anymore. If someone wants to hang out with me, they'll call me, because I won't call them. I'm just going to focus on my schoolwork, now it's even more vital than before because I signed up an extra class, outside of school. It's coming close to graduation.17

I thought about all the plans I had tried to make with several different important people in my life and how most them all failed, because they always bail in the end.. I know now only to look after myself, but I just can't help it. I love to help people, and I'm always open to connecting and communicating and just bringing people together. If I offer you something, please be gracious.18

Matilde and I were talking about living conditions today. I'm sorry, but I'm going to live with my parents until I am financially ready to support myself. I know we all want to move out and get away from our parents.. but, we're just barely graduating, it can't happen that quickly. You'll never be able support yourself if you aren't going to commit to it.19

She was afraid that living with Brian and Serena would keep it a party house all the time. It's true, if Matilde and I lived with them to even it out, they probably wouldn't go crazy. WAIT. They still would. But it can shift from a balance to chaos. They are quite excessive with what they do. Smoking hookah every day being one. When I first thought about it, I was thinking how could they just sit there and do it every single day? But then, I linger on it... you shouldn't look down on it, on them for doing that. I look at their situation, despite their differences, they like doing it. & if that's what they want to live their life to, then who am I to judge? I supported the decisions Danielle had made, even though I didn't like it. Who am I to judge if that was what she wanted?20

It's real. I was beginning to accept my own reality. I still believe I have a chance to get that amazing life I've dreamt of, but I know it won't come right away. I'm not going to an art school now, but I still can in a few years. I haven't lost the hope.21

I don't understand why people sweat about college. I think it should be quite an adventure. I love learning. It's like a game, it should be worth the money you're using to pay for it.22

So, I'm finally eighteen.23

Legal.24

I can buy a hookah, go to a strip club, buy porn, and all that good stuff.25

By the end of this month, I'll have at least $500.26

I'm tired.27

I just want to sleep the rest of my day.