The Darkness Within

I was so used to seeing the images of red and orange hovering around me. The intense heat and warmth made me feel hopeless and tired. There was a point when I believed that I should just give in and succumb to my surroundings; I believed I should stay still, take a nap, and sleep to my death.1

But the noise of the rampant fire wouldn't allow me to do so. The noise of the animals as they screamed in trepidation and pain wouldn't allow me to do so. I could not escape the bedlam or perplexity of the moment. I could not hide from the flames, nor the cries of the animals. Those poor creatures were preordained for death just as I was.2

Yet, it was my inability to sleep that perhaps saved my life. As the gargantuan flames gathered strength before my eyes, I decided to at least die fighting, but I didn't know how. I could not stop coughing from inhaling the smoke. But still I ran. I had to. I had to make it out of this forest fire alive.3

The fire had already besieged around me. No matter which direction I ran, the fire would always cut me off. I saw eyes in the walls of flame -- wicked eyes that taunted me. The heat seemed too intense and once again I felt utterly hopeless.4

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a small, broken down shaft that the fire had not yet reached. It resembled an out house, but it was slightly larger. As I ran closer to it, I noticed that it was actually an old, rusty well. There wasn't a bucket near it, but, then again, I didn't really have time to look. I jumped into the well, praying that it contained enough, if any, water.5

Luckily, there was water at the bottom. On the way down, other animals had climbed on top of me, trying to get to the safety of the water. There were little squirrels and raccoons down there in the well, along with bugs and spiders and countless other creatures.6

It seemed as if every small forest animal or insect that could possibly fit in that well was in there. I could hear the frightening tumult and conflagration’s roar of the fire. I don't know how long I must've been there, but I wasn't lonely. As the fire came toward the well, the animals kept screaming and whimpering. I tried to protect most of them from the burning debris that was still falling into the well by splashing water on them. But I really could not do much except wait. The forest fire vitriolic and all I could do was wait.7

I looked up and still saw images of red and orange, only this time I didn't feel tired or hopeless, the disobedient stench of seared animals had slowly made its way down.8

I waited until I could no longer hear the noise of the fire. I carefully climbed up the rusty chain that still hung down into the well, pulling off the animals that still clung to me. As I climbed out of the well, I no longer saw images of red and orange.9

In fact, I saw no colour at all.10

Everything was disgustingly grey and black.11

Every ounce of life that the forest had once contained had been destroyed.12

Nothing was left except for black smoke and black ashes. The uncontrollable stench of death and burnt trees lingered in the opaque air, I could almost taste what I smelt.13

The animals that were with me in the well survived, yet, what could they possibly live off now? Where would they stay? What would they eat?14

Soon, there would be nothing left but me.15

But, at least, I had survived. I should be happy, ecstatic, overjoyed . . . shouldn't I be?16

I walked around, feeling the heat from the ground through the soles of my shoes. I saw the remains of creatures that were not as lucky as I. Ones that didn't -- or rather, couldn't -- escape the flames. They became twisted and burnt bodies. The contortion of their limbs proved that they did not die without feeling intense pain.17

I saw what resembled a fawn's body lying next to another, larger body; both were twisted and deformed.18

I broke down and the tears would not stop falling from my eyes.19

For, it wasn't until then that I had realized the severity of what I had done.20

I never knew an arsonist could cry.

Author notes

This was the first short story that was published of mine and was inspired by the Australian forest fires that happened a few years ago. By Valentine7

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 23 of 23

  • quicksilver moon
    August 31, 2008

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    The ending was a huge surprise. I didnt see that coming. I even thought that the main character was actually an environmentalist or something from his reactions to the poor animals that lived in the forest. Very nicely done!


  • The Joker HaHa
    August 17, 2008

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    O man. What an amazing story. I loved that twisted ending. Did not see that coming at all. I'm almost speachless. that was great. thank you for entering.


  • VioletRays
    June 12, 2008
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    Good ending just what i wanted!

    -Hugs and kisses-
    Crazy Lover-Kyny-


  • Stryke Greeters member
    May 31, 2008

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    Very well written and enjoyable. You should elaborate more with descriptions, but other than that, i loved it! Very well done!


  • tallblondie gold member
    May 2, 2008

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    Good description and emotion, but there is room for improvement in this piece. Personally, I found the descriptions somewhat plain, though better than you find in the average story on SW. The descriptions were limited to sight and touch, and in this setting, smell and sound could have been exploited.

    Thank you for your entry and good luck!


  • Jenni-Wren
    April 19, 2008

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    Wow! You know, no matter how many times I read this piece the ending gets me everytime. This was brilliant and the descriptions were amazing. Well done!
    And good luck in the contest.


  • HoneyAngel
    April 9, 2008

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    Wow, I got goosebumps. That was fantastic, such a great way to describe the flames and how much he/she felt about causing that much damage.

    Great job.

    Angel.


  • IrishYndina Greeters member
    April 9, 2008

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    Well now, the ending was sure a bit of a surprise. Did your narrator mean to set fire to the forest, or was there a building that was supposed to be burned down and the fire got out of control? I like the idea of hanging out in the well with the animals, though. I'm just surprised the animals were so docile about it. *laughs* I was originally going to go on this whole speil about how forest fires are a natural part of the ecosystem and need to happen occassionally to keep a forest in good health and only get out of control because people prevent them until there is way too much litter to burn...but that would really just defeat the whole purpose of this story, so I'll shut up now. *laughs* Nicely done - short and sweet.


  • Jenni-Wren
    April 9, 2008
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    That was a very interesting piece, very sad. I loved the description of the flames. Well done and good luck in the contest!


  • Ayesha Raees
    April 6, 2008

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    its quite interesting
    i had fun reading it
    also how you described the flames and the animals that were running for escape... it was beatiful.
    A good piece.
    A good job done.


  • Miss Hanako Megumi
    April 5, 2008
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    Um... that was really sad...

  • ElfSong
    April 1, 2008

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    Wow I really wasn't expecting that to happen. I also think you should edit the last line. This story is full of remorse and I suppose that is what makes it so sad. There were no mistakes that I could detect, so well done. Making the main character the villain of the story is a great move. I don't know how to explain why. You described the scene very well, which served to make it engaging. Well done and good luck.


  • SageSyren Greeters member
    March 28, 2008

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    Nice twist at the end. My only suggestion would be to use all five sense; taste, sound, sight, touch and smell. This has great potential for smell.
    Good luck in the contest.
    Brooke


  • elfflower1989
    March 24, 2008
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    I don't like the line "I never knew an arsonist could cry." It doesn't make sense to me. Why would people think they couldn't.

    But I do love the twist at the end, where you find out she's the one responsible for starting the fire. Good job with that. I was wondering how she got there


  • LostSoulOfRage
    March 20, 2008

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    tnx for entering the contest.
    wow this is amazing! i love it. its so sad! its a great story with a twist that no one expects. this story is really wonderful. your discription was amazing. i really liked this story. great job and good luck. keep it up.

    -LostSoul


  • Blackwings
    March 18, 2008

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    That's soooo sad I can't believe he set them on fire at first I though he was trapped cause someone else started the fire but him...Now that's a twist! ^.^ thanks soooooo much for entering in my contest ^.^ Gooooood Luck

    ~Blackwings


  • EphemeralStyle
    March 13, 2008

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    Omg.....

    That is so sad...... I was sad when I got home from school today, but now I am seriously affected ^^" That is just......... omg..... sad......

    What a heart-wrenching story; well suited to this contest. At the very end I had a mental image of a lone person breaking down in the middle of so much grey... that went on forever..... sooooo.... sad......

    I personally find it really hard to write emotion without it sounding too fake or not emotional enough. I was too focussed on the story to notice any grammar/spelling mistakes, so there probably were none to interrupt me.

    WOW. Goodluck in this contest.

    Eph

  • mackereth
    March 13, 2008

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    I had a feeling that the fire was started by the narrator, but i wasnt sure. The description of the fire and the burnt bodies was wonderful. Good job.

  • Thedamned77
    March 10, 2008

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    Ok wow you shocked me. At first I thought it was just a good story about survival, but that that last line "I never knew an arsonist could cry" threw me for a loop. It was like a bucket of cold water when you're sleeping. VERY nicely done. That was a wonderful story. Honestly, it wouldn't have been anywhere near as good without that last line. The descriptions were great, though. Extremely well done. Thank you for entering.


  • Frozen Angel
    March 1, 2008

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    I really like the description you put in here and the hints of panic. Good luck in the contest and thank you for entering.

    *Frozen Angel*


  • beezy92
    February 24, 2008

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    Nice

    I loved the description, of course. I just heard (saw) a man who had suffered terrible burns speak today. Anyway great imagery. Very nice twist at the end...it reminded me of an episode of Lost. The back story on Kate or something (= Great write. Finalist list. I could rave on some more but I won't (=

  • Shadowed Phoenix
    February 16, 2008

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    This was wonderfully writen, the descriptions were very well done. I like the last two parts, it really pulled the story together.


  • Xtclozer-
    February 15, 2008

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    This was a really good story. It really showed how much pain and suffering animals go through after a forest fire, and how we should try to prevent forest fires from happening to save and help the animals that suffer because of it.
    You really showed that, and you did a good job on it too.

    Great job, and thanks for entering my contest

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