In the early morning, when the sun acknowledges the moon with its ever joyous smiles of warmth and love, all the earth seem to come alive with great anticipation. To all that call magnificent gaia their home, the irresistable urge to awaken energizes them to arise. Birds begin to chirp their melodious tunes in gratification to the sun's fidelity. Leaves, shimmering many shades of green amongst the heavy dew, reflect their lush radiants. Flowers blossom in exhilerating beauty in hopes of praising the sun's soft rays. Humans open their eyes with apprehension to greet eachother with incandescent smiles. A pleasant atmosphere the sun has to offer. A true paradise that imitates the great Garden of Eden. 1
But, after a short time, the sun becomes weary and soon sets with a burst of flamboyant colors. An artists' dream lay before the creation of the world every end of the day. Passion strikes the hearts of young lovers that lie watching with affectionate eyes. And, as the great god begins spiraling down, so the rest of earth's creation must wind down and rest for the upcoming day. 2
And as soon as the sun falls tenderly asleep, the moon must rise as its counterpart. Darkness completely succumbs the once effervescent earth in shadows. The creatures of the night arise with all intent of evil and mishaps. Screams of sheer agony and heinous laughter fill the night air with unrest. It is a sure thing that Pan is corrupting the people of earth with demonic tricks and scorn. 3
While the moon watches the evil that engulfs the earth, it cries. It is saddened to know that it will never see beauty under its reign. All that can be found under the influence of darkness is hell itself. Depression sweeps over the moon and it hides its pitiful nature behind mournful clouds. 4
But one night, the moon looked into the eastern direction of the earth and found a soothing waterfall that poured into a small pool of water. He also found a young, beautiful woman bathing in its contents. It looked at her and smiled. It was a smile that had not occured in thousands of years or so. It gazed upon the woman in such an awe-inspiring grin. The woman looked up at the moon and gleemed a peaceful happiness across her face. 5
Ever since that night, the moon shone brighter than ever before over the eastern side of the world while watching the young woman bath in that same pool of water. Days, weeks, months, and years went by as it watched that same woman bath in the same sparkling pool of water. It grew to love her. It loved how her beauty never faded in that secret place where they rendezvous every night. It loved how she only shone herself to the world under its reign. And, most of all, it loved how she enjoyed the presence of the moon's soft rays. 6
One fateful night, however, the woman reaches the end of her life. The moon watched as tears fell like never before. It bathed the earth in a horrendous thunderstorm. The moon's mourning was known all over the world and all the gods and goddesses pitied the moon. It was indeed the worst night the moon had ever faced.7
But, as the next night came around, he gathered up the ashes that was once the beautiful woman and scattered them across the sky. The ashes became glittering sparkles that shone themselves brightly to the world. The moon smiled once again. Now, it will never have to face the ugly world alone. The woman that the moon loved so much, will always accompany it as it's little stars.
Author notes
This is a meshpot of ideas that I have been having for awhile. I tried to write a happy story, but I still think my flare is horror/suspense. I guess I will keep trying.
(for the contest, I choose option 3? I think thats what it was. And, the fruit I choose is a perfectly ripened strawberry because they are so bittersweet! )
A contest entry
- Descriptions!!! Give me a story/poem with lots of Descriptions!!! by Forgotten Anomaly.
450 points, ended February 22, 2008, 27 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - L.O.V.E. by Crying Angel Eyes.
100 points, ended March 12, 2008, 39 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Great Writing Contest - Great Comments by checkmate-.
175 points, ended April 1, 2008, 32 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-write Pandemonium! by B Chandler.
200 points, ended April 1, 2008, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - CALLING ALL SAPS!! by Seachelle.
225 points, ended April 20, 2008, 18 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - I want to read! by damnxrightxitsxanna.
600 points, ended May 6, 2008, 26 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Do you feel that this is fluid? Is it an easy read? Are feelings expressed enough as to allow you as the reader to feel as the character feels?
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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I think the beginning was a little bit too long. I love the moon and thats why I really liked the story. Maybe it would be even sadder if you'd throw a line like "the woman spoke to the moon, who was surprised, as she was the first one to speak to him." That way you could make the woman even more special to the moon... Good job
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Wow... This is very good. It doesn't exactly allow me to feel as the characters feel, because it is more like a folk tale. But it is very fluid and very happy and sad at the same time. It is easy enough that I am able to read it, but has enough description so that I am able to visualize everything. Very nice! Good luck, thanks for entering, and keep writing!
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This was beautiful. I dont have anyother entries yet but yours is going to be a favorite
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This is very descriptive, wonderfully so infact. The story is simple, and in a way bitter-sweet. Thank you for entering it in my contest.l
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VERY WELL DONE!!!
Your talent grows with each press of a letter key. The story grows like the waterfall in the east. It is as beautiful as the lady bathing in that pool. Keep up the GOOD work. EXCELLENT.
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
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It was very well written and flowed well. I enjoyed reading it.
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Good!
This story was a great idea! I very much enjoyed it. If I could make one suggestion, it would be to re-read the whole thing looking for misspelled words or awkward phrases. I can tell that you are very good with grammar and that you have the ability to make ideas flow very smoothly. I'd bet if you proofread this piece one more time, you'd find a few parts that could be spruced up to make it a perfect story. Great work! Keep writing.
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 4, characters: 4.
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Wow! That was so beautifully written. I couldn't stop reading it. The words and the subject were just mesmerizing all the way to the end. I love how you described the part on how the stars came to be.
I have so much more of a hard time too when I try to write something totally happy. I end up taking three times as long to write it lol. Darkness I can fly through.
Joann
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Breathtaking!
I have to admit that I am rather guilty to clicking on stories, reading the first paragraph and then getting bored. However, this piece just drew me right in. Your language is so colourful and powerful that it engages the reader into your world immediately. It is very difficult to make such an description intensive piece fluid, especially when it is laden with metaphors and anthropomorphisms, but I felt that you making to achieve a reasonable level of fluidity. For this reason, I would say that it is an easy read, but one that requires concentration - especially when picturing your detailed ideas. A very enjoyable read written with expert precision, thank you very much for sharing it!
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Pretty good!
beginning: 2, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 1, characters: 2.
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