The Space Between Us

'He's watching me. He's smiling and he's watching me, whilst he's pretending to socialise with our friends. Why can't he just leave me alone?'1

Jason tried to focus on the pages of the novel fruitlessly. It was distracting, being watched. Horribly distracting. It had been three months since Sirius started watching him, and Jason was quick to realise that it had coincided with his divorce from Jennifer.2

It had only been odd, at first. The occasional lingering glance, the occasional moment where Sirius stood too close. But it had grown, so quickly. It had fast becoming terrifying, but at the same time. 3

It had come to things like this. Jason closed the book and tried to read the back.4

"I dunno, I think the songs are better on Guitar Hero 2, personally," Sirius commented lazily, dragging his eyes up and down Jason's figure in a way that sent shivers down Jason's spine.5

"Yeah, but look at Guitar Hero 3. It's got Metallica on it," Blake pointed out. "Hey Jace. You okay?"6

Jason looked up at Blake. "I'm okay," he said. Blake looked at him oddly, and then Jason realised it had come out a nervous squeak. He cleared his throat. "I... I had a tickle in my throat. Sorry."7

"Right. What do you reckon? Guitar Hero 2 or Guitar Hero 3?" Blake put his feet up on the coffee table and drained the last of his can of beer.8

In between Blake and Sirius, Andy looked close to despair. "You know guys, what about Guitar Hero 1? Have you even considered that?"9

"No, you know. I haven't," Sirius replied softly, meeting eyes with Jason. "I love them all, actually. But I hate the Les Paul design with Guitar Hero 3."10

Jason re-opened the book and desperately tried to ignore Sirius' invading eyes. Jason was sure that Sirius got off on it, the tug-of-war he caused in Jason's brain. Jason was confused. On so many levels it was wrong, and he hated Sirius with a vengeance. He hated Sirius deeply. They were supposed to be partners-in-crime, the closest pair in their circle of friends. Like Blake and Andy were the doped-out guys of their group, Jason and Sirius were the trouble-makers who never get caught.11

But Sirius had changed, and it had stirred something in Jason. Just one single level out of thousands actually wanted Sirius. Wanted him like... like cigarettes, which Jason had given up months ago. He still got the odd incredibly awful craving for them, but he knew they were bad and he stayed away. That was what Sirius was like. A cancer-inducing desire in the back of his mind.12

Jason had seen Sirius laugh and smile every time they were caught in some compromising position together. The dark eyes would avert and the laughter lines would crease up, and his lips would twitch. Then Jason would manage to walk away and close the door on Sirius and he'd hear Sirius laugh.13

Sirius stood up and stretched. "You know, I could really use a line right now."14

Blake groaned. "Naw, man, please don't get a craving right now. You used the last of my speed two days ago. I don't have the money for more. Why can't you buy it yourself?"15

"I'm not the one with connections in the illegal community, criminal record guy."16

"If the police knew what you got up to, Sirius, you wouldn't have a criminal record." Andy threw his empty beer can at Sirius. "You'd have three."17

"Fuck this," Jason muttered, chucking his book to the floor before stalking off down the hall.18

That was another reason that wanting Sirius was wrong. He was fucked off his head on speed half the time. It was a dirty, disgusting drug. It probably didn't help Sirius' behaviour towards Jason any either.19

Andy piped up as Jason walked away. "What's beefin' him?"20

"Shut up, Andy," Blake scoffed.21

"I'll go find out," Sirius offered.22

'Oh, please no. Don't follow me,' Jason wished, slipping into the bathroom and shutting the door behind him. He turned to put the lock on, and sighed. It was broken - the clasp completely snapped off, rendering it useless. "Dammit." Giving up, Jason flicked the cold tap on and splashed the water over his face.23

The door, as Jason expected, clicked open behind him. Then it shut with a dull thud. "What's wrong?"24

"You know," Jason retorted, leaning heavy on the sink, his heartbeat already racing.25

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Sirius sounded smug, and Jason can just imagine the smile on his face.26

"Bullshit." Intended an angry roar to instigate some sort of fight, it came out a strained, scared whisper. The walls felt like they were closing in as Jason turned around to face Sirius, and they were - silently, Sirius had managed to reduce the space between them to about two inches. They were sharing air, and for good measure it seemed, Sirius had put his hands on the sink behind Jason. Effectively making a prison, pinning Jason there.27

Jason wished, as usual, that Sirius was as brittle as he looked. Use of speed had left Sirius thin and worn, hungry-looking, but he hadn't lost any of his strength and it was pointless fighting him. Inexplicably, a sadness came over Jason and his fingers ran over Sirius' bare ribs. "Why don't you eat more? Or maybe give up the speed?"28

Sirius ignored Jason's question, just continued to watch him. As Jason dared make eye contact with Sirius, he saw that the usual chocolate brown was a deep, darker colour - a black shade of lust that sent shockwaves of fear slamming through Jason. 'What are you going to do to me?'29

Jason wished he had more control. But it seemed that despite the fact it was supposed to be just the one level, that one level that wanted Sirius overpowered the others. It made Jason do things like touching Sirius and wishing he wasn't so thin. It all made no sense.30

Sirius leaned in and Jason immediately leaned backwards - Sirius laughed cruelly and kissed Jason's neck before biting it hard, then licking and sucking over it.31

"Why don't you get it?" Jason whimpered. "I... I don't want this.. Stop it!"32

So Sirius did. And as he stopped, the one-level of Jason's brain screamed for it to start again. But he held back. He said nothing. Jason could live through these encounters as long as resisted being kissed. Like that first drag of a cigarette, a kiss would make him addicted. 33

As if reading Jason's mind, Sirius softly intoned, "Just once. And if you don't like it, then I'll stop. I'll leave you alone."34

Jason searching Sirius' face, then replied in a strained voice, "You're lying."35

Sirius chuckled demonically and looked down, then back at Jason with a twisted smirk. "You're right. Getting my own way by lying was never my strong point." His expression hardened and he straightened up, nose-to-nose with Jason. Coming so close to just kissing him. "One step. One small step. All you have to do is just take it."36

Jason shook his head furiously. "No. No. It's wrong. No."37

Sirius shrugged and stepped backwards. "No? Oh, well. If you're sure..."38

The space between them seemed too large, suddenly. "No!" Jason protested, panicking, his heart pounding.39

"No what? No I'm sure, or no I'm not sure?" Sirius challenged, amused.40

Jason hesitated, then reached out, took Sirius by the arm and pulled him in and kissed him. A close thing, but it wasn't sweet, or overly passionate. It just was.41

But now Jason wasn't sure what was supposed to happen. Was he supposed to profess his love for Sirius? There was only one problem with that - he didn't love Sirius. He was sure Sirius didn't love him either. It was just... lust. Some sort of sick lust. Maybe, Jason's logical brain tried to reason, it was supposed to be like this, and they'd sleep with each other and then that would be that. Lust over.42

Somehow he doubted it.43

Jason's knees buckled beneath him and he collapsed to the bathroom floor, dragging Sirius with him. The kissing returned with a renewed, fiery fervour - Jason's hands firmly gripping Sirius' hips, Sirius' hands scratching at Jason's back - sprawled, messy, untidy on the bathroom tiles. But enough.44

Jason dug his scraggly, rough nails into Sirius' hips, deliberately digging and gripping hard enough to draw blood. Growling, Sirius returned the favour - his longer, neater, but sharper nails dragging the length of Jason's spine, and he bit down hard on Jason's lip.45

Jason cried out and arched his back, his larger hands finding Sirius' and gripping the thin wrists tight. "No more," he begged out-loud to his captor. "No more." He laid himself back on the cool tiles, gasping and breathing hard. Sirius' head found a comfortable position on his shoulder.46

"I hate you," Jason whispered, tears leaking from the corners of his eyes.47

That low, dark chuckle again, and that smile again. "I hate you too," came the reply.