Pretty Little Lies

White roses.1

You always knew how to please.2

Caramel-filled chocolates.3

My favorite. 4

A fluffy teddy bear.5

You shouldnt have.6

Sparkling jewels.7

Your pretty little lies.8

I whisper sweet nothings9

Into locked ears.10

I stroke your face,11

You pretend to care.12

I tell you I'm yours,13

You make me promise.14

Upon my oath, 15

I'm forced into submission.16

I try to scream, 17

Your hand muffles my plea.18

I start to sob,19

You abandon your pretenses.20

Now I really see you.21

Now I'm really scared.22

You cheated.23

Took a prize you didn't deserve.24

You broke all the rules,25

You broke me.26

You left me there.27

You just left.28

The silky white roses29

Weep as I paint them red.30

Sweet chocolates31

Become poison in my throat.32

My gentle bear33

Forsakes my side.34

I'm cold.35

The little silver chain36

Glints maliciously round my neck.37

It grows tighter.38

I can't breathe.39

I'm all alone,40

Left there to choke 41

On your pretty little lies.

Author notes

I chose to write an un-valentines day story. Hope you like it.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Noisome.
    June 28, 2008

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    Really terrific. I think that the transitioning from the trust and love to the pain and deceit was wonderfully subtle. It wasn't drawn out or difficult to find and the lines were so meaningful. I like that they were cut short, more sharp, jagged. I like it. I like this a lot.
    -Sarah.


  • GrimDeath
    March 31, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Good job


  • dark-fantasies
    March 27, 2008

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    Terrific poem. I loved your imagery and flow, and how you took the most ordinary objects and completely changed them.
    "My gentle bear
    Forsakes my side"
    This was my favourite line, for some reason it really stood out to me. This is an amazing poem and I really enjoyed it!


  • cognitivedistortion
    March 27, 2008

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    Some of it I've heard before... actually a good bit I've read in other pieces. It sounds like a poem that you used as an outlet, and there's nothing wrong with that at all. I think I'm a little biased because I don't generally like dark poems, they usually all sound the same to me. They'd really have to stand out in some way or be written in some freak style to capture me. The imagery was great, and by the way you write you probably have real talent... just don't ever confine yourself to one method; when your writing on a well-known topic it's best to be bold and different, as long as you like it. It had a lot of emotion though, and I'm by no means any great writer, so I hope you don't take any of that offensively. It's not a bad poem.

    Thanks for posting in the list, look forward to reading your others soon.

    cd


  • maiohmai
    March 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Loved it. I really starting feeling it after I read 'I whisper sweet nothings'. Lovely, really. Keep writing


  • Spiffy Ree
    February 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    That's an amazing poem. It's really really good!!!

1 - 6 of 6