Follow Me

The soft but steady wind worked on the wooden gate, just twenty feet away, pulling it back and clapping it forward. Creaking, the rusty hinges of that sun splintered barrier grinded together; hinges that would eventually break if the wood itself didn’t turn to dust first. In front of me stretched a limitless expanse of yellow cracked clay, and all I could see was the horizon. 1

It was the only scenery I had ever known, and the back of my mind worked persistently on a question I wasn’t yet sure of. Having tried for a while to figure it out, all I had so far was that it had something to do with what was beyond that patient, unchanging landscape. It was a question I was prepared to never answer for the sake of doing what's right. I had an idea though. Moral decay. Part of me itched to be tested, to see how I would perform when my actions really mattered. Will I ever know what’s out there?2

Behind me the screen door opened and bounced shut, and then I heard footsteps on the porch come to my side.3

“It’s a beautiful day isn’t it?” a warm voice to my right asked.4

“It’s a good day to be free,” I hesitated, “Father.”5

“Why, Daniel?” His gentle hand found its way onto the back of my neck and rested there, cool to the touch. “You’re the prince of our family, our people.” His spongy fingers squeezed lovingly and his voice rang melodically, “You’re not a boy anymore; call me by my name.”6

I turned to him and smiled; his hand still on my neck. Things were so clear when he was there to show me. He was right. But when wasn’t he? I wasn’t a boy anymore. “I’m sorry Nathan.”7

“Don’t be sorry young man,” he pulled me in and put a kiss to my forehead. His bearded lips lingered long enough for me to briefly feel the air on my skin as he exhaled. “I wouldn’t lead you astray. Now follow me. Your third test is overdue.” 8

He released his hold on me and headed back towards the front door; already I felt uneasy. Nathan paused with one foot inside, and the other still on the porch, then turned around to see if I was still coming. Before entering the family den with him, I glanced over my shoulder at the Arizona sky behind me and sent up a message: Let me be strong.9

*****10

“Take it,” Father said. I stood there looking at the knife resting in his upturned palm. “You know what you must do.” I had a hard time believing what he was asking of me, though it didn’t take long to realize this was real and there was no turning back.11

“Do I have to, Father?” I asked, looking over to the middle of the room where there was a large stone slab, about waist high; on it was a brown lamb hogtied, and on its side. It was my first time in the basement and the cooler air was raising bumps on the back of my neck. On the wall behind me a clock ticked steadily away dragging out the seconds as they passed. Despite being well lit, the entire room felt like it was covered in shadows I couldn’t see.12

“How else can I be sure of your commitment?” he asked in return. I couldn’t come up with an answer so I kept quiet, but still refrained from taking the knife. I was too scared to move. “Daniel, this is only your first test,” he said with a hint of rising disappointment.13

“I know,” I sighed. “Okay.” I reached for his palm and took the knife. It was time for me to accept my responsibility.14

“You’ll do well, I know it.” He gave me a squeeze on the arm and walked over to the lamb placing us at opposite ends of it. “Don’t ever be afraid to follow me Daniel. The path I’ll guide you on will be a straight one.” I already felt better knowing he was pleased again. He put a hand on the animal’s shoulder and motioned for me to move in; its ears flicked at his touch, and it struggled a little bit with the ropes. “Come here, I want to show you where to place it.”15

That was when I heard the door open and shut, momentarily filling the stale air with vibrant sounds from the party upstairs. A pair of feet descending the steps was the sound that followed. 16

“What’s going on down here?” asked a familiar voice. It was Lilly, the closest thing I had to a mother. She had taken care of me for as long as I could remember, but she always made sure I knew how fortunate Nathan was to have found me. When she saw the lamb, and what I held in my hand, she froze.17

“Leila, you chose an interesting time to join me. I’m just about to give Daniel his first test.” He flashed a clean shaven smile which cut into the tension that thickened between them.18

“What the hell, Nathan?” she asked, coming off of the stairway and stopping at my side. Lilly was the only person I’ve ever seen disagree with Father, and I only ever saw it if we were isolated from everyone else. She grabbed my hand, the one with the knife in it, by the wrist and held it up for all four of us—the lamb as well—to see. “You’re kidding?”19

“Why would I be?” asked Father, raising an eyebrow and narrowing his darkened eyes. “He needs to do this. The Family needs to know he can do this.” 20

“No Nathan,” Lilly jumped in. “Just you.” She pointed to the door we all came in from and continued, “They will accept him whether he does this or not because you’ve told them to.” Her finger was now pointed at Father’s nose. “Only you need him to do this.”21

I just stood there looking back and forth as my foreteller and Lilly spoke, wanting to be somewhere else, some place far away.22

He crossed his arms and explained, “He will be accepted because they believe in my knowledge, and I know Daniel can take my place when the time comes.” While he spoke, Father was stroking the lamb’s brown neck. “This trial will start him on the way.”23

“I can’t do this anymore,” Lilly said nearly yelling. She turned to me and took my face into her hands. “You’re better than this, all of this. Put the knife down and let’s get out of here.”24

“No,” Father said, almost casually. Lilly’s hands dropped from my cheeks and we both looked at him. “You’re my blood Leila, but that doesn’t mean you can just walk out of here with him.” He then looked to me. “You’re growing up Daniel, so you decide. What will you do?”25

“He’s only fourteen!”26

“He’s not going anywhere unless he’s the one to decide it,” Father replied maintaining his composure. “Daniel, what will it be?”27

I wasn’t ready for this kind of decision, but as usual it didn’t matter. My choices were either to leave with the woman who fed—and wiped—me as a babe, or to stay for the people who need me, with the foreteller who guides us right. Both pairs of eyes burned into me and I couldn’t stand having to pick, but I knew I had to. I looked to the floor desperately trying to see something that would get me out of this.28

Lilly once again pulled my face to hers and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I’ll never forget the sweet scent of her auburn hair. When her lips left my skin she whispered the last thing I’d ever hear her say into my ear: “Whatever happens, just be strong.”29

*****30

Entering that den sent a rush of adrenaline through my veins as it always did. My nasal passages opened up to let in the musty air, and the hairs on my skin stood on end as if trying to snatch any particle of moisture that wandered by. The light, a gift of the window shades that were never opened, submerged everything and everyone in the room in a pale gray haze. A tranquil murmur of voices hovered in the air.31

The den was large and simple with a fireplace, five sofas, and no wall dividing it from the dining room.32

Distant gazes turned to Nathan and me. Everyone stopped mid-chant and lowered their hands. Immediately the slackened bodies tightened up and they swarmed around us as we passed.33

“Will you be teaching today, our Loved One?” a woman by the cold fireplace asked Nathan. I didn’t recognize her voice, and looking at her didn’t ring any bells either. New Convert. 34

“Please teach, it’s been days,” added the man next to her, Fred Willus, the local butcher, and a good and hardworking man. The room buzzed in agreement.35

“Exercise patience, children,” Nathan told them, with his hands held high, silencing any interruptions. “I will teach again soon. Maybe even today, and I want you to be ready for me when I do. Expect it, always.” Everyone groaned at his words. They were eager, like tots on Christmas morning. “Remember all of you,” he brought his hands down and held them out to his admirers, “I am the voice generations have waited for; they were not denied of my word so that you will go untold.” I heard a number of exhales. They took relief from what he was saying. “Follow me, and I will never lead you astray. You may use The Book to ease the hours, until I am ready.” 36

Just then someone caught my hand, clasping all four fingers tightly together. It was a woman: Karen Days, a teacher of the third grade in town. “Oh Prince Daniel, son to the Foreteller, our Loved One,” she dropped to her knees still holding my hand. The room, now silent, turned its attention onto the two of us. “Will you teach us then?” Her voiced quivered a bit. I think she was on the verge of tears.37

I looked to Nathan for an answer and he smiled at me, giving none. He too wanted to know what I would say. I looked back at Karen. “Nathaniel and I have business.” Still holding her hand, I pulled her up, “But we’ll be with you in spirit.” 38

I offered her hand to Nathan’s, and he took it with a wide smile. The two embraced and he kissed her on the head. He chuckled warmly. “Be your days long, and your nights pleasant…” he said, looking into her revering eyes; after a moment he looked up and at the crowd, “all of you.” 39

With that said, Michael Evans, a talented bartender, started lightly playing Nathan’s favorite song on his guitar. When he saw the Foreteller approve, the music picked up and caught everyone’s limbs in its chords. Most of them were singing and dancing, some were sitting and kissing, a few were groping and disrobing, but all of them were returned to their own situations.40

“You did fine,” Nathan said with a pat to my cheek. “Follow me,” he said, heading for the dining room. 41

I began to follow him when, again, another hand grabbed at my own, but this time the fingers interlaced themselves with mine. I turned around, and saw a face I adored.42

“Hey there Prince Charming!”43

*****44

I couldn’t be more ready for this test. It was my second, and looking back, I passed my first with flying colors. Bring a new member into the family. It was simple enough, but I felt like a secret agent undercover in a world of heathens. Like a sixteen-year-old secret agent. I didn’t get to go out often, and when I did it was always exhilarating. Here they were, town folken, walking around as if everything was okay. Going to work, as if they weren’t empty husks. Eating their bags of chips, as if they weren’t in peril! 45

There was so much Father could teach them, so much they could learn. But these were matters that didn’t concern me. I looked around, not having a clue as to where I should place myself. Seeing no obvious spot, I sat on the curb just an earshot away from the town fountain across the street. It wasn’t grand, but its noise did wonders to clear my thoughts. From the first time I saw it, I always wished we had one at the house, or at least wished we lived closer to this one. 46

The sun was high in the sky, and I felt good today. With my elbows supported by my knees, I began to analyze the Potentials around the park. I was quiet and still, as if breaking form would give me away. My choices were at the poppy garden or the eating tables, places where most of the people weren’t in a rush to go anywhere. They were upwind, which actually went to their benefit because I was being distracted by something a breeze was pushing into my face. It was the various foods of the farmer’s market beyond the park. After trying twice, unsuccessfully, to refocus on those who were reading their books, or those eating alone, I got up and went to investigate what I had caught scent of. 47

I was hot on the trail of something strawberry (someone was making pancakes), when I saw a girl. She was gorgeous. Big, clear eyes, which were either green or hazel, I wasn’t yet close enough to see, drifted over the meat pies as she strolled by the vendors. Her lips, light in color, but not pale by any standards, were pulled into a modest smile. Her hair was blonde, but didn’t shine too much in the brunch-time sun; it was kept at neck length, maybe an inch or two away from her shoulders. She wore jeans and a light yellow shirt that made her glow softly.48

This was how Adam must have felt when he first saw Eve. My heartbeat strengthened and my breath weakened. Immediately I knew what it was about her that attracted me so much: she was so different from Father. Most of the girls my age back at the house physically resembled Father, and I could never get by that. Not this one though. No dark brown hair, no sunken cheeks, and no hollowed eyes. 49

I didn’t know how to approach her, so I just stood in the middle of the walkway, watching as she passed a fruit vendor, took a kiwi while the trader was occupied with someone else, and kept walking. Wait. I was out of my trance and closing in on her faster than I realized. She noticed me though, and stopped walking. Her eyes met mine.50

“Hi,” she said, as I stopped in front of her. 51

I took her hand, the one without the kiwi, and pressed a dollar into it. “I bet it would feel a lot better if you paid for it,” I offered, looking at her other hand. She looked at me in confusion. “Go on. I won’t tell if you won’t,” I said, soaking up as much of her as I could.52

“What are you pulling?” she asked, accusingly. I couldn’t take that, so I broke the eye contact and looked down for a split second. Afterwards I looked up and shrugged with a smile. The girl went back to the vendor—Sylvia Thomas, a well liked individual at the house, and a mother of two—and paid for the fruit she tried to steal. When she came back she held out her hand and gave me the change.53

“You gonna treat me to lunch too?” she asked sarcastically, already peeling the skin off the Kiwi with her nails. 54

“Yeah,” I said. “Why not? We could be a thing.” She stopped her fruit skinning and looked at me in shock. I nodded to assure her that she had heard correctly, though I too was in disbelief of what spilled out of my lips. I stuck out my open hand, “I’m Daniel.”55

“Yeah,” she said, narrowing her eyes at me. “Why not.”56

We ate at an Italian place not far from the farmer’s market. Her name was Bianca Fairholm, she was fifteen, and she really liked gnocci. Hazel, by the way: her eyes were hazel. There was some chat back and forth on the way over, but once the food arrived we were quiet. I didn’t mind; I enjoyed watching her eat.57

“Can I ask you something?”58

“Fire away, Dan.”59

“Why were you stealing? You don’t look like someone short on cash.”60

She laughed. “Thanks, I guess. Just give it a few days though. I ran away the day before yesterday.”61

“Why would you do that?” 62

“Parents didn’t like me. Foster parents.” She paused from eating and leaned forward, “If you ask me, it was because I was prettier than their daughter.” It was great hearing her speak. “Well, it was because I didn’t get along with their daughter, but she didn’t like me because I was prettier than her.” This really hit hard. How could they treat someone poorly because they were beautiful?63

The pager on my belt vibrated. Shit! Time was up. I had completely forgotten about my task, and Father was already calling me back. This was terrible timing and I considered staying a little longer; it could probably get me in trouble, but I didn’t want to go back without Bianca. I began to admire her choice to run away as I pressed the heel of my palm into one of my closed eyes and winced. “I have to go.” 64

“You’ll pay for the food right?”65

“Yeah, of course.” I stood up putting the cash on the table. My heart pounded. I was terrified of what her reply would be, but I had to ask the question. “Listen Bianca, do you want to come back with me?” She looked at me quizically, but didn’t look completely opposed to the idea. “It’s like a big family over there, and it’s not a bad place to stay if you don’t have any.” I felt more confident about what I was saying once I actually heard the way it sounded. “Everyone there aims only to please one another, not put them down.”66

“That doesn’t sound very normal,” she said, staring down at the food and pushing it around with her fork. 67

“Oh, it is. They’re everyday people just like you and me. They make your food, teach your classes, protect you while you sleep, and even write the laws you live by. Let me show you so you can see for yourself.”68

She took in a deep breath and let it out. “They’ll just let me stay with them?”69

“They will if I ask them to. You’ll love it, I promise.”70

After she took a deep breath, she stood up and wrapped her arm around mine. “My own Prince Charming.”71

*****72

This time the crowd couldn’t care less about who was holding my hand, so the music and dancing went on uninterrupted. 73

“Where are you two going?” Bianca asked, squeezing my hand and caressing my thumb with hers. It’s been eight months since I brought her back to the outskirts of town with me and I’ve never cared about her more than I did now. She really filled a hole that I’ve had since the end of the first trial. She lives with us, but she’s not one of them. The best part was no one here has touched her yet. Because she was mine, she was left for me, and who had the authority to do otherwise? I wish I could say the same for myself. Between the two of us, we only kissed. I didn’t want to ruin something good, something beautiful, something that only we had. Purity. Physical release wasn’t something I needed in that sense; since I could remember, the family has required that from me on an almost nightly basis. Besides, the time for us would come eventually, and we figured waiting would make things that much better.74

“Nathaniel wants to give me the final t—”75

“There you are Daniel,” came Nathan’s voice from behind me. “I was wondering where yo—” he noticed Bianca. “Aaah, Bianca dear, your timing couldn’t be better. Follow me, both of you.”76

We looked at each other and obeyed, following Nathan into the dining room, through the kitchen, and into the bedroom hallway. Nathan stopped and turned around to face us. I knew something big was coming. The last test couldn’t be easy. Bianca tightened her grip on my hand.77

“Bianca, I’ve enjoyed your presence in this house for some time now. However, it’s time for you to consummate your entry into this family,” he said clasping his hands together, “and Daniel, for thirteen years now I’ve raised you in the shade of my wing.” This jarred me. Lilly was never mentioned after she ran away, even when her credit was due. “However, you can never voice the word of God, and the code of The Book, if you’ve never known the heat of a woman.” He exhaled with a bearded smile and reopened his hands showing us their emptiness. His robe looked dirty, but not because it hadn’t been washed. No, it was dirty because he had worn it since before I was born. “Daniel your third test is more of a reward than it is a test. Claim a woman for yourself tonight and love her. Will you take Bianca?”78

Something jumped up in my throat and my breathing quickened. I heard the crowd, now muffled by a few walls, sing the chorus of the song: “You won’t find nobody else like him.” Just noticing the heat, I looked to the dial thermometer on the wall that read 92F; I heard the air conditioning unit in the dining room running faintly. Must be on its last legs. I wasn’t ready for this. We weren’t ready yet. I’ve always performed on time and as asked, but this didn’t feel right. And I know she felt the same way. She must have. I wanted to but I couldn’t. The choice must be part of the test. 79

“F… Nathan, I think… I think it would be best if you took the honor of bringing Bianca into the family.” Bianca’s grip on my hand loosened until she let go altogether. 80

Behind Nathan, one of the bedroom doors opened, and a man stepped out with a woman. Charlie Evans, the Sheriff, and Connie Tweed, a lawyer and wife of the Mayor. They were headed in our direction. “I respect your opinion Daniel,” said Nathan, taking Bianca from me. “Connie, will you lay with Daniel tonight?”81

“Of course, Loved One.”82

“Follow me Bianca,” he said, walking down the hall with her. “To the pure, everything is pure,” Nathan finished, looking over his shoulder to me.83

Of the twelve bedrooms, Nathan and I each had one designated to us only. I saw him take Bianca into his, and Connie led me into mine. I couldn’t look Bianca in the eyes, but I knew her look would be one of despair when Nathan shut his door behind them. I looked down knowing again, that I chose the wrong side. There’s no turning back. Just then I found myself thinking over and over, What have I done?84

In my room I was already imagining Connie as a different person. She was undressing me, but it wasn’t her hands I felt. I closed my eyes as she pushed me back onto the bed. Against my will, my body responded to her caresses after five minutes. What have I done? She was kissing me, but it was another pair of lips I felt locked onto mine; it was another tongue that invaded and explored my mouth. What have I done? I opened my eyes and against every wish I was making, she was still Connie, still twenty years my senior, still brown eyed, still everything Bianca was not. Still completely dressed, she straddled me and pulled off her shirt. But that was as far as we got. The door to my room crashed open and Nathan barged in completely nude.85

“Daniel! Follow me now!”86

Connie didn’t even say a word. She got off and I followed Nathan, completely nude myself. He led me to the basement door at the end of the hall, and then into it. I was wondering what Nathan thought was so important, but on the whole I was relieved and didn’t really care. That was until I saw what was waiting for me in the basement. 87

I hadn’t been down here since Lilly left. The room was dank like the rest of the house, but as before, it was cold, and the flickering light was a sterile white. This time, the concrete floor was wet, and blackened by the water that now softened the tissue on the bottom of my foot. On the stone slab in the middle of the room was the result of my second test to the rite of passage into foreteller-hood. Tied down, and blindfolded face up on the slab in the middle of the room was Bianca. Her mouth was gagged, but I heard her whimpers. Her panties were on and she was still wearing her bra, but aside from that, the girl was exposed. Nathan walked around to the other end of the table and looked at me, placing his hands on Bianca’s chest. I came down from the stairs and stood next to her.88

“God’s only law is love, Daniel. Love. She,” he said, lifting his fingers off her chest and placing them on her face, “has broken this law; denied this Commandment!” I looked at Bianca, who was crying, blind and muted, and then to my foreteller. He walked over to a counter by the wall and pulled a knife off it and walked over to me. “Take it,” he offered. I took the black serrated blade from his hands and he walked back to the wall where he picked something else up. I looked down at Bianca, the market-place thief, and my heart sank. “You know what you must do, Daniel. This is your third test. She cannot be suffered to live.” 89

Silence swung in the air in a noose, while I gripped the blade over her chest. Even Bianca was quiet listening for my reaction. Looking up to Nathan I saw that he now had a gun in his hand. It was pointed at the floor, but I took a step back.90

“It’s as simple as it was before.” He pulled the hammer back, making an almost inaudible click. I doubt Bianca heard; she was still waiting for my reaction.91

Bianca’s chest looked a whole lot like a lamb’s right now. The knife would only have an inch and a half, at most, of rib to push through before the heart would tear and spasm and bleed apart. She would cry, as the lamb did, but it would be over in only five or six seconds. She might convulse a bit, but most of it would be on entry; once the heart is punctured, muscles didn’t have long to respond to the mind’s commands. 92

“You have my blessing, Daniel, do what you know is right.”93

I stepped up to her and used both hands to push the point of the knife onto her chest, just above the left breast. A small drop of blood formed where its tip contacted her skin. At the sight of the red I stepped back again. The light flickered sending the room flashing in and out of darkness in a sickening, irregular strobe.94

“What are you doing?” Nathan asked, when I looked at him again. 95

I felt for the ropes that tied Bianca down and cut her loose. She took her blindfolds off, and her gags out herself. Returning my attention to her accuser, I put the knife onto the table. I heard Bianca get up, but she didn’t leave the room. She didn’t leave me. I had chosen him before, and I lost Lilly because of it. Now things would be different.96

“What are you doing?!” he repeated, this time taking a step forward, “Daniel don’t make me do this,” he said, pointing the gun at my Torso. I stood still, unafraid, and confident that I had made the right choice. The clock on the wall was still ticking, and the moments were long, while I waited for him to do something.97

“I won’t do it again Nathan. I’m sorry.”98

“What about all the people depending on you?” he asked finally lowering the gun. I saw him begin to relax again. “I believed in you. They believed in you. I gave you everything.”99

“I can’t take this anymore, Nathan,” I said, not wanting to move until he stopped pointing the gun at me. “I’ve always listened and it’s not for me, it never was and Leila knew that.”100

“My sister always did complicate things,” Nathan said bringing the gun up to me again. “I still do believe in you Daniel, and I’m sure Leila does too.” He adjusted the muzzle so it wasn’t fixed on my chest anymore and fired a shot past me. I heard Bianca cry my name from behind and immediately understood his intentions.101

“NO!” I yelled, grabbing the knife from the table and racing for Nathan. My movements were automatic, and it was all over in a blur. I brought the point down into his shoulder as far down as I could manage. The wound was fatal, and so was Bianca’s. 102

I ran over to Bianca and knelt by her side. The round went into her chest just where the heart is. She was already still. Burying my face into her neck, I quietly let my tears steam forward.103

When her body finally began to cool I heard some movement on the floor behind me, so I turned around to see Nathan looking at me. I walked over to tend to him in his final moments.104

He pulled himself up to me, and with his mouth next to my ear, passed on his last words. They were shaky words; he was barely able to push them out. “I step off the path, and into the clearing. Eventually, all will…” he swallowed, “All will follow me.” And with that, his 48 years of biblical history came to its conclusion, forever placing a burden on my shoulders. 105

Fifteen minutes later I was emerging from the den, fully clothed with Bianca, also fully clothed, limp in my arms. I was headed for the fence and the pickup truck behind it. Just as I was about to reach for the gate, I heard the door to the porch open behind me. 106

“Wait!” someone called. It was Connie’s voice. I stopped just two feet from freedom. I turned around and all the people from the den were emptying out onto the porch. Connie stepped forward into the sunlight. The noon sun stood high overhead roasting us all. “What now?” she asked. For a second, I let the question hang.107

There was no one to look to but myself. All eyes were on me. 108

This question opened a door to me; a door that answered the mystery that bugged me at the beginning of this day. What now? The real question wasn’t Will I ever know what’s out there? No, by asking “What now?” she helped me realize that what I’ve been wondering for years, since I lost Lilly, was in fact, Will I ever know what it’s like, without Nathan? But now he was gone. It was a good day to be free, and now I was.109

Silence resonated in the air. Everyone was waiting for my answer. What Now? The wind blew in my ear soft and steady, and without warning the hinges on the gate behind me broke, and the thing to fell to the ground. What now? I’ll tell you what. Thinking about how I would answer this question, only two words echoed inside my skull. Two words. Follow me.110