“So glad you could drop by today, Here, have some canapés to go with your lemon, lime and bitters. 1
Let me tell you about the delicious insect found in the Papua New Guinea highlands.2
Well, actually, for outsiders it is an acquired taste. Acquired when you are starving, mostly. The insect is called Moonah in a local language; and it is a large beetle. 3
Catch it, pull off the wings and feet, wash in clean water, and fry. High in protein. No different than Wytchitee Grubs I would guess. Yum! Of course it takes hundreds to make a meal. Goes well with rice and greens, I’m told. So if you are feeding a family it may take thousands, families being of the extended variety in rural PNG villages. 4
My eldest son was three when he was taught how to catch Moonah. Messa, our gardener showed him how. It seems that one needs to catch a few female Moonah first. They are easy to spot. They sit on a branch and all the males for miles around come to them. [Sounds vaguely familiar] If you see a mob of Moonah, then there is a female at the centre of all the excitement. [Also sounds familiar] Once you have a few Moonah females, you tear off their wings and put them on a convenient bush. Then you wait, with a bag or bowl in hand.5
Along come the males, and you scoop them up by the double-handful, literally. My son was very good at this, and received praise from the villagers. Then comes the cleaning and cooking process. And then finally the meal. This all lasts about a week. Party time. Munch, much, crunch. Very social indeed. 6
Here, have another canapé. 7
Surprisingly, enough of these edible insects avoid capture to repopulate each year.8
All of this must have affected my son’s psyche. He’s been a conservationist ever since. [Not a bad thing to be, actually]9
He spent several years working for a zoo, breeding endangered species and releasing them back into the wild. And while he didn’t pull off any wings, because they were marsupials, and had no wings, he had learned a thing or three about pheromones. All of which came in handy when trying to encourage the various species to multiply, instead of dying out.10
And to keep the little critters fed he had to go out and trap termites by the tens of thousands. Yup. You guessed it. Find the female. Stake her out on a piece of wood in a bucket, and wait for all the workers to assemble. Voila, ‘termite a-la-carte’. Very astute he is.11
Now, if I could only get him to focus all those pheromonal talents on locating a suitable wife… well then you see, they could start a breeding program of their own. 12
And I could get on with the very serious business of being a grandfather.13
Oh, by the way, did you enjoy those canapés? The brown and white spread on top of the cheese was Moonah. Tasty was it? Oh. Oh! You’re turning green! Whatever is the matter?”14
“Buach>bluargh>ughblach!”15
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
-
Amusing
I actually guessed what the ending would be, but that did not deter from the amusement of the story.
Reminded me of the time when I used to breed rabbits for the pot. I took in a discarded Dutch Rabbit, a former child's pet and found out pretty quickly why it had been discarded. It was downright vicious! Needless to say, it ended up in the pot for dinner one night.
A rather snobbish friend was visiting the next day and congratulated me on the tasty "chicken sandwiches". I waited until she had consumed almost every one before I told her what she was eating. Ah but I digress.
I liked the way you interwove the story with tales of the past and how lessons learned might well be useful in the future; especially the bit where pheromones may well come in handy. Your son may well found a business where manufacturing these could start an export business to the Middle East?
Enjoyed reading your story and will make sure my cheese and marmite sandwhiches are really cheese and MARMITE sandwiches in future. :-)
. Rewarded 8
-
definitely hilarious.
I'll remember never accept a lunch invitation from you
-
Witty
Ah, I do love the wittiness of this paper. I read it with an English accent. I don't know if that was intended or not. Very funny stuff. And well researched.
. Rewarded 4
-
-
Riachard Paranoia
Have another canape?
English accent will do; but Australian would be better.
Thanks for reading.
JG
-
-
You're published, aren't you? I mean in a non-academic sense. I've done academic research into pheromones (consumer based), and it was nice to see a familiar subject into play. Your stories, however short they tend to be, carry more magnitude and aesthetic than works that tend to be ten times their length and half of their virtuosity.
. Rewarded 6
-
-
Major Tom
MT,
I'm not doing well with my mouse today; lets see if this reply works.
One last peek at the site before I'm off the see the wizard.
I only 'publish' on free sites.
Try reading my not so short story "The Diné Bikéyah and the Bilagaana Buzzard". It is very light on magnitude and aesthetics.
Bye.
JG -
Major Tom,
-
Major Tom,
-
-
Funny, mate. Really hilarious. I like ur unusual take on the story, AND the wry humor.
Cheers,
R. Rewarded 4
-
-
Randy7
Hi R7,
Middle bit was true, the rest is a send up.
When there is starvation in PNG, highlanders burn off the mauntains, and pick up all the dead [and precooked] animals.
JG
-
-
Just curious, you know. Paragraph 11, you start of with "And" which is fine by me, but paragraph 10 refers to 'Roos' I didn't know 'Roos' ate termites. I have this vision of your son staking out a female Roo and waiting for some of the eight-foot males to bound along!
Yeh, and how were the pheromones, Grandfather?
I'll have some tasty 'bush' canapes, better than those 'rock oysters' YEECH! All that mercury! And rubbish from the Harbour!
Seriously, though, this is pretty good and an enjoyable read. Nicely served.
. Rewarded 8
Adding your comment:
1 - 11 of 11
