Inspire me to Live{chapter 1}

_flashback_1

‘I’d do more then die for you. I’d protect you from whatever, if it were animals…criminals…whatever. Any man who would try to kill you would be sure to be dead. He wouldn’t only die; he’d go through much suffering. The agonizing pain would cause him to go suicidal. Well guess what? No suicide for him, just straight up pain.’2

I laughed. ‘That is so sick and so sweet all at that same time.’3

‘Sick? No .That’s straight up love.’ 4

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I fell to the floor clutching my heart with one hand and holding on to the table with the other.6

_continue flashback_7

He lightly kissed the top of my head. 8

‘I love you so much Garret...’9

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My mother ran in shrieking. I felt myself spit up blood, and then hear my mother scream at my little sister. My vision started to blur and soon everything was only black.11

_continue flashback_12

‘I love you too...Emery.’13

_end flashback_14

I slowly opened my eye lids. Everything was still blurry and I was forced to blink a few times. I struggled to adjust my sight. I cried out, feeling a sharp pain in my chest. My heart, it was aching again. 15

Did I have another stroke? I asked myself. This meant the possibility of me finishing the rest of my junior year were even more slim. 16

A tear slipped down my face. It seemed they were slipping more often now.17

My mother walked in, my sister trailing behind her. My little sister, Elle, looked like she would break down any moment now. 18

“Emery, we’re so glad you’re awake.”19

Then I noticed something, my father was no where in site, typical. He was probably banging his secretary. My father has been having an affair for some time now. All of us knew about it. It was just that none of us talked about it. 20

My mother was in denial. She didn’t want to face the fact. That was only half of the reason she hadn’t divorced him. You see, my mother could never really keep a job longer then a week, so my father was the only thing keeping food on our plates. 21

“Yeah, It wasn’t that bad this time. Maybe that’s a sign I’m getting better”22

I wished I could believe that but I knew it only meant the end was drawing closer. It was obvious my mother knew as well, for she said nothing for a while. 23

“Emery…before you passed out…what were you thinking about? The doctors think that might have triggered the stroke.”24

I clenched my fists, fighting the on-slaught of tears. My head automatically turned down to my lap. Elle could not see me like this again, nor could my mother. Breaking their hearts is something I wanted to stop doing. 25

“I was thinking about…” 26

_Flashback_27

‘I love your smile, it’s gorgeous.’ 28

‘No it’s not, it’s horrible’ he said with a laugh.29

A small frown spread across my face. 30

‘It’s not horrible, it’s gorgeous.’31

‘Why is it gorgeous?’32

‘It just is!’33

I stood up, picked up my books and walked away. His soft laughter filled my ears as I walked down the hallway.34

_Flashback Ends_35

Once again I was packing my bag to leave the hospital. I had to stay an extra day just so they could run the same old tests. 36

Once again I was walking down the familiar hallways, waving at the same old nurses, who all smiled back. 37

It was the same routine, every time. I was pretty sick and tired of it. Though I was sick of the white walls of the hospital the first time I saw them. 38

The car ride home was agonizing, looking at the same damn thing I’d been looking at for years. I almost thanked god I fell asleep. I would have if the dream wasn’t about him…39

_Flashback_40

I locked my hand tight around his. He tightened his grip also, looking down at me.41

‘Is something wrong, sweetheart?’ 42

‘I don’t know…I just feel like something bad is going to happen.’ 43

A loud screeching noise filled my ears and then I saw it, a car about to hit us head on. I didn’t feel the impact; all I felt was his soft kiss. I didn’t hear the car hit us: all I heard was his ‘I love you.’ Last words he would ever utter. 44

_Flashback Ends_45

My mother shook me awake. I was crying and she hadn’t noticed till we got home. She wouldn’t stop apologizing, even when I said it was alright.46

I clutched my heart as I exited the car. It had started to ache. It stopped as soon as my mother fell to the ground crying. It pained me to see her this way. Sometimes I wanted to die faster just to put her out of her misery. It didn’t matter to me if I lived or died. He was my reason for existing and now he’s not even living. 47