Nikki Mötley -Into the Darkness: Part II [Christmas 1986]

Part II [Christmas 1986]1

Christmas wasn’t celebrated in the Mötley house like it was supposed to be celebrated. Instead of spending the holiday with friends or family and having a Christmas dinner or opening presents, they did the exact opposite of that. 2

It had been Christmas of 1986 during then. The five year old Nikki had woken up in her bedroom early that morning, hoping that Santa Claus had visited her house and brought her presents. She knew to not get her hopes up for Santa Claus coming to her house because during the other four Christmases prior to 1986, Santa hardly came to their house. 3

She got out of bed and went into the living room that morning and went over to the Christmas tree that was near their TV. To her surprise, there were a few presents and they were for her. Her glaze went over from the presents under the tree and locked her glaze with her father. He sat on the ground up against the wall near the tree. It was six o’clock in the morning and he was already shooting up cocaine. 4

Her father must have noticed her because he said to her, 5

“Merry Christmas baby, why don’t you go and see what Santa brought you this year.” 6

Nikki knew the truth about Santa Claus. She knew that he wasn’t real and that her father was the one who purchased her Christmas presents, wrapped them up, and put them underneath the tree. She was smart for her age so she knew that Santa was really her father. 7

“Merry Christmas daddy,” She had said back to him, walking over to him, ignoring the needle he had sticking out of his arm. When he saw that she was coming over to him, he pulled the needle out and put it aside. He didn’t need the needle anymore because he was high. 8

Instead of opening her presents, she sat down in his bare lap [he was naked once again] and leaned against his bare chest. He put an arm around her and stroked her long hair and stared down at her. He suddenly felt sorry for forcing his daughter into spending the holiday watching her father do drugs and get high. And he felt guilty for wasting the money on drugs and not on his daughter. 9

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VINCE MOTLEY: Christmas of 1986 was just like any other Christmas we had in the ‘80s. I was used to just hanging around the house, being naked, and doing drugs. And it was almost the same for Nikki too. She had been sucked into my world of drug addiction and she suffered because of it. 10

I spent more money on the drugs I took than I did on my own daughter. It was a pretty selfish thing of me to do that but back then I was addicted to cocaine and herion. That was all I could think about. I put Nikki second and drugs first. It sounds pretty fucked up but that’s how things were and she was accustomed to it so it was normal to her. 11

NIKKI MOTLEY: Yeah, I was accustomed to it. I remember that day well. I had woken up at six in the morning with excitement, hoping to God that Santa had come to my house and brought me presents. He usually didn’t so I was more than excited when I saw presents for me underneath out Christmas tree even though there were like four presents. Then I had noticed my father sitting beside the tree while being naked with a needle sticking out of his left arm. He was doing cocaine and getting high at that early in the morning. He just started doing it earlier and earlier. 12

When he saw me, he smiled at me and said, ‘Merry Christmas baby, why don’t you go and see what Santa brought you this year.’ I knew that Santa didn’t come and that he was pretending to be Santa. I knew that Santa wasn’t really real but it was the thought that counted. I just hated how he spent all his fucking money on those damn drugs. He should have realized that he had responsibilities and I was one of them. 13

VINCE MOTLEY: Nikki, of course I realized you were my responsibility. You’re my one and only daughter. How could I ever forget you? You were the greatest thing that ever happened to me. Don’t ever think like that. You meant everything to me. 14

NIKKI MOTLEY: I know, I know…but you know what I meant.
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That evening when it was supposed to be time for Christmas dinner, Vince cleaned himself up and grabbed his car keys. He was going out for dinner and he also took Nikki with him. Earlier in the day around noon, his mother had called and asked if he and Nikki would want to go over to her house with the rest of the family and have a nice dinner. As usual, he turned down his mother’s offer and so instead, he took him and his daughter to MacDonald’s for dinner. 16

There had been very few people at MacDonald’s but Vince didn’t seem to notice and Nikki was happy that she was able to get out of the house and eat with her father. She would be able to spend some time with him and that was the only time that he wasn’t on drugs. Little did she know that when her father went into the public bathroom there, he was shooting up again.17

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VINCE MOTLEY'S MOTHER [NAME WITHELD]: Vince turned down every single offer that I gave him. He refused to come and visit me or the rest of his family, even on Christmas day! On Christmas, he still refused even when I offered him and his daughter a nice meal. He was always stubborn and hated it when people told him something or told him how things should be done. He wouldn't listen to anyone at all except for himself. You'd think he'd listen to his own mother but he didn't. 18

I hate to say this but he was an asshole during then. I felt so sorry for his daughter Nikki. No child at such a young age should have been around a person like Vince himself. He set a very bad example for her and if you ask me, he wasn't doing a very good job at being her father. That's just my opinion. You could tell that he was trying his best and his daughter thought he was the greatest father and man in the entire universe that ever lived. Sometimes, he was an asshole to his own daughter and that's hard to believe because he loved her so much and he'd do anything for her. It's amazing that he's still her favorite person and that she's still living under the same roof as him even though she's twenty-six now. 19

I tried helping him and his daughter once I figured out the state he was in because of the drugs but he still turned me down. He would tell me to go fuck myself. He wouldn't even let me seen my own granddaughter and during then, she was my only grandchild. He'd keep the poor girl locked inside that house of his. He only dragged her out of that house when he decided to take her along with him when he went out. Sure the house was big and there was a backyard, but that just doesn't seem right.
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