Diaries of the Fallen: (UNFINISHED)

Day 1 (Friday)
An empty shell. This was I have become, empty, alone, and most of all deserted. I am not an angel of God anymore; I don't wish to become again... I am my own person, these are my memories, written down in the only way that I feel safe enough express myself; I thought I would be loved. Coming into this life... but it seems to me that I am not capable of being loved or loving someone else in return. You want to know my past do you? That is why you have picked up this journal that hides my very heart and soul the book that cancels my fears and harbors my secrets. My name is Lilith... these are not the memoirs of a human... these are the diaries of the fallen... 1

Day 2 (Saturday)
How do mortals live this way? Ugh! I feel disgusting! I have to bathe, eat, and most repulsive of all is the urge I have regularly to use the restroom. I’m cold and sore, but do you think I’m going to complain? Me? The great and wonderful Lilith? I think not. I was human once and I can do it again, and this time I am beneath no one, I am finally my own person. He thought he could change my rebellious nature, but just as the Lilith before me I will make him pay... they will all drop to their knees and worship me in death, they will all suffer my wrath, I will become the creature God never saw coming. He thinks he’s so special... domineering and loaded with guilt trips is what he is. We'll see what he thinks when I take the lives of every Christian who screams his name before they meet they’re end. Crosses and holy water, exorcisms will do NOTHING. For I am not under Satan’s power either. I am evil incarnate, and I will be known2

Day 3 (Sunday)
Ah Sunday, such a wonderful day I imagine that all the wonderful Christians went to church and sung their perfect little hearts out for the "God almighty" this morning... bunch of god kissin' pansy’s. I hope they rot in the graves I am soon to put them in. I can just see them now. Kneeling before the alter heads bent in prayer some of them saying yes god, and yes lord, as if he's actually talking to them. What makes them so special? What makes them so grad? The fact that God sent his only son Jesus to die for them? He never did anything to help me... in fact because I wanted to have a mind of my own I was cast out of heaven... why save a bunch of human slobs who go around and blaspheme and sin? They don't deserve to live, and the Christians in my territory won’t survive much longer. Just tonight i tracked a Christian woman who lives just by me, you know the type of woman I’m talking about: she prays before she officially gets up in the morning, the one who spends every morning "with God" when in actuality she's just talking to herself... (Maybe the voices in her head are the sitzophrienia she doesn't know she has yet.) The type of woman who closes every letter with God bless, keeping you in my prayer. YUCK! Ah. The pure thought of it makes my stomach turn... maybe ill let her live on her holy night... but I don't think I have that type of patience... I’m going to even kill her on consecrated ground. Maybe she'll like that... but then again... I don't really care what she thinks... I sound mean... but its only because I hate her and everything she stands for...3


Day 4 (Monday)
Ahh. The god fearing Christian lives no more. He-he. I still chuckle at her face when I took her... You want specifics... well very well then. I lured her outside with my non- human skill, ah so very cleverly and carefully did i take her, I acted as though I was a messenger from God himself, my beauty shone under the street lamp, my pale skin and black hair gleamed with the light. I was dressed in all black and she still thought I was from "God" I then took her and put her under a trance of sorts and led her to the grounds of the old cathedral that lay not too far away. It figures that this woman wouldn't want to live too far away from consecrated ground. As if real evil can't step foot on that soil... as if our feet will burn. ha. I said come and she did. She followed me all the way there. On her own, it is important you know that. But anyway. Back to the point. I never saw fear in this little woman that is... until I drew near enough for her to realize what exactly I was, as a fallen angel I have special powers... I am a shape shifter. And what she saw was two fangs and red eyes burning for her energy, her life force, her soul. She struggled a bit but her strength was nothing compared to mine. i touched her shoulder, Kneel pathetic human! Worship me as you worshiped your God! She kneeled and bowed her head and started to mumble, I cocked my head enough to make out what she was whimpering about. She was indeed a true Christian. She was actually praying. Well... God wasn't going save her. i was sure of that. i dug my fingernails into her flesh and made her scream out in pain before sinking my teeth into her skin... after a little while her heartbeat slowed and came to an inevitable stop. I ripped open her shirt and dug one of my nails into her skin to make my sign a V with a circle around it and placed her on the steps of the cathedral right in front of the door, I wiped my mouth and returned home. And I hunger for another tonight...4

Day 5 (Tuesday)
I awoke tonight with the toll of the cathedral bells. Someone remind me why I live so close to that damned church? heh. Oh yeah, I remember because that’s why I kill, because, if I’m not good enough for an eternal heaven. Then neither are they, somehow it has been mistaken that, by the pathetic Christian clan that if you kill yourself you go to hell, or you cannot be re-incarnated. Bull*bunny*. The Christians know nothing. there believe is something like: Your life is not yours to take its the "unforgivable" sin... and this is what has always baffled me... if they love a god that "forgives them everything" then why are there unforgivable sins from an all merciful and all knowing God? And is it possible for the little black book they read to be more lies then actual truth? Because isn't it more likely than not that’s its more rumor? Cause who really took notes on what was said with Jesus and his disciples. Who exactly took accurate notes on what God said when he created earth? It just doesn't seem clausable to me, you have to know that religion doesn't exist. Mind over matter, you want something bad enough you will eventually fool yourself into believing you got it by some outside source... that’s the truth... whether you like it or not. And to be quiet honest, if your a Christian who has picked up this leather book, then it is really your fault for reading this far, and I don't care what you think, if I had it my way you’d be dead, condemned and dead. I am eternal, and you my lovely, are not...5


Day 6 (Wednesday)
I hunger tonight, hunger not just for an innocents blood, but for they’re yummy lil soul, the thing that keeps the human part of me at bay, my conscience is gone and my heart is black, I cannot love or be loved, not anymore... I did at one point adore and even love God. I was his angel, and he my king, God has to have a companion too. But he like Adam... (Or was it Adam like God?) Wanted to dominate me, I would have none of it. And one day he came after me in our palace paved with gold, almost knocked over one of vases on the marble pillar he did, trying to get to me. He pinned me and told me I was to learn my place and that it was my fault that he had to send Adam and eve out of Eden, I said I had done nothing but he picked up my pet snake, Abriam and threw him at me calling me a liar, a deceitful little wench. before the human day was over it was decided I would no longer be the wife of God and that I was allowed to pick one time period in which to be sent to, so naturally I picked the year 2008, just as February came about, and well to God a thousand years is a blink of an eye within a day and a half we had already arrived at my leaving point. 2008... there you have it. I did nothing... I think I’ll kill tonight or better yet, become a succubus... what man doesn't want to have sex with a half angel? Even if he doesn't know he's doing it...6

Day 7 (Thursday)
I wonder what the great God almighty thought of what I did last night... but then again... do I care? It was my first time so I must confess I was a little sloppy with the uhm... handling... of this human man, I snuck into his house this man was just my taste of man. A man I think I might want to love, if such a thing were possible, this man, like I, had no respect for God, in fact. He didn't believe in him at all... which was just my flavor... he had short black hair and was rather tall, id say about 6ft. Anyway I slowly stripped him of the boxers he wore under his thin sheets and stripped my pants off as well and made him hard, so hard in fact that I thought he would wake from it. He simply turned his head and kept sleeping as i pumped him into me, it took an hour to complete my deed but once I did I was immediately satisfied. I ran my hands up his abs and whispered:
"You’ll be mine beautiful human, sleep well for tomorrow I shall do it again" I kissed his sleeping lips and he moaned and rolled over onto his side. I carefully pulled the boxers back up, (because I had not completely stripped him of them) and pulled on my clothes and left by way of the window. I fed on a couple Christian women who were walking the streets and placed my mark and left them on consecrated ground just as my fist kill and returned home. It’s almost daylight out so I think ill retire... I long to just rest on my queen sized bed and listen to the humming of my computer...7

Day 8 (Friday)
hmm. not much to write tonight just this thing that keeps bugging me about the basis of this Christian believe, it isn't long but maybe you’ll see my point... here it goes: 8
The Christian believe is that God so loved the world that he sent his only son to die down on earth so that they might not parish for those who believe in him... but here’s the thing. Don't they also believe that God knows everything? So wouldn't he know that Jesus would rise from the dead 3 days later and join him as a higher rank than he was before he was sent down from heaven? So is it really that big of a sacrifice? Especially when you’re getting something from it... So who here would like to be sent down to die a mortal death then be resurrected 3 days later just to have more power? I would... but then again... I already have all the power I need for the moment at hand. 8

Day 9 (Saturday)
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life"
John 3:16
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Okay... we'll start here... For God... so loved... the world that he gave his one and only son... that whoever believes in HIM... shall not perish but have eternal life... bull*bunny*. You my reader know as well as I, that you are not immortal, believing in something that is written down for you to read will not make you immortal you will die, simple as that... Now to the ever faithful the ever loving and never doubting Christians out there... do you think your god can, will, or even try to save you if I or... anyone else for that matter try to harm you... sure there’s the story of the three boys who were in the fire... sure there’s the story of the pit of lions... and this is exactly my point STORIES, there not real, myth, believe me ladies and gentleman... I was there! I know... On to more... interesting things... over heard a priest giving a sermon earlier this week, I found what he said to be both interesting and quiet frankly disturbing...
If a man looks upon a woman with lust then he is guilty of being an adulterer...
If anyone gets angry with another, then they are guilty of murder...
So what? You’re not allowed to want another by your side? You’re not allowed to get angry and protect or stick up for yourself? No wonder you guys are pussies! Your God doesn't want you to have a mind of your own! Yes, it’s true. God gave his angels (including me) free will he gave man free will, but what good is free will when you’re not allowed to use it? It kind of controdicts itself no? Your allowed to think what you want as long as its by what I say... but then again... the entire bible controdicts itself... maybe later ill show you some examples of what im talking about. Still want to read my journal my intruding human?9

Day 10 (Sunday)
I am a jelous god...
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now... i told you in my last entry that i would show you an example of how the bible contridicts itself here is a prime example its not very long but... here you go...
I am a jelous god... Doesn't the tenth commandment given to moses say "you shall not covet your neighbors house; you shall not covet your neighbors wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbors.
JELOUSEY! HYPOCRITE! in otherwords don't be jelous (covet, jelous envy same diff/)
This is a Christian analasys:
His jelousy is not wanting something that someone eles has; it is a righteous wanting of those he created...
Now... heres my reply to that, he wants the christians to be his; thats jelousy he wants those that someone else has (i.e. Satan) has. Agian. hypocrite... Thats wanting what he doesn't have, which is envy, so why is he commanding we do that when he can't stop wanting us? Can we help but want all the riches someone else has aquired when we are so poor? i think not...10

Day 11 (Monday)
I came upon a girl yesterday while walking around my territory, and I have to say. This girl truly astounds me. The gull this girl has! I have to admit at first her jenesequa pissed me off. But then again… to truly be pissed off I would have to care about her now wouldn’t I? Her name is Trinity Stein. Now. This girl claims to a devout Christian. But the more I looked, and the more I watched her attitude the more I came to realize, she was, excuse me. Is, a poser. Sure, she is the daughter of the senior pastor at her church, sure, she sings her heart out for her dismal god, but in the eyes of someone who can read her soul, she is a poser, this and nothing more. She knows not what it means to be a decent human being. Actually, the more I think about it, the less it pisses me off. If only she knew that her god was not the only thing she should fear. I have dealt with powerful demons, I have even made these dominant creatures swoon and swear to protect me. What has this girl got? A god she can’t see? Pathetic. Ms Stein; my advice for you is simple:
Cling to your religion… even though it won’t save you. Watch your back, especially at night… I will catch you. Hide precious girl, because if I find you, you’re dead. Damned and dead… and not even your father can save you. Hurry. Because I’m waiting and watching with great intrigue, but perhaps I shouldn’t be so eager. Because as most mortals you will run to safety, or… what you think is safe. You will soon find nightmares beyond your comprehension and reasoning. You will soon realize, your world is about to end. Be brave insolent child. I dare you…