“I remember that when I was a little child. Opa would sit in his rocker, sucking on his Meerschaum pipe; nasty habit soon to kill him; and endlessly mutter: “Tante Ju ist ein Ku”. I couldn’t figure it out. Did he mean that his milk cow was named Aunt ‘Ju’; that’s short for Judith? Or did he mean that his sister-in-law Judith was a cow?1
That was a difficult question for a three-year-old to have to deal with. Did I have to address the cow as ‘Aunt Judith’? Or, was I required to call Aunt Judith a ‘cow’? I solved it for a time, sort of. I called them both “Aunty”.2
I have learned since then that several things can be true simultaneously. For instance’ Opa’s milk cow was named ‘Tante Ju’. And, my Great Aunt Judith was a humourless ‘old cow’. Which still begs the question; which came first; the chicken or the egg?3
But, then to my utter consternation, I learned two more contradictory facts. “Aunty” was the name of the ABC, that’s the Australian Broadcasting Corporation. And, “Tante Ju” was the name of a German transport plane, which apparently was a ‘cow’ for pilots to fly. 4
And you know, I still don’t know which one Opa meant!5
So, meine Schatzie, this is your Opa speaking now. Please exercise great care in naming your cows, whether sacred or otherwise. Or else make very, very, very sure that your great aunt Betty, unlike my great aunt, has a sense of humour.”6
““Dad, we’re home!”7
“Ssshhh. I just got Christie asleep.”8
“Ok, we’ll be quiet. Thanks for watching her while we went to the store.”9
“Not a problem. You know I love to do it, Judy.”10
Author notes
Opa=grandfather. Tante=aunt Ku=cow Schatze=precious, darling, term of endearment.
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Lots of fun! It made me laugh.
At the end it got a little muddling (I don't understand where the dialogue comes in...), but overall it was great. I love the humor in it. Opa sounds like a mysterious character.
One of my favorite parts is: "Please exercise great care in naming your cows"!
Great useless advice to give a three year-old!
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Excellent.
This was a very short story, but such an adorable one. I think the play on words was genius, and it looked as though the whole thing was very carefully thought out.
I wouldn't change a thing, everything is very clear if the story is read carefully.
The ending was done superbly.
Thank you. A truly enjoyable read.
Yrs.
Azaradelle.
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Azaradelle
Hi,
Further to Useless.
How would you turn it into a one-act play or the basis for an impromptu? What would you do to flesh out the story line and characterizations? Would you have a homelike set, or an abstract set design? Who would be your target audience?
JG
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slightly confusing.
slightly confusing, but pretty good analysis of how words can confuse little child. A classic example of say what you mean, and mean what you say. I liked it, and it was easy to see that the kid had grown to be a grandfather too. I liked it.. Rewarded 4
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Hi Diddi,
Given the current state of the Mississippi River, I'm not sure I want my stories compaired to a slowly rising river! {There is a river, in Ohio I think; called " The River Raisin' ", because it so often flooded. True.]
Dream Catcher required a lot of research. I was worried that it was too predictable/
:The Mamateek" is the [blessedly shorter] sequal.
Ta
Jg -
lutinperi
G'day lutinperi,
A little confusing.
The whole story is one extended multi-lingual play on words. "Double-Dutch" as it were; using some German syntax and a little name calling.
JG
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Difficult.
I found the story hard to follow and the ending confusing. I wonder if i rewrite could help me understand it. Give me a message if you ever rewrite it a little.. Rewarded 4
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PanchoV
Buenos diaz Poncho Villa,
Feliz Cinco de Mayo!
Thanks for reading the short story.
On "Useless Advice": Story line.
Grandfather is baby sitting, and telling the three-year old a story about the speaker's grandfather to put them to sleep.
The story is actually a lengthy play on words in two languages; as well as an historical play on words. 'Tante Ju' is the ficticious great-Aunt Judith of the speaker. It is also the nickname of the Junkers Ju 52-3m [Ju for Junkers] transport plane.Pilots complained about flying this aircraft.
"Tante Ju ist ein Ku." Slang for the sluggish performance of the Ju52-3m. Therefore, Aunt Ju is a Cow [to fly]; and his great-aunt is a 'cow' of a personality.
The child has fallen asleep listening to this bit of family history, and then the child's mother comes home from shoping.
Spelling Error: 'Oppa' should be 'Opa'. Grandfather.
Bye,
JG
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Nice Story
That was quite entertaining. I can only dream of writing short stories with this skill. -
Isn't Oppa meant to be spelt Opa? The strange German phrase made me look at this one - I knew what it meant but couldn't work out why. I like the way you based this story around a three-year old's confusion!
. Rewarded 4
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Good writing
I thought you have a clever little story. Nice play on words. My grandfather was Polish and he would always tell me something that I had to think about before I understood it.
. Rewarded 4
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I enjoyed this. It was very layered and stylized. Cleverness, and a little tongue in cheek, and a dab of sincerity at the end there.
"I have learned since then that several things can be true simultaneously. For instance’ Oppa’s milk cow was named ‘Tante Ju’. And, my Great Aunt Judith was a humourless ‘old cow’. Which still begs the question; which came first; the chicken or the egg?"
Brilliance. This is one of the best things I've ever read on this site. I wonder if you are familiar with Proust?
. Rewarded 8
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Major Tom
MT,
No, I have never read anything by Marcel Proust.
The story is entirely fictional.
The 'dab of sincerity' was added to give it a context and tie it together as a story line.
It was lots of fun to write. I am pleased you enjoyed the read.
And yes, there are many layers; and all the cheek I could muster on the day.
JG
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This was fun to read, a nice change from the other things I have read latly. I am not sure how I stumbled onto it, but I am glad that I did.
I also call my Granfather-Oppa.
Kind Regards, Shell. Rewarded 4
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