"Up here, Jenny?" Jamie positioned the bottle on top of the bookcase, which was as close to the corner of the ceiling as he could manage. 1
"It looks great." Jenny barely spared him a glance. She was engrossed in the Ouija board, repeatedly turning the plastic pointer over in her hands. "Since you'll be channelling the spirit, I'll need something of yours," said Jamie, "something personal." 2
Jenny shot him a look. 3
He shrugged. "That's what the book said." 4
The two locked eyes, until at last, Jamie's nonchalance won out. Jenny removed her silver locket from her neck and tossed it at him, then returned her attention to the Ouija board. 5
Jamie's mouth hardened as he took the chain and locket. Jenny didn't notice, absorbed as she was in anything but him. The locket rattled against the glass as he stuffed it into the bottle. 6
He stepped back to admire his handiwork. It was an old wine bottle, made of thick green glass. The symbols spanning its surface were painted on with white-out; they were designs straight from the book, Occult Rituals by Colin Irvine, some old professor from Scotland. The book cost him thirteen pounds second hand — the bottle and white-out, two pounds from the charity shop.7
"You ready?" asked Jenny. 8
Jamie patted the cork in his shirt pocket. "Yes. Let's do it." 9
They settled cross-legged on Jamie's bed with the Ouija board between them. 10
Jenny tugged the hem of her skirt over her knees. "No funny business, okay? I came to you because people say you know about this stuff, that's all." 11
Jamie nodded solemnly, more to look the part than out of respect for what they were doing. "I'm glad you asked me. I've always wanted to be friends. Maybe ..." 12
Jenny rolled her eyes. "So how does this work?" 13
Despite himself, Jamie glanced from Jenny's bare throat, over her shoulder, to the bottle holding her locket. "After the séance begins, you know, when the pointer starts moving, I'll start chanting. The spirit will be drawn into the Bottle," he paused, "and then we get what we want." 14
"And you're sure that thing will hold a ghost?" 15
"Absolutely sure. I'm using Mesopotamian symbols." 16
"So, I start by calling the spirit?" 17
"Yeah."18
"Wait. What about your parents? What happens if the séance is interrupted?" A frown creased Jenny's brow. 19
"It'll be fine. My parents won't be home for ages. Nothing can go wrong." 20
The lines in Jenny's forehead smoothed as she clasped the plastic pointer with both hands. 21
Jamie placed his hands over hers. Together, their hands were hot and sweaty. He savoured the contact, although Jenny winced. 22
"Before we start, why do you want to channel your sister?" he asked. 23
"You don't need to know. Just make sure this works." 24
Jamie squeezed her hands as she moved the pointer around the board. It gained momentum, seeming to move of its own accord. 25
"Call her now," he said, husky and urgent, sparing another glance at the Witch Bottle in the corner. 26
"Amy!" she called in a faux-spooky voice. "I call thee, Amy. Come to me, I call thee!" 27
The pointer moved about the Ouija board in crazy arcs, jumping to random letters. 28
"Amy!" Jenny called, again and again, as Jamie began his chant under his breath. 29
He muttered the ritual words, tuning out Jenny's throaty calls and the slight heave of her chest. 30
A breeze moved through the room. 31
"Are you here, Amy?" Jenny asked. 32
The pointer slid to YES on the board. 33
With the fifth recital of Jamie's murmured chant, Jenny fell backwards, limp, mid-sentence. The Witch Bottle rattled on its base, twirling until it threatened to topple. 34
Jamie was quicker than the spiralling bottle — leaping from the bed and withdrawing the cork from his pocket in one practised motion. He caught the Witch Bottle in two hands and stoppered it. A nebulous swirl was caught within, a whisper given form but not voice. It hovered over the locket. 35
"How does it feel in there, Jen?" He smiled. "Don't worry, I'll let you out when my folks get home, which will be hours from now." His smile grew predatory. "It'll be like having a blackout, the book said. You won't remember a thing." 36
After a moment, he left the bottle and the spirit trapped within, to sit on the bed with Jenny’s body. Even unconscious, she was breathtaking. Her chest fluttered delicately like a dreaming butterfly, although he knew she wasn't dreaming. 37
"I'm afraid your sister won't be joining us as planned," he breathed into her ear. Fruity perfume and shampoo, her smell was divine. As he slid his hand under her skirt, probing the warmth of her thigh, a zephyr chilled the back of his neck. "But she can watch us if she likes."38
A contest entry
- Scary Stories/Poems by loyda.
320 points, ended February 26, 15 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - {Taboo Subjects} by Zsadist Gates.
1000 points, ended April 2, 19 entries
Honorable winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Storywrite's First Annual Cricket by B Chandler.
175 points, ended May 24, 16 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Give me Gold by Ayesha Raees.
370 points, ended April 20, 31 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Give me something worth reading! by Miss Belligerence.
175 points, ended May 4, 57 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - The Best of the Best of the Best by Thedamned77.
375 points, ended May 5, 21 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Originals.....:) by Quixotic.
250 points, ended May 24, 13 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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I loved this! Very good detail and an excellant twist at the end! Well done! Flow was perfect and emotion was clearly expressed. !!
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This was really good, as others have also said i loved the twist at the end and did not see it coming at all. It was well written and left me wanting to read more. It stirred emotions in me thinking 'omg how could he do that!' and left me wanting to know why she wanted to contact amy. I hope you write more of this and let the story continue, Well done!
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That was awesome. Total surprise ending! I finished and I just sat in my chair for a second or two, going, "...What just happened?" XD
Great write. -
oh, not the ending I was expecting. I didn't see that coming at all! good for you, I was completely engrossed. This was just wonderful all the way around, good character development, good plot. Great write
thanks for entering
-gibson -
Honestly, I don't think I've seen a story on here involving this subject (the morbid trap Jamie set, I mean.) I loved the unique feel this gave. The pacing was well done, and it had a wonderfully twisted ending.
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ooooooooooooooohhhh awesome!
i am going to read the next chapter!
there is a next chappie isnt there?
its awesome! -
What happens next????
That's all Im going to say on this
Cricket
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Wow... This is pretty good. I love how original it is. Who's Amy, and why is she calling her, I wonder? I hope you add more! Thank you for entering your story, keep writing, and good luck!
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omg that was so freakin good! the suspense was really good and i loved every second of it! u did a good job on tis story!
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Beautifully morbid
"Non-chalance" = "nonchalance"
"stppard" = "stoppered"
beautiful story, enticing ending, leaves me wih a "God,what a creep!" emotion at the end. Excellent work, and i can't really find anything wrong with the flow, excellent phrasing, sentence structure,etc.
. Rewarded 6
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In (5) "non-chalance" is spelt without a hyphen. (35) "Stoppard" in non-capitalized and written 'stoppered'.
Apart from those two mistakes, this was materfully executed. You had me thinking that it was going to be another 'seance-brings-evil-spirit', but the twist of removing the girl's essense or soul, was highly original.
Well written, with nice flow.
. Rewarded 6
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Paragraph 35, "He caught the Witch Bottle in two hands and Stoppard it." should maybe be 'put a stopper in it' or so.
The fairly low contrast between font colour and background makes the text a bit hard to read.
As for the story itself, a very well executed twist ending. Well done.
. Rewarded 6
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O_O O_O O_O O_O !!!!!!
Wow... This was a great read with an incredibly twisted ending to the chapter... Whoa.. I would LOVE to read more of this.. Thank you for entering my contest. I didn't catch anything wrong with this.. The verbage used was terrific.. Maybe more physical description though.. Or maybe not, I don't know.. All I can say is that this was truly creepy and fantastic.. Good job and good luck!
Ana
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ewwww! creepy and twisted and spooky. fantastically new idea. good luck!
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Well, that's definitely a... new and interesting approach to a story! I really like that, having this contest to find new and different things to read, and this definitely fit the bill!
I knew that kid had something in mind that he was going to do, but I applaud you for your originality as far as what he did. I didn't find any mistakes in the short piece, which was good!
Good luck!
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Omg that Jamie kid...PERVERT...Great story, I really enjoyed it.
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loved it! lol
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oh my gosh! Jamie is a creepy motherf.....!
poor Jenny, but she musta know kids shouldn't play with such things.
cool story, unspected and original ending.
i liked it.
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Well, your story was well written but from what I gathered of it, your character "knocked" her out so he can have his way with her without her knowing. Sounds pretty down and dirty.
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