Dragonaris-The Beginning- Chapter 1 (Rough Draft)

I burst through the forest, the pack on my heels. Why do wolves have to be so fast? I thought. I had seen wild wolves before, and they hadn’t attacked me. I had NEVER seen wolves as wild as this before.1

The Great Forest of Zannathon was like a labyrinth. It also used to be the perfect weapon for war of all time. To get to Zannathon, an army had to come through the forest, and if they didn’t die in the forest, they would die when they came out and the Korthrallion army fell upon them. That was in the time of King Zannathon. I will explain more in the future, but the chase must be told for now. 2

Like I said, the forest was a labyrinth. Over logs, under fallen trees, through thick plant patches, and stumbling over roots, I ran as fast as I could without magic, because if I ran with magic, I would surely trip over a log, probably break a leg, and be at mercy of the forest. My legs burned and my sides groaned, but I pushed on. I quickly turned around and sent an air blast at one of the wolves, but I was getting tired, the movement was weak, and so was the air blast.3

I heard some sound behind me, and I turned my head to see the wolves had started fighting among themselves. Laughing on the inside, I slowed my pace down to a jog, then a walk. It looked like I no longer had to worry about the wolves. I walked for about 30 seconds until a force hitting me sent me to the ground. Whipping onto my back, I saw the attacker. The pack leader jumped on my chest. He leaned in close to my face, and I could feel his hot breath, it sent a shudder down my back and, luckily, enough adrenaline to renew my energy. As he leaned back for the killing blow, I pushed on his chest, sending him sprawling on the ground. I quickly picked him up and threw him at one of the wolves before he could react, and the chase was back on. 4

I ran on for what seemed an eternity and my energy was draining when I jumped out of the forest, the city in sight. I was happier than anyone ever was before me, but it still wasn’t over. A battlefield can be several miles in width, and there was a good 5 miles between the forest and the city. Luckily, that 5 miles was an open field, and I was running as fast as magic could carry me, but after the first four miles, something I heard made me freeze.5

I turned around to see the wolves vanishing into the forest, and then turned my eyes to the sky. A dragon hovered over the forest, but it wasn’t the dragon that frightened me, it was the eyes. They had the wildest look in them, extremely wild, and they were fixed straight on me. This dragon wasn’t happy, and it was going to take it out on me. 6

The dragon dived, and I quickly thought of a spell that could save my life. I didn’t want to kill the dragon, so I had to think quickly what could scare it away. Suddenly, the idea struck me. As the dragon was all of 5 yards away from me, the lightning roared out of my fingertips, and the dragon stopped like it had hit a wall. It roared at me and backed away, turned and flew out over top of the forest, and out of my sight. Sighing with relief, I ran into the city and into my warrior class.7

Captain Tayhol was talking to the rest of the class when I walked in. “Sorry I’m late, got caught up in the forest,” I said. Tayhol nodded and I sat down. “As I was saying, this is my nephew Zortan. Be kind to him and don’t treat him like an outsider.” I looked over to see a kid about 15 stand up. When he sat down, Tayhol spoke again. “Okay, today we are sparring. Look on the chart at right to see who’s your partner today.” I went over to the chart and looked for my name. I was surprised to see that I wasn’t sparring Kalon, my best friend, but I was facing Zortan. The surprise didn’t come that I was dueling some one else, but Kalon was the only one at my level. 8

I went over to stand in the assigned sparring room and stood facing Zortan. I studied him closely. He was definitely 15 or 16, still a couple years younger than most people in the class. He had strength in his arms and he was thin. I looked at the color if this eyes, since that can tell a lot about a person. His eyes were a silverish-blue, the eye color of a naturally gifted warrior. This wasn’t going to be easy. Tayhol tossed two wooden swords in each room and the sparring began.9

I took the first move. It was just a test really. I started an overhand slash, then jerked to a right hand swing. If he was as good as Kalon, he would parry the fake, and he did. Now that the test was over, I started to barrage him with blows. Overhand, sidehand, and stabs, he barely got in 1 blow between each of my 10, not because he was bad. This guy was really good. 10

I slowed down my one man ambush for slower, stronger attacks. Now he got in more strikes. Soon enough, I was under a barrage, but I reversed it to study his tactics. I soon saw why I couldn't hit him. He put up his sword to parry point way before the opponents sword could reach there. That gave me an idea. I again slowed to stronger attacks, and as he lifted his sword to block an overhand swing, I jerked down to trip him. I could have won right there, but he had fast reactions and jumped. 11

Now I was down on the ground. Great, I thought. He started to slash at me, but he didn't get through. I kicked myself up, and he came in for an overhand swing. I smiled. This was my signature move. I blocked the swing, but instead of letting the block go, I held it. Zortan tried to push past the block, but I brought up my left hand to carefully grab the flat of my sword without grabbing the blade. As he pushed harder, I leaned back and shoved him away with my sword, making him stumble. Quickly I hit him to the ground. Picking up his sword, I put a cross around his neck and clearly said, "Game over." 12

I heard applauding and turned to see my uncle, Commander Zoan, step in. Tayhol came up, not at all surprised to see I had won, but surprised to see Zoan. "Commander," he said, "why are you here." Zoan laughed. "Here to see the show off between our nephews of course, and to take the winner to the final course of warriormanship."

Author notes

Fantasy, Age 12

I want nobody to say anything about the word 'warriormanship.' Shakespeare added words to the English language, why not me?

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • terror
    March 7, 2008

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    I realy enjoyed reading this. I am eager to find out what happens next, I did find a few typing errors and mistakes and have made a list.

    'I quickly picked him up and threw him at one of the wolves before he could react' This bit puzzled me. The charecture picked up a wolf and threw it? I just can't visulise this. It's hard enough to imagine someone just picking up a tame wolf let alone throwing a wild one. also if you do leave this, change the word picked to somthing more powerful and put a comma between wolves and before.

    'I could nearly take no more' sound clumsy compared to the rest.

    'they had the wildest look in them, even the wildest I had seen' I think this also needs adjusting.

    'the dragon dove' dove is a bird so spell check wont have corrected it. the word you want is dived.

    'I struck up the lightning' something wrong here too.

    I love the swordfight description.

    'Quickly I hit him to shove him to the ground' this is a bit clumsy. you could replace it with 'I shoved him to the ground'

    beginning: 3, language: 2, plot: 2, ending: 3, dialog: 2, characters: 3.


    • Dragonaris
      April 1, 2008

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      Lol about the wolves, it is supposed to be spectacular. Dragonaris harnesses magic, but with throwing the wolf he doesn't use it. He's most definitely NOT ordinary. I can see what you mean and I think i'll take your advice. TY for the comment!


  • carrot
    March 3, 2008
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    That was pretty fantastic. I'll admit, fantasy isn't my thing, but I gave it a fair shot and decided to let you impress me.
    You went far and beyond what I expected. I rather enjoyed the entire story. It was interesting and suspenseful, with a solid finish. Thanks for entering. =]


  • RegalTheft
    March 2, 2008

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    I have to say, this is a very good story for a minor. I can see a lot of potential in you. I liked the fast-paced beginning, it really got me to read it more to see what else would happen. You might wanna put in more paragraphs though; at some times I was accidentally skipping lines. Anyways, great job!

    --RT


  • Dragonaris
    February 26, 2008
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    Thanks, everyone for your comments. It makes me happy to know my work is appreciated!


  • Cecilia Marlana
    February 25, 2008

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    excellent!

    I must say, i really enjoyed this piece! It was incredibly breath taking during the chase. At the moment where the pack leader sprang onto him, I was thinking it was going to be as gory as "There be dragons"..thats another story in this contest. You have most certainly made it to the finalist list!

    Congratulations and good luck to you!


  • DemApples
    February 16, 2008
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    You have a lot of paticence and passion both make this story awesome!!!!!

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • SparklingMoonlight
    February 15, 2008
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    This was very interesting and I loved how well you described the close wolf attack, however, there were many run-on sentences. If you edited this a little bit, it could be better, but good on being descriptive! Thanks for entering and good luck!

    ~Lil~


  • miles of smiles
    February 11, 2008

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    hi!

    thanks so much for entering my contest, but this isn't exactly what i was looking for. for the fantasty option, i was looking for something like a cliche love story, not something in the actual fantasty genre. sorry if i didnt explain it clearly enough!

    this is a very well written story even if it doesnt exactly fit in this contest. your vocabulary is quite excellent. also, theres a lot of action and it kept me on my toes the entire time!

    to make it easier to read, please break it up into paragraphs.

    i'm not going to DQ you from the contest, but i just thought i'd tell you that you arent going to win because it doesnt fit the option. good job though! & keep writing.

    ♥sarah.


  • IrishMonahan
    February 11, 2008

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    I quickly picked him up and through him--should be threw


    There are a few grammatical errors and sentences that are more run on in nature when reading, but overall a very good story that shows promise.


  • IrishYndina Greeters member
    February 11, 2008

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    This seems like a very interesting world you've created here - I love the detail that eye color means so much! You do a good job with action scenes, which not everyone can do - so bravo! I think you have a very strong first chapter here, and I'm sure you'll be able to make the entire thing just as good! Best of luck in the contest and with the rest of your writing! Welcome to Storywrite!

1 - 11 of 11