You grab your keys off the table and head out to the mall, coinpurse in your pocket. It's chilly and old Santa Clause look a likes are ringing bells by the doors. One, an old black man, notices that your pocket jingling, and looks at you, "Do you know that this is for a good cause?" You look at him and notice his tired eyes, "Sorry. I don't have anything to give." His eyes turn sad as he says, "Girl, you're going to the mall. You probably have more money than you're willing to give. You better leave a little." Just then, a bear jumps out of your coinpurse with a chainsaw and rough looking earrings and such and says, "You better leave me a comment!!!" The old man stands confused, "What?" "He means on my storywrite," you say.
Author notes
opt. A
A contest entry
- Bear-ter Leave a Comment! by Ted E Bare.
175 points, ended February 23, 2008, 3 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
go on tell me critical
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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LOL oh my god this is awesome! That old man was clueless on SW. Cool entry you have here. I need to try to come up with something for this contest. I should turn my wicked brain on and see if it will cooperate. It's trying to do to many things at once.
Joann
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Oh, goodness. That's so cute! We should put this on the main page or something, it would be a motivation to comment. (Muah hahahaha). I also like that you switched to the "rare" perspective of taking the reader through the story using "you" instead of "me or I". It's creative as well. Keep on writing!!!
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i try
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I would have probably given you the same look as the old man by telling me you didn't have money. I can almost see the guy rolling his eyes thinking what are you putting in my kettle girl! At least I know about StoryWrite and the Chainsaw Bear since I'm hosting the contest(lol). I truly want to thank you for entering my "Bear-ter Leave a Comment!" contest!
Ted E
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i'm leaving you a comment for i'm a good stalker on storywrite, hehehe. i'm glad you're up for the contest idea. now all i have to do is see if mr. bare and selene stone will go for it. about the old man, i bet he doesn't have a clue what storywrite is, hehehe. good luck in the contest, DARK.
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perhaps, and yes you are being a very wonderful stalker. thanks a bunch
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