TELL ME THERES NO REASON TO BE AFRAID! (true story)

I hate who I am.I hate me.I miss the person I use to be.The sweet 13 year old girl..who had friends..who had dreams of having this wanderful sweet boyfriend.But that was over the day that I met Jack Hadley..1

I was 13 turning 14 that January.When i met him I was at the store by myself,trying to light a tiny ciggarette I found in the ashtray.He looked at me and smiled.I could tell he was a lot older then me.But I didn't care,he was so beautiful to me.Tall,muscular,black frizzy hair that fell past his shoulders.I remember he was wearing skin tight black jeans,combat boots,a megadeath t-shirt with the sleeves cut off and fingerless gloves.He was perfect to me.2

He walks over to me and holds out his hand "Hi there girly,i'm jack hadley,whats your name?".I smile shyly "i'm Alyssa".He sits down and we begin to talk.I find out that he is going to be 20 years old in October.He said he didn't mind that I was so much younger then him,he said I looked like a beautiful women to him.3

Whenever I could get out of the house I would hang out with Jack.My family didn't,and still doesn't know about him.To this day,they've never even heard about him.I remember on his 20th birthday I met him at the park.I run up and hug him,and he kissed me.My very first kiss,it was wanderful,i'll never forget that day for as long as I live.Because for once in my life,i felt free,and i felt wanted.I wasn't the stupid teenager who had no controll in her life,i was the free women who was loved by the most beautiful man.4

We were together for about a month when I met my two best friends at the time,danny and steve.They are the ones that got me into smoking weed.I remember the first time Jack tried to controll me.I walked to the store stoned out of my mind and saw him sitting there,smoking.I take the ciggarette out of his mouth and take a drag.He looks at me "where were you?".I take a very long hit and pass it back to him "danny got some weed,so me,him and steve were hotboxing it in his closet".He glares at the road "I don't like you hanging out with them Alyssa,there just horny little stoner boys".I slap his arm playfully as i remember "shut up Jack,there my friends".he grabs my wrist and stares at me "don't you ever talk like that to me".I just nodded and stood up.I tell him i'm going back to danny's house,and we say goodbye.5

Thinking back on it now,I should have left him right then and there.But I was young,I didn't know what was going to happen,that things would get worse.Insted,I kept telling myself he loved me,that he was just worried about me is all.but then it got worse.6

Eventually a grab of the wrist turned into a slap on the face.and a slap on the face,eventually turned into punching me everywhere.I was 13 years old! what was I thinking??As I think about him now,I feel so god damn stupid for staying with him that long.for letting him hurt me,letting him make me feel worthless,making me afraid.7

I remember we were together for about 4 months at the time,and I was at his apartment with him and his friend Ricky.Jack decided to try and make out with me in front of his friend.I pushed him away and yelled at him.His face turned red and he asked Ricky to leave.As soon as the door shut he grabed me by my hair untill my feet were barley touching the ground.I remember his exact words "don't you ever push me away like that in front of my friends alyssa!you are a fucking disgrace,i don't even know why i'm with you!your a stupid fucking little girl!if i want you to kiss me in front of someone,you better fucking do it! or i'm gonna make you wish you were never born".He then took his belt off and started to hit my back with it.As i think about it right now,I can still feel the bleeding wounds.I can still hear him laughing at me,calling me stupid.8

I went through this for a year.Lying,bleeding,screaming,crying,cutting.I tried to kill myself once,after he hurt me so bad with the belt.I didn't die though,i coulden't escape Jack untill that summer.9

My parents told me we were moving to a different city.so I met up with Jack and told him about it.He wrapped his arms around me and started crying.I pull away and start to walk.He grabs me back and breathes into my hair "alyssa please,just stay with me,please,we'll be together forever,i love you".I started to cry as his arms were crushing me.I remember clawing at his back,scratching the back of his head,trying to get away from him.He started to kiss me,my mouth started to bleed as his teeth were grinding against my gums.My mouth was stinging,and i swear i tore his shirt to shreads before he dropped me.I looked at him,my mouth bloody,tears in my eyes.I pointed a shaky finger at him "if you ever come near me again,i'll call the cops on you!do you understand me?you'll go to jail".he stayed right where he was as i went to the market place to clean up.10

I moved that August to a new city for my 9th grade year.I spent tha whole year afraid of everything.I coulden't sleep,I started to smoke more and more,I also started to drink a lot.I was nervous all the time.Then I found out that Jack got put in prison.I still had a hard time communicating with guys,exspecailly male teachers,because they were men.11

Now i'm in the 10th grade,i just turned 16 and things are getting better for me.I'm still afraid,but not like I use to be.I have a new boyfriend,and he's the nicest guy in the world.I'm not afraid of him.When I get upset and start thinking about my past,I know he'll help me out,even if he is sometimes speechless.I still get depressed,and i'm still nervous.but i know now that jack Hadley is only apart of my past,and i can move on,knowing that he'll never hurt me again.