One Foot In The Grave - Part Four

My heart pounded crazily as I sat in my room across from Conor. The event that had occurred three days before still played inside my head every time I glanced at my roommate or Tegan. Just looking at her, you would have never guessed that she was capable of such destruction. I remember walking by the room they had locked her in after she went psycho during group and had been taken to the infirmary. It looked like a hurricane had swept through, tearing apart everything and smearing the walls and floor with blood. 1

When she returned from the infirmary, stitches marring her face and the cast around her bruised and swollen hand, she wasn’t even allowed to be in the same room as Conor. We hadn’t seen her in group since the incident had occurred, and I never once mentioned what she had accused Conor of to his face, but it was playing in the back of my mind like a broken record. 2

Had he really raped someone when he was fourteen? Were fourteen year olds even capable of doing something so terrible to another human being? 3

Absently, I traced the stitches that still rested on my knuckles trying to envision what Tegan’s hand must have looked like. Mine looked bad after taking out a bad trip on crystal on a HUMAN. I couldn’t imagine what her hand would look like after pounding the ever-loving shit out of a wall. 4

The sound of our door opening made my head jerk up and look in the direction of the doorway curiously. Doctor Brewer stood there and sighed, “Conor, I have a deal to make with you.”5

Uh oh.6

Right away, the silence that filled the room wasn’t a good one. I swear, the temperature dropped about thirty degrees. 7

”What?” He asked finally.8

Deanna sighed, stepping further into the room. Her light hair fell down around her shoulders and she sat down on the chair that sat by the door. “How would you feel about going back up a level?”9

“On what condition?”10

She paused here, as if that didn’t answer it completely. I’d only been in this place a week and knew what was happening. Conor probably knew the moment he saw her step through the door. She crossed her legs and leaned forward, linking her hands and resting them on her knees. “You would have to willingly participate in a month’s worth of counseling sessions with Tegan.”11

The look on Conor’s face made my blood run cold. This could only end badly. How the hell could Brewer be so calm about this when these two would just rip each other to shreds? 12

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Conor finally said, his voice quiet with heavy, malevolent undertones. 13

”I’m being completely serious, Conor.” Deanna said coolly. “If you want your privileges back, and if you want to go back up a level, then I suggest you think about my offer, because this is the only way we’re putting you up. I’ve spoken with the warden and the rest of the staff and they agree. Tegan will be given the same condition. If one or both of you disagrees, then you will remain at the level you’re at until you’re released and will not get back any privileges.” She paused for a long time and stood up, stretching her arms out before her. “Please do think about it. We’re doing this with the interest of both of you in mind.” 14

With that, Deanna Brewer rose to her feet and walked out of the room. All was silent for a long time. It was tense and made my skin crawl. Almost the way the meth mites would make me scratch at my skin until I drew blood, leaving open sores on my flesh. 15

Finally, Conor rose to his feet and started pacing back and forth. “That bitch, who the hell do they think they are?!” He shouted, clenching his fists. His jaw was set tightly and I could practically hear his teeth gritting together. “It’s bullshit, Jake!”16

I didn’t know what to say. I was almost afraid to speak or move. Sometimes, if you just let them go off for a while, then you can delay the full out explosion, or stop it completely.17

“I’m not going to do it.” He said finally. “I’d rather be stuck at a level two until I get out of this shit hole than have to sit in a room alone with that lying bitch and a shrink.”18

“Yeah, but… I mean, with the way things are now, you’ll go nuts man. You’re stuck inside all the time, they don’t let you do anything… besides, it can’t really be that bad, can it?”19

Conor turned on me, his face white and livid. “Here’s what’s going to happen in every session: we’ll sit in there with the doctor and listen to her talk, when it’s our turn to tell the other how we feel or whatever, we’ll wind up arguing or getting into another fist fight. This will go on until everyone realizes that there’s no way it could possibly help us and cancel it. And they’ve already signed themselves in on the deal, so it’s not like they’ll be able to turn around and say ‘oh yeah, we give up, you two go right on ahead and go back up to you levels!’”20

“Yeah, but even if it doesn’t work, if you just do it and get it over with then it’ll be fine. She never said anything about getting positive results. All she want is for the two of you to be able to sit across from each other without ripping the other to shreds.”21

“That’s easier said than done.” He grunted, clenching and unclenching his fists.22

“You sound like you’ve done this before.” I said, raising an interested eyebrow.23

He was quiet for a long time before giving a brief shrug, “I have.”24

I would have said something else, but the bell for lunch rang and we both rose, walking to the cafeteria. Despite what I had learned about Conor, it was easy to tolerate his company. He had never done anything against me personally, and while certain parts of him scared the hell out of me, I just kept telling myself to be careful around him and all would be well. So far, that proved accurate. 25

Conor walked stiffly, his anger permeating through his pores, but he was able to compose his facial expression into something careless and unfeeling. I guess that’s how I knew that this could potentially get dangerous. I stepped into the line and grabbed the tray of nasty food before sitting down at my designated table, Conor across from me. 26

“So do you still not want to do this?” I asked hesitantly, forcing a bite of my food.27

He didn’t say anything. He just shook his head and sat back.28

When I looked across the cafeteria, I saw Tegan and Maegan sitting together, the stitches and wide, fist shaped bruise across her cheekbone showing prominently through her pale skin. The fingers of her hand were still bruised and badly swollen, but my guess was that the pain meds the doctors had given her helped a lot, because she didn’t seem that badly bothered by it. The two girls had their heads ducked low and Tegan was speaking feverishly, her own jaw set tightly in anger and I realized that they were probably discussing what to do about the counseling thing as well.29

It was strange, how alike Tegan and Conor had seemed at that point, almost scary. Their facial expressions and posture were practically mirror images.30

My stomach gave a low churn and I shoved my tray away, abandoning any thoughts of eating at that moment.31