"Wha-?" my Momma asked. Jacob, my little brother, just told her that after tomorrow we will have no sun. I didn't believe it either. "Jake. Stop making up stories, and eat your dinner!" she replied. He kept exclaiming that it wasn't a story, though- he had heard it from a mob of people outside of our house the day before. We all shook our heads, and kept on eating.1
The next day, we were up at exactly 3:30 am, because today was our big day. We had been invited to join the City council, and do you know how hard it is to get in??!!!! Everybody wants in. Everybody! And today was the day. I knew we kind of got in unfairly, but it was safer for us. Pappa was sick, and they would take care of them in there. Some people thought us evil, and wanted to take us down...maybe that was what Jake might have been talking about? Eh, probably not. Just his overactive imagination.2
So we were eating breakfast and no one was talking. Not even Jake about this little evil plan. Afterwards, when everything was clean and all was packed up to move out, Jake suddenly announced, "Let's go see the last sunrise." We burst out laughing, but we went anyway. Even Pappa, on his walking stick. It was sooo beautiful. I have never seen one that pretty before, and I have seen them many times. Just as the sunrise looked prettiest, we heard a huge sound. I looked around.3
I saw Pappa surrounded in a lot of blood, and he was lying on the ground- he was dead. Then the sound came again. This time I knew it was a gunshot. Momma was trying to gather up Jake, who was not crying, but saying I told you so, when it was her turn to go. And, it was quiet. "The Last Sunrise." I looked at Jake. And then heard two more sounds...
Author notes
Richard Laymon is a really good horror writer!!!! My favorite book of his was "The Traveling Vampire Show".
- A Fun Clean Group group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Flash Fiction Festival by BorntothePurple.
170 points, ended April 23, 16 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - It's to late... by VioletHill.
170 points, ended June 12, 5 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Stories with great twists by Melancholic Smile.
650 points, ended June 19, 25 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
Good twist that I didn't see coming but in my opinion this story needs to be expanded. It needs more detail to explain whats going on with the character's family, why they are disliked so much that someone would want to kill them. If you did this I think you would have a really great piece here as at the moment the only bad point of the story to me was the lack of understanding about what was going on with this family. Good luck in the contest and thanks for entering!
-
O.k. i did know what wqas coming my little friend. I saw it coming from a mile away. I did read this though "Some people thought us evil..." It doesn't sound right. Anywayz thanks for entering my contest!
-Hugs and Kisses-
Crazy Lover-Kyny- -
Haven't read that one, but I mean to soon. :-)
I liked this, but I think it could benefit from a bit more detail. You have some intriguing stuff in here, but lots of unanswered questions. Why does everyone hate the family so much, for one thing? What exactly is the city council, (it seems more ominous than an ordinary one) and how did they get in? I would love to know the answers to a few of these questions!
When I read the bit about the sun not coming up, I was picturing the end of the world, or some kind of science fiction thing. So I was surprised when they were all shot. I liked that.
This was really good. Thanks for entering! -
Whoa
This was not what I expected. I expected it to be a happy family moment and everything but then everyone gets shot. Killed at the most beautiful moment of a sunrise, plus it sounds like a little kid. Poor kid.
Adding your comment:
