The Beast Within

There is a stranger inside me, a monster.1

We share the same eyes2

But he refuses to see the truth3

We wear the same face4

But my pain is hidden by a stone mask5

The beast has a hold of me6

I can’t break free7

8


We see you, though you don’t see us9

Why don’t you see us?10

Look at us!11

You walk on12

Unaware of our torment13

A wave of white hot rage envelops us14

I cower within the deepest part of me, frightened 15

See me!16

I beg of you!17

Release me from this prison18

19


The first time I saw you20

You smiled so sweetly21

A ray of sunshine on a dark and cloudy day22

Your emerald green eyes sparkled in the rain23

You were so beautiful24

I had to have you25

The beast within stirred from his slumber26

27


I followed you for days28

Keeping to the shadows, afraid to speak29

Then I saw you with another30

Kissing31

Embracing32

And the beast rose up within me33

You are Mine!34

He took over my thoughts, my actions35

I was powerless against him36

I beg only for release37

Some kind of comfort38

But the beast has sinister plans for us, my love.39

40


I see and know the truth41

My love for you is an illusion
My heart lies 42

The beast within sees not but his own desire43

He will not be denied44

You are mine!45

46


My legs move of their own accord47

We follow you from place to place48

There you are, laughing with your friends49

Enjoying life50

When we are so miserable51

The beast roars. Angry and frustrated52

How dare you!53

He is sure you are laughing at us54

Though I know we’ve never met55

But the beast is lost56

Consumed by his own fantasies57

See me! 58

I beg of you!59

Before it is too late60

61


We walk toward you now62

I want to yell, scream63

Run!64

But my voice is silent65

Drowned out by the ringing in our ears66

Then it happened67

You face us for the first time68

But you do not see me69

You see him, the beast70

You see his rage, and you are frightened71

72


You have done nothing, my love73

But the beast has won74

I cannot save us 75

I weep as your body crumples to the ground76

Your blood spills out onto the pavement77

The beast roars in triumph78

Our hurts avenged 79

80


I slump down next to your dying body81

I wipe the tears from your eyes82

Don’t be afraid, my love.83

Soon I’ll be with you84

I’ll hold and comfort you while we sleep85

Author notes

i like hats

A contest entry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 30 of 30

  • Tiger-Lily gold member
    September 6

    Edit | Reply
    Hm....can't say this is exactly a journal entry, but I love the flow an d structure. This is a uniquew way of writing about one's mad alter-ego. XDD

    I love how you end this off too. Very dramatic finale. ^^

    -HT


  • Prim-Rose
    September 5

    Edit | Reply
    Very creepy and twisted - exactly what I wanted! The storyline and the way it flowed well was marvelous. Your descritpion and emotion were just wow. Nice job and good luck!

    PR


  • KissMeInThe-Rain
    July 9
    Edit | Reply
    It seems like some horror movie lol but i liked it alot great job


  • RedHearts
    June 14

    Edit | Reply
    This is a bit creepy, but I like the way it flows. I can well imagine what is happening from the way you have described the incidents.
    Good work.


  • DemonSpit
    June 13
    Edit | Reply
    AWESOME
    the ending is really good
    every line paints a picture, a vivid picture


  • Quixotic Greeters member
    June 12

    Edit | Reply
    Well written and strong. I liked the way it was structured, fitting to the story, but i just didn't resonate well. Thanks for the entry. well done.


  • im.perfectly.flawed
    June 4
    Edit | Reply
    Long but well done, certainly fits the criteria though in the end I feel there could have been something more there, a little bit better then just soon I will be there with you, too cliche for what you have above.

    Tnks for entering and goodluck,

    ebunni


  • SnowFlakeWolf Greeters member
    April 26

    Edit | Reply
    O.O this is really well written and has very good imagery Keep penning and good luck in the contest. ^^


  • Midnightmare
    April 13

    Edit | Reply
    I agree with darkangel7567... creepy and chilling. I liked it.
    Format was interesting, I liked how you set it out so it was like good vs evil in a weird sort of way.
    Great write, keep it up! thank you for entering.


  • darkangel7567
    March 12
    Edit | Reply
    Very cool and creepy. It gave me chills.


  • anxiously D
    March 6

    Edit | Reply
    This is beautiful and the way the words flow made it such a joy to read. There is almost a haunting, eerie feeling coming through the words as I read them. At first some of the us parts tricked me into thinking there was a second person other than 'my love', but then I got it, albeit a little late hehe.

    There's something about the very last line that is just so wonderful. It made for a great ending.


  • damnxrightxitsxanna
    March 6

    Edit | Reply
    That was kind of sad, but lacked the details... and by that I mean, like, more of his/her inner thoughts, and well, maybe it would be better in a story-like format.
    Overall i liked it, the possesiveness of the beast was kind of... amazing.
    You can clearly see the ain character i a little bit out of it, hmm, maybe you could make it a story from a third point view, then you could make more comments on the main character, more descriptions, but yeah, it's your story... and i really liked it... but here is always room for improvement.
    Good luck on the contest!

  • Curious Koop
    March 1

    Edit | Reply
    You really capture the pain and the desire that love has caused to the person in this poem. It's beautifully done. It's sad and almost scary.


  • Amicus2K8
    February 23
    Edit | Reply

    Quite nicely done...

    The subject of a million poems and more, that of love and desire and from whence cometh.

    And of course the id, the ego, the libido, which exist, it appears, independent of rational thought and will be satiated and never tires or ceases.

    Very nice, thank you...

    Amicus...



  • loyda
    February 22

    Edit | Reply
    very, very good
    it is creepy, and i just love stories of people with psychological damage hihihi


  • BlackWingedAngel.xo
    February 19
    Edit | Reply
    this was very good
    :]


  • Gary Alexander silver member
    February 19

    Edit | Reply
    Hello...
    My only serious comment (one can't really comment on the substance, the inards, of a personal poem) is one of structure or form. I suggest your breaking this up into smaller verses or stanzas. At least that would make it more readable...or even publishable, should you chose to try that.
    Also...small point: You use the word "illusion" incorrectly. The correct word would be: Delusion. "Illusion" is more a physical phenomenon...where as "delusion" is a mental event.
    Best,
    GA


  • Silverwit
    February 19

    Edit | Reply
    Rather good.

    You points: 110

    Sorry I can't give much of a comment. I'm not good at critiquing poems.


  • Anaya Roma silver member
    February 19
    Edit | Reply
    This is very good. Profound.
    Thank you.
    Anaya Roma


  • the.preKKendile
    February 16
    Edit | Reply
    ...that was good.
    The contrast and the inner turbulence...
    You portrayed the conflict very well.


  • CorvusCornix
    February 15

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this was quite chilling to tell the truth! At first I was a little confused about where the piece was going, but you quickly rectify that. I really like the idea of continual paragraphs, it kept me reading and as the piece continued I found myself scrolling down faster and faster! You have really captured the idea of having a monster inside and secret desire. I felt as if I had stumbled upon a diary. Well done, keep up the good work!


  • xBitterxSweetx
    February 15

    Edit | Reply
    Very nice! You have really captured the imagination with your imagery. Great job and thank you for entering!


  • Rosen Rot
    February 14

    Edit | Reply
    You capture this so well...
    Everything from the beginning to end is realistic. It kept my attention very well =)
    nice work.


  • FatElf
    February 13

    Edit | Reply

    Star Wars

    Very intoxicating. I kind of see the resident evil verison of this in pornography if you dont mind me saying. It is just intoxicating to me. I liked it. Bravo. I mean, wow, it is just very sexy at the same time while being realistic about what life is about, the whole breathing thing in a savage way. It was insane and huge. It was like, the perfect art. It is very mutating, actually.

  • Lanivitybeauty
    February 13

    Edit | Reply
    Freaky, and yet.......still really good. I totally agree with the comment form betty c this was very discriptive and exciting even though a bit creepy. All in all it was awesome.

    ~Lanivity


  • HeatherRoseBrown
    February 10

    Edit | Reply
    Oh wow ... that was really spooky. What really makes this scarier is that something like this could really happen. Think I'm gonna go check my door locks now. *shiver*

  • bettyc
    February 9
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    Makes me wonder about the author! (LOL) Real good descriptive writing.


  • Ted E Bare
    February 9

    Edit | Reply
    Maybe I'm being too deep here, but guessing the beast was jealousy! It took over and made sure that the one of your affection would be with no other as your strong desires were to see to that. I'm thinking with the lust you had for this individual, love knew no evil as it took the person's life and later consumed yours as you laid comfortably numb by their side...all in the eyes of love. Good luck in the many contests.

    Ted E


  • Andy Stephenson Greeters member
    February 8

    Edit | Reply

    Interesting.

    She killed the objection of her affection? Murder/suicide? That is a tragic end for such passion. This definitely takes us into the mind of your main character. She is obviously obsessed.

    Andy


  • Mr Pooptastic
    February 8

    Edit | Reply

    Uh

    That was a good piece of writing and I gotta say if someone read that in a journal they might just crap their pants. Good work.

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