What do you mean we have to go back home?1
If you forgot your wallet, then how did you pay for the movie tickets?2
I swear, sometimes you're the most irresponsible ... it's a good thing I'm going to marry you, because you'd not survive without me, you know that?3
Well, go ahead, and start the car. No, I'm not mad, just exasperated at having to spend my birthday running back and forth.4
I know you didn't do it on purpose, but let's get a move on -- the reservations are at eight and it's seven-fifteen now.5
I know you said you didn't see it, but I'd swear I saw the lights go off as we came around the corner.6
I mean it, I think I heard someone in there, we need to call the police, not just unlock and go in!7
What are all these people -- ?8
"SURPRISE!"
A contest entry
- 10 sentances or less ; anything by Melli.
170 points, ended February 15, 2008, 22 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Words in edgewise...
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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lol
I like this.
It kind of reminded of a scene in Uncle Buck, where he calls his girlfriend and you only hear his side of the conversation. All he gets in is 'But...lemmme....you don't...I...if you just...no I....gimme a...awww!'
Very well done!
Feels like the typical loveable/nagging spouse.
Jack -
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One of the best Candy movies! I think my favorite John Candy movie, though, is Delirious... and followed by The Great Outdoors.
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I just saw delirous (for the millionth time) yesterday! Still funny. Although I do love him in Planes Trains and Automobiles.
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HAHHA, i really liked this one! most of the entries are soul-full sad stuff, but this one is funny and i really liked it! I wasn't sure if the other person was actually real but i still liked it. Great job and good luck in my contest!
=) KEEP WRITING =)
-Melli<33 -
I loved this story! I think I felt just as surprised by the ending as the protagonist did. Thanks for sharing such a fun story.
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I immediately could tell who was speaking to me; my now ex-wife(lol)! It's almost word for word as what she would say until she realizes everything I did was because I did something for her. That would be ok for a little while anyway(lol). Yep, I didn't get a word in edgewise either! Good luck in the contest!!!!!
Ted E
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Thanks! The idea was to make it so that the person speaking could be anyone. Any gender, any age, and any of the first world countries. A worrywart, and a bit prone to a touch of nagging.
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It worked! It was just easy to put myself in the other position to hear it (as I have heard it in real life before. Awwwwwww, but I was in love and didn't care. It's only now when I reflect how I think I was stupid at times to listen)
Ted E
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Wry, Nice twist
A lovely little revealing piece about personalities. I like to climax; and it leaves the reader wondering: did she/he enjoy the surprise? Did she/he apologize for being irritable? Did the future spouse get a peek at the other's character flaws [impatience, criticism] ?
The dialogue establishes a time frame.
Gender could have been clarified.
beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 3, characters: 1.
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I try not to clarify gender when it's not important to the story. Why does it matter to the plot which gender the protagonist is?
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