The REAL Story of Little Red Riding Hood

So, you think you know all about the story about Little Red Riding Hood? Well, if you're going by the stories I been hearing passed around these days, you don't know nothing 'bout what actually happened. Now you might think I'm a bit daft if I told you I was around to see what really happened...so I ain't gonna say it.1

What I will say is I'm old enough to know a thing or two 'bout a thing or two. So set yourself down for a spell and I'll tell you the REAL story about Little Red Riding hood.2

First off, the whole bit about the Wolf eating Grandma was a bit of a misunderstanding. The way I heard it, the Wolf had heard Grandma was feeling poorly, so he brought her some very special healing tea. After getting a small fire going in Grandma's fireplace with what bits of kindling he could scrounge up from the bottom of woodbox and brewing up a nice pot of tea, the Wolf scooted the table up to his good friend's bed and soon they were having themselves a right proper tea party.3

Well, the tea had a bit of something extra special to it, though most modern thinking folks would laugh if I called it magic. Still, it had something more than your ordinary tea and before Grandma knew it, she was feeling fully recovered. But by the end of the party, the small fire had died out and the cottage was getting a bit nippy. Since there was nothing left in the woodbox, the Wolf offered to chop up a log or two.4

But Grandma refused, saying the Wolf was her guest. And since she was feeling so much better, she'd go out and take care of the chopping while the Wolf bundled up under her extra snugly comforter on her bed so he could keep warm.5

Well, both Grandma and the Wolf were pretty stubborn, so there was some friendly and a touch not so friendly arguing over that bit. At one point, the Wolf said he couldn't climb under the covers because his clothes were way too dusty from traveling all the way to Grandma's with the tea, and he hadn't brought any pajamas to change into. 6

Without missing a beat, Grandma simply said he could borrow one of her nightgowns. There was a bit more argument after this, but eventually the house was getting seriously cold and the Wolf finally agreed.7

After Grandma tucked the Wolf into bed, she slipped behind her dressing panel (since she was a modest woman and didn't want to embarrass her friend) and changed into her black and red plaid flannel shirt, heavy working trousers (which she usually used whenever doing any outdoor work) brown leather boots, a heavy fur coat and matching fur-lined hat. She then grabbed the ax from it's corner beside the hearth and headed outside to chop up some fire wood.8

I bet you've been wondering about Little Red Riding Hood, right? Well here's the part where the li'l darlin' comes in. So quit fidgeting and I'll tell you the rest of the story.9

You see, barely moments after Grandma left, Red Riding Hood walked in the door (Grandma had left the door unlocked so it would be easier to bring in the firewood) and greeted the Wolf as if he were Grandma. Now Red, bless her heart, was about as sharp as a sack of wet oatmeal. After all, the Wolf showed her the shortcut he was taking, yet for some reason she took the long way. That having been said, she could see 'Grandma' was looking a bit furrier than usual.10

Still, she knew Grandma had been sick and thought this might have been one of the side effects, so she started asking the Wolf some rather blunt questions about his appearance. Well, things get a bit murky about what happened next, but Red finally decided the Wolf really wasn't Grandma.11

How she got into her head that the Wolf had gobbled Grandma up, nobody really seems to know. Fearing she'd be gobbled up too, Red ran for her life and crashed into Grandma, who was just then trying to open the door while holding onto an armful of firewood. Being pretty sturdy for her age, Grandma managed to keep her feet under her, but logs and kindling wound up flying everywhere.12

Mistaking Grandma for the local Woodsman, Red begged Grandma to protect her. As I'm sure you can imagine, Grandma wasn't going to let anyone hurt her granddaughter. So she swung the ax onto her shoulder and stomped into the cottage.13

When the Wolf saw the tower of rage Grandma had become, he squealed with fright, jumped out of bed and ran between Grandma's legs, accidentally knocking Red down as he fled for his life. Red had the wind knocked out of her, but wasn't seriously hurt. When she opened her eyes, she saw Grandma looking down at her and assumed the Woodsman somehow had rescued her grandmother from the Wolf's stomach.14

And that, dearheart, is the REAL story of Little Red Riding Hood.