Crack!1
A branch snaps behind me as I move through the forest. Night invelopes me like a blanket, I can't even see the end of the tree's in the distance. Even the Owls have fallen silent. Do they know something I don't?2
I am not alone. I can feel the presence of someone with me on the small pathway. I speed my pace, attempting to stay ahead of the person. I don't even motice my breath becoming shallower and my forehead prickling with beads of sweat.3
My face is lashed by the cool breeze and my breath forms vapour in front of my face. I am still running.4
A rustle in the bushes! Where? There are so many bushes it's hard to tell. My feet crunch on the dead leaves of autumn as I run. The naked trees stare down at me accusingly, flicking their thin branches in my direction. Are they watching an execution?5
I can hear other footsteps. I am now running as fast as my legs will carry me. The other footsteps, almost like an echo, follow in frequency. My breathing is in short, desperate breaths.I'm not getting the oxygen I need, my legs are starting to weaken beneath me and my body feels like a furnice beneath my jumper.6
Still the footsteps follow me. They're just a few feet behind me now.7
I give up, I fall to the ground. It's dampness feels good against my skin. The footsteps continue their sprint. Closer and closer. They're on top of me. I spin around face my attacker.8
Nothing. There is no one there. No evidence of a chase. Had I imagined the whole thing?
Author notes
Based on a story my Friend told me once about when he was walking in a forst near my home. There are rumours that people fled into those forests to escape the Armies of Cromwell as he pilliaged and burned their villages. But his Cavalry caught and killed most of them. People say at night you can still hear them fleeing and the horses chasing them.
A contest entry
- Ghostly Contest by Fizbop.
200 points, ended February 20, 2008, 6 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think, If making corrections please give example so I can find it
Comments
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Creepy, a nice story. Very suspenseful and exciting. Lovely job.
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you both have very good veiws in your comments... because in some ways as I read the piece and then the comments you nearly want to know more..in fact you hunger for more knowledge but at the same time the rushed affect of fear worked pleasanly well and created a good peice of work...
I have heard of that I think 0.0 freaky
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You started your story with one word. "Crack!" I would of put that with the paragraph that followed.
Perhaps this would of made the paragraph a bit more then what it is.
A branch snaped behind me making a thunderous "Crack" as I moved through the forest. The night invelpes me like a blanket, I can't even see the end of the tree's in the distnace. Even the Owls have fallen silent. Do they know something I don't?"
I would of personaly added "Animals have this inept ability to sense things humans are unable to." Do They know something I don't?"
Again just my opinion
This is still a good story and found it very easy to read.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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True, but I was trying to convey his panic and the guy has since revealed that he was sh*tting himself. He wouldn't have time to talk about the Animal's abilities to sense other things.
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