The silence stretched for miles around in the open country. In the Dead of night, the sky was pitch black and starless. The night air chilled Maharani's bare throat and collar bone, her dainty ankles also chilled quite thoroughly. The crimson red evening dress she wore was splayed deliberately around her full, round hips. The folds of Chinese silk were neatly arranged to cover her slippered feet, which were then tucked up beneath her bottom on the cushioned carriage seat. A gust of wind sent her silk clad hand to her bosom, the fabric of her dress dipping low off the shoulders and down her front, her milk white throat and the top of her cleavage bared daringly, framed with gold stitching. The carriage bumped and rattled along the grimy dirt road, cutting it's way through the heavy night the best it could by light of one lantern. The wheels screeched and rattled with every dusty rotation, the only sound to be heard in the night aside from the incessant 'clop' of the inky horse's hooves. Suddenly the carriage came to a halt.1
Maharani heard the commotion above as the reigns-man cried out. "What the-" his voice cut out in a garbled, wheezing choke. she gasped, the horses rearing and bucking momentarily. Just as suddenly as the incident had occurred, there was a heavy 'thump' beside the carriage, right beneath her window, and all was silent once more aside from the wheels revolving and the carriage returning to it's journey, or so she thought. 2
"Gustav! What was the commotion! Are you well?" she called, standing and peering around the outer wall of the carriage through the window. Gustav, his wide brimmed travelers cap shading his face, and his dusty road cloak wrapped tightly about him, simply inclined his hat her way. Looking back into the night, Maharani's voice leaped in her throat as the lantern light faded away from a horrifying scene. Gustav, stripped of cloak and hat, lay back where the wagon's wheels had just left. His throat was torn open, his eyes widened in terror and glazed in death. She turned around and looked in terror at her new driver. 3
He was looking back at her, yellow feline eyes glinting from beneath Gustav's brim, a flash of white blinding her as he smiled deviously. She was in for a ride. The driver cracked the reigns, sending Maharani's team of two careening forward into the night, their hooves galloping into the unknown. They weren't headed for home anymore. She stumbled back into the carriage' cab, shrinking away from the opening as those yellow eyes advanced on her. He nearly floated through the window, the team leading themselves. As he entered the cab, he grabbed for her, catching hold of her waist in his firm hands easily. He banged a fist on the side of the carriage, the horses stopping immediately as if entranced. He hauled her up into his arms, throwing the carriage door open and stepping out into a dark, empty graveyard. He allowed her to tumble free of his arm, hitting the sod covered path and rolling like a child's poppet. 4
"One chance." He said, his voice like being submerged in icy lake water in December. It was soft and low, but it clenched her insides in a frozen knot. She ran. She simply stood up on her trembling knees, and forgetting She was Lady Maharani of Moldavia, forgetting all of her courtly manners, she fled. Maharani ran deep into the twisting paths of the graveyard, the headstones and tombs creating a labrynth around her. Suddenly, her foot caught on something and she tumbled forward. She hit the ground hard, all of the air in her lungs leaving with a 'whoosh'. As her body came crashing to the ground, her brain exploded with pain inside her skull, the back of her head glancing off of a nearby grave stone. The sihlouettes and dark shapes around her swam before her eyes, which were now seeing doubles of everything. Suddenly everything faded into to blackness.5
Author notes
This is Based on my poem \
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Very descriptive and expressed with such enormous vocabulary, so detailed in any way and thrill definitely present in the story, powerful piece. Great job!!!!
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You have a fine pen there! The cadence for this story is rather smooth, coming from a poem only adds to the positive attributes! There are alot of descriptive imageries that reminded me it came from a poem...Yellow feline eyes are hott! This is a great write...You kill people well...You sadist!
Keep writing!
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very interesting..I liked how you described her death..but I do think I knew what was going to happen. Quite obvious I'd say. Well good job.
Jess -
twas good, great, grand. good job! good luck to ya!
My Deepest Regards,
~ShiningGreyStar~ -
very intense! Loved the whole thing! Thanks oodles for entering!
Love,
Katy
~*LiquidLullaby*~ -
Wow. I have never had the patience to read a whole story online before, but this one had me reeled in. Very intense, my heart was actually pounding a little hard for a minute there. I loved the way you described his voice as 'being submerged in icy lake water in December'. Write on. ~~SpydurPoet~~
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GREAT!!
Very good story,I didn't know I like them so much til just now...love the visions,the terror,the thrill. OMG I can't believe how much I really like this. Wonderful write....I'll have to read more of your work. Don't know if I should have read it at night though....if I can't sleep,I'll just read more!!
Thank you for opening my eyes!
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This was a very good short-short. Nicely done. The only problem I had was the last line. It's too easy. Why not add to it? Is this the first part of a longer story?
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this story was very good and i loved the nuance in it, where did you get the idea for this lol? anyways this story was very discriptive, it described your feelings as well as the setting very well which was a long time ago right?
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what is going to happen!? my daddy says i have to go to bed..
I'll read more though
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i loved this piece, the descriptions of everything within was pure and detailed. wow! i loved the lines
He was looking back at me, yellow feline eyes glinting from beneath Gustav's brim;
"One chance." He said, his voice like being submerged in icy lake water in December
wow, powerful stuff! great work, and please carry on writing! i want to see what may happen next! x x -
Good
Ooo. Scary. I like!
Gave me quite a scare thinking of how this would end. There are a few grammar problems, but nothing too serious. I did notice that at the beginning there was one horse and then in the middle there were two. This lady definitely seemed quite afraid of this strange captor. I'm going to have to read the second one now!
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