A Lover's Suicide

I walked down the street, headed for Lily's house. She'd understand, wouldn't she? She was the one person who I trusted with this type of stuff. Always there for me, I wish I could tell her how I felt about her. How many have I wanted to tell her I liked her? About a million but I never found the courage to tell her, fearing that I might walk in an even more lonely path, this time without her to guide me. 1

Sighing, I continued walking, reaching her apartment door. I knocked, almost silently, surprised when she actually opened it.2

"Hey Skye. What are you doing over here?" she said, motioning me inside.3

"Nothing. I was just in the neighborhood," I said.4

She looked at me, opening her mouth but nothing came out. Staring at her, I looked closely at her eyes, the brown orbs gazing intently at me.5

"I'm sorry, I should go. You're probably busy," I said, turning to leave.6

"Stay, please. I'd like that," she said, grabbing my hand. 7

"Lily, I need to tell you something and if you don't want to be my friend afterwards, it's okay," I said.8

"Skye, what's going on? Are you okay? You seem depressed," she whispered pulling me to the couch.9

"I...I think..I think that I like you as more than just a friend," I stammered, looking away from her intense gaze.10

"Skye..uh..wow..Why didn't you tell me earlier?"11

"If you want me to leave, I will. It's okay, I understand. You're the only girl I've ever like. I know this sounds weird but I have a favor to ask. Never mind, it doesn't matter," I said, shaking.12

"Hey, what's wrong? You're crying. How long have you been home alone?" she said, gently grabbing my arms.13

I didn't even know I was crying. I touched my wet cheeks and wiped away the tears.14

"Don't look, please. You'll just be mad at me. I let you down again. You're probably sick of me always ruining you life. You deserve a better friend. That's why I'm leaving you for good. Please understand," I said, standing up.15

Her hand moved up my arm, pushing my sweaters' sleeve up and revealing my scars, recent and past. The tiny artworks stared back at me. I pulled my sleeve down, covering my mistakes up. Her once smiling face turned into a look of concern and fear. I looked away, her eyes burning through me.16

"Skye, why?" she asked. 17

"I had no one to talk to. My parents where gone and I called everyone but you, because I didn't want to tell you. I'm sorry. Please don't be mad me," I cried.18

"Will you...do it with me? I don't want to go alone. I'm always alone. Or at least hold me while I go?" I whispered, staring at the ground, avoiding her gaze.19

"Hey, what are you talking about? You're not thinking about...it are you?"20

"Yes. I brought this with me," I said, pulling the knife from my pocket. "I understand if you don't want to. I can just go back to my house if you want me to."21

"Stay, are you sure you want to do this? There's no point in trying to stop you. I've tried that approach. You've been to therapy and everything and this is just the way it has to be. I don't want to lose you as a friend and who know's, maybe if you waited, we could be more than friends. But if this is what you really want, I'll be right here for you, " she said, cradling my hands in hers.22

"I'm sorry to put you through this. You know it would have never worked because you want a family and you can't have one without a guy. I ruin everything, I never wanted to ruin you," I said, pulling the sheath off the blade and setting it next to me.23

Setting the blade on my wrist, tears blurred my vision. Gently cutting, I whimpered as I watched my life drain between the seat cushions. I cut the other wrist and fumbled to give the knife to Lily. She looked at it and gave me a hug. 24

"Lily, thank you for letting me do this. I'll understand if you don't follow me but I hope you have a happy life," I whimpered. 25

"Shh...I'm going with you. It's not like my life is much better than yours. I'll be right here for you, okay," she said as she laid my head on her lap.26

"Lily, I'm cold. Help me," I whispered.27

"It's okay...I'm right here," she said, pulling a blanket from the back of the couch and covering me with it.28

I closed my eyes and heard her cry out. Opening my eyes, I watched her slit her second wrist. She slid her legs under the blankets with me, cradling me as I closed my eyes again and took a shaky breath. Her chest kept my head warm, as I felt my eyesight fade in and out. Her blood raced to my body, pooling around my chest and upper arms. 29

"I love you and I always have," she whispered and that's the last thing I remember.30