Duct Tape

The sticky air held me tight against the plastic lawn chair. The humidity locked my sweaty legs against the broken armrest with duct tape over the cracks. My brother put the tape there. He is always trying to fix things. Part of the chair was sticky where my sister had ripped off previous duct tape. She is always trying to make things pretty. I'm the sibling who mostly just leaves things alone. Before she left, my mother used to call me a slacker. And a trouble-magnet. But that's just the way I am, I guess. I fanned myself with my purple flip-flop and took a sip of my pink lemonade. I could feel mosquitoes gnawing at my bare ankles, but I didn't swat them away. I yanked my long hair away from my face. My stomach felt fat and I sort of wanted to die. 1

I live in Florida, but don't get excited. I don't live near Miami, or Boca Raton, or West Palm Beach. I live about four hours away from Disney World. I'm nowhere near the water or the Everglades. I've never been to Disney World, and the last time I was at the beach, I was three years old, and that was in California. The last time I left my house, I went to visit my aunt and uncle who live up near the landfill. It smells weird there at night, but they have a real house with wood furniture and there is no duct tape anywhere. I stayed there for three days, and then my sister had to come pick me up, and there I was, back here again. In the backyard with the crab grass and the insects, the cheap lawn chair and my pink lemonade. There is something comforting about tradition. This is how I spend every summer. 2

I'm fifteen years old, but I can pass for at least nineteen, or that's what my boyfriend tells me. His name is David and he's twenty-one. I met him at my friend Andrea's house one night last November. He gave me a beer and told me my eyes were ruby-green, and that he loved me so much. I didn't believe him, of course, seeing as though I'm not as stupid as I act sometimes, but my friends have been telling me that a boyfriend is a nifty thing to possess, and he gave me a beer. I don't even like beer. Sometimes I like David, but only when he's not here. I'd rather just think about him than see him. Knowing how boyfriends are, he'll probably get far, far away from me in a few months. That's okay. He gets drunk a lot. And rubies aren't even green. 3

My sister has a boyfriend, too, but he's forty-six and he's a stock broker. His name is Roger and he has a fat wife named Sharon. They have three kids, but my sister said that Roger wants to leave them and Sharon and marry her. My sister is so stupid sometimes. As I said, she likes to make things pretty. My sister says that when she marries Roger, we can all move into a big house with real furniture, and no duct tape anywhere, just like my aunt and uncle's house. I'm not holding my breath. I don't really even mind living in the house we live in now, and neither does my brother. But he’s fourteen and very shy in general. He's pretty unaware of anything else in life besides me, my sister, and this house. He's very quiet but he’s sincere and a good brother to have. He's the only person I never hate. Everybody thinks he's stupid because he doesn't talk very much, but I know he's only doing that so they leave him alone. He just wants to make things better. He hates it when my sister cries. I'm sure he'd hate it if I cried, but I don't cry in front of him. My mother used to cry before she left. My father cried after he hit my brother once. I don't think he felt bad, I think he was afraid of something. He lives in Vermont now. 4

My sister works at the grocery store during the day, and my brother likes to be alone in his room. So I sit out here in the backyard, because I don't have a fan in my room and the window is jammed shut. I like being out here, most of the time. It’s not like there's anything else to do. All my friends are at camp, and David only comes over at night, and only when he wants me. I leaned back in the chair a little too far and it tipped over, spilling me into the prickly grass. I laughed and stood up. The chair was broken again. My brother would enjoy fixing it. Simple pleasures are better than no pleasures. 5

"Adam!" I called inside the house for him. I opened the screen door. "Adam! I broke the chair again!" He appeared in the kitchen. His hair was messed up and he was wearing nothing but his boxer shorts and a black tank top that belongs to my sister. He had a roll of duct tape on his wrist. 6

"I was sleeping." he said. 7

"Sorry." 8

"Is it in the backyard?" he asked me, bleary eyed. 9

"Yeah," I replied, walking outside. 10

He carefully set the chair in an upright position and slowly taped the new fracture. 11

I sat on the grass and watched him. Suddenly he stared into my eyes. 12

"Are you okay?" he asked me calmly. "Completely okay?" 13

I didn't say anything. I looked away. I looked down. 14

"Are you?" he asked. "Because--" 15

"Yeah," I whispered. 16

"Okay." he said. 17

"Do you hate me?" I asked. 18

"No." He stood up. "The chair's all better." 19

"Thanks." 20

"Always." he said. He turned around as though he was going to go back inside, but he hesitated. "What are you going to do about it?" he asked me. 21

"I don't know." 22

"Did you tell David?" 23

"No," I said, biting my lip. 24

Adam just looked at me. He came over to me and hugged me, and we just stood there like that. He smelled like sweat and cigarettes but somehow I knew everything was going to be okay as I stood there embraced and comforted by my quiet little brother. My quiet little brother who fixes everything and makes everything better. I sat down in the sticky grass and he sat down with me, and we just stared together like living zombies at the cyclone fence that bordered our yard. 25

To think all this, all this happened to me because I got drunk, no because I got stupid, and because David used a shitty condom. What’s to happen now? Where will I go? What will happen to me? Will my life change? Does it have to? So many things going through my head. The day our mum left, the day dad died, no wait that was grand dad, no dad left us too. All my life was a mess, and it always had been. I remember Adam telling us a joke. That he asked God why we where put on this earth and God said        “Hmmm, not too sure actually, oh well, no one’s perfect.”26

This is just my normal average summer day. The sun is shining and I’m out here nothing to do until seven, when David comes to call for me, and we go out and have fun. He knows so many people. He is really popular. My sister tells me I should sue him, and say he raped me, so at least we’d get some more money. That’s a laugh, considering all she ever gets us are a few stock tips. Tonight I’m telling David, I know I should and so does Adam. But I’ll do it after our night out, maybe we should have sex again, I mean I’m pregnant anyway, so it doesn’t really matter. If only mom was here, she’d know what to do, Dad on the other hand would just give me a beating.27

Everything will be ok, I’ll get through this, I know I will, everything else in my life is broken, so something else was bound to happen. Well it may be broken, but we always have duct tape.28