A Harvest Moon1
My father explained to me when I was a boy that the moon was full and that was how we determined the months of the seasons that came and went from warm to cold and back again.2
He told me that the Harvest Moon was a special time. A time when the crops of summer were harvested and stored away for the coming cold and how the people were happy that their work in the fields and the woods would see them through. 3
Sometimes the moon seemed larger that it usually did when full and took on colors that it seldom did, ranging from a blue tint, to a deep yellow, to gold, to Orange and sometimes an angry red with dark lines of clouds across the face. Those were not good harvest moons he said, but I did not understand.4
As the days grew shorter and the evenings cooled and there was less work to do, distant families visited, and we went from farm to farm to renew old acquaintances and share the fruit of the harvest. It was a very good time of the seasons.5
It was always planned and adjusted for the time of a full moon, but the harvest season culminated in a huge festival that the entire village attended. Everyone brought food and tables abounded with good things to eat and smells of cooking meats and baking things filled the air and music came from all directions; it was the best time of the whole season.6
There was the dancing too, at night, on a raised platform with torches lighting the night. I never paid much attention, happy to roam and run and cause mischief with my friends and eat and tease and run some more until I was exhausted and the evening deepened and it was time to leave.7
This harvest moon was different.8
The friends I ran with all seemed to find girls to wander away with and I found myself alone, watching the dancers on the stage.9
And this girl….oh, my, this girl…glided across the dancing area not in any human fashion; but floating, swaying, bending, moving in ways I had never seen before. I could not take my eyes off her.10
My eyes were entranced with her long dark hair flowing in motion, the low cut bodice of her flowing gown, her uplifted arms in movement and motion her delicate fingers and feet seeming fantasy like in the shifting and glowing lights. My eyes were wide and my mouth open and my heart raced. I had never felt such things before.11
My father noticed and I felt his hand on my shoulder.12
“You should not stare, my son.” He spoke in a gentle, and amused voice and I heeded his words.13
I tried to regain my senses and watched as other dancers stopped, all stopped, to watch her move across the stage, even my father looked up and smiled.14
Then the music ended and the magic went away. I continued to watch as she danced with many different boys, never the same one twice. And then the festival ended.15
All the cold time and the season that followed; at night when I closed my eyes to sleep, it was her floating form I saw. I could not, did not want, to get her out of my thoughts and dreams.16
I grew. My voice changed and hairs began sprouting in strange places and I felt things I had never felt before. There was hard work when the season warmed and harder yet when the warm time came and then again, the days began to shorten.17
It was the dance again and her again and I finally came alive as I watched her move.18
I felt my father’s hand on my shoulder again.19
“Son…it is the way of things. If you want her, you must go after her. If you do not, a dozen others will. I would, were I a young man again; she is lovely beyond words.”20
I drew air in an audible gasp for as he spoke a hand reached out for her and she danced away with someone.21
I stumbled up the steps to the dancing area and waited, without a word in my mind for the dance to end. I walked up to her and stood there, just looking and embarrassed.22
“I do not recognize your face?”23
I opened my mouth to speak, but no words formed and I felt heat in my face. I looked into her eyes and was startled and looked down.24
“Do you want to dance with me?”25
Her voice was lovely, lilting, soft and melodious, a joy to my ears.26
“Ya, Ye, Yes…” It was all I could manage.27
She smiled a warm smile and when the music began, she reached to my hanging arm and took my hand in hers.28
I didn’t really dance; I just swayed and moved my foot now and then as she twirled away and spun and came back and took my hand and turned, and left and came back a dozen times. I was entranced again, more so, as I could feel her scent and her touch invade my soul.29
The dance ended and she stood before me and looked into my eyes.30
“Who are you?”31
All I could do was mumble my name.32
She took a step back and surveyed me, up and down, head to toe and then back again to my face. A crowd of boys surrounded us with hands reached out to her. She smiled and looked into my eyes again.33
“Shall I dance with someone else?”34
“No!”35
She smiled again; that warm and wonderful smile and moved close and put her arms around my waist.36
“Then dance with me.”37
“I don’t know how.”38
She smiled again, took my hand and lifted it up and moved. “Follow what I do.”39
I was almost dancing with her when the music stopped again. I didn’t want her to dance with anyone else and I tried to find the words, but none came. I just put my hands on her upper arms and looked into her eyes.40
She looked up at me and smiled and the look in her eyes changed. She took my hand and led me across the stage and down the stair steps and off into the woods. I just followed, held tightly to her hand and helped her over fallen trees and deeper into the woods as the music and lights faded and only the harvest moon lit the small grassy area she led me to.41
She stopped and turned to me. “I only kiss one time and I only kiss back as a thank you. I never let anyone touch me.”42
My face was hot again. “I have never kissed a girl.”43
She smiled and came close and lifted her face and pulled mine down to hers.44
She gasped, pushed me away and stepped back. I saw her chest heaving and I could not find my breath and felt dizzy.45
After a long moment she lifted her head again. “You may kiss me again…if you wish.”46
She just stood there…a few feet in front of me.47
I took a deep breath and stepped forward, close, but not touching her. I wanted to put my arms around her, but I just gently rested them on her waist and closed my eyes and leaned down to her uplifted face.48
I was just a soft, gentle mingling of lips and cautious exploration that seemed interesting and exciting to both of us. She surged forward, our bodies came together and I felt her hands on my arms and then on my shoulders, then pressing my head down on hers as I put my arms fully around her and pulled her closer.49
I got lost somewhere and had to blink back when she pushed me away and stood there, panting and wide-eyed, as I was and swaying as if a stand of grass in the wind.50
Our breathing slowly diminished as she put her hands out as if to balance herself. My feet finally found firm earth and I could breathe again.51
“I have never wanted anyone to touch me….”52
She lowered herself to the soft grass and earth of the meadow and reached her arms up to me.53
I was shaking all over as I lowered myself to her. She pulled me part way on top of her so that one of my legs was between hers and my head rested on her shoulder.54
She had planned our being here and she controlled when I kissed her the first time. She pulled my face to hers and we kissed again and the world went insane. She took my hand and put it on her breast and I touched a girl for the first time. She took my hand and guided it down and I was afraid.55
We cried in each others arms.56
We surprised our parents, although my father smiled the biggest smile I ever saw.57
We surprised the entire village but they joined us in the custom of our people and set about to build us a place to live before the cold time set in.58
Family and friends from every quadrant brought furnishings and food and cooking utensils. They filled the larder and brought a cow and a sow and chickens and rabbits for the newly built pens and cages.59
I knew happiness and contentment beyond my dreams as we learned each other's ways when the snow flew and the harsh winds blew and the fire in the fireplace flickered and warmed. It was the best time of my whole life.60
She was heavy with child when the hard work of the warm time came. Her family and friends gathered and tended her. My father walked me away when the screaming started. I did not understand as he explained the chores I needed to accomplish to make the land we were given prosper more; I did not care, at that moment, about such things.61
He kept me walking forever it seemed and I did not understand; but he was my father and I did naught but walk and listen.62
I cried when we returned and my mother announced that I had a son. I cried again as I rushed to her side and buried my head on her chest. She ran her fingers through my hair and caressed my head.63
“We have a son.” She said softly. “It is as I wished.”64
She recovered quickly, perhaps more so than did I. It was a good season and when the harvest moon came, the people celebrated and I remembered and we watched and smiled, arms around each other.65
I felt a family grow, that cold time, she did too, I think. Our separate being, away from parents, our own existence; it felt strange and wonderful.66
A season passed and more. Our daughter come into the world in a heavy snow. I worried and fretted; my father walked me again as the time dragged by.67
But all was well and when the warm time filled and I walked through the village as a man among men with my family; I felt a pride beyond words, beyond understanding.68
The small pains began. My mother took ill and I feared for her. I walked with my father in a different way. The warm season faltered and more rains fell and the harvest was poor. We still celebrated.69
Another poor season followed and we struggled to find meat and fish to cure and crops were meager. We were not in want, but we did not feast as we had before. It was an unkind time for the people.70
Then a smiling, excited face and she was with child again. A small joy in a dreary world that had fallen upon us all.71
Then the first real sadness in my life when she doubled over with pain and the womenfolk tended her and wept.72
It was not the first child to be lost among the people. The hard times were blamed. I tried to accept it.73
The season changed and the warm returned in full and crops were heavy and full and the people sighed in relief as fortune smiled upon us.74
But she did not. She carried out her duties as mother and wife but I did not touch her other than comfort. I sensed she did not wish it.75
She would not attend the harvest festival and when work was done, retired to her bed and did not speak and would not speak and I tried again and again.76
Another season passed and she did not improve. I became mother also to my son and daughter and soothed their fears and tended their ills and mourned for my love.77
The harvest festival was upon us again. I did something I had never done before. I insisted. I found the dress I had first ever seen her dance in and demanded. She was more than angry. I spoke to my mother and she cared for the children. I dragged her, protesting, to the festival dance and up to the stage while the music played.78
She stood alone in the silence with only the music and the eyes upon her. They knew. She knew. I shuddered to think I had done terribly wrong when slowly she began to move.79
She came alive again; slowly and in slow motion it seemed as an arm rose and fell then rose again. Those who played the music seemed to know, those who watched, seemed to understand. I moved a little closer.80
The tempo of the music seemed tied to her movements and gestures. I felt scalding tears flow down my cheeks. She opened her eyes and smiled and looked around as the tempo increased to a frenzy and those watching voiced approval and I moved close to her as the music ended.81
“I have been away for too long. Will you forgive me?”82
Her eyes were different, but still the eyes I knew.83
“You are my only love in life. I will always be here.”84
She smiled. “Would you like to dance with me?”85
86
Author notes
Inspired by the lyrics of Neil Young, "Harvest Moon", I hope I did the song justice...
"Come a little bit closer
Hear what I have to say
Just like children sleepin
We could dream this night away.
But theres a full moon risin
Lets go dancin in the light
We know where the musics playin
Lets go out and feel the night.
Because Im still in love with you
I want to see you dance again
Because Im still in love with you
On this harvest moon.
When we were strangers
I watched you from afar
When we were lovers
I loved you with all my heart.
But now its gettin late
And the moon is climbin high
I want to celebrate
See it shinin in your eye.
Because Im still in love with you
I want to see you dance again
Because Im still in love with you
On this harvest moon."
~~~
http://video.aol.com/video-detail/neil-young-harvest-moon-live/2305843011690608224/?icid=VIDURVMUS01
harvest moon video with emmylou harris (search keywords)
A contest entry
- A Love that Can't be Forgotten by tabbykat92.
350 points, ended March 11, 2008, 19 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Passion by HoneyAngel.
600 points, ended April 16, 2008, 18 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 49 of 49
-
I love this story, it was truly beautiful. I did nearly cry when she lost the child. You have a brilliant way of describing settings, and people. I loved how you described the atmosphere when the couple danced together for the first time. You are a brilliant writer, and yes, you did do the song justice. Excellent story and a great read. Keep writing!
-
I think you did everything you set out to do in this story. I particularly liked the first half of the story, when the two meet and the way she gently guides him through the courtship ritual. The description of their lovemaking has the right balance of directness and subtlety; you tell just enough and not too much. I also like the second half of the story, but just like in real life, it might be hard to maintain that sparkle throughout the whole thing. The story is beautifully written and carefully crafted, really made me feel it, held my interest and flowed, good atmosphere and tone.
A few typo suggestions: paragraph 3, "where" should probably be "when." paragraph 4, "seemed," not "seem," "orange, not Orange." Paragraph 60, "other's," not others.
Great work.
-
-
Thank you...WillyLee...
...for the commentary and attentive read, your suggestions have been incorporated and I remain amazed at how errors remain after so many personal edits...thank you again...
Amicus
-
-
Wow! That was so good that it made me need to go to the toilet!!!! (sorry about that, it happens whenever I read a good story) Fantastic work! Really well done tying it up at the end!
-
This story was beautiful. I really enjoyed reading this and I thought that it was really good. It caught me at the beginning and made me want to keep reading. A very good read.
-
i loved this it was great! you did an amazing job on this!
-
awsome story
-
i like this it was good
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
Long. I really liked it, though, especially the part that went, "I have never wanted anyone to touch me." I can really relate to that... bravo!
-
Such a beautiful and memorable story! Well done, it really engages the reader to continue till the end. Wonderful vision of love!
-
This story is AWESOME! It really caught my eye! LOVE IT!
-
This is a beautiful, amazing, perfect, story. I really enjoy stories about love, especially when they are as great as this one! I really really enjoyed, please continue!
-
So Beautiful
This ia a timeless story of a beautiful pure love. I love the connnection with nature, the rhythmn. I love how his father is a liking thread through the story. Even though the story is 'happy' at the end I feel sad because it won't last.
-
Lovely story, and I love how you drew from the song. The community you describe is interesting, and I'd read another story about it!
-
Salve, Amicus!
I truly enjoyed this piece. I clicked on it because the title caught my attention (I love Harvest Moons and full moons in general); then I saw it was by you and I knew it had to be a good read. AI was not disappointed. It held my interest all the way through and the twists and turns of the plot were not what I expected. I was pleasantly surprised. Also, it's not common to find a male author sympathetically portraying a strong woman and apparently weaker man. Perhaps my assessment is incorrect but this is how the characters seem to be, in my opinion.
Thank you,
Anaya Roma
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 4.
-
-
I enjoyed reading this story!!! You are an amazing writer
I hope I can here more from you.
-
Eh, I think the wording makes it that much better, Remindes me of a vidio game Harvest moon.
You nailed the essence compleatly.
-
That was good. Was it just based on the song, or is some of it true? I felt like there wasn't much action, just kind of a "how mommy and daddy met" story that you might tell your kids. It really sounds like an autobiography, and you should make some implication of that in "Categories" section
-
That was amazing. It kept me captivated the whole way through.
Beautiful story
-
A great story although you left out the word: Talking in p:1) but, he was my father I did not...TALK...but walked and listened. 2)I found the dress that I had first seen her dance in--would read better if you drop the word EVER also 3)I demanded what? What wasn't clear:and demanded that she put it on? was that it? It's a beautiful story--well written and I have a story of that title also--which is nice but, not about the same subject and not posted here.Good luck with the contest.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
-
Hello Marta and thank you...
I confess it is a different use of language in paragraph; "He kept me walking forever it seemed and I did not understand; but he was my father and I did not but walk and listen."62
I had first written it as, "I did nothing..." but changed it tow what it is, call it poetic license if you wish, although, as I am typing this, 'naught', comes to mind and perhaps I will replace the 'not', with that...
Again thank you for the close read and your comments...
regards..
Amicus
-
-
It's a very nice and sweet romance, not to mention realistic. While reading this, I kept thinking, this maybe happened somewhere. It was like someone was actually narrating this to me.
-
Paragraph 2- This sentence doesn't make much sense, you could reword it so it's easier to understand.
10- When you say: oh, my, this girl, use an adjective to describe her so it's different from the first time you used the term. Like mysterious or 'a girl I'd never seen before.'
40- Almost dancing with her? How? Maybe describe how this dance was different from the first.
Overall, very good! I love stories insipired by songs, I have a few of those myself. Also, Harvest Moon is a good video game -
-
Thank you for the read...
Paragraphs two and ten were intended to demonstrate his youth and naivety and Para 40 emphasized the earlier statement that he did know how to dance but at the end was 'almost' dancing, indicating he had learned.
I did not know it was a video game and thank you for your focused read and opinions...much appreciated.
Amicus
-
-
Great
Wow,it's amazing really,
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
Wonderful story
-
This was a sweet love story. It had such passion in it. I loved it.
-
Wow... This is fantastic, I really enjoyed it. So much passion, so much something.
It's really good, I enjoyed the dancing and how much he loved her and didn't want her to be an empty person from the loss of a child.
Good luck
Angel
-
I loved how the story was based on the moon, going around in circles as seasons came and passed. It was amazing as how the story ended, almost to go around in the same yet different form as the moon did. Have never heard the song by Neil Young, but I loved the story anyhow.
Nicolebeginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
Great job. Everything flowed, everything was great, the description, dialog, plot, the characters, everything fit perfectly.
Keep writting -
Good story
I liked the way the story went around full circle like the harvest moon. I enjoyed the way it was written.
-
I loved this story! It was written so beautifully and the ending was absolutely perfect. It was almost like it came around full circle in the end. The dancing was so sweet and romantic. I love that song as well.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
"I was entranced again, more so, as I could feel her scent and her touch invade my soul."
That was my favorite line. It was so graceful and beautifully sensual. I think it could sum up the entire story. It seemed to take the message of this piece and gather it in but one, sweet sentence.
-le sigh-
I loved the romance of this piece. It kind of reminded me of Lolita (one of my favorite books of all time!) minus the age gap. I think it is your writing style and descriptions of the characters that makes me think that.
I also love the way you wrote about her. Your words were so careful, tender, elegant, and meaningful that the words embodied her or maybe it is the other way around, I am not certain. She seemed to be more of a woman than a girl.
I have to also note on the scene where they danced and kissed. It was so real. I loved his shyness and her tenderness.
This is the perfect story that would make a great short film. Hell, it could even be expanded into a full movie.
This was a fragilely gorgeous piece that pluck that strings of the heart.
Thank you for sharing!
xoxo
-
it's a sweet, descriptive story about first love, and life as well.
I like it! -
'She surged forward, our bodies came together and I felt her hands on my shoulders and then on my shoulders, then pressing my head down on hers as I put my arms fully around her and pulled her closer.'49 You repeated yourself here.
Other then that one place I didn't find anything to be changed. Nicely done on the descriptions and details.
Best of luck to you on the contest.
Brooke
-
-
Thank you Syren, very much; I fixed that, the first 'shoulders' is now 'arms'....
Regards...
ami
-
-
SRI GW
Thank you for the kind commentary.
I walked this story through my head a dozen times over a week or so, trying to discover the form I wanted it to take.
I thought perhaps a structured rhyming poem but I was not prepared to embark upon a Wordsworth of Longfellow journey of such length and effort.
I thought to have no dialog at all, all narration, but found I could not accomplish that either.
Recent stories have fallen into a size simularity of somewhere around six thousand words and I wanted to limit this to less than that.
I too noticed that I failed to include the phases of the moon in explanation, I tried to remedy that by having the boy state that he did not fully understand why the moon came and went and changed size and color.
I will perhaps revise this story, but at the moment I have five others demanding attention, which is probably why it is wise than a man have only one wife at a time as they can be demanding mistresses, quite as my stories seems to be rattling around inside my head.
Thank you for the time, thoughts, and kind comments.
regards...
Amicus...
-
Nicely written... But I think it could be tightened and trimmed...sometimes I felt I should have liked to sweep some of the detail aside and move the tale along. The voice is consistent...the pace as well. I would just pick up the latter...again, via tightening. For some moments, I thought you were going to tell this saga in real time! lol!
-
Good Basic Story
The storytelling is very smooth and easy to read. The storyline is complete, but very basic and without much depth. I'm curious if this is an outline that will be expanded or complete as is.
There are a few sentences that could be refined. For instance, in the very first sentence, it kind of implies that the moon is always full, so I'm assuming the father's explanation came "late one autumn". The first sentence in the sixth paragraph is also poorly structured because the "It" is so far from the festival that it refers to, and the "but" doesn't contradict the first clause. There are several places with multiple "and"s, which works well when listing all the stuff at the festival (6th paragraph), but less so in other places.
I also noticed you keep the paragraphs very short. For the most part, this keeps the story moving quickly, but sometimes its distracting.
The main character comes across as a little too naive throughout the telling. As if he never grows up. We also never get to understand why she chose him, or even his confusion over the why. The beginning stresses the importance of the moon as a guide to life, but there are few solid references to it later, even though the seasons come and go.
Overall, I'd say the story needs more meat on its bones, but too much would step on the end, which is fairly delicate.
Anyway, it was a good read and I liked it. ttfn
-
A lovely tale...
I liked this. It was a beautiful story with a happy ending. You went on with the plot without adding too much detail and description so as not to BORE a reader *glares at the other comments*.
I think you did the song justice. The story gave me a fuzzy warm feeling inside, and i enjoyed reading it from beginning to end.
Caught me offguard when i saw that the woman was in charge
Not your usual style.
The love between the two main characters is portrayed strongly, yet subtly.
All in all, a marvellous story. I absolutely loved reading this!
Keep writing!
Yrs.
Azaradelle.
-
Never mind....
-
That was a very good story. I'm seriously bored right now and this just made me go to the end of my chair and read. Although some parts were a bit boring and I just wanted to scroll down a bit, that was still VERY good story. You should keep writing more, and good luck in the contest you're entering !
-Keep up the good work,
Brian.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
I love the way you described the stor
-
very interrestin
-
-
Wow
how are you im bored how are you i already said that how are you ugh i already said that oh well how are you
-
-
I loved this story. The way you set the timeline, and the way the events happened, was just brilliant. Good luck in the contest.
-
luv it!
-
that was a good love story, although I wasn't expecting it to be one, and it sort of pulls you in with its grace. It was, I must admit, rather boring, because there was no action and there really wasn't a plot. It was a good try for you, but maybe add a little more action into some of your newer stories. Overall you did an okay job, so keep on doing what you're doing!
beginning: 2, language: 3, plot: 1, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
Adding your comment:
1 - 49 of 49
