Rebellion Chapter 1: The Battle of Southfield


"Charge!" Aurlan cried out as he raised his mighty sword high into the air. The warrior led his army of a few hundred farmers and pheasants into the massive opposing army of thousands of heavily armed and armored troops. Captain Aurlan knocked aside the wall of spears that the front lines held. His men followed in his charge. Aurlan and his men slaughtered dozens upon dozens within the first few lines of the enemies. Soon, the enemies drew their close combat weapons to meet Aurlan and his fellow rebels. The axes and swords of the enemies did little to withstand the power and strength of the army's faith in their heroic leader, Aurlan.1

Soon, the enemies began to panic and scatter. The rebels continued to cut down every fleeing enemy until only several opposing men were seen running out into the horizon.2

"Regroup," Aurlan called out. Within a minute, all of his remaining forces had reassembled at the center of the battlefield. Aurlan watched as his men began to search and find wounded across the bloody plain. They saved the injured men of their army and massacred the helpless opponents.3

"Today belongs to us," Aurlan began telling his weak, tired men, "No more shall the tyrants in the northern rivers cause more suffering. This is a new day for our people and for our lands. We are free, and we are victorious!"4

Suddenly, an arrow struck a wounded man laying on the ground. All turned their eyes to see a hail of dark arrows being launched up from the east and at them.5

6

"Shit," Aurlan said, "Arrows! Shields up!" Aurlan and his men all knelt down and held their shields overhead. Each of them could hear several arrows striking the other side of their bucklers. "Recover," Aurlan said once the arrow stopped, "Charge after them!"7

There was only a single group of archers on the eastern horizon. The roughly thirty of them began to run when they saw Aurlan and his forces charging them. The archers tried to fire back at their attackers, but it was little use. Soon, all of the archers had been killed.8

Aurlan looked back on his men and saw roughly 50 men left standing. There were another 20 injured on the ground.9

"Make camp next to the creek there out in the distance," Aurlan told one of his men, "We must rest here a few days."10

Aurlan looked once more upon the battlefield and his men. His few hundred, poor, starving, farmers had defeated thousands of heavily armed and armored, professionally trained soldiers. For more than a year, his forces had survived many battles and many raids in the Southern River Nations, but he knew for certain that they would not be able to survive another battle.11


Author notes

this is the first in my writings here. i just kinda put this together in like a half-an hour during lunch. i dont think its that great. tell me what you think, i would really like to know what people think of my writing. thats it. also, i would like it if other people wouldn't edit my writings. its really personal and i would not like it if others would try to change what i have created on my own. just tell me what you think

Just tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments


  • Xscene-massacreX
    February 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is good. It reminds me of 300 for some reason. It's a great write. hmmm yep can't thing of a better way to say it's great. ^_^


  • Hermanator1 silver member
    February 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Tough assignment

    How one critiques without editing is difficult. I will start with the theme being good but a little undeveloped. You intersperse the story with some details but it still leaves the reader wondering about Aurlan and his "mighty sword". To conquer thouands and knock aside "the wall of spears" one surmizes that he is super human and the sword is magical. However it needs expanded to give more background; especially since this is the first chapter and we need a basis to begin.
    As you said; it was a quick write but those are my requested opinions.
    Good luck with final drafts. I only spotted one error by the way.

    beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.