The Apparition Man Chapter one - Life- Part one- Edited

The Apparition Man
Tennille Chase 1


In the end, it was the apocalypse. I never expected the end to appear so soon, nor was I even prepared for what was about to come. It was to go on, the world, for everyone else, all except me. 2

This was my apocalypse, when the world around me was to fall apart. The night had turned to day, the day becoming my night. I could not fall asleep, not even if I tried. 3

The weight of death rested on my shoulders. 4

The grief had been too much for me to handle.5

The stars that we had once counted together, no longer shone in my eyes. They were like knives, piercing their Way through the core of my memories. The moon that I used to watch with him had long been covered with shadows, the mist not even inviting my dark spirit.6

So I forgot the beauty night time had to offer, completely forgetting the day, and pretending it never existed, so that I would never have to deal with those images again.7

Forgetting the sunrise, lying in his arms while sitting on the jetty, or watching the sun go down behind the mountains, in the Far East during the summer holidays. 8

I forgot how the cold, loving water felt, as it splashed against our skin, and I forgot above all, how that last kiss felt, that last kiss before that awful summer's day. 9

That was the day the heavens took my Kerry away from me, from the world.10

I will never forgive them for that. 11

I remember watching as they scattered Kerry's ashes over the ocean. The wind had not blowing, but it had been calm and tranquil. It had been calm like my Kerry had been, like he still was in spirit. 12

I remember reaching out, and capturing part of his ashes in my right hand, not opening it until I was safe inside my bedroom. 13

I had my special box already opened on my desk, all ready for that little part of Kerry. As I opened my hand, he fell into my box--my keepsake box-- the box where I could keep that little bit of Kerry with me for the rest of my life.14

That was the moment I decided that Kerry was the last boy, the last man, that I would ever love. I didn't want to feel that kind of love, or pain, ever again. He was the only one that had made me feel alive, and now that he was gone, it was numbing, like life was not even worth it anymore. 15

His death consumed me, the nightmares embraced me, and I never closed my eyes, because I was too afraid of what I might see if I did open them. I was afraid to think of happiness again.16

I never wanted to escape this grief; I never wanted to let it go, because let go was like saying none of it happened, that he never happened, that Kerry never existed.17

Kerry had been too young to die. His life had been taken away at fifteen; he had not even reached his peak, he would never get to experience adulthood, or teenage years at that.18

He would remain a pile of ashes, drifted and wasted upon the lonely sea, sinking to the bottom, never to be seen again.19

He would never be able to experience that treasured moment when our bodies melted together, in that tight embrace of love, providing the pleasures, while the rest of the world stood still, his eyes in mine, my eyes on him.20

It was a future based on false hopes, dreams and broken promises. 21

In the darkness I watched myself self destruct; I watched myself bleed and I watched as I tore myself apart. 22

I was awaiting the day we would be reunited again. The day I could lay my sweet love's kiss, upon his swollen lips and make it all right again.23

While his ghost still lingered in my presence. I remembered what my friends had told me, about letting him go, letting him go before it drove me insane. They had also told me that if I didn't let him go, I wouldn't make it to the end of 2006, but they were wrong, they we so wrong.24

I had been insane long before Kerry had died.25

Insanity had been instilled in me, and yet despite my psychosis I had fallen in love, Kerry still found heart in mine, and if they only knew the real Kerry like I did, they would find him insane, more insane than I could ever be. Those are our secrets; secrets that must never be told, those are secrets that I will keep with me, to my death, and beyond. When the gates of heaven open up, and I embrace my Kerry, only then will we relive those insane moments.26

I sat there on the Jetty, the moon shining, upon the water, crystallized water, sparkling. 27

I bowed my head, my hands scarping on the chipped wood, My wrist was sore from bleeding, my eyes red with tears, my mind numb from feeling. I stood, stripping bare, letting the moonlight cover my body, walking slowly toward the edge, following the path. 28

I ignored all signs of warning, knowing very well that the bottom below would be the death of me. 29

In my pocket was, my farewell, my congratulations to them, something to let them know that they were right. I hoped they would understand, that one more moment on this earth was one more wasted in this forsaken hell.30


I looked below. It wasn't a far fall. The pain wouldn't faze me, it actually looked pleasantly inviting.31

I took one last look behind me, seeing a familiar car pull up across the sand.
I turned around, looking up at the sky, and let myself float away.