The Beginning1
I sighed loudly as I wrote the big red F on the paper in front of me. Timmy Mann had to be the worst student in my class by far. It broke my heart to see his disinterest. Perhaps it was time to pass him along to the remedial teaching unit and wipe my hands of him? But the thought of consigning one of my kids to the unit made me feel really sad. I stretched, trying to get rid of the kink from my neck. I'd been sat marking the tests since school had let out 2 hours past.2
"Miss Marshall?" A small voice said, walking into the classroom. It was Shelby North, or Ginger as everyone called her. I frowned motioning for her to come inside the classroom.3
"Shelby why are you still here?" Shelby shuffled slowly into the room.4
"My Mom and Dad are sick, I didn't know where else to go. Some men took them away, but I hid so they didn't see me. I'm scared Miss Marshall can I stay here with you?" I frowned. Shelby wasn't known as a storyteller, I'd never known her to lie to me or any other adult.5
"What do you mean your parents have been taken away? Come here and sit beside me Shelby." I said gently. Shelby plopped down beside me looking at with me with tear-filled eyes.6
"I got off the school bus at 3.30 and let myself in the house using the mat key like I always do. Mom and Dad were lying in bed, really sick. Dad was coughing and burning hot and Mom wasn't moving at all, even when I spoke into her ear. So I called 911, like you taught us to. I told them to come quickly. But it wasn't an ambulance that came, it was men in a white van and they put Mom and Dad into plastic covered beds. I hid in the closet, because I was scared of them." I put my hand on her arm, encouraging her to speak.7
"Why were you scared of them Shelby, I'm sure they were only trying to help your Mom and Dad." Shelby shook her head violently.8
"No! I heard them talking, and they said that they had to take them to be disposed of. That means like a garbage disposal, they were going to put them in a garbage disposal!" Shelby broke into sobs and I hugged her close to me.9
"I'm sure you must have heard wrong Sweetie. Let me call the hospital and check on them." My mind was racing, how had the child and family services allowed a 9 year old girl to slip away; someone wasn't doing their job properly.10
"Come to the office with me and I'll give the hospital a call. Do you have any family I could call for you to come and get you?" Shelby shook her head.11
"My Grandpa lives in Kentucky, but there isn't anyone else. Do you think my Mom and Dad are ok? They're not going to be disposaled?" I pursed my lips before I correct her speech. I held out my hand to her and she put her small hand in mine. 12
"I did right didn't I, calling 911. You taught us that." Shelby said, chattering away to me as we walked down the empty hallway.13
"Yes, you did." I opened the door to the dark office, turning on the lights.14
"Do you know what hospital they took your parents to?" I asked picking up the telephone. Shelby shrugged.15
"I was hiding, I didn't hear very much." I mentally listed the hospitals in the area, reaching for the directory.16
"Do you think I could stay at your house with you tonight?" Shelby asked making dark circles on the tiled floor with the front of her shoe. I dialled the first number, it beeped in my ear with the busy signal. I tried the next one, and the next, the same noise.17
"How about I drive you to the hospital and we can see how your parents are?" Shelby nodded.18
"I like your car. Can we get something to eat too? I haven't eaten since lunch." I nodded, although the feeling of disquiet was building inside me. I took a deep breath.19
"Yes we can get burgers on the way." Shelby brightened.20
"Wow! Jason and David won't believe this tomorrow! I got to eat burgers with Miss Marshall." In spite of myself I smiled back. We started walking down the dark hallways towards the main entrance.21
"Oh Miss Marshall I forgot, we will have to be careful when we get outside there was a big boy who chased me here. I told him I would tell my Mom, but he didn't listen. He was bleeding from his mouth, like he had a tooth out." I put my hand on the door, ready to push it open when the big boy in question slammed against them heavily. I screamed and pushed Shelby instinctively behind me. He punched hard on the doors, moaning and spitting blood and drool all over the windows.22
"He's scary, I don't like him." Shelby said the fear coming back into her voice. I grabbed her hand and dragged her back down the corridor towards the office, the sound of the manic teenager echoing down the empty halls.23
Author notes
This is a fan-fiction based on the Zombie Novel The Plague of the Dead, written by Z.A.Recht - I'm a member of his forum and he's a really cool guy! He challenged us to write FanFiction based on The Morningstar Strain, which is a virus which causes people to turn into Zombies - he's currently writing his 3rd novel in the series, part 2 is due out in the next couple of months! Please if you get the chance check it out, it's amazing!
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Fabulous! I was hooked into the story right away. I hope you write more of this and tell me when you do. I would love to continue reading this.
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This was great! Wonderful descriptions, Characters seemed so real. And the ending was a very nice cliffhanger!
Hope you continue writing this because i will deffinatly be reading it if you do!!
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I liked it.
I love Zombies so when I saw this I immediately clicked it. It's creative, and imaginative, so it's based on the fan-fiction novel The Plague of the dead ay??
I like your cliffhanger where the manic teenager is coming down the empty halls, it sounds like it would be a good movie.
It makes a perfect scary story for like a halloween party or something.
Nice descriptions, 22 line moaning and spitting blood and drool all over the windows I believe that is an excellent description.
Good Job, keep it up.
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wow
That was great. i actually felt as if i was there in the school with them -
Oh my God! HI! I was wondering why it was fanfiction, but it's cool that you're writing in Z's universe. I'm a member over at Permuted Press.
I REALLY liked this story; you did great work on it.
Why not stop over on the forum and post it on Permuted? www.permutedpress.com.
Anyway, great work! You really pulled off the characters well, and the ending just shows great promise!
Good work!
~ Kody -
Really good!
I really enjoyed reading that! I love Shelby because you made her seem naive and innocent, just like children are.
Here are a few corrections that I would make:
You wrote: I stretched, trying to get rid of the kink from my neck.
Correction: I stretched, trying to get rid of the kink in my neck.
I don't think your way is incorrect, it just makes sense to me more the other way. :]
You wrote: I'd been sat marking the tests since school had let out 2 hours past.2
Correction: I'd been sitting, marking the tests since school had let out two hours past.
Typically, if a number is not very large, you're supposed to write it out. I think.
You wrote: "Shelby why are you still here?"
Correction: "Shelby, why are you still here?"
You wrote: "I'm scared Miss Marshall can I stay here with you?"
Correction: "I'm scared, Miss Marshall. Can I stay here with you?"
You wrote: "Come here and sit beside me Shelby."
Correction: "Come here and sit beside me, Shelby."
You wrote: "Why were you scared of them Shelby, I'm sure they were only trying to help your Mom and Dad."
Correction: "Why were you scared of them, Shelby? I'm sure they were only trying to help your Mom and Dad."
You wrote: "I'm sure you must have heard wrong Sweetie."
Correction: I'm sure you must have heard wrong, sweetie."
You wrote: I pursed my lips before I correct her speech.
Correction: I pursed my lips before I corrected her speech.
(I think that's what you meant to write. Sorry if it's not! :])
You wrote: "I did right didn't I, calling 911."
Correction: "I did right, didn't I? Calling 911?"
I think that's how it should be corrected, but I'm not exactly sure.
You wrote: I dialled the first number, it beeped in my ear with the busy signal. I tried the next one, and the next, the same noise.17
Correction: I dialed the first number; it beeped in my ear with the busy signal. I tried the next one, and the next; the same noise.
You wrote: "Yes we can get burgers on the way." Shelby brightened.
Correction: "Yes, we can get burgers on the way." Shelby brightened.
You wrote: "Oh Miss Marshall I forgot, we will have to be careful when we get outside there was a big boy who chased me here."
Correction: "Oh, Miss Marshall, I forgot. We will have to be careful when we get outside. There was a big boy who chased me here."
You wrote: I put my hand on the door, ready to push it open when the big boy in question slammed against them heavily.
Correction: I put my hand on the door, ready to push it open, when the big boy in question slammed against it heavily.
Well, that's all I can find. I make the exact same mistakes when I write, but I always try my hardest to proof read like a maniac. :] But anywho, I love what you have so far and I really want to know more! Sorry that this comment is so long, but I just wanted to help!
-jj
beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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