10 Years from Now

I’ve shaken them for now, I think to myself as I race through backyards to the one place I’ve missed the most; home. I try to be as inconspicuous as anyone in a prison uniform can be; coming to the dark red brick house with two porches sitting on a bare lot. I walk up the white front porch and grab the hidden key to allow myself entrance since thankfully no one is home. Closing the door behind me I slide the lock back in place and look around the kitchen that fades from a pale yellow into the evergreen dinning room, mom hasn’t changed a single bit of it, I notice. I don’t know how much time I have left before the police find me so I quickly walk through the dinning room down the hall and right into my white bedroom, mom has not touched since I left.1

The walls are still bare and laden with the impending gloom white walls have. My books lay collecting dust in piles on the floor, overly stocked shelves and I see the film of dust lying over the truck that holds more. I breath in the old smells of my room, they’re slightly staler but I can still catch the slight fragrance of the perfume I sprayed in here many years ago. It surprises me how well I remember dwelling here; even my old hiding places come to mind. I search in the top of my closet for the hidden door that I hid my money in. Finding three-hundred and forty-six dollars I stuff it in my pocket knowing how useful it will be. 2

Sentimental memories flood my troubled mind when a rabbit my grandmother made me falls on me from the closet. Picking it up I examine it’s dirty appearance, missing ears and worn dress; it’s fabric face has caught so many salty tears over the years that I clutched to it for security I can still see the visible stains. I take the rabbit and lay it on my unmade bed. The rabbit has made me start to think about my past and how I got to my present. 3

It makes me wonder how a young girl who loved twister & pirates dice, that collected keys, and felt like a princess in her ballet flats could end up a convict running from the law. Curious to remember the past that lay behind a veil of drug use, I start up my computer and open my picture folder. The friends I once had splayed all over the screen, the great times, the memories, they all bring a glisten to my eye; what happened to them, what happened to me?4

Unable to hold back my tears, I get up from the desk and sprawl out on my bed. I remember how I hated it back then yet now it’s the closest comfort that I have. Lonely nights that I spent in here just blankly staring out into the hallway wondering what lay beyond the pool of light kept me awake, even now as I lay here I still feel the tingling of fear creep up my spine. I get up and shut the door; as if I were shutting out the world and all the fear it’s injected in me. I stand there looking at the other side of the door, no longer angry, but feeling a sense of yearning as I see my portfolios of pictures and paints sitting behind my door. My heart burns at the sight, how could I have left what I so cherished behind? I sit on the hardwood floor and browse my passion, it’s the only thing I’ve got left from my creativity, my only memoirs. I remember seeking the critics and approval of others for my work; it was seldom I was seen with out a sketch book or paint brush of some kind.5

The sentiments of my room are too much, I can’t breath. Tossing the paintings back to their dusty corner I go to my window and fling it open. The cool air filling my lungs is refreshing and so is the sound of my mom’s sight as she gets out of her car to come inside. I can’t let her see what I’ve become, I think to myself. I want her to remember the me which she loved so dear. Quietly I close the window; just before I leave I write my mom a note.6

“I love you Mom,7

Please forgive me for all that I’ve missed.8

I’ll get out the right way this time, just for you Ma; I’ll turn my life around.9

I’ll be back in another 10 years. I’m sorry...10

Forever yours 11

Xx”12

I put the note on the agenda pad on the fridge and creep out the other door just as she leisurely steps in.13