Oven mitts set the cake on the table. It looked warm and inviting. Its yellow color gleamed in the sunlight from the nearby window. Its sweet smell enveloped the room. The same hands that were in the oven mitts had made it earlier that day. They put in the flour, sugar, eggs, milk and poison. The cake sat there cooling until the hands of the woman came back and put the icing on it, making it look even more enticing.1
Later that day the hands of a man came and touched the cake, scooping some icing with a finger. The man’s hand cut the cake and removed a wedge from the perfectly formed circle. Soon the same hand removed a second piece. A few minutes later the partially eaten cake, the bent head of a man and his hand lay glistening in the sunlight on the table. In the background you could hear the humming of a sweet song, while the hands of a woman did the dishes. 2
She wondered where she could put the body of the man and if she had enough ingredients left to make herself a cake without the poison.3
A contest entry
- A song without Lyrics by Mort.
350 points, ended March 6, 2008, 6 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes... Knees and Toes! by Noisome..
275 points, ended June 4, 2008, 4 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Can You Write Murder To Make Me Squirm? by Sammiannnz.
160 points, ended April 19, 8 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Well done!! A bit short for my liking but each to his or her own as they say. Good Luck!!
8/10
Watzizname
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The style of writing you used is Personification isn't it? I did the same once, ony mine was about my shoes. Not published on storywrite tho.
Watzizname
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damnit this makes me hungry, lol. now i want cake!
also, i didnt rlly understamd this probly b.c i just skimmed it -
Morbid cuteness. The use of hands and the perspective this was written in was delightful! It's so simple and written in such a sweet manner, when the word 'poison' hit me, I had to do a double take! You also had TWO sets of hands in there, which is rather intriguing and the way you use them as characters, not saying "A man took his left hand and grabbed some cake.." but rather "the hands of a man," as the hands are more important than the man. I liked this a lot. Short, simple, sweet with a morbid little twist. A neat little bundle of deliciousness. =] Thanks for your entry!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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How wickedly demented!
The scenario makes leaves me imagining about the woman. It could easily be developed further.
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Interesting narative, almost seemed as though it was being told from the cakes point of view, since hands are descibed. It has to be one of the shortest short stories I've read, seems a little lacking for that purpose.
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Nice Piece!
I like the flow of you're writing, all in all, excellent.
Death by cake as oppose to the fatties death by pie eating.
lol.
All the best.
jsdk
beginning: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, characters: 4.
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Oh!
I like that! O'Henry style, delicious and delightful! Very well done!
Amicus...
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this points a new meaning to death by chocolate, or in this case, death by cake. amazing detail.
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