The Night

Lightning Flashed against the dark sky as John Stumbled down a hill. he had to get home before the Storm broke loose. he found a hole and tripped. A sharp pain went through his leg from his ankle. "Oh no", he muttered to himself,"I have to get home before my little brother does." John got to his Feet slowly and winced as a fresh wave of pain swept over him.John started limping home, When the Storm broke free. He looked at his watch. Mark would be home in 5 minutes and he was still 20 minutes away. John made it home, but his little brother was nowhere to be found. Panic seized him as he searched and Called for Mark all over the house. Thats When John Started to cry. "Why did I have to got to that stupid party for?" Raged John."I would like to know the same thing" said a voice behind him. John turned around and Saw his mom with his little Brother Mark all safe and Sound.1

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It is isn't my best work.

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Comments

  • RollingStone
    June 7, 2003
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    very short but interesting. I wonder if it's metaphoric?

    as a story, it needs to be in story form... paragraphs and
    attention to punctuation, like some of the words in caps don't
    look quite right.

    Lightning flashed against the dark sky as John stumbled down a hill. He had to get home before the storm broke loose. He found a hole and tripped. A sharp pain went through his leg from his ankle. "Oh no", he muttered to himself, "I have to get home before my little brother does."

    John got to his feet slowly and winced as a fresh wave of pain swept over him. He started limping home. When the storm broke free, he looked at his watch. Mark would be home in 5 minutes and he was still 20 minutes away.

    John made it home, but his little brother was nowhere to be found. Panic seized him as he searched and called all over the house for Mark. That's when John started to cry.

    "Why did I have to got to that stupid party for?" he raged.

    "I would like to know the same thing," said a voice behind him.

    John turned around and saw his mom with his little brother Mark, all safe and sound.


    I think it needs an ending. feels like you just stopped.

    I look forward to more stories from you. also, try writing
    a poem.


    Edited on Jun 07, 4:18 p.m. because 'I wanted to fix some punctuation'.