Dreamer

In the middle of a one-room schoolhouse Mary sat in the corner alone. Her head sore from banging it on the wall. The school master, Henry, came back into the room his arms crossed over his chest. He began to pace the floor behind Mary’s chair. Henry had the look of melted clay, his frown drooping almost to his chin. Mary continued to be silent now swinging her feet like a child while counting the seconds. 1

“ Mary, you are an awful child!” Mary stopped kicking. 2

“ You spend all day, dreaming away. When I teach I want to see you looking attentively at me and making notes on your paper. Is this clear!” Mary nodded. 3

“ Speak up girl, at fourteen you should be able to speak!”. 4

“Yes sir,” replied Mary.5

With that Henry proceeded with what was now a part of Mary’s ritual. Mary heard him bang his long pointer on his desk. Henry did so to increase her fear, to make her sit in anguish just waiting for it. Pulling back his arm, he slapped the stick hard across her back. The scabs from the previous punishments began to open and bleed down her back. Mary withheld her scream for the first hit. This made Henry angry and so the next strike would be even more forceful. Mary crying and her salty tears blurred her vision of the yellow chipped paint that surrounded the schoolroom. When Henry was satisfied that his point had been made, Mary stood from the chair and carried her books and went home.6

It was a long walk down the small dirt path. The tree’s were blowing in the wind and birds were singing. All around her were newly bloomed flowers and beautiful views of the forest. They mocked her pain. Mary couldn’t cry though, she had done enough of it. Whenever Mary was beaten by Henry (which was now almost every other day) she would hug her books tight to her chest on the walk home and question what she had done. Henry had called her a dreamer, which was true. Mary had created her own world. Mary would stare out the window and be taken to a place where she was free. In her dreams she lived in a beautiful cottage by a creek, with her mother. Mary needed this place, for what were his lessons but part of a painful reality where the world was cruel and her mother dead.7

Mary got home and carefully tiptoed to her room. Mary heard her father Frank snoring in his room. A blessing from God was his snore. The only thing that ever kept her hopeful, knowing that her father was asleep. Mary quickly got started. She gathered together the firewood and lit the stove, putting together some soup for Frank. Mary also had to pick up the broken bottles of liquor or else Frank would hurt himself and get angry. When she had finished cleaning up the kitchen, Mary would sneak outside. She had become the invisible daughter and for good reason. When Frank woke up with a blistering headache, his foul breath would call out her name and it would not be to ask her how school was. 8

Mary would hide from that voice and to distract her she would complete her homework. That she could do, going to her favorite spot by the railway bridge. She would sit underneath it, her feet in the river and focus on numbers or literature. Perhaps it was being in the schoolroom that prevented her from being a good student. Mary was almost certain that if classes were taught under the bridge with the rippling brook and gentle breeze, that class wouldn’t be such a burden. 9

Mary had considered running away many times in her life. One time she had actually hopped on the train and gotten all the way to Kansas City. It was there that Mary had encountered desperation. With no skills to support her, Mary had become a beggar. Mary would sit on the streets and beg for food and water. Nothing good came of it but she had learned about dependence. At one point a man had offered her a job at a local brothel. Not once had Mary ever been more terrified. Touching and being touched was one of Mary’s greatest troubles. After that she, went home. She wouldn’t have her cottage by a river but the dirty shack that was crooked and looked like it was about to fall over. 10

A month and a day after Mary had turned eight, Mary’s mother, Annie, had died. Gossip went around town for weeks with poor Mary being questioned by the mayor. Mary had kept silent about that night though. Frank was not a gentle man. Annie had been from a large estate and met a small-town farmer (Frank). Annie’s father had gained wealth in farm produce and looked down on his daughters choice in partner. She probably wouldn’t have been interested in Frank either except, his sly cunning seduced her. He promised Annie a life in New York, so they got married with Annie under the facade that they would be gone. After Annie’s father had given Frank a tidy sum to start their life, they were gone. Frank bought land not even more then 8 miles away. Annie was going to be a farmer’s wife. It was only after Mary was born that they started to fight. Annie didn’t want Mary, she had wanted a life. Frank insisted that they would be like his parents, married farmers who had a family. Anytime Annie would do something that Frank’s family would have never done, she would get hit. One time she went to the market and bought three jars of jam. Frank got so upset at her, he claimed his mother would have sensibly only bought one until they were out again. Even though Annie would have to walk 20 miles extra every other day she did because her pulsing bruises were always a reminder of who was right. Annie had eventually found peace in Mary, the only person she could be herself with. Annie only not wanted Mary because it meant she was stuck. So Mary and her mother became close. When Frank would go and work in the fields, they would snuggle up together and read a book about somewhere far away. Mary became literate fast and could talk properly when she was five years old. Annie would always encourage Mary when she got to school, to learn so that she could go anywhere she wanted. Annie always seemed sad when she talked about her being able to go off, knowing that she never did. So with extra pushing from her mother Mary learnt how to dream, of distant places that could be found all over the world. Annie would always hide books away for Mary; they both would be secretive if they had too! 11

That night though, Mary could never talk about. Annie had become secretive for months, reclusive and surprisingly obedient. That night she shook Mary awake from a dream. Annie was carrying a basket and wearing her coat. Mary asked what was wrong and Annie shushed her fast. Frank was giving out a booming snore. Annie told Mary to get her things together, only her favorite things. Mary picked up her books, Annie smiled and instructed her to get her bag for them. Mary did so and Annie held the bag open for Mary to pour the books into. Then occurred a fatal mistake. Two books dropped. Mary had tried to dump them all in at once and two of the books fell to the floor. With a loud thud against the wood, Frank woke up. Frank yawned and walked over to Annie, he was cheerful. Then Frank saw the basket. He looked inside to find food and clothes. Annie’s desperate attempts to explain were soon interrupted by the slash of his belt across her face. Mary screamed, and was thrown into the main room. Frank closed the door to Mary’s room. Annie’s shrieks of anguish were loud and sharp. Each time there was a pause in noise whether it be Franks cursing or Annie’s screaming, Mary would sit in fear tears rolling uncontrollably down her face. When Frank came out of the room, Mary was sitting under the table her holding her legs against her chest, rocking and crying. Annie didn’t scream anymore. 12

Mary sat under the bridge well until dark. She would start to head home in hopes that her father had gone off already to go to the bar. Mary would look in the windows of her own house. Waiting patiently for him to leave, or to check that the coast was clear. Mary sighed with relief when she saw no lights on at the house. Walking through the front door, and tossing her books on the table with some sense of peace. However, she began to hear a grunt. Then a shuffle across the floor. Frank was in the house. To far from the front door Mary ran to her room and prayed. But apparently God wasn’t listening. Frank burst into her room, mumbling gibberish and stumbling around. Frank hit Mary hard across the face with the back of his hand. Saying things like damn you Annie, or just plain cursing. He would do this for awhile, until it would get worse. On those days when Mary would have to wake up with her father’s arms around her and his sweaty body tired from the only thing he put effort into anymore. Mary would lie in pain, beaten and used. 13

Taking herself to school after cleaning her stained body, she would walk to school and pretend. Everything is fine, life is beautiful. Today Mary lives in an Arabian palace. Annie and her are in beautiful coloured robes that flow in the wind, they sit and are attended to by servants while watching a golden sunset. Now though they are living in a large city, all the hustle and bustle, is exciting and fun. They decide that maybe they will go and play cards with the neighbors down the street. Oh no but now they are on a large ship crossing the ocean, Annie is holding her hand as the sea salt air blows in their face’s. “WHAP!” 14

“ WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT PAYING ATTENTION MARY!” Henry’s voice could wake the dead!15

At the end of the day Mary sits again in the corner her mind reeling. Confusion and emotion mixed up in a whirlpool of questions. Why? What? When? Where? How? 16

“ What is wrong with you Mary? Do you like me striking your back, making you bleed, or pain?” Henry asked condescendingly.17

“ The pain is not on the outside, it is on the inside.” Mary said quietly to herself. 18

Henry did not hear her, but did make sure that she would hear him.19

Annie and Mary are on a beach in the summer, the sun is hot, the water cold. They build sand castle’s and swim in the ocean, laughing, talking… “TWHAP!” 20

It is snowing and on a skating rink, Annie and Mary hold hands. They catch snow on their tongues and glide across the smooth surface of the ice, smiling… “TWHAP!” 21

In the African Savannah, wild elephants wander. The zebra’s graze in the fields, Mary and Annie are watching them. The Giraffe reaching its neck to a tall tree and… “TWHAP!” 22

Blood over scars. Cuts over bruises. Going to the bridge the railway tracks. There isn’t a single person there. No one, nothing. Mary closes her eyes and makes magic. Sitting with tears rolling down her cheeks Mary hears a distant sound. The sound of the clicking train, rolling closer and the engine puffing away. “That train can take me to a distant place. But it cannot take me to her”. Thought Mary. With absolute happiness and a bright smile, Mary stands up from under the bridge. Feeling a hand guiding her she steps onto the track. With a light heart and a large smile, Mary stretches out her arms to hug her destiny. The train comes closer, faster and louder. Her heart beating wildly with excitement and joy, Mary makes one final whisper. 23

“ I’m sorry I dropped the books.”24