Darkness, what a great thing. Darkness is like my sunshine, without it I’d eventually fade away, my skin would crack and peel. I’m not one to be bothered by obstacles because really it would just be a waste of my time. That doesn’t mean I’m just confident or someone who can live with what they have, what it means is that I have power. I have these amazing powers, ones that even the most open minded person in the world couldn’t handle, ones that people hope for on one of those bad days that sneak up on us. Like when your dad dies or your daughter tells you she’s got a bun in the oven, even though the oven is not as old as it could be. 1
For me these things are like tiny little hiccups that disappear within a few minutes. The key to this power, is my mind. I first discovered this while doing an exam, this exam was one of the most important in my life. You see it would determine if I could pursue a career in carpentry, like I desired to. I starred at that one piece of paper for ten minutes while random information raced around my mind, I prayed that the right piece would make it to the finish line but after a while I gave up. I then leaned back, closed my eyes and in a state of desperation imagined the answer was filled in. Its like when you lose something and when it becomes clear that its no where to be found, you start looking in strange places, like the kettle or the fish bowl. 2
So to my amazement there it was, so I took advantage I sat there imagining each answer was there but I obviously wasn’t intelligent enough to know that the examiner was watching my every move. He stared at me through his giant cheap looking glasses. My cheeks immediately reacted to this and the danger warning was pulled, my face went bright red, of course bringing more attention to myself. So the words “Go away” played over and over again in my head and it was only when the other five in the room started gasping that I realised, my request was granted. There was not one trace of the examiners existence in the room, all his books were gone. It was like my mind had rewritten the last minutes of his life just to fit into mine, that was now much more powerful. 3
Enough of that, well at that moment any dream of carpentry I had went bang out the window, if I could do that, I could do anything. All those big headed idiots who I call classmates could rot in hell, the darkness in me had expanded, I was no longer a person, I was a source of the dark world we all must live in. Just now as I tell you this, I shiver every time I think of her, that dark brown hair, those mesmerising eyes and her deep dark presence. I know she’ll love me because she does what I say, everyone does. I could make her think of me as a god or for her to tell me just how much darkness flows through my body, what purity. But Whenever I see her ,I always think of when I killed her with these powers, well the first time anyway. 4
Author notes
So this is basically the introduction, I may continue it in screenplay/TV or may not. Tell me what you think, this is barely nothing of what I've planned.
Please comment and I look forward to your views.
A contest entry
- Starting Ideas Please! by Sekhmet Kitty.
170 points, ended May 2, 22 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
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Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Nice beginning, and a cold personality is shown through your writing very well.
"...well the first time anyway." That was a really good ending
Very very intriguing concept you've got here.... Creepy O.o I'd be very interested to learn more about his interesting power. Great work!
Eph -
Very interesting!
Nice powers, what a good idea for a story!
Good Descriptions, great idea!
Good Luck!
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Creepy. Good job! Lol. I do have one complaint though - paragraphs. Try using them, hehe. Other than that it was really good.
Keep up the good work,
-Brian. -
You have made a great start here, but I urge you if you want more reviews as many (and I was nearly one of them) will not read it unless you break up the paragraphs.
It will read better and be less daunting to a reviewer.
Other than that you have made an excellant start.
Sarah.
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"I could make her think of me as a god or for her to tell me just how much darkness flows through my body, what purity."
These words are very strong, but yet seemed wrong or incomprehensible.
Seemed like a shotgun!
. Rewarded 4
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*One*
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this is really interesting but beware of run-ons. Also, break up the paragraph into a few smaller paragraphs.
P.S> stared is spelled with only on R!
. Rewarded 4
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Okay, so this is a really good beginning but I think you could make it less of a chunk by having paragraphs that are set apart a little bit. That's just me. I like the details and the explanation of his special powers in the dark world around he and the rest of the life on the planet. Overall, good writing, not so good spacing. Good write. Keep it up.
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Wow, creepy.
You've created an interesting character here who let's us see the world as he sees it. Of course, not all he says is accurate, but that's the beauty of 1st Person. You only get that person's thoughts, not the facts.
Well done, Look forward to reading the rest.
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I really like it. Although, it would be much easier to read if it was split into some paragraphs. I do like the concept though of his thoughts. It sounds exactly how I can imagine a stalker must think like in there own minds.
. Rewarded 4
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