It had been nearly two years since I last heard from him, and I almost deleted his e-mail with the rest of the junk when I recognized the name. Not sure if I wanted to open it, but curious all the same, I clicked on his name. The last letter I received from him had been a "you're a nice girl, but.." deal. "Someone new, love of my life...etc., etc., and so on" (How you can love someone after only knowing them for a week is beyond my comprehension. It's called lust, baby…pure, simple, LUST)1
So, back to the current letter. I started to read it...first paragraph was the usual pleasantries; "How ya been? What ya up to?" Second paragraph sort of filled me in on his life for the past two years. "Moved in with her…married her (oh, THAT one hurt!)...found out some things about her (hmmm…interesting)...we separated a couple months ago (I'm shocked...no, really)" 2
I read the rest of the letter slowly, wanting, but NOT wanting to see if he was hinting at getting back together with me. Then, there it was...last line, of the last paragraph, "So, have you found anyone new?" I hadn't, but then again, I really haven't been looking. I was happier by myself. Sure, there are some times a man would be helpful...like killing spiders and taking out the garbage, but....shrug 3
Now the decision has to be made. I could reply to the message, giving vague answers to my life, or I could tell him the truth, and see where it goes from there. To trust in him again would be to leave my heart open to possible pain. Could I ever trust him? I'm not stupid enough to fall for it when someone says "gullible isn't in the dictionary", so.... would I be able to believe all the things he tells me, or believe him when he says "she's just a friend". 4
After thinking about this, I've come to a decision....gullible may not be in the dictionary, but jerk certainly is.5
Author notes
FICTIONAL STORY!!!!! I haven't been able to get my mind into a 'story state' in a while, so I thought a very short story might be easier.
In a list
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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I LIKED IT.
Heh, the old story about the guy who can't make a commitment because his head is on a 360 degree neck that ogles everything is sight. He can't live without us until he spots someone who might be better looking/more interesting/richer, or whatever. Many of these losers come limping back to the one they really respect, hoping all will be forgiven.
You covered this territory aptly, we get it. Yet, couldn't you be a bit more outraged over this guy? Try it. Perhaps we should all cross out the word 'gullible' from dictionaries. But, in my opinion, descriptions of the word 'jerk' doesn't half cover it.
Smiles and kudos to you! Keep writing. -
Great start
I think you could carry this on considering the great start. Like the flow, easy, not whiny. -
oo and I know I read it like way back then but I didn't leave any suggestions and my comments where kinda weaker lol.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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I had to laugh at the jerk part hehe. Very right on
Suggestions -
1. You could somewhere say what it is that made the two of you split up, or why you aren't together again. Or give some hint.
2. Maybe give a lil short memory somewhere in the story that makes you even more mixed with emotions.
3. I think the first para could use some more profanity actually. Some colorful words always seem to make people read the story.
The thing I liked most about this story is that it seemed so real. I was shocked when I read it was just fiction.
Was it really?
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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You are a good writer and the story is a good read. I won't give any suggestions as you already know your strenghts and weaknesses in story telling. I will add you to my reading list and enjoy reading your stories--just because. Good job. Nicely done. Need I say more? I think not.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Very good!
At first, it did not capture my attention, but as it progressed, it did! Descriptive and all that.
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loved the ending, great write by the way!
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I enjoyed it!
beginning: 5, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 5, characters: 5.
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I agree with below all the punctuation is a bit annouing however the elipses are a nice way to feel in the empty spaces, I like the ending of this nicely done.
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Punctuation annoyed me a bit but I really liked it anyways, especially the ending
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 5, characters: 3.
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Thanks for mentioning that.
It does seem a little crowded.... I think I might clean it up a bit.
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I thought that the last paragraph had a bit of humor in it. Other then that, I think the story was very well written, and the grammar was also very good, as well.
I think that your story writing abilities are very professional, as well as well put together. I will be reading more of your stories soon...
Keep up the great work, Barbara! -
Funny story to me
I thought it was funny. -
What Truth Do We Know Now...That We Did Not Know Before?
Of course this is nicely and intelligently written...but (ubiquitous "but") it is NOT a short story. There is no (save for the decisive last line) character development...no real "story" illustrating a struggle with the "conflict." It's rather all obvious from this bright woman's point of view. But metaphor? Symbolism? Parable? Plot? She has a moment of truth...but what brings on this epiphany which we all KNOW (as does she) is coming...HAS to come in the light of this guy's B.S. which is hinted at right away. You know? It is closer to a stream of consciousness...thinking out loud piece...but a Short Story?
GA -
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Again, everyone has a different concept of what make a story. I'll be the first to admit that this comes closer to a larger part of a story, or even one of those
blog entries 
But, sometimes when you can't think of something to write, writing anything is a wonderful exercise, and posting it on a learning site like Storywrite is a good way to get feedback and a feling for what works, and what doesn't.
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I really liked this for a short story. It felt real, like an actual person was saying this and feeling this. Good job.
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Ohh I liked this!!!
I too think that a lot of people can relate to this in their own way, I certainly can.
I really liked reading it though, it kept my attention.
Very good!!
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pretty sweet
i really like it. i've actually kind of been through that with an ex of mine (and in the end i've decided he's just a sweet-talking jerk)... i really like how you used the whole "gullible isn't in the dictionary" joke. this is really good! i like it a lot!
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I enjoyed this story, the whole "inner war" with oneself is one that many people can relate to easily.
the only real problem I found structurally, was that you skip tenses a lot. (Past to present)
Good work on this. I really like that she trusted her instincts. Most girls would have caved, basically, and that annoys me. I'll be checking out more of your stories soon.
C. -
raw and good
OUCH!!! For it to be a fictional story it is filled with raw attitude! I think that many of us can really relate to it in someway..lol..well for the ones that fall for jerks like that
Kari
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Great story Barbs
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i like it, and yes jerk is in the dictionary, i know, and so is gullible, i checked! just kidding, but i liked this story. and when i saw the title, it reminded me of a Roseann show, where they talked about guillible not being in the dictonary.
i love the title because it is creative, and i'm glad to hear that this is a fictional story, or else i'd have to whop his ass for being a jerk!
-meg -
Wow, this has got to be the neatest piece of writing i've read in awhile. It really captures the way society communicates - via the "distant" appeal of email.... Lets talk, but not really...
Hmm, very nice... Nice indeed. *smiles*
Astral Wolf -
I thought this was very well put together. You caught my interest immediately, and held it well with your chatty format.
Good job! -
Good read. It's rare that I find a short story that puts a smile on my face, with the quick retort of adversaries to boot. Whether this story is fact or fiction, doesn't matter care cuz the succinct closer syas it all.
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AWESOME WRITE!!!!! I am so impressed by your story writing Barbara!!! tho fiction, I have heard of this very thing happening so many times...It's strange how sometimes they don't know a good thing when it's there in front of their face..they move on to other things and find that's not exactly what they expected, so they come back to the good ol' tried and true...and expect you to welcome them with open arms. I think I'd tell him to just keep moving on!!! LOL... A SUPER write, I really enjoyed this, hope you write/post more stories!!!!
Edited on Jun 19, 11:29 because 'been too long, forgot the english language lol'. -
well on the one hand i have to agree with UB, but on the other hand, i do believe that love can get a second chance...of course both have to be honest and open...it's hard to trust someone who's hurt you in the past
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This may be fiction...but oddly enough as i stumbled upon it...i was able to draw some real similarities between it and an old situation of mine. My decision was to never trust someone who hurt me that badly again. Once someone is allowed to hurt you like that and be forgiven...well, if they are still that same old person...it's so much easier to do it a second time.
I enjoyed your tale..
UB
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