Kione ~The Prologue~

Prologue 1

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The cart rolled the last few feet into the bustling courtyard.  3

“Thank you, Mr. McLean!” Kione called out as she jumped off the still moving cart and began running through the crowded market place.  4

“Don’t go getting yourself in too much trouble now, you hear?” Mr. McLean said as he turned his cart around to find a place to park. He was a nice man, a little stuck in his ways but Kione couldn’t blame him, at least not too much. After her parents had died Mr. McLean and his wife had taken her in, even though they really couldn’t afford it. Mr. McLean was a large man who indulged himself too much during mealtime. He was in his early thirties with thick brown hair, however the impression he gave people made him seem much younger.   5

Turning around, she jogged backward. “Mr. McLean, when have I ever been known to get into trouble?” Kione broke into a wide grin as she saw him shake his head. Everyone in town knew that Kione was always up to some mischief or another. She knew everybody’s business and often used that knowledge to get her way.  6

Running off Kione made her way through the morning’s crowd trying to reach the keep’s kitchen. Bridget always had a few extra goodies lying around. 7

“What mischief have you come to cause now, runt?” 8

“Why should we care as long as it stays out of our way?” Bridget’s assistant said, grabbing the tea tray as she headed out of the room, leaving her and Bridget alone.   9

“Maybe ‘cause it never stays out of our way?” 10

“Always trying to be helpful mum.” Kione grinned, looking up at Bridget.    

11

“Be helpful by bringing this up to the meeting room, the King’s got guests arriving soon.” 12

“Anything for a penny mum,” Kione said sweetly, her hand outstretched.   13

“You’ll eat us out of house and home soon. Now get moving before I have to lay a hand to you.” Bridget shooed Kione out of the kitchen in a hurry to prepare for the midday meal.  14

Kione took the tray full of biscuits and scones and walked up the servant’s stairway to the right of the kitchen. Reaching the top she lazily strode down the hallway. 15

“Morning Waitsen,” Kione called out cheerfully.  16

Waitsen nodded politely before resuming his posture outside the library doors. “Morning Miss, being helpful as usual I see.” 17

“Helpful? This is my lunch I’m carrying.” 18

“Not humorous Miss. You better hurry with that before you get in trouble.” Waitsen gave her a disapproving look. 19

“Yes Waitsen, whatever you say.” Kione walked into the huge library and set the tray down next to the other one in the back of the room. Grabbing one of the scones she slowly circled the room munching thoughtfully. 20

Books lined the walls; there must have been a book on every subject. Kione couldn’t tell though because a thick layer of dust coated them. She heard a noise right outside the room and guiltily slid underneath the closest chair. 21

“…we must hold our heads high gentlemen and pray that God will be merciful through the time of our need.” 22

Enraged by the utter nonsense the supposed King was speaking she let her tongue slip. “Bugger!” She violently pulled back into her hiding space beneath the chair and clamped her mouth shut, hoping nobody had heard.  23

“Excuse me, who said that?” She cringed - they had heard. All around her voices spoke, blurring together until she no longer understood them. Above the racket one voice could still be easily heard and that was the King’s as he tried to call order to the men’s panic. She prayed to the Saints of her parents asking for luck to get through this. As her head lay bent in prayer a man’s hand reached underneath the chair and grabbed her by the scruff of the neck. She looked to the man that now had a hold of her; it was Sir Henry. She had heard about him in the village. He was supposed to be the fairest among men, in both looks and manners. It was told that when he spoke no one dared interrupt, not even the King. 24

Sir Henry held her by her collar, purely amused as he looked her up and down. “A girl by the looks of it. Seems I’ve been sitting on her this past hour.” 25

Now she had done it! They could decide to throw her in jail, claiming she was a spy. She squirmed in Sir Henry’s grasp, thrashing to be let free. Her kicking did no good, for all he did was hold her farther out into the air. “Let me go beast! I haven’t done anything.”  26

“Of course, because breaking and entering is hardly a crime,” Sir Henry replied wryly, dropping her to the ground. 27

A man emerged
from the crowd of angry men. He must have been the King’s secretary for no other could be as pompous as he. “Leave it to me sir. I will dispose of this trash immediately.”  28

“No.” Sir Henry’s voice spoke quietly, but firmly. 29

“That is for the King to decide.” The secretary turned snottily toward Sir Henry before dismissing him altogether. “The urchin may have overheard important information. We should-” 30

“That’s enough Lyndon.” The King waved away any further argument from him. Addressing her he asked, “What’s your name child?” 31

“K…Kione, sir.” She stared in awe at the King. No one in the village would ever believe she had seen him up close, let alone talked to him! He was nothing like she had imagined at night in her dreams. She had always thought him to be tall and strong, the knight in shining armor for the Kingdom, but instead the King more resembled Mr. McLean, the dairy farmer, except with thinning gray hair. 32

“Well isn’t that befitting since you did quite appear out of nowhere.” The King seemed to be enjoying his clever humor for his lips formed a small smile. 33

Lyndon stepped smartly before the King, making his displeasure clear. “Sir, what does her name have to do with anything?” 34

“If you knew the Kingdom’s history then you would surely know that Kione means someone who comes from nowhere,” Sir Henry said as he lounged unconcerned in his chair.    35

Lyndon spun around, obviously not liking Sir Henry’s demeaning attitude towards him. “Yes, I know that! I ask only why you should care.” 36

The King broke sense between them, calling a halt to the ungentlemanly behavior. “Enough bickering men, let’s hear the girl. Now child, what is it you said?” 37

Kione stood in the middle of it, about to cry with all the arguing going on around her. Frustrated she stomped her foot and spoke hoping she wouldn’t get in trouble. “I only said ‘bugger’ sir, I didn’t know it was bad.”    38

The King’s voice soothed her as he explained calmly what exactly she had done. “It is not what you said, but when you said it child. Do you not wish God to be merciful above all?” 39

Kione thought about it for a minute before she came up with an answer good enough to describe the way she felt. “I would have him be just before all else.” 40

“Why?” the King spoke softly over the silence in the room. 41

Kione’s mind drifted back to another time, bringing painful thoughts back to life. If only things could have been different. If only God could have been fair, then her parents wouldn’t have died during this stupid war! “If he were just, fathers wouldn’t go off to battle and be stabbed in the back by their captains because they were better at their job. Mother’s wouldn’t have to live in fear for their lives and their children’s lives. They wouldn’t have to submit to rape to save their daughters from death, and they wouldn’t have to bear their rapist’s child only so that they could slowly bleed to death.” 42

Sir Henry now sat up, looking Kione straight in the eye. “Is this what happened to you child?” His eyes showed pity for her as if he didn’t know how to react. Then just as suddenly it was gone and replaced by a satisfied look, as if he had come up with a suitable answer for her pain. “God must have a divine path set for you, one that you could not complete in your former life.” 43

Kione’s resolve finally shattered and her cool demeanor disappeared. She raised her voice and spoke out of control. “I don’t want a divine path! I want to know that my family didn’t die without cause. I want to know that you’ll continue on with war and save your people.” 44

The whole room fell silent at her outburst, but Kione hardly noticed as she continued on with her rant. “How can you call yourself men! How can you possibly hold your head high when you see your people suffer just so you can stay rich?” Kione couldn’t put up with their ignorance a moment longer and dashed for the door. 45

“She’s right. Child you have amused me with your bravery.” The King looked toward his men, making his final decree that was not to be argued with. “This is an omen from the gods. Men, prepare yourselves, we will continue to wage our war tomorrow and our neighbors will learn to beg for mercy!” 46

“But sir, this is an outrage!” Lyndon’s face turned a bright red color, which made Kione wonder if his face always changed color with his mood.47

“Lyndon do be quiet.” The King dismissed Lyndon’s advice as well as his presence from the room. The men left the room following Henry out in preparations for war. 48

“You amuse me child - how would you like to stay in the castle? We’ll give you the role of advisor and you can consult me with what ever fancies you.”   49

Kione knew it wasn’t a question but a demand that she could only agree with. “Thank you, sir.” 50

“Don’t thank me yet, child.”
51

Author notes

PLease keep in mind that this is a work in progress!

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11
  • Shikai
    March 25, 2005
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    cool

    i likwe it well done keep on writin g and keep on in


  • kirbysman
    December 7, 2004
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    At your subtle urging somewhere, I decided to come and read this series. Got my interest going pretty good so far. Have to see how this interestingly outspoken and brave little girl is going to fare. Good job so far, Erika. Paul

  • SleepyEyedreams
    December 2, 2004
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    I'm working on the revision of it right now, thank you for your comments.


  • December 2, 2004
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    awesome start, but i have one suggestion though...
    i think there should be more detail...ex. i like Kione's character, but what does she look like? what are her expressions? and other than a few grammer and spelling mistakes this was great

    I thought this was cool; i really liked it!

  • a-crimson-waste
    December 2, 2004
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    Oh. Yeah, it might help to make that a little more clear..personally that would make a lot more sense to me.

  • SleepyEyedreams
    December 2, 2004
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    Well the thing about the war is that its already happening, but the King wants to surrender so he can keep his riches. Kione inists that they contiune fighting and try to win the war. Should I some make this clearer? Otherwise I loved your suggestions and completly agree Thank you so much.

  • a-crimson-waste
    December 2, 2004
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    well done

    Hrm. Good start. One suggestion I would think is to show more of the inside of Kione's mind. Just as she reacts physically to the noblemens' words and actions, she would react mentally, hinting to her past, her emotional stability, courage, and strength of thought/tongue. That will help you flesh things out a bit and give more of the length you're desiring.
    One thing that I thought at the end, was that the King seemed to decide on starting a war rather quickly. People tend to debate inside and wait, being unsure and slow to realize where their thoughts are leading. It might be more probable that the king would say something that showed he was truly reacting to Kione's words. Perhaps saying something indirectly suggesting that they should put a stop to their peoples' pains, or that he was tired of failing his people...I don't know what exactly. That would also provide a good time to show where each of those nobles that are with the king think about such a war and whether or not the king has their backing.
    Edited on Dec 02, 4:10 p.m. because 'spelling errors.'.

  • SleepyEyedreams
    November 29, 2004
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    Yes she is a part of the kingdom, her parents were commoners and died in the war. As for the king listening to her he has his own motives which will be better understood in later chapters. What I can say now is that he's a very selfish and stupid king. Hopefully when I finish the next chapter things are cleared and better understood. Thank you for your comment and I appreciate it.

  • coolmommy
    November 29, 2004
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    "She prayed to the Saints of her parents asking for luck to get threw this." I think the threw is supposed to be through, the threw you used means like you threw a ball. “She’s right. Child you have amused me with your bravery.” "The King looked toward with men, making his final decree that was not to be argued with." This sentence does not make since, maybe a flaw or you ment to say.."looked toward "his" men.. You had some other flaws adn maybe could have worded your senytences a little better. I think your storyline is a little flawed. In it all, a comment child..i think(for you did not mention if she was a maid or help or poor or anything of that nature. Is she part of the kingdom, a commener?, or part of the kings family or a rich persons child) from the way she said those painful things, i would think not, but you say that the King just atomaticall listens to her and starts to go to war and takes her advice, most kings, arrogant as they were would have litened not to her words, or myabe listened but woudlnt take her words in account. I think it would have to take a little more that that little scene, her actions of outburst to do the trick, she woudl have to show up again and do something else to really cetch the Kings attention, other than that, it just doesnt seem true or that that woudl ever happen, if you understand what i mean. But I liked the idea of this and I was drawn into it, which was a very good thing. i wasn't bored with this and I did not loose interest. you are very good at keeping the attention of the reader, just work on this a little more and it will be perfecto! LOL. But keep in mind, this is probably better than I woudl ever do, so bravo.

  • SleepyEyedreams
    November 26, 2004
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    Yes it has helped, sometimes its hard to find errors within your own work. Thank you for pointing them out. You say my story line is simple is that a good thing? Is there a way I could make it more complex?

    One thing I've noticed while writing the story Kione is that my chapters aren't long enough. I feel like I get straight to the point in each chapter and I don't know how to add more to it.

    Also as far as this chapter goes I'm trying to figure out how to do their dilect. That way you can see the big difference between the upper and lower classes.

    Oh and I was thinking, should I keep this in the 'olden days' where there is a king and a castle or should I make it more recent?


  • Lilied
    November 26, 2004
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    A rather simple story idea, but the ending of this chapter leaves me hanging and wanting for more.

    Just a few errors I found here and there.

    "After her parents had died Mr. McLean and his wife had taken her in even though they really couldn’t afford it."

    You need a comma after "parents".

    "Mr. McLean was a large man that indulged himself too much during mealtime. He was in his early thirties with thick brown hair, the impression he gave people though made him seem much younger."

    I'm not sure about this but maybe you could go more into his indulging. The second sentence might have been better if the though was swapped to after the comma.

    "Running off Kione made her way through the morning’s crowd trying to reach the keeps kitchen."

    Shouldn't it be "keep's"?

    "Bridget assistant said grabbing the tea tray as she headed out of the room, leaving her and Bridget alone."

    "Bridget's assistant" and there should be a comma before "grabbing".

    "Mother’s wouldn’t have to live in fear for their lives and their children lives."

    I believe it to be "Mothers" and "children's", but I'm not really sure about this part.

    "“Lyndon do be quite.”"

    The word "quiet" is spelled wrongly here.

    But other than all that, I can Kione's character developing through her actions, and hope sincerely that she will develop all the more as the story proceeds on.

    I also hope that this review has helped.

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