Dear Diary

Dear Diary,1

I said everything I needed to say and felt everything. I shook and screamed at her with all my power. She told me everything I didn't want to hear. Everything. To be honest, she ripped down my picture perfect romance with just a few words. I don't care if he could rather have her, but it hurts to be honest with anything. I want to look him in the face and tell him he is wrong. I am better than her. I want, and have wanted, to be better than her. I envy her, even hate her, but she is my best friend. I can't hate her, but I really do hate her. Give me a shard to cut myself up with, or her. I don't want to feel this way anymore.2

Dear Diary,3

I want the shard again, but this is for myself this time. I don't want to ever feel the way I am feeling ever again. What am I suppose to do with myself, someone who isn't even caring enough to hold back my feelings for a friend? I'm so hopeless and stupid. I'm so selfish and I hope everything just falls apart in my life. I'm a bad person and everything is all my fault. I never want anything to happen like this again. I really do hope she never forgives me for what I did. I want to stab myself in the heart. I'm so plastic and fake that no one should want me. I hope she leaves me alone like I was before. I was soooo lonely before with no one with me,but I guess it is a better feeling than having everything go wrong with someone. i don't want to drag someone down with me. It would just be wrong.4

Dear Diary,5

I can't believe how hard my head is spinning. My tears are flowing out my eyes and I can't control it anymore. I just want to scream. I don't know if he is ok, or even if she is ok. My friend hates me for hating her, and I really hate myself for saying I hate her. To be honest, she is the only one who I can talk to with knowing she will always understand. When everything fell apart, she was there, and that will always stay in my heart. We have only just started talking and yet we are the best friends. I can't ever hate her. I will never frogive myself. And then, to top it all off, he might die. He won't answer my messages or calls, and then I worry it might be my fault he went in the first place. He must have hurt himself and is in the hospital. Who knows what happened to him? I don't know! This stress is pilling up on my shoulders. It is all my fault if she hates me. It is all my fault if he is hurt. Everything is all my fault.